Tales That Toby Tell - 17. The Big Bad World

The sound of my alarm clock woke me. Having only slept for two hours, I felt anger and this caused me to lash out at the poor burger alarm, pushing it from my bedside table. I had spent the entire night trying to communicate with Connor. I did not succeed. I managed to drag myself out of bed and get ready for school. My parents had already left for work and I wasn't even hungry. As I walked out of the front door I realised exactly how baffled everything was.

Late. I arrived five minutes before the school bell rang. Normally i would wait for Josh but I knew he had already entered a class. Connor and I both had English but he wasn't at class yet. This was unusual for him. He is the most punctual person I know. And so it went by, an entire day with no Connor. I realised freaking out might not be the most logical thing to do as he might have just caught a bug on camp and felt sick. I decided that I should go visit Connor today which would be somewhat of a tall order seeing that his parents might probably be having the house on lockdown.

You can imagine the amount of anxiety I was feeling as I was walking out of the schoolyard. A part of me was telling myself that this was a bad idea and the other told me not to go home unless I'm sure he was okay. I think you know what I decided. I was halfway there when Josh's sports car drove by me. He did that slow-drive thing as he talked with me.

"Hey sexy. Need a ride?" he said and I laughed knowing those were going to be his exact words.

"Nope. I like walking. Makes me feel less guilty for not using a gym" I said honestly.

"You know, for a guy who owns a car, you sure never use it." Josh said. I realised he was right but I didn't reply to his comment.

"Where you going?" he asked and I didnt immediately answer. "Oh wait, I know" he said. "Connor" he concluded in a weird tone of voice.

"So we'll chat later?" I asked. I wasn't being rude but I wanted to see Connor alone but Josh wasn't having any of it.

"No! I'm coming with" Josh said as he stopped the car all of a sudden. He got out looking a bit disgruntled.

"What if his dad is there?" he asked and I have to admit that had crossed my mind.

"Exactly! The less "fags" the less drama" I said. Josh was stunned when I used the word but I was only emphasizing Connor's dad's hate.

"Okay but I'll wait outside." Josh said and I agreed.

We decided to walk the rest of the way until we financial made Connor's street. Josh held my hand and kicked my butt with his foot occasionally. We haven't done anything so revealing in public but I was slowly getting accustomed to the idea of having a boyfriend- in public.

"So quiet. Just like back home" Josh said. "This his house? It looks like Connor" he said again. "Doofus" is all I said back to him. He kissed me and stood outside the gate and waved me goodbye. That was Josh always so dramatic.

I knocked on the door and in my mind I prayed "Please don't be his dad please don't be his dad" so when his mother opened I let slipped out an audible "Yes!"

"Excuse me what?" Mrs Dean asked me. She immediately noticed Josh and rushed me inside. "What are you doing here?"

Before replying to her question I thought about how easily she let me in. "I'm worried about Connor Ma'am"

"Oh for Christ sake call me Elizabeth, Toby" she said sounding pissed off.

" I...is Mr Dean home?" I asked scared as hell.

"No it's in the middle of the day. He is at work." she said sternly. "Go upstairs. Be quiet. I'll let you know when he comes" she said and a smile of relief crossed my face. "I don't like that you are here Toby but my son needs a friend. Besides I know you can't turn him" she said with her cold voice and walked away. Now I'm no expert but I could see sadness in her eyes. Her husband clearly controlled her and she has come to believe every word he says.

I kicked of my shoes, something I've been accustomed to when I came here. Connor's shoes we're there too. I made my way up the stairs and down the hall. As I got closer I heard music. A few more inches and I started to hear soft singing. I stopped just before I made the door. Connor was singing and playing guitar.

"I am not sure if it's real I doubt you know How I feel I wish you could tell me to Leave my shit, and just kiss you Again, Again and Again Like I did before"

I sort of lost my footing while leaning forward and so it was that i stumbled into his room. Terrified. The look on Connor's face. Maybe he thought I was his dad who was about to beat him?

"Oh my God Toby!" he yelled as he jumped up from the floor where he was sitting. He took the reading glasses from his face and flung it across the room where it landed behind his bed. He picked up the piece of paper from the floor and ran back to his desk trying to hide more files and papers. They were drawings of someone but I was to far to see. "What are you doing here?!" He said nervously stumbling over his own words.

