Like a Train Wreck - 32. Chapter 32: Sail Into The Sunset

June 2008

Jordan watched the video until the white snowy screen appeared and sat back in his chair. "Well..that was interesting. Your behavior seems more intense. And you were like this...with Brad in the beginning?"

Miracle grinned. "Oh come on, unless I'm assuming wrong but I don't think I am with how fixated your eyes were on that screen the whole entire time, it wasn't just the behavior that you were interested in."

Jordan grinned. "We're not here to talk about me."

"But I want to talk about you. Want to know something else? When we were out, house hopping graduation parties, I had a threesome. Me...and Kevin...and Cody, random house, random bed room, probably someones parents." Miracle laughed. "I was a little bitch boy." Miracle leaned forward and looked Jordan directly in the eyes. "I might of recorded it. You want me to bring that video? Would you be interested in...my psychological responses to that?"

Jordan stared at Miracle with an untelling interest, still waiting for an answer to his question.

Miracle's eyebrows lifted and he sighed and leaned back. "Okay." He looked around. "Yeah, I kinda was, the first day. In fact, I kinda said the same thing to him when he pushed me at the locker." He looked at Jordan. "I said...what are you going to do? Hit me? I've had far worse." Miracle shook his head. "Something like that, Kevin's memory of that whole interaction is probably far better."

"But you think you've softened? Do you think that it's because you've been victimized? Well you were always a victim but for the first time in your life you were victimized in such a violent manner."

Miracle thought about it. "Possibly, I mean I've been molested, mind fucked, punched, lied to, exploited, filmed...but then..." Miracle looked at Jordan. "Don't make me say it."

"If you can't say it then it's not water under the bridge." Jordan said. "You might can disregard Kevin's part, excuse him for it because he symbolizes something that you seek but the act it's self still eats at you."

Miracle stared at Jordan. "But then...Brad made his friends rape me...and then the three of them, Brad making four, beat me, the worst I had ever taken and his cousin, Brian just watched but I remember the look of horror, regret, his face I remember the clearest. I don't think he had a clue what was going to happen."

"And then what happened?" Jordan asked.

"Jaemin appeared and I was so in and out of it that I don't even know how he scared them away but they took off running and he took me into his arms, I remember his voice, comforting but I don't remember a thing he said. Next thing I remember is stumbling in the streets and then suddenly I'm at Sterling's."

Jordan nodded and grabbed the remote, turning the television off. "So you weren't as tough as you thought you were."

"No...I felt weak, vulnerable. I felt like a ball of tears just wanting to burst all of the time." He looked up. "And then it all came out and then I tried to kill myself." Miracle frowned. "I guess you could say I was broken." He looked at Jordan. "I feel like I lost myself, I want that part of me back. I was called a little spit fire by a friend once but I knew that was long gone but..I want it back."

"The confidence." Jordan nodded and wrote a few things down. "It's still there, Miracle, in fact, I think you just displayed it right in this very room. You were taunting me, that, Miracle, was confidence.

"I can see it in my head, I can picture myself, I can day dream about it but I can't ever make it real." Miracle shook his head. "How do I get it back? It's not that I feel afraid, at least I'm not aware of feeling afraid. I feel okay, I just...I don't do things anymore that make me the center of attention. At least until recently. I showed off that tape to a bunch of my friends, they thought it was hilarious, that it was awesome. It felt so good but then...after, it felt like a crutch, like relying on my past to gain the attention." Miracle paused at what Jordan said. "Really? You think I just did it?" He looked away. "Well it did kind of feel good but...it felt fake, like...not natural, not like before."

Jordan looked confused. "You're attention hungry? But don't you get attention from your affairs? As for confidence, sometimes it feels strange when you gain bits of it back after not having it for a while, maybe, for some people."

"Yes but I don't have the shock factor anymore. Like Sterling, when I first met him, he was this outcast kid and on my first day he just seemed so surprised by everything that I did. And now he's more confident..." Miracle looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "He felt this need to protect me, especially after the attack, part of me wonders as I grew weaker, did he grow stronger?"

