Recovery - 7. Chapter 7

All through the night and the whole of the next day, Alex watched and waited. The others took it in turns to sit with him but he never left Kei’s side, other than to use the bathroom or if his mother forced him to take a short walk. The truth was that whenever he was away from Kei’s side, even if only for a few minutes, he panicked. He was paranoid that something would happen while he was away, that Kei would need him and he wouldn’t be there.

A number of times over the day, doctors came to examine Kei or do more tests. At these times Alex was reluctantly forced to leave and he grew to hate the doctors. He hated the fact they treated him as if he was superfluous, that they treated Kei as if were some kind of rare bug they were studying. They talked about him as if he wasn’t there, discussed him as if he didn’t matter, not the person, not the human being in the middle of their enigma.

“You said I should talk to him,” he burst out after one particularly gruelling experience. “You said I should talk to him and touch him because he might know I’m here, might be able to hear me. Then you talk about him as if he’s some interesting puzzle you’re trying to solve, not a real person at all anymore. You talk about him as if he isn’t here, as if he doesn’t have thoughts and feelings anymore. He’s here, right here. His name is Kei and he’s a writer. He sees the world in crazy ways and makes you feel things by painting them with words. He’s never picked up a brush but he’s a true artist. He’s clever and funny and beautiful and doesn’t deserve being treated like he doesn’t…even….” He had to leave. He had to walk out of the room, out of the ward and out of the hospital. Once outside he punched the wall as hard as he could, welcoming the pain. He needed it to ground him. He’d been so angry, so very angry. But what had he really been angry about?

When he returned one of the doctors was there, waiting for him. It was a woman, the one he’d first spoken to when he came to the hospital, before the operation. “I wanted to speak to you before I go off duty,” she said, perching on the edge of the bed. She looked like a student herself. “You’re quite right, of course. Sometimes we do tend to see patients as a set of problems, interesting puzzles, something to be ‘dealt with’, but….” She bit her lip and tilted her head. “Sometimes we have to do that. If we’re going to keep our heads clear and our thoughts focussed we have to detach a little.”

Standing up, she met Alex’s gaze. “My job is to find out what’s going on with Kei and try to fix it. I don’t know why he is as he is and unless I find out there’s not much I can do about it. So… it’s very important I focus on the facts of what’s going on and not get sidetracked by how sweet and lovely he is.” She smiled. “Which he is, but…. I can’t let it make a difference to me. I have to do the same job for him as I would for a… tattooed biker, or an old lady or… anyone. I have to de personalise it so I can do my job. Do you understand?”

“I…think so.”

She nodded. “It doesn’t mean we don’t care, Alex. I promise you that. It’s not we don’t care, it’s just that we can’t let ourselves be sidetracked by it. We have to keep that detachment.”

Alex nodded. “I understand. It’s just that it feels wrong. It feels so wrong that everyone’s talking about him as if he isn’t even here. And everyone’s telling me he might be able to hear. He might be aware. I don’t want the thing he’s aware of to be that no one cares.”

“I understand. Under the circumstances I understand very well. Don’t worry, Kei will never feel alone, not here.”

Alex smiled and nodded, swiping a hand across his eyes. The tears had been from anger but he still felt they were a weakness. The doctor smiled and pretended not to notice.

“Is…? Did you…? Did you find out anything? Do you know what happened; what’s wrong with Kei?”

“There were a few anomalies. Before he became unresponsive he suffered from aphasia.”

“What’s that?”

“When he got his words mixed up.”

“Oh, yes. Is that important?”

“It could be. Aphasia suggests damage to a particular part of the brain, near to the site of the tumour. We’ve been carrying out scans to see if we can find out what’s going on. We haven’t been able to find any secondary tumours or blood clots. It might simply be that part of the brain swelled because of the trauma of the operation. Sometimes the brain, or part of it, can become compressed when it swells. It’s possible that’s what happened, or maybe a clot travelled through his brain, temporarily blocked an artery and stopped blood getting through then dispersed. If something like that happened we might never find the true cause.”

“But if it was something like that he’ll get better, right? When the swelling goes down or the clot disperses he’ll wake up and get better… right?”

“Maybe. Sometimes, when patients go into spontaneous comas quickly and unexpectedly, they wake up just as unexpectedly. There really doesn’t seem to be any particular reason for Kei to be unresponsive right now. I know it’s not much help to you but all I can say is that sometimes it happens.”

“When it...happens…do those people…get better?” Alex asked tentatively, terrified of the answer.

“Alex, there are far too many variables for me to be able to tell you that. All I can say is that the first few days are crucial. If he wakes up in the next twenty four hours things will look very positive, if he’s still in a coma in two weeks things will be very different.”

“Do you think he will? Wake up in the next twenty four hours?”

“I don’t know, Alex. I just don’t know. All I can do is repeat what you’ve already been told. Patients with a lot of stimulation and physical contact do better than those who don’t. If you want to help Kei, talk to him, play music, touch him, rub lotion in his hands and feet to keep his skin soft, have his family and friends tell him things about their lives, reminiscences. For now, that’s all anyone can do.”