He turned around and and kept his head low, his eyes fixed on the ground. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this" he said. First I thought he ment the paint all over his clothes. The messy room and stuff but that wasn't it. When I stepped closer I saw them. Bruises on his arms and what looked like he had a busted lip.

"Oh my God what happened to you?" I asked but we both know the answer. I stood right in front of him tracing my fingers over the sides of his body, his arms and finally his face. At first he pulled away but I reassured him I just want to help. I ran my thumb over his bruised lip as I looked on in fear of my friends life. Tears started to roll down his face and I hugged him.

And obviously at that moment his mom came in. Looking on in shock she stood there like a zombie.

"What?" Connor said to his mother and she gave him a look. Obviously he understood this sort of language because he immediately began to shiver.

"What's going on?" I asked

"Get him out please Toby I beg of you. Get Connor away from here!" Connor's mother pleaded with me, practically on her knees. "Baby get dressed. Shorts and a vest won't do!" his mother said again. I was still confused until I heard Josh yelling for help.

We ran to Connor's bedroom window and saw that Mr Dean had attacked Josh and they were brawling on the Dean's front lawn.

"Oh God Josh!" I yelled and he saw me and managed to shout out to me.

"Meet me back at my car" he yelled and Mr Dean punched him in his gut. "Come on Connor we have to go!" I said hating the idea of leaving Josh.

"Wait we can't leave him!" Connor said and I told him to trust me.

We got out of the back door and jumped the fence in the yard. We ran down the back street where Josh had parked. When I saw Josh wasn't there, I freaked out.

"Oh Fuck! Where is he Toby!?" Connor panicked as we waited outside of the car. Connor had on nothing but a shorts and vest. No shoes so he was freezing.

"He'll come. He is coming." I said trying to be calm for the both of us. There was a moment it got really silent and I saw Josh coming around the corner of the street. He was running like he was on fire. I saw a car, Mr Dean's.

"Hurry the Fuck up!" Connor yelled.

"Shut up!" I said as I prayed Josh makes it in time and he did. He fumbled for the keyes. He was so disoriented that I grabbed it fron his hands. We jumped in the car and I drove. Hell man I drove like I was some pro racer. I had no idea where I was going. Connor sat in the passenger seat and Josh laid in the back.

"Just go Toby! You'll lose him, he drives like a bitch!" and I actually laugh but it turned into sobs when I saw my somewhat lifeless boyfriend in the backseat.

After driving almost half an hour, I slowed down hoping we had lost Connor's dad.

"Josh say something please" I said between crying and trying to stay composed.

He mumbled something as he tried to sit up.

"I said... My baby can drive" he said aloud and got out of the backseat. "Get out. I'm driving" he said to me through the window. I did just that.

"Where are you going?" I asked Josh.

"I figured the only option now is to take him to my house." Josh said.

"Nope. Not happening" Connor jumped in quickly and then Josh stepped on the breaks which caused Connor and I to launch forward almost hurting ourselves.

"Look! You can be an ass and alive at my place OR you could be a dead ass somewhere else! You decide!" Josh said to Connor and Connor sled back down in his seat. "I take it you want to be an ass, and alive?" Josh asked and Connor nodded yes.

When we made it to Hamilton manor it had been well passed dinner time and I managed to text my dad on what's going on.

"Okay Connor. This will be your new home for a few days. Usually my parents won't mind if I have someone over but with the whole I'm gay thing.."

"I get the picture" Connor said. "I'll be quiet as a mouse."

Josh went into the main house to distract his family while I led Connor upstairs to Josh's room. Connor frowned for some reason once we entered.

"One bed?" he asked in disbelief. I rolled my eyes at him. "What did you expect? Besides I'm sure Josh will let you take the bed."

Connor thought for a moment and pouted. "What if he tries to rape me..." I laughed at his silliness and helped him get settled.

"Here take my hoodie to keep warm. I'm sure Josh has some clothes for you." I said to Connor.

Connor nodded and walked around. "Kinda small room for a rich dude... huh gay neon lights." he said pointing up to Josh's glow in the dark space ceiling.

"Connor!" I called softly and he looked at me surprised. "While you are here please try and not give Josh a hard time"

He gave me a smile and I took it as his promise. Moments later Josh walked in.