"Sounds to me like as you grew older, you wanted to be stronger because you were weaker as a child and this...Sterling grew confidence because you grew weak again." Jordan looked at the file thoughtfully. "Sounds to me like you are struggling to become stronger as a person, you want dominance yourself, you want control because you never had it yet you are surrounded by it and you let yourself get taken over by the people who have it."

"So what? My entire life is just going to be a David repeat, over and over and over?" Miracle's eyes widened at Jordan. "Why is my entire life based on David?"

"Because your entire belief system is based on what he taught you." Jordan jotted a few more things down and closed the file. "Miracle, you aren't aware of yourself, how you think, how you feel, act, react. You allow these dominant figures in your life take over because again, yes, David repeat, you become the small child again. You can't do that and no I won't lie. That is going to be something incredibly hard to change as it developed and became nature for you, that's why you do it and are totally unaware of the reasons why or how to change it."

"So what is your advice?" Miracle asked.

"Name dominant figures in your life who you can relate to the most, dominant female figures." Jordan suggested.

"Why female?" Miracle questioned.

"Because you're not masculine, Miracle. You're quite feminine on the spectrum, not to say you're the girly girl, that's cliche and stereotypical but you're youthful, boyish, sensitive. If you were to dominate, I see you dominating not with power but with persuasion, with style, manipulation, cleverness. Some of this I see in your past and I see in your future if you were to regain your dominance." Jordan said.

"Then I know who I would relate to the most." Miracle looked up at Jordan. "Melanie."

Jordan nodded. "Okay then, in our next session, we'll discuss her, I would like at least a general personality profile of her to compare so that we could see the similarities." He smiled. "Same time next week?"

Miracle nodded, not to happy with how this session went. "Sure." He stood up.

"Hey." Jordan called out.

Miracle neared the door and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Did you really record it?" Jordan asked, still, his interest was untelling.

Miracle grinned. "You try to hide it with your face but the interest is there because you asked." Miracle turned around and leaned against the door, crossing his arms. "If you're any good at all at what you do, you must want me to know it without appearing obvious."

Jordan simply kept his stare on Miracle. "Did you?"

Miracle laughed. "No, I was baiting you." He shook his head and turned around, grasping the door knob.

"Was there really a threesome?" Jordan asked.

Miracle twisted at the waist to look at Jordan. "You know my history, would it be out of my realm?" Miracle then walked over to his desk and leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk, leaning in close to Jordan. "Just imagine Kevin teaching Cody how to power me down..." Miracle's head then twisted to the side. "How Cody's timid and often fun loving personality changed with Kevin's dominating instruction and his own animalistic sexual urges that...combined with Kevin's...they could take me...and take me..." Miracle grabbed Jordan's tie and quickly tugged him forward. "And take me! All...night long, three hot...sweaty bodies, two guys...showing the bitch boy...where he belongs."

He released Jordan's tie. "But you already know what I look like after sex...soft...baby smooth...I have a great need for perfection." Miracle backed away from the desk and grinned, walking towards the door, turning around to look at him. "No second thoughts about another session?"

Jordan didn't seem to flinch at all by Miracle's gestures, in fact, he only grinned and waited until he was released, waited until Miracle reached the door and asked about another session. "You know what you did? You just pulled out that confidence. At first a little...then a little more and at the end of the session came the grand finale, the height of your confidence. But it was the way in which you performed it. That is why I said you would fit a female profile." Adam smiled. "Same time, next week."

"You were playing me?" Miracle asked.

"Not here to talk about me, just you." Jordan grinned.

"You're so annoying!" Miracle walked out, hearing the quiet beginnings of Jordan's short fit of laughter.

Jasmine smiled as she sat three plates of lunch on the kitchen table. "Does he normally sleep in this late? I wasted a whole plate of breakfast on him. Teach me to only cook two breakfasts in this house."

Miguel grinned at his daughter. "Could of made good left overs but you threw all of it in the trash."

"That's because I'm like Mom, old food is bad food." Jasmine sat down. "Brian get your ass up! I'm not wasting another meal! Don't make me start screaming spanish!" She looked at her Dad. "Worked when Mom did it."

