Time Will Tell - 2. Chapter 2

Parts C & D ....

Diary

There comes a time when life doesn’t seem enough, when life seems to be complicated. Where all you think about is death, murder, and maybe suicide. I can’t make any promises... I have been thinking about it for a while. Nevertheless, do you know why I am alive and writing this? I didn’t think so. The answer is because my mother and brother are still out there. As long as I know they’re alive, then I will always fight for a chance. I didn’t always think like this. I wanted to be like other kids out there who have a family that loves them, that cares for them.

Well, as you can tell, I don’t have that. I have always thought growing up would be an experience that I would love. As you can tell, it didn’t work out that away. I am abused and tortured. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I want a life that I can feel proud of.

I’m sitting here while my father is getting drunk again. As you might have guessed, he did beat me once again. I seriously do not know why he does it. I thought for a while that it was my mother’s fault, but I guess there comes a time when you just stop thinking that its someone else’s fault, and just accept things as they are.

I wonder what my mother and brother are doing right now. I wonder if their life is better than mine. I want to think that their life is. I miss them terribly. I want them in my life once again, to have and to hold them again, to feel the love that I have been starved of.

I guess this is it or I might as well start crying and soak this paper with salty tears. I don’t know when I will write again, I only have this time once in a Blue Moon. Thanks for reading my personal journal.

Part C

Another day in hell, another beating, another swipe for something that my father decided I needed. Today did start off good, until I came down stairs to find my father enraged about something. As soon as he saw me, that was the end. And the result was me lying on my back whimpering as he demanded that I clean the living room that my body HAPPENED to make a mess of.

Walking - more like hobbling - my way to the kitchen with my oh-so-lovely father kicking me in my ass, yelling at me from behind to cook him his breakfast, and then make his lunch. I did what he told me to do, I cooked his fucking breakfast and made his stupid fucking lunch. I so wanted to spit in it, but I held back. That would make it worse when I come home from school. Shit, school! I need hurry or I’m going to be late. My teachers already hate me and my peers think I’m trash. So what the hell, right?

“You better be on time today, Devon. DO YOU HEAR ME?!” bellowed my pleasant father from across the room.

When I didn’t respond he threw a hard cover book at my head, making my stagger forward almost losing my balance. “Yes, I heard you.” Oh dammit… Now I’ve done it.

“What was that, you piece of shit?” I don’t know how he did it, but he made himself reappear right next to me, with a wire cord. I knew what was coming, so I went to it. I put down my backpack, lifted up my t-shirt. You should know the rest. If not, let me fill you in. He first lightly scraped my skin with the flimsy wire. When I didn’t make a sound, he thought that it wasn’t hard enough; he whipped me harder the second time. The third time he actually broke the skin. I could feel my blood trickling down my spine. He knew that he had done enough, but he continued to whip me in that one spot, making me scream out, making the pain too MUCH to bear. I leaned forward to rest my hands on the door, letting my father continue his mistreatment of me. I think after ten swipes of the cord he had enough, but my back could still feel where he brutally attacked it, I could feel my back bleeding, making my t-shirt stained with blood blotches. I continued to whimper even after he stepped back.

“Wipe those fucking tears, boy! I don’t have a pussy for a son!”

He ordered; I complied.

“Now, put your shirt on and get your pathetic ass out of my house, and DON’T think about not coming home. I will be waiting. You make me wait like you did yesterday and it won’t be a vase you have to worry about.”

My father, Jake; always the loving father he should be.

“Ok, I won’t make you wait. I promise I’ll be home on time today, *sniffle*.” I bowed my head as if to give him the authority he wanted right then.

“Good, now get out of my sight!” he yelled from the kitchen.

Jumping to attention, I flung open the door, grabbing my bag on the way out, and gently, oh so gently closing the door behind me. I didn’t want my father to have another reason to beat me, bruise me, anything but murder me, even though he could if he really wanted too. I so wanted him to do that, at least then I wouldn’t have to worry about when the next outrage would be, or when the next brutal beating would take place.

