Tales That Toby Tell - 1. It started with a Sensation...

Have you ever felt like the world you live in is just as small as you feel? That it can't handle itself just like you can't? Think about it ...the entire world goes what you go through... so I guess you are not alone?

It's the last period of school today and I'm in English speaking to myself in my head again, boring philosophical stuff that no one would care for, not even Toby Smythe.Oh yeah that's me, Toby Smythe, seventeen year old average high schooler with a thing for ties, video games and...boys.Yes that's me,big old GAY.Laugh -Out Loud...I'm talking to myself in my head again ...

The best part of my day is DEFINITELY walking home. It is a twenty or so minute walk depending on how fast I need to get home, like today because I have to number two.So the sun is sitting high and its hot and my jeans are clinging to my rather masculine legs, I should have worn bright colours today ! That would have deflected the light, oh I can't keep it in! And then suddenly WHAM! it hit me like a ton of bricks... A beautiful young man drove right towards me ..his golden brown medium-length hair makes mine look like watered down crap, his sun kissed skin made me want to tear of what I was wearing and buy whatever the hell he is!

As he looks forward just before he passes me, I steal a glance of his deep frosty blue eyes that compliment and contrasts how I have described him! He is gone in an instant and so is that sensation I had earlier ...damn where did that feeling go?

That night I stared into the mirror, my naked body to see ...I looked at my chocolate brown hair pushed back and my firm and slightly hairy chest.My broad shoulders and decent biceps,my tummy yeah my tummy ...I gently rubbed tracing the hair that grew till just below my bellybutton.Then I looked into my eyes, they we're brown and sad because I thought to myself, the guy on the bike deserves better than this.Sure my looks are decent but for some unknown reason I feel broken inside. So I crashed down on my bed and sobbed in all my naked glory.

The next day I walked into school a new person. I had done my monthly routine of depressed crying because of my loneliness and hopefully it wont bother me until next month because I just can't keep living this way. I greeted some of my classmates as I strolled down the hall thinking that if it wasn't for my decent looks I would probably be bullied till the day I graduate because I'm no Mr Popular.It's one of those mornings again, my head is leaned against my locker because I can't get the damn combination right. I have no energy for school, I see no use of wasting my time here today... oh wait, nope I'm not a new person I'm depressed as ever so in a fit of rage I ball my fists and give an angry punch at my locker. It left a huge pain in my hand, it felt horrible as I walked back out of school.

I was well aware that I was skipping but I didn't care. As I left I noticed Josh sitting in his car. He has been crying again. Josh was the school's most poplar guy. He had it all. He had the title of residents Jock, a girlfriend, money. He had everything until he decided to come out.

It was a huge shock to everyone, I remember that day clear as crystal. I was walking down the hall to the cafeteria when peoples phones started to buzz. A bunch of girls had started to hysterically scream and some jocks had shocked faces. Then I heard the school's front doors flip open and Becca, Josh's then girlfriend had stormed in furiously. He followed after but when everybody stared at him he knew.

Oh yes he knew. Everyone At Everlton High had known, but you can't say it wasn't expected. Word is that he came out to a few friends and then the rest they say is history. Well that is a lie because the rumours spread like wildfires and the scars it left on those who it hurt were seen by everyone. Becca's humiliation and title of beard to Josh, but the deepest scars take a lot harder to see. I see them. They are the tears that sat on Josh Hamilton's cheeks, like they did today. I turned and walked home.

That night I couldn't stop thinking of Josh. He was quite tall, he had a sunny tan and wavy black hair. I've never really looked in his eyes but legend has it they are emerald green.Excuse the dramatic interpretation! He had the average build and shape of a High school 17 year old football player too.He seemed like the kind of guy that was always modest and deflected any kind of comments made about hes obviously gorgeous physic.I think Josh is beautiful.

I wonder why he was crying though. So all his friends abandoned him what does that say? Fake friends! Atleast he still has a spot on the team even though he got demoted from quarterback for sudden "performance issues" sure he had been off of his game since he took the coming out thing so hard but they never gave him a second chance. That's when I heard what sounded like stones being thrown at my window across from my bed. It was already 11pm! I looked out and I saw my friend Connor Looking at me devilishly.

"We need as much furniture as you can throw down, throw down everything you have!" Connor whispered and we both laughed knowing that he was referring to a line from one of his favourite movies, Les Miserables which he drilled into my head, he said "Its a movie adaption of a Broadway play which is based on a book" somethinng like that.

"You alright mate?" he asked.

I nodded and then he spoke again softly.

"Well let me in then!"

I ran downstairs trying not to wake my parents and I swung the door open.

"My my leave it up to Toby to answer the door half naked" he said and I blushed. I forgot I had only been wearing my tighty whities. I shrugged him off, locked the door and told him to go to my room quietly. "Watcha doin here so late Con?" I asked. He didn't immediately answer as he was studying the contents of my desk . "Uh felt like sleeping over...say why didn't you show up at school?" He rebounded.I knew I was going to have to answer him this so I said my well rehearsed lie. "Felt sick.Nothing to worry bout really"

He nodded and started to undress. "Hey what you doin?" I asked. His facial expression gave him away. He looked so tired. "Toby I'm really tired we can talk tomorrow just let me sleep please" He fell down on my bed in nothing but blue boxer shorts. Within moments I knew he was asleep and I started picking up his clothes.

I moved them over to my closet when his phone fell out. His wallpaper was a picture of us at a Mcdonalds. I noticed he had a few missed calls from his mom. I ignored them and left everything folded.

Now don't get me wrong. This might have sounded gay but no. Connor was my very best friend. We have been ever since our eyes caught each other at Kindergarten. I was a pro on the jungle gym and Connor asked me to help. I did but soon he became better then me!

I decided to sleep on the floor on some blankets and folded my shirt and hoody into a pillow. It wasn't the most comfortable situation but it will have to do until I woke up later that nigh... It was just after 3am when I heard whimpering sounds and I knew it was Connor. At his age he is still having nightmares. I got up to comfort him but he was already awake sitting up and his knees were pulled into his chest- his head bowing down. His blond hair concealing his face.

He was crying. I slowly got up and placed my hand on his back. "Hey" I said. He didn't move or say anything but after a short while he just got up and headed towards where I had put his folded clothes . "Thanks for letting me stay I have to go" he said. I protested quickly "Are you crazy? you can't leave! It's still dark outside!" I tried to sound serious while still keeping my voice down.Connor stopped and looked at me. "Then don't ask me why I was crying and go back to bed" he ordered. I nodded and got back on the floor. He maneuvered back to bed and supposedly fell asleep.I for sure couldn't.

While Connor and I have had few sleepovers it was mostly when we were younger.I'm glad he came though because he took my mind off Josh. I wouldn't be seeing him until the weekend passed. I am considering getting to know him.I've never talked to another gay guy before but I sure as hell wasn't going to not speak to Josh, but I couldn't just start talking to him with no explanation. I needed a reason.

I woke up that Saturday morning and Connor was not in bed. I looked over to the clock on my wall which said the time was 7:25am. I thought he'd taken off but I heard sounds like someone was making breakfast. I jumped up and walked downstairs. "God Damn Toby! Do you get off on me seeing you in your super small underwear?!" Connor's voice stung. I had forgotten to throw on something but they weren't small just tight! "morning wood" I though to myself. "Uh what are you doing?" I asked. He just raised a brow at me. "Saw your parents left for the weekend this morning...heard them talking about camp equipment and stuff." That had totally slipped my mind.