Alex nodded. “I understand.”

“I really think you do. And, for what it’s worth, I think Kei’s a very lucky man.”

“Yeah, very lucky,” Alex said sarcastically. She patted his shoulder and left.

“God, Kei,” Alex said when she’d gone. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do to help you. I guess I just have to do what they say… keep talking to you about shit. Maybe I’ll read some of your work out loud, embarrass you out of the coma.”

He lifted Kei’s hand and stroked his long fingers. “The doctor said to put lotion on your hands. You like all that kind of stuff, don’t you. I’ll get Maria to bring something in. It’s not my style. I won’t mind rubbing it in, though. If you play your cards right I might even move beyond your hands and feet.” He chuckled to himself.

“Oh, by the way, have you heard about Maria? Did your mother tell you? She’s furious. Apparently Maria’s hooked up with the guy who gave her a lift. Jace. He seems pretty nice but your mother hates him. He had dreads would you believe? Imagine!”

“Alex? What did the doctor say? Is Kei okay?”

Alex looked up. “Talk of the devil,” he said with a smile.

“Huh?”

“I was just telling Kei about you and Jace and how your mother isn’t too happy about the dreads.”

“You were telling Kei? Is he…?”

“No, babe, but the doctor said we should talk to him, maybe play some music. She said to rub lotion into his hands and feet. I told him you’d sort that out because I wouldn’t know what to get.”

“Why would we do that?”

“So he can feel us touching him I guess. Hands and feet are the most sensitive parts of our bodies and you know how good it feels when someone is rubbing lotion on us.”

Maria grinned. “I’ll get on it.” She held Kei’s hand and glanced at Alex who nodded.

“Go on. It feels a bit weird to start with but it’s easier if you really believe he can hear you.”

Maria bit her lip and nodded. “Well, I don’t think you’re a perfumey person. Maybe something fresh and zingy. Citrus? Ooh, I know just the thing. Mam got me some stuff for Christmas. It’s a range of stuff Coco Nutty, I think it was called. It has shampoo and body lotion, soap, hand cream—all sorts of things. I’ve left mine at home but I’m sure I could find some in the shops. It smells really good. I’ll get some later and bring it in tomorrow.”

She looked up at Alex who smiled again, and nodded. “You’re doing well, really well. So, tell us about Jace. What’s going on there?”

She groaned. “You know what Mam’s like, Kei. She sticks her nose up at anyone who doesn’t go to the right school or have the right connections. And Dad would have me locked in a convent if he could. Jace is definitely not the ‘right kind of boy’ for me. But he is, he really is. He’s sweet and funny and clever and he was so lovely to bring me all this way to see you in the snow.

“It’s still snowing by the way. Jace took me out to the garden earlier on and we made a snowman. There were some kids. I don’t know if they were patients or visitors to tell the truth. They helped us and went to find some ‘props’. You should see him. He has bottle top eyes, and a paper napkin for a hat. You’d love him, but he’ll be melted soon and just in case you don’t get to see him first, I took some photos. You’ll go crazy over them.

“Dad said I was making a fool of myself and Mam said I was going to catch pneumonia, but I don’t think I did either. It was fun. Jace is a big kid at heart. We have such fun. Oh. I guess I’m not supposed to be having fun here, am I?” her face fell and she looked down at Kei’s hand in hers. “I’m supposed to be here for you.”

“And what do you think Kei would prefer you to be doing? Sitting here crying or outside building snowmen?”

Maria was forced to smile. “You’d be out there with me if you could wouldn’t you.”

“Yeah, either building snowmen or throwing snowballs at you when you’re trying to build.”

“Oh yeah, that would be more like Kei.” She fell silent for a while. “So what did the doctor say?”

“They can’t find anything wrong, no reason why this should have happened. She said that it’s possible he’ll just wake up again as quickly as he fell asleep. He might be fine.”

“But he might not.”

“No, he might not. The next day or so is crucial. If he wakes up then he’ll probably be okay but after two weeks his chances take a nosedive.”

“But people wake up from comas after years don’t they?”

“They do but it’s very rare. Besides, Kei isn’t going to be in a coma for years. This time tomorrow we’ll be arguing over how many more days he has to stay here. You know what he’s like.”

“Yeah,” Maria said with a smile. “I bet the very first thing he says is, ‘when can I go home’?”

“No, it will be ‘what’s to eat, I’m starving?’”

“That depends whether you’re here or not,” Maria said with a twinkle.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“He might be more interested in swallowing you.”

“Maria!”

“Oh, how lovely it is to hear young voices laughing,” an Irish voice commented. A nurse, Alex thought it might be the one he’d originally spoken to, appeared. “It’s not a sound we get too much around here.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. We were…we were just…”

“Sure and that’s alright honey. It’s just what the doctor ordered, me darlin’. Isn’t it you sweetheart?” She patted Kei’s arm. “So how’re we doin’ here?” She set to work on taking Kei’s vitals, but was encompassing all of them in her question.