Walking my slumped-over body down around the corner and to the bus stop, I waited to be picked up. The weather today seemed to reflect my mood; all cloudy and gloomy. Maybe today it might rain. Maybe today would be that day when everything went back to the way things used to be, when my mother decided to stay instead of go, or maybe my father never decided to beat me... But who am I kidding? Those things happened, and here I am, trying to not to die from the next beating or outrage.

At the corner I saw one of my friends, Tammy. She always looked beautiful and radiant. She was always, and I mean always, ready for the day. Tammy has black hair flowing down her back; she probably has a slim slender body. She does have perky beasts. Hehehe, I might be gay, but I do look at girls. Not the same way as straight guys, but I still look. Tammy’s eyes are strange, her color is Hazel or a steely grey. It’s kinda freaky. If you look for too long, you might think of them as brilliant and sparkly. Tammie’s favorite color is blue, not pink or purple like other girls, she’s different. I would think that if I told her about me, she might take it in a positive way. Tammy is not what I would like to call ‘quiet’, per se. She likes to gossip and right now, if I ever told her about me, I would be the next HOT thing in the circle of gossip. Also, Tammy doesn’t have a problem with making friends, unlike me, where I try to keep everyone at an arm’s length. I can’t even remember how we became friends; it seems unreal. Well, surreal, actually.

“Hey Devon, why so glum?” she asked, I haven’t decided to tell her yet why I look glum or miserable before and after school. It’s because, well, I didn’t want to be placed in Foster Care or in the system.

“Nothing, just today isn’t a good one. Alright?” She looked sad, I wondered if she already suspected something, and if so... Was she keeping it on the d/l (down low)?

“Oh, ok. Just figured I would ask, that’s all. Cheer up though, today’s a half day, be thankful.” She smiled at me, making me almost flinch again for the second time. I always hated that she could be so happy and cheery in the morning, while I always looked run down and miserable. I so envied her for everything, perfect family, perfect life, and she doesn’t get beat every day, so yea, I envy her a lot.

“Oh yea, I almost forgot about that!” I smirked at her; she swatted my arm, smiling because this is me being sarcastic. “Alright mister, I’m warning you with that.” I laughed with her; she’s the only one who could make me laugh or smile.

Finally the bus arrived. As we hopped aboard, Tammy gasped from behind me. Turning around, I knew what she saw, before she could even ask. I ran to a seat and sat down. I didn’t want to have to explain. I didn’t want to have to try to make her keep a promise. She didn’t have to worry about it, it’s my problem and I will bear this on my own. However, I knew that I couldn’t get away from her; she knew something was up now and she won’t stop until I tell her. Tammy and I have been friends for eight years. She knows when I lie to her, so I have no choice but to tell her. As painful as it’s going to be, I will have to bury the guilt and tell her, and only her.

“Devon Dion Cooper, you better tell me, right now MISTER!” she snapped at me. I flinched majorly when she said my name, I oh-so-hate it, but it scares me.

“I... I’m sorry, I can’t.” She looked at me and then went silent. That’s how we stayed for a few minutes, until she decided to say something else.

“Why?”

“Why what?” I asked

“You know what, now tell me. I love you Devon, I don’t want to see you, WELL... Bleeding.” Shaking my head at her, I couldn’t tell her, even though I just told myself I could. Well now I know that I can’t.

“Why?”

“Again?”

“Yes, please Devon. We have been friends for eight long years; we have never held anything from one another.” That part is true, we haven’t. So why start now?

“Alright, alright. I know this will get worse before it gets better, but hopefully, it won’t come to that.”

“Oh Devon.” She hugged me, but it was too late to stop her, I winced and gasped at that hug, she let go almost instantly, tears coming to her beautiful eyes, making them sparkle with the sun that shone. I couldn’t, I couldn’t let her cry, not her, anyone but her.