Brian walked into the kitchen, his eyes squinting at all the sunlight, a tee shirt and a pair of pajama pants was all he wore. "What's with all the open curtains? Damn..."

"Get over here and get your lunch, right now, Mister." Jasmine pointed at his plate with her fork.

"Don't make me regret moving you guys in here." Brian walked over to the table and sat down, rubbing at his eyes.

"You haven't been doping up again have you?" Jasmine asked.

Brian looked up at Jasmine and frowned. "What do you expect of me? I'm all alone in the world."

"You are not. Not anymore." Jasmine reached over and took his hand. "Melanie was not the world, even if she could make you feel like she was."

Brian pulled his hand back and grabbed his fork. "Yeah, well she was mine." He stabbed at the salad with his fork.

Miguel shook his head. "Should never let a girl tear you down, there will always be more, you are to young to give up."

"Melanie was tearing you down, she was supporting your habit." Jasmine sighed.

Brian looked over at each of them. "So what do you plan on doing, Jasmine? Taking me to meetings? Dragging me through twelve step programs?"

Jasmine took a bite of her salad and once her mouth was clear, she nodded. "If I have to but I hope just making you part of our group is enough. We kinda need some new members, ya know."

"So that's it? I'm a replacement battery?" Brian shook his head.

"Not true." Jasmine looked up at him. "Fate brought you in when you gave us a place to stay, just like fate brought Hunter in when he got involved with Skylar to help us, it's just unfortunate that he actually fell for her and that she had to die just to prove her love to him."

"How do you even know she did that on purpose?" Brian tilted his head and looked at Jasmine.

"Skylar wasn't stupid. She knew Hunter was a gun user, she turned around and away from him, she knew what he would do to keep her from pushing that cigarette onto my head." Jasmine paused. "Okay maybe she didn't exactly anticipate death but she knew the risks."

Brian shook his head. "Whatever." He took a bite of the salad.

Jasmine looked at her Dad. "See? A little progress. At least he's not reaching for one of those damn microwavables."

"Why should I when I got an in house cook?" Brian grinned.

Jasmine finished her salad, stood up and tossed her bowl in the sink. "Not an in house dish washer...and Dad has to go back to work. Have fun." She stuck up her nose at Brian and walked out of the kitchen.

Jaemin drove down the road and looked over at Miracle. "So how did the session go?"

"Uh...it went." Miracle said. "He wants to compare my personality to Melanie's."

Jaemin made a face. "How did that come about?"

"Since I complained that I..felt like I was weak and he thinks if I want dominance I would fit a dominant female profile better." Miracle rolled his eyes.

"Well it kind of makes sense." Jaemin said. "Miracle, you are the more submissive type so it makes sense that if you were more dominant you would probably do it in a female stylistic way."

"Stylistic? Is that even a word?" Miracle looked at Jaemin.

"I don't know, hell, we make up words all the time." Jaemin took a deep breath as he pulled up along side the street outside Brendan's house.

Miracle looked out the window. "I would go with you but...I doubt that man wants to see me."

"It's okay, I faced Paula alone...I can do this too." He looked over at Miracle and reached for his hand. "Look...I just want things to go back to normal. Please, for me, whatever it is that draws you to Kevin, make it stop, if not for me or for us...then for you because he's leaving and if you don't...it's going to hurt you."

"I know why...I'm drawn to Kevin." He said after Jaemin took his hand. "Jordan made it clear." He looked up at Jaemin. "It's because of the strong dominance. Everything is like...this whirlwind repeat of David. I'm drawn to Kevin like I was drawn to Brad only the pull to Kevin is stronger not just because he's strong and dominant like David was but because he's also tender and loving. Does that make sense?" Miracle shifted side ways in his seat. "See with David, I was the child, David was the strong one, the one with power, a football player fits that profile."

Jaemin slowly nodded. "I think I kind of understand. You said David promised you love and forever and then he was taken away so it only makes sense that you would be drawn to someone that would give you similar feelings to how you felt back then." He shook his head. "Jordan sounds more like a freakin profiler, he should be working with the cops or something."