“Okay,” Alex said, “I guess.”

“Okay’ll do for now, sweetheart,” she said taking down stats.

“How…how is he?”

“He’s doing well. He’s the healthiest patient we’ve had in a long time. His mind might be asleep but his body’s working like a finely tuned engine. A proper little thoroughbred, so he is.”

“That’s good right?” Alex said to Maria.

She chuckled nervously. “I think so.”

The nurse laughed a deep rich peal of laughter. “Get on wid ye. The two o’yer.”

“What’s going on in here?” A censorious voice commanded.

Maria cringed. “We were just laughing, Mam. The doctor told Alex to talk to Kei and play music.”

“And give him the message you’re having a great time and don’t care he’s ill?”

“Aw Mam, that ‘s an awful thing to say. He’s not getting that message at all.”

“As if you’d know.” Bonnie elbowed her out of the way to take her son’s hand from her daughter’s. “You’re too caught up with that… that boy. I’m surprised you remember you even have a brother let alone that he’s lying here sick.”

“Mam, that’s a terrible thing to say,” Maria cried. “I know you don’t like Jace but I didn’t think you’d be so horrible to me about it. I know Kei’s sick but aren’t I entitled to some comfort? To be able to laugh now and again.”

“That’s wholly inappropriate, Maria. This is a hospital not some kind of teenage playground.”

“Actually, Mrs Prince,” the nurse’s voice broke in, “laughter is exactly what Kei needs. No one knows what he can or can’t hear, or feel, but current thought is that coma patients should have as much sensual stimulation as possible. Sounds; touch; taste. In this case it may very well be that laughter is the best medicine.”

“I…. What? Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh. Well. It…doesn’t feel right. Laughing in a hospital, especially….” She broke off and looked into her son’s face. The severe expression softened. “Well, if it’s what’s best for Kei….” She turned to the nurse. “Did you say he might be able to hear?”

“Anything’s possible.”

She nodded and took Kei’s hand. Half sitting on the bed, she touched his face. “Things haven’t been so great between us, have they? A lot of that’s my fault. Although you have to admit that you’re stubborn pig headedness doesn’t help. Your father’s…got very rigid…standards. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, not that I don’t love you: we do.

“I…know you feel we’ve always favoured Maria, but that’s not the case. We love you both. It’s just….” She smiled. “You’ve always been so self contained, so independent. You never seemed to…need anyone. Whenever I tried to get close you pushed me away. In the end…. I know we should have made more of an effort. I know I should have been more of a mother to you. We both should have been better parents, If we had been, the whole…the things that happened might not have been so….

“You have to understand, Kei, it’s not easy for us. We don’t like being at war with you. We never wanted a war. If you’d been a bit more…. No, it’s not fair to say that, not here, not now. It’s not what you need. What you need is to know that your father and I love you. We’re in hell right now and all we want is to see your eyes, your smile, to hear your voice. We want you home, Kei, home with us.”

Alex and Maria exchanged glances. Alex felt almost surreal. This woman; this…mother, didn’t fit the picture at all. Kei’s mother was a lawyer first and foremost, a high powered business woman, driven by her position as partner in a large firm of solicitors in The City. Her husband was even worse. And yet, here she was. Her feet were bare, the usual high heels kicked off somewhere. Her shirt had a few buttons undone and was outside her skirt. Her hair was tousled and looked like she had been running her hands through it. Her make up was smudged. In short, she was less than perfect but far more human than Alex had ever seen her. Maria smiled and shrugged. Maybe she knew this woman. She was a stranger to Alex.

Bonnie looked up at him. “Isn’t there somewhere you need to be?” she asked coldly and the shutter was firmly back in place.

“Yes,” Alex said coldly. “Here.”

“Don’t you ever take a break?”

“In loving Kei? Not for a minute.”

“Don’t be silly. You know what I meant.”

“Yes. I always know what you mean,” he said frostily.

Bonnie shook her head. “You know, if you made just a little more effort….”

“You know, if you were just a little less homophobic and judgemental….”

“Don’t let’s go down that road again, Alex, not here, not now.”

“No, not here; not now. But after. If you want Kei in your lives that means having me too. Whether you like it or not, we’re together. We love each other and nothing you say or do will change that. You might disapprove of your children’s choices, Mrs Prince, but you can’t make them for them and you can’t change them, not when it’s love.”

“Love?” She sneered. “Alex, you’re nineteen years old. You don’t know what love is. You’re two kids, experimenting….”

“We’re not experimenting. We’re gay. Don’t use words to try to fool yourself or anyone else into thinking that’s going to change. Kei and I are gay and we’re in love. Deal with it…or don’t. It’s up to you. Just be honest.”

“You’re…,” she began, then took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “This is a discussion for another time. Right now, Kei needs us all. He needs his friends around him.”

“I’m not his….” Alex pulled himself up and shook his head. “Whatever,” he said.