“Shhh, it’s alright, I’m alright, don’t cry. Do anything, but cry,” I pleaded with her, but it was too late, the first of many tears fell from her eyes. The only thing I could do was lightly hug her. When we finally got to the school, we waited until everyone was off the bus before getting up and leaving.

As the other students busied themselves with things to do, Tammy and I stood there, waiting for her friends to arrive. I wanted to so badly to disappear, but she held my hand with a vice-like grip, making my hand turn a nasty white. Tammy yelled for one of her friends, thankfully it was a guy, and very, very good looking, too. Tall, tan and handsome, just the way I like my coffee, when I’m allowed to have it. He had the cutest lips a guy could ever have; they must have been made by GOD himself, crafted for the sole purpose of crushing people’s hearts. But his smile, his smile melted my heart on impact. I swooned, making my knees almost give.

“Trent, do me a favor. And no, you can’t ask me why, just do it!” He looked stunned for a second, a blank look coming to his face. In any other case it might have looked adorable, but I knew what she was going to ask him, and I didn’t want that to happen. However, I didn’t have a choice.

“Yea, sure. What?” He looked at me and gave me a wink... A wink, oh my, oh my.... I think I’m going to keel over. Wow, he’s, and, and oh my...

“Could you take Devon into the bathroom...” She whispered the rest into his ear, every few seconds Trent would look over towards me, and then back to Tammy. Trent nodded his head, and spoke one word “Sure!” I knew this couldn’t be good, especially since Trent and Tammy were working together. Trent backed away from Tammy, Tammy looked over at me and smiled. I frowned.

“Oh, don’t be like that, you know that I love you and this is only for your own good, now be good or I’ll have Trent carry you, do you want that?”

I looked at Trent and he smiled big, showing his pearly white straight teeth. So bright they are. “No, I guess not.”

“Good, let’s get a move on it,” she stated in her bubbly way.

On the way to the bathroom or wherever they chose to take me, Tammy and Trent chatted happily to one another, leaving me out. I didn’t care, really. It’s just that, it would have been nice to be including in things. Trent kept looking over at me and winking, every time he would do that it would make me weak in the knees. Tammy caught on and laughed at my rosy pink cheeks.

I couldn’t help it. Trent was as beautiful as ever, wearing all name brand clothes, while I wore hand me downs. It didn’t even matter if I liked him. He would take one look at me and he’d walk away. I haven’t a chance with him. Trent would see right through me. He’s probably straight, for all I know. In addition, if he’s just fucking with me, I couldn’t take it.

Walking along the hallway, with the kids passing us, everyone kept looking at me as if they hadn’t seen me before, well not with Trent or Tammy before, that’s for sure. Like I said, I don’t have many friends, and the ones I do have I want to keep for as long as possible. So, being spotted with the famous or popular kids, you get noticed, but never, and I mean never, get a chance to say “Hi” or “What’s up?” It’s something that happens in high school. Cliques stick to their own circles and us lower forms of life don’t get a chance to hang with them, unless they’re taking pity. And I can do without pity. For once in my pathetic life I was getting noticed and I honestly liked it.

“Oh, now you want to smile?” Tammy whispered to me, I shook my head but she laughed anyways. By the time I realized it, we were near one of the locker rooms. Tammy and Trent both said that there was no Gym today, so there shouldn’t be anyone in there, however me being me, I was skeptical about why they brought me here, of all places.

“I don’t know, are you sure?” I asked them.

“Yes, now c’mon. Before we’re all late. Trent, you do the honors.” She smiled and you could see that it melted his heart. At the sight of that I lost my smile, replacing it with a frown or straight face. Hahaha, me straight. Hahaha, riiiiiiight...

“Are you ready, Devon?” Trent in his hypnotic voice brought me out of my thoughts and replaced my world with reality.