"Yeah well, that's the point. Kevin, the football player is strong and dominant where as you said yourself, I'm the submissive one, same set up, only difference is that I'm older now and I know what I'm doing, it's just the draw of trying to fill that empty gap that David left." Miracle frowned.

"So I'm not strong and dominant, loving and loyal, yes but dominant, no?" Jaemin lifted his eyebrows, a look of hurt on his face.

"You fulfill the promise but not the whole package. Jordan said I don't do it on purpose, he said that I probably do it out of developed nature." He shook his head. "Maybe...I don't know, for one, you let me get away with everything I do but then if you're mean to me that takes away the loving factor."

Jaemin shook his head. "That doesn't make sense, how can I be all sacrificing, a doormat and then be dominant too? Which seems to be all of the requirements? What? Am I supposed to go out and become a football player but keep my personality so it all fits the bill?"

Miracle shook his head. "No, because like you, Kevin gives me the same allowances, he lets me do whatever I want." Miracle sighed and covered his face. "This is all just making it worse."

Jaemin shifted back. "No, you know what I think, Miracle? I think you are just into jocks, the steroids, the muscle, the thought of sweaty guys in the locker room." Jaemin narrowed his eyes. "I bet when you were attacked, if you actually wanted it, you would of enjoyed every minute of it and I bet you would of, had you actually expected it and had it not been done in revenge, had those guys actually wanted you."

Miracle lowered his hands and looked at Jaemin. "That's not fair, you can't throw things at me until I know why."

"Yeah, well I deserve to know why, I deserve to know what I lack, I got the love you and forever part right, so what am I lacking that Kevin has that draws you so much more than that? The sex, because that is all you get from him." Jaemin paused. "Oh...but right, unlike Brad, he's actually nice to you." Jaemin started to get out of the car but then paused. "Here's a psychoanalysis for you. Maybe Brad was like David and to repair it you must use Kevin to fix it. Think about that while I'm in the house trying to deal with my real dad!" Jaemin got out of the car and slammed the door.

"Jaemin, stop!" Miracle screamed.

"Or maybe this!" Jaemin leaned down into the window and grinned sarcastically. "Maybe in that sick, twisted little head of yours, you just wanted something that Melanie had, that's what made you so good friends right?! You know, Hunter taught me something when we were at Skylar's apartment. Two close minds think very much alike!" He then took off to head for the house.

"Damn it!" Miracle slapped the dashboard, watching Jaemin walk up the long winding drive way. Tears formed in his eyes and he took out his new phone and sent a text for Sterling to come pick him up and then sent a text to Kevin to meet at the marina. "This has to end..."

Sterling got a text and checked it. "Well so much for a fun day at the mall." He looked up at Robin and Cody. "I have to go." He snagged one last fry off the huge plate and dipped it into his cup of ketchup, eating it.

Robin looked disappointed. "For real? We were having so much fun. All the drama out of our lives..."

"Unfortunately." Sterling smiled. "Don't worry, we have a whole summer ahead of us. Try texting Jasmine, get her to drag Brian out here. I think we need to get him in the spirit." Sterling smiled and stood up before walking off.

Cody looked over at Robin. "It's a good suggestion."

Robin grinned. "Crazy girl!" She laughed and sent a text to Jasmine before laying her phone down. "So I want to do something bold. We should dye our hair crazy colors."

"Blue, never green. Green is bad, green is yuck." Cody laughed.

"Why?"

"You don't remember Nickelodeon slime?" Cody asked.

"Yeah but that was cool." Robin said.

"You really want to walk around like Nickelodeon slime?" He grinned.

"Okay, you blue, me pink." She grinned.

"Miracle evil red." Cody grinned.

"Why evil?" Robin laughed.

"Because of his little tape recording, his blackmailing, the fact that we so easily talked him into sending a copy back down there to ruin that man's life." Cody grinned and sipped his drink. "Boys got a history!"

Robin laughed and then looked up, her smile fading. "Uh oh...Kyler, Two O'clock."

