Tales That Toby Tell - 13. Clueless Yet Closer To The Truth

White walls. Those were the first things my eyes caught site of when they opened. A blond boy sat in front of me. I knew it was Connor. "Oh thank God! You're waking up!" he exclaimed quietly. "Why are you whispering?" I asked puzzled and Connor replied "Well besides being in a hospital... I don't want your family and Josh to know you are awake"

He scared me but I managed to question him "Why? And Josh is here?" I asked but Connor didn't listen "Please I need to tell you something. I called you tonight but you never came. I came to your house and found you on the floor Toby. It was terrifying!" Connor's voice was raised and that must have been why Josh rushed in "Hey! Toby you are awake!" As excited and happy I was to see Josh, he was going to have to wait. "Could you give us a moment hon" I said and Josh nodded, I noticed the suspicious look on his face as he stepped back out.

"Alright. You have all the time in the word. Speak" I said firmly. Connor had a genuine look of fear in his eyes witch startled me to say the least. "Okay Tobe. This goes way back. It's the reason why I have been acting so suspicious... And... The nightmares..." His nightmares had totally slipped my mind. "When I was 7 yeard old I had an older brother. He was 15 years old..." I was already shocked. I never knew he had a brother. His house had no traces of a sanother child. Connor was always one and only as far as I knew. "Well anyway... he doesn't live with us. He is in prison...this happend before my parents decided to move back here" I cut Connor off "What does this have to do with you?" and he gave me a hurtful look "He, Conrad that is, sexually abused me!" Connor's voice shrudded through the room. He was angry. "Yes. I couldn't remember but I knew something happend to me when I was a kid! So I went to see a hypnotist and she confirmed it. That's when the nightmares started. Every night the same scene. Mom and dad are asleep and I feel my pajama pants being pulled down! I shut my eyes and I don't feel! I don't want to feel Toby!" My friend was now crying with his head on my hospital bed. I couldn't believe my ears. For some reason my fists started to clench and I was angry! I couldn't be though because Connor needed me.

"He got sent away...I've never seen him since. He is also the reason my parents hate gay people. Although he never said it but as far as I know, his sexuality is unknown to us. But they are convinced he is gay and that's why they..." Connor broke down again. He didn't speak until Josh came back in. "It's fine. You can have him. I'm done" Connor said as he got up and walked out, bumping his shoulder into Josh's. He came to sit next to me and smiled tenderly "Are you alright?" he asked and I said yes. "Nothing's wrong with you. The doctors are just concern about why you collapsed. What happend?" And then the events that happend earlier filled my mind. "I tripped and hurt my side again. The pain was too much" Josh nodded before talking again "You must be careful. You are a fragile creature" he said with a wink. After that the doctors came to see me personally and sent me home. The entire drive I sat at the back of my dad's car leaning onto Josh. My parents were unusually quiet the whole time. Until we got home at least.

"You God damn scared me Toby!" mom yelled at me as we made our way into the house "Why are you shouting at him Regina? It's not like he could have prevented himself from fainting!" dad yelled back in retaliation. I was a bit embarrassed to be honest, I mean Josh was right there. "It's a good sign" he whispered to me and I was confused. "What?"I said as we walked to the living room. "It's a good sign. Them fighting in front of me. It means they consider me family now" he said confidently. "How did you know I was thinking about that?" I asked dumbfounded and Josh pointed to his brain "Sexy telepath" he said with a cheesy grin.

"So are you staying?" I asked Josh excitedly before my dad interrupted us "No we're driving him home right now. Come on Josh" my dad said quickly.

Saddened by the fact that my dad whisked Josh away from me before I could give him a proper goodbye felt horrible. I think it's safe to say the entire situation had put me in a downright grumpy mood. I didn't want to have dinner, I didn't do any homework, usually that's first on the list but I had an arguably good excuse to why not. I went upstairs and with my back against my door. My eyes were closed. I don't want to see what happened here today. I knew I would have to face my reality sooner or later so I opend and figured I could make a start.

I marched over to my laptop furiously and with one flIng, it hit the corner of my wall. Amazingly it was still on. "You got me into this! if it wasn't for you!" I said as I strut out of ny bedroom. I returned with a hammer I had taken from dad's toolbox. "Let's see if this will break you!" I yelled as I went at it. With every drop of the hammer I saw pieces of the laptop coming apart. The keys went flying and the screen started to crack. Imagine, if you will, classical music playing if this was some movie scene where say a drug addict finally overcame his addiction to the substance. It was liberating. After 15 minutes of hammering, I finally stopped, sitting on my knees.

"Your fucking crazy" I heard a voice say. I turned to look at who it was and in my doorway stood Connor.

"If this is crazy... then I like it" I said trying not to sound like how I was truly feeling inside, insecure.

"I told my parents" Connor said changing the subject. His voice was sad and I knew this couldn't be good.

" Tell them what..." I asked. To be honest, I had no idea where this was going. Neither did Connor. He was sweating and pacing a few seconds before plopping down on my bed, and no he wasn't sleeping. He sat upright and looked me in my eyes.

"I told them that I told you about my brother. The mere fact that you know that they disowned their own son...." I couldn't help but notice the smirk on Connor's face "...drove them insane"

"Why'd you tell them then? Why would you further jeopardize your relationship with your family?" I asked Connor. This one question seemed to have a strange effect on him. I couldn't tell if he wanted to answer it or not. He was quiet for a short minute.

"Because Toby, I no longer want to live a lie." Connor's reply stunned me.

"Wait! you actually want people to know your brother molested you?...Look Con...nothing good can come from this. Trust me!" I said with all hopes that I was convincing Connor to let things be.

Connor laughed before talking "I'm afraid you've got the wrong end of then stick my friend" Connor said as he got up walking towards me. He stood in front of me and held out his hand. I took hold of it as I got to my feet. "Theirs something missing" he said and he looked passed me, scanning my room for an object I assumed. He walked back to my bed next to it was a small table. He came back and placed my reading glasses on my face. I haven't worn them in ages. "I like you this way. You always sat on your be reading comics and I sat in that corner pretending to study. But I wasn't, at least not my school work. I was studying you. You were so comfortable in your skin. I mean what 14 year old had socks and a vest and white shorts on in mid day, on his bed reading?" Connor finished with an odd laugh. He flicked my chin with his finger and walked out of my room.

"Jesus.. what a mess" I said looking at the laptop parts scattered all over my bedroom floor.