“Sure, as ready as I’ll ever be,” I stated, then pushed open the door to the locker room.

“We’ll be right back,” Trent said.

When the door to the locker room shut, Trent said, “Devon, take off your shirt so I can see what the fuss is about.”

I shook my head at first, but then Trent put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently, making my heart flutter... and also making other parts of me come to life. Pushing his hand off of me, I slowly lifted my shirt over my head.

It didn’t even get it that far before Trent said, “Holy Fucking Hell!” Turning around to meet his gaze, he cast his eyes to the floor. Silent tears were being shed; I didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

Leaving Trent there, I walked over to the mirrors. Turning my back to them, I could see why he reacted as he did. My back was scarred and bruised. The spot where my dad beat me this morning was turning a nasty purplish-yellow color. As for the other scars and lacerations, I saw permanent wounds, red lines going one way and other lines going every other which way. Being too consumed in checking myself out, I didn’t see Trent come over towards me. At first, I flinched away from him, thinking he was someone else. I turned towards him with tears in my eyes, he was weeping too. I turned once more because I couldn’t keep looking into those beautiful ocean blue eyes, deeper than the Atlantic Ocean. This time I looked at my front. You could see lacerations, scrapes, indents and bruises. I had to look away, the scene before my eyes took everything out of me. Barely able to stand, I put my hands on the sink, to stable myself. However, I didn’t make it that far. Luckily, Trent grabbed me before I totally did a wipe out on the counter. He grabbed me into a hug, and wouldn’t let go, being this close to someone that is hot, made my hormones go crazy. My breathing became labored, my groin started to stir, everything was going out of whack.

I pushed myself away from him. Even though I was loving the connection we were sharing, it wasn’t right. Not like this, I would have loved it even more if it weren’t for bruises, scrapes and cuts. My body was hurt all over, every little bruise and laceration was killing me enough to give my life over. Trent backed away from me after the hug, I think he just realized what he did. He walked over to the sink and splashed some water on his face. Looking up at me in mirror, I could tell that he was sad, sad for the situation and sad because of what he saw. I couldn’t take back what he saw. I couldn’t even help myself let alone someone else. Maybe this is a sign that life has no meaning to me at all. Maybe it’s a sign that I should rid the world of me, everything and everyone will be much happier without me in it.

A tear rolled down my cheek as thoughts of suicide played repeatedly in my head, making me swoon and sway. Sitting down, with a thud, I cried. Not because of the pain, but because of the torture I had to go through on a daily basis.

“Hey, you alright?” Trent spoke very softly next to me. I looked over at him, and gave him a sad smile. Well, it worked; he smiled back with a wink.

Tilting my head to the side, I looked at Trent in a different view. I always thought someone like Trent was a snob or a stuck up asshole. Damn, was I wrong? He seemed kind and sweet, caring and helpful. I never would have thought, it just never clicked...

“Penny for your thoughts?” Trent giggled at his lame joke, but I could tell he was serious. God, you have no clue what that one question has to tell, or how it can ruin a newly found friendship. I so wanted to tell him right then, what I have been through and what I face every day, but do you think he really cares? I wouldn’t think so; he might pretend that he cares, probably even tell Tammy, but I don’t think he would put that much effort into helping me, even if there was something that he could do. I wouldn’t expect him to do anything though.

“No, just thinking... Maybe dangerous thoughts, but I’m good,” I stated with a fake smile.

“Why does it seem that I don’t believe you?” How can he even ask such a thing? How can he know me already? He only saw the beginning of the bruises and scars, the lacerations. SO HOW IN THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW, ANYTHING ABOUT ME?!?!

“I don’t know, maybe it’s your perception about this whole thing, maybe you think you know me, but honestly, do you? Are you some kind of popular sweet heart that loves to make friends with the likes of me?” I know that was kinda wrong to say, but I just felt like saying it. Even if I didn’t want too, it might have slipped out later, when I absolutely didn’t want it to.