Cody looked over to see Kyler eating a plate of fries, staring right at them with this calm yet this creepy, threatening yet stalkerish looking stare, he hardly even blinked.

"Okay...that is just scary." He looked at Robin. "Do you think he's our next enemy? I swear this feels like a television show...or a video game, each bad guy we beat, another one pops up."

"Well he stabbed Kevin." Robin looked at Kyler and then at Cody. "Something tells me that he's going to be more subtle and mild mannered than Skylar, she was off the wall." Robin paused. "Watch this." Robin looked up and smiled at Kyler, waving. "Hey, we see you too!"

Cody's eyes widened and he grabbed her hand and yanked it down. "You want him to throw a knife through your hand?!"

Kyler stood up and started to walk towards them.

Cody watched Kyler. "Look what you did."

"I don't care." Robin looked at Kyler and smiled. "Hi there..."

Kyler walked by their table, stole a fry, the same awful look being given to each of them as he dipped the fry into Sterling's ketchup and then brought it up, letting a drop of ketchup drip onto each of their hands and then he ate the fry. "Looks like blood." Then he walked off.

Cody looked at his hand and then at Robin's. "Good going."

Robin rolled her eyes. "That was a dumb threat." She grabbed a napkin and wiped Cody's hand off and then her own. "Melanie was better than that and she was one of our own."

"Symbolism, Robin! You think because Skylar is gone, that stops?! Yeah, her Fable game might be over but who said that might not have inspired?" Cody looked at her. "He dips the fry into Sterling's ketchup and then drops some on our hands and then says it looks like blood?"

Robin started laughing. "So what? He's implying that Sterling dies at our hands? Why would we kill Sterling?"

"Step into Skylar's head for a second." Cody suggested.

"Uh...I don't want to." Robin shook her head.

"We could be put in any kind of situation where we have to choose Sterling's life for our own or someone else's, possibly even your babies! The blood on our hands doesn't have to be literal, it could be metaphorical. Or maybe he will kidnap the three of us and rig it up so that only he can escape and only his car is there to drive, he cuts the break line and Sterling drives to his death trying to save us? Or maybe he just plain out dies and we are made up to find him and get his blood on our hands? Hell I don't know." Cody sighed.

Robin listened to Cody as he rambled. "You're thinking to much. Chill out, look...I'll talk to Sterling about it the next time we see him. In fact we'll call an emergency meeting for the scooby gang if that makes you feel any better. We'll tell them that Kyler dipped his fry into Sterling's cup because we were still here using ours and that ketchup dripped off the fry, onto our hands and Kyler just said that it looked like blood and that you have a shit load of theories." She laughed, taking a sip of her soda, she couldn't help it, Cody sounded ridiculous.

"So what happened?" Sterling asked Miracle.

"I...actually don't know." Miracle sighed. "I got my attraction to Kevin figured out, that isn't the problem." He looked out of the window as Sterling drove along. "The harder question and the answer that Jaemin desperately wants is, what is he not giving me?"

Sterling nodded. "Makes sense. And you don't know? What does he think?"

"No, I don't have a clue, I can't tell him what I don't know." Miracle looked at Sterling. "He gave me the love and the forever part, he's given me the promise and I told him that. So now he assumes he's not giving me the football star."

"Huh?" Sterling made a face.

"Yeah, he literally said it, slapped me in the face with it." Miracle sighed. "Said he thinks he has to go out and become a football jock to complete what I want. Said I want a football jock who's nice to me, that I probably dream about all those guys in the locker room." Miracle frowned. "You know what else he said? He said that when I was attacked, if I had wanted it, if I had expected it, if it wasn't for revenge and those guys actually wanted me, I probably would have fucking loved it."

Sterling cringed at that. "That's a bit harsh."

"He's just that angry that I can't give him an answer." Miracle shook his head. "Oh...and that's not the end of it." Miracle laughed. "He even went as far as to say that my twisted little head just wanted what Melanie had and that our friendship was based on our minds being so completely alike." Miracle shook his head. "Like I would take advantage of her death like that."