"Good news and bad news."

"Bad news first" Connor and I said at the same time.

"There is just one bed..." Josh said.

"Yeah we figured that out...thanks for offering your bed Josh" Connor said almost laughing.

"Wait no.. I" Josh tried to say but I stopped him.

"Good news?"I asked.

"Uhm.. My parents won't be here around much. So you might be able to go outside." Josh said.

"Shit I still need to get home!" I realised and Josh let out a sigh.

"I'm really tired Toby. Can't you just stay here." Josh said faking his tiredness. I agreed and he closed his curtains and locked his door. Connor took full command of Josh's bed and I watched in somewhat amusement how sad he looked when he saw blondy in his bed. We bundled together on the floor, reminiscent of that Christmas nigh the three of us shared the same sleeping arrangements.

"Do you think he could beat me up in a fight?" Josh asked and I laughed a bit at his random question.

"Who?" I asked and he nodded, telling me Connor.

"Geez I don't know... Connor is pretty tough but he isn't a fighter...and neither are you." I said trying to sound serious.

"I will fight if I have to protect what's mine" Josh said with a fierce look in his eyes.

"Connor has nothing-" I tried to say when Josh cut me off.

"This isn't about Connor. This is about the big bad world. This is about me not being able to protect you everywhere you go. If I hadn't gone with you today.." Josh said before breaking down, crying. I tried to remind him that we are supposed to be quiet and that I feel protected knowing he loves me but his emotions got the best of him. That's when his mother started to knock on the door.

"Shit!" was all I could say as I looked around hopelessly. I decided to open the door and his mother stood there with a tray that had three cups of hot chocolate on it.

"I saw you boys sneaking up to the house. I heard what happened over at Elizebeth's house. Is Josh okay?

Her kindness shocked me. I think Josh and his mother was more alike then i had imagined.

"Mom?" Josh said as he came up behind me. He gave his mother a hug and I took the tray from her hands.

"Why don't you boys come join me downstairs... Your friend probably needs a good night's rest." she said referring to Connor.

We walked down the long hallway behind Mrs Hamilton and then she stopped and started to laugh.

"Oh Toby come here" she said and I walked over to where she was standing and looking at a frame that hanged on the wall. "Look.. It's Josh at his third birthday party." she pointed at a then chubby boy who was crying as he was surrounded by a sworm of other children. "He had stuck his finger in the candle. His dad took the picture without noticing." she said as Josh bowed his head in embarrassment.

When we made it to the kitchen, Mr Hamilton sat at the table reading a book. When he looked up, he didn't look surprised at all.

"You know better than to hide people in your bedroom Josh." Mr Hamilton said. He took off his reading glasses. He looked much more youthful then before.

"Sit down dear" Mrs Hamilton said to me and Josh followed suit. Mrs Hamilton went to sit down next to her husband and she rubbed his shoulders. "Josh... Dad has something to say." His mother said quietly with a smile on her face.

For some reason Mr Hamilton couldn't make eye contact with any of us. He took a deep breath and looked into Josh's eyes. "I would like to apologies for what I said to you Josh. I would like you to know that I am sorry for my behaviour at your friend's...at Toby's house. It was disrespectful and I regret it."

My jaw dropped, Josh's jaw dropped, Mrs Hamilton's jaw was helping her face give a genuine smile.

"Dad...you mean...you don't hate me?" Josh asked in disbelief. His dad nodded no and continued to apologies for his actions.

"The only reason I was so upset was because I was fed lies. Stories of sick perversions that I now know isn't true. I've known you all my life and you've been a gentle boy. It was when you hit puberty and you became this big guy, the ladies started to love you and the boys wanted to be you. Then you started playing football and I saw myself in you...but that doesn't matter now. Now you can be free" Mr Hamilton spoke with a quiet voice. I think he still felt guilty. He then gave a giggle and I looked at him again and now he had tears forming in his eyes. "I knew you were gay from the moment you through your train set down the stairs."

After those words The Hamilton family started crying and laughing. Josh was like a little boy again. During all that was going on, I managed to lean over him and I whispered into his ear , "Maybe the big bad world isn't so bad at all"

He smiled at me and I smiled back and in that moment our own personal force field seemed stronger than ever.