“How in the fuck can you say that about me, you don’t even know me? Like I don’t even know you, so what the fuck? Fuck you! I knew I shouldn’t have helped, but I did Tammy a favor and this is what I get. Whatever...” He stormed off, not really leaving the locker room, but not really facing me with either. I felt like shit right then, more even after everything that I’ve been through today.

____________________________________________________________________________

Part D

“Mom? ... MOM?” called Josh. When he didn’t get a reply, he became concerned. His mother was always at home, especially since it’s right after school. He wondered where his mother, Cindy, has gone off too, so instead of waiting, Josh went looking for her.

First he came to their foyer where a chandelier hung, all bright and shiny; the crystal sparkled when the sun hit it, making the ceiling and walls a disco theme. Josh searched in their spacious living room, but couldn’t find her, so he went towards the stairs.

Once he came to the landing, he headed left instead of right, like he always does when going to his room where he spends most of his time. Coming to his mother’s room, the door was a closed over. This wasn’t like his mother, she always kept it open. Opening the door little by little, the room was dark, not even a light was on. Josh tilted his head to the side, hearing moans and groans coming from the bed, he knew his mother was at it again.

Creeping a little bit closer Josh finds his mother being fucked by some guy. He never liked it very much, but he can’t do anything about it. He leaves the room very quietly, closing the door when exiting. Coming the landing of the stairs, he shakes his head as pictures of what happened come flooding back into his mind. Josh doesn’t care, but the moans and groans are what were making him want to dry heave. He wishes to God Almighty to take the sounds away.

Josh walks slowly, almost wobbling, down the stairs, hanging onto the railing, afraid he might fall. He shakes his head again as he comes to the bottom of the stairs. Walking swiftly into the kitchen, Josh grabs a clean glass and fills it with water and drinks deeply till it is empty. He repeats filling his glass and drinking the contents until he’s ready to explode from the liquid. He sets the glass in the sink; after hearing it clink, he steps away, almost hitting the table in the process.

Sitting at the table with his head in his hands, he swears quietly so as to not be heard, but he is interrupted by the guy saying, “Hey, squirt.”

Shaking his head again, Josh replies in a very cold voice, “I ain’t a squirt!” Josh gets up and slams the chair against the table, leaving the man standing there speechless.

After slamming the front door shut, Josh runs towards the river, his quiet place when his mother decides to be like this... this slut. Josh gets down to the river bank and sits on his boulder, he stares at the sun shining and listens to the sounds of nature around him, soothing him, relaxing him. While he takes in his favorite place in the world, he can’t help but to think about how his brother is doing, how’s he’s coping without him or his mother being there.

That thought alone wanted to make him cry, but he hasn’t cried for five years. Last time he cried was when he was taken out of that house, without his brother. Josh didn’t care for his father at all, only his brother because he loved him with his whole heart. He wishes that he could take back all the years without Devon, to be with him, with Devon teaching him things that he knew Jake would never teach either of them. Josh let a tear escape and roll down his cheek before swiping it away. Sniffling a little, Josh tries to suck it up before heading his boyfriend’s house, his boyfriend, Jeff, never likes to see him crying, or that he has been crying...

To be continued...

This story is going to be 13 chapters, each will be listed as Chapter 1 through Chapter 13, and within each chapter will be two lettered sections. Chapter 1 will have Parts A and B, Chapter 2 will have Parts C and D, and so on, all the way to Chapter 13 having Parts Y and Z.

Anyway, this is still new to me. I started to write this a while ago and set it aside. I have taken it back up recently. I think the only reason I’m writing this now is because it needs to be told to the whole world.

So, any feedback or concerns would be great. Write me either at Gayjay0507@gmail.com or in a review. Or even in my forum page. Thanks again for letting me do this, it means a lot. RemiJay <3

Please, Review, Comment, and Vote. Thank you, Remijay