Tales That Toby Tell - 5. The First Time

I honestly dreaded the idea of starting school the next day. I didn't want to face Josh and not even Connor. I was also feeling guilty about BarricadeBoy because of how rudely I rejected him last night.

It's 6:30 AM and my mother will be up soon so I got out of bed to clean up. It's mid December and this would be our last week of school for Christmas break, that's a major relief to me because at least I could lay of school for a while.

I had a cereal breakfast as I watched mom and dad periodically leave for work. Mom is a florist and dad is a realestate agent. We are pretty middle class I suppose. I'm lucky though. I wasn't a spoiled child but I always had what I needed and sometimes more. Speaking of, I froze as I dropped my spoon to the floor. I had totally forgotten... I HAVE A FREAKING CAR! I totally forget that my parents had given me one!

Like a kid with a new toy I dropped everything, grabbed my books and ran to our garage. There it was, a small black car. I wasn't sure about the model and stuff like that, I was too overcome with excitement so I jumped in the car and reversed out and then got back out to close the garage."I've got to get one of those automatic switches" I thought to myself. I slowly drove out of the driveway and I kept a constant tempo as I drove off. It was just before 8 AM when I pulled into the parking area at school. Not a lot of students had vehicles, some didn't use them to drive to school because it was located so near to the residential areas.

As I emerged from my new, "bat mobile" I saw very few learners so I rushingly made my way to the school building. I just made it! The bell rang and I had English first. I sat down at the back of the right corner. I had a smile because a lot of the students greeted me as I walked in.To be honest, I was glad I wasn't the unpopular picked-on gay guy. I was Toby normal average Toby! Who drove his own car for the first time today. 15 minutes into class my teacher Mr. MCoy was talking and I was taking notes obediently. Then the intercom went off. Deputy principle Mr. Sienfeld spoke "Who ever parked in the reserved parking space for teachers please take a new space as there are plenty" I thought about what I heard for a moment and continued. After ten minutes the intercom went off again."Can the owner of the black vehicle occupying Ms Fletchers's parking space please move it" I sat there unsure if it was mine... the intercom was still on and I heard another voice speak...I heard my name and I knew."Shit!" I said and the deputy principle spoke again."We believe the owner of the car is Toby Smythe. Can he be excused to move his car" after my name was mentioned the entire class spun around to look at me. I jumped up and quickly walked out of the class.

I rushed my way to the parking lot and did what was asked. After that I heard the bell ring and I left to go to the office to inform the deputy principle that I moved my car and that's when I bumped into a person who was heading the opposite direction of me. I guess I wasn't looking.

It was Josh of course. When he looked up to see my face he got a shocked expression on his face, he turned and walked away and I felt hurt, really hurt like shit man! I feel so emotionally constipated with this situation. Then I heard an English accent. "Well good morning Monsieur Smythe" I stood still for a moment to consider who it was but I already knew didn't I?

I turned slowly and there stood my friend. Fresh faced and a sympathetic facial expression. I spoke."There is something different about you. What did you do?" He smiled. He might have blushed. "Aah you noticed eh? Well I tried out some cologne of my dads and I decided to get an Marius- esque hair cut. I nodded as I inhaled him literally and figuratively."Who's Marius ?" I asked tiringly. "Well it's not a Marius haircut...but the actor who played him had it and I liked it" He said.

Then I said sarcastically "Not any different from the way some guys cut their hair here at school" I didn't intend to sound snarkly but Connor picked up on it and his facial expression changed with a hint of sadness. He then spoke "Well he inspired me so..." he started to walk away- backward but I stopped him quickly by grabbing his arm. "I like it. For the first time you actually tried something. But just know what makes you special is your own unique and sometimes quirky style.You're a mix of things that don't mix. Find yourself and be happy with it" I was amazed at how well I said that but that was besides the point. I won my friend back.

Believe it or not we spent 10 minutes talking before we realized we were late for our joint period which LUCKILY had an absent teacher! We didn't speak much but Connor told me that he wants to talk about the gay thing after school. Wow talk about being blunt! The entire day I felt a mixture of emotions filling me which confused me and at the same time excited me. When the day finally came to an end I was furiously walking through the halls hoping for some peace and quiet.

As I drive home- still so reminiscent of that day I had to go. Remember? Less then a weak ago it was when I saw an Angel riding by but any other day I would stare at couples walking hand in hand- sharing kisses in the park but today, for the first time I didn't. I didn't care because maybe I will have that too.

When I got home I found my mother at home. She had left early because the shop isn't so busy on Mondays. I kissed her but she was too busy reading a book and still watching a tv show so I jokingly rolled my eyes and went to my room. I kicked off my shoes, threw my bag on a chair and fell down on my bed- thrusting my pelvis into the mattress caressing myself. I felt elevated from the feeling it gave me but I knew I couldn't continue so I stopped and closed my eyes for a catnap- I wish.

I heard my door open and I was too annoyed to see who it was. The person closed the door and all I heard was a soft "Hi". I jumped up and looked to see Josh. He looked so scared like I was going to beat him down or something. At first I looked to my sides awkwardly because I didn't know what to say but luckily he spoke. "Your mom let me in. She's really friendly. I hope you don't mind me coming here Toby" After he spoke a giddy feeling filled me. I was happy. Happy that he was here.

"I acted like a jerk yesterday I am so sorry Josh. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life" I said. Josh smiled at me and came to sit on my bed. Shit this is actually the first time another teenage boy was in my bedroom besides Connor. The first time a gay boy was. I sat crossed leg on my bed while Josh sat like one would usually sit- legs off the side of the bed but I was to fixed on his gaze to notice my actions. "So your room looks amazing. I like the woodynes" he said. I couldn't help it but an affectionate laugh came right out of me. I don't know what he ment by woody- maybe because I hadn't put any wallpaper on. I left the room just like it was when we first moved in.

Anyway, my laugh must have opened up the doors because Josh started to take of his sneakers and positioned himself the same way as I sat- he gave me another smile and spoke. "Howcome I never befriended you, I could have done with a friend like you a couple of months ago" he was now looking down and fumbled with his fingers. He started to speak again. "After word got out about me being gay" he paused and took a deep breath before letting it go again. He continued. "My friends, they all abandoned me. I was alone, I had nothing except school and my passion of playing football. After the whole ordeal for some reason the couch and other players complained that I had been having performance issues. I had to step down as quarterback and that was just it for me. So just like a lot of young gay people I contemplated suicide. Hell, I actually did attempt it but the pills just didn't work. I even got messages saying if at first you don't succeed... try again" Josh gave a little laugh- and spoke again "So that's why Toby. That's why I wish I had you as a friend. I know you would not have abandoned me"

I was shocked at Josh's story. I was ready to take out a box of tissues when he looked up and had a victorious smile on his face. Josh's bravery inspired me at that moment. I took his hand and I looked him in his eyes and said "I know your pain. We will get through this... together"

Yes my intention was to tell him that I too know what having people know you are gay feels like but my words were so subtle that I didn't know if he knew what I ment. Josh's eyes gleemed and he smiled- he was beautiful and then I knew he understood what I meant because for the first time, a boy took my face in his hands and placed his lips against mine. It felt transcending and overwhelming. But Josh was perfect. He didn't try too hard and I blushed as I felt him slowly move away. I was in heaven.