Sterling shook his head. "Damn." He paused. "But, aren't you curious yourself? What Jaemin isn't providing? Doesn't it frustrate you that you don't know?"

Miracle looked right at Sterling. "Yes it does. It frustrates me to no end. I want to know, I am dying to know because he provides me with the qualities that I always thought were most important to me and that was loyalty beyond ending, love and forever combined. That is what I always thought was most important to me. And I do, I want to know what it is that he isn't giving me that Kevin is. And I don't want that Brad crap thrown at me that Kevin is Brad with a nice personality because Brad was a guy like any other guy, there was nothing particularly special about him. I mean I'm not going out trying to find another Eric, a decent Eric or another Daniel, a decent Daniel, so why would I be clinging to another Brad, a more decent Brad? It's got nothing to do with Brad, he was no more special than any other guy."

Sterling shook his head. "I'm sorry but Miracle, that's probably the real and only explanation. You were never given a chance to meet and be with a decent criminal Eric or a decent teacher Daniel, were you? But you have been given a chance to be with a decent jock Brad. It's not that, you should be questioning, again it's what Jaemin isn't giving you that you should be questioning. Eric was not a jock he was criminal slash business man, guy, thing...and Daniel was a teacher yet you went for both."

Miracle looked down thoughtfully. "But they were unattainable. They both used me."

"Yeah and Brad used you too but you loved Brad, just like you could have loved Eric and just like you loved Daniel. So I don't think it's about a jock thing at all, I think if anyone who resembled a past unrequited love came along, you would be drawn in like a mouse to a trap." Sterling said. "That's what Jaemin isn't providing. He's not providing any similarity to any past love."

"So if a similar you came along, I would attach to them?" Miracle asked.

"No, because it didn't go unrequited, you want to fulfill past unfulfillments. It's like Skylar's Fable game, the way she was back tracking. You did that with Kevin, you saw a chance to back track to your chance with Brad, Kevin was merely the object but perfectionized. In otherwords, you were back tracking too. You had a chance to back track, to perfect the ruins of your experience with Brad by using Kevin to do it. Of course you know it wouldn't undo the damage or erase history but it gave you a chance at a good taste with someone like Brad but better." Sterling explained.

"So that's what Jaemin lacks, a past unrequited love with someone similar to him so...I don't get drawn as strongly to him because I'm not trying to..."

"You're not trying to perfect an experience at a second chance because you never had a previous experience with someone like him before him. You are literally on your first experience with someone like him. If it were to fail and later you met someone else similar to him only better, you would probably repeat the pattern. Though that is highly unlikely to happen." Sterling nodded. "So there is your answer for him, keep it in your head even as confusing as it is."

"Oh no..." Miracle looked down nervously.

"What?" Sterling briefly looked at Miracle.

"You know the sex tape of me and teacher Daniel?" Miracle asked.

"Yeah, so what?" Sterling questioned.

"I showed it to my training to be psychologist." Miracle brought a hand up, nibbling at his nails. "I let him watch the whole thing, not just the argument part."

Sterling looked at the road thoughtful. "College student, young but acting as your psychologist, teacher like in that he could be seen as a figure of authority." Sterling paused. "So you let him watch the sex?"

"Yeah...and I left the tape for him, since I got copies now anyway." Miracle slouched down in his seat, looking around, anxiously. "I did kind of tease him about if he liked it or not, he avoided the question."

"Miracle...damn it!" Sterling parked at the marina and looked at him. "You're trying to redo Daniel with Jordan!"

Miracle looked over at Sterling. "So when does Eric come next?"

"Oh, I don't know, when you meet another criminal posing as a business man?!" Sterling made a face. "You're going to mess up, bad."

"So that is pretty much all of it." Jaemin sat on the couch beside Brendan, the folder and all of it's contents scattered across the coffee table. He looked at Brendan. "According to everything...I'm your son."

Brendan looked at all of it, rather shocked and speechless as he slowly shook his head. "I...I never believed her."

"We don't know who got all the evidence out or...how Kyler got it but he put it in the mail box outside. You were meant to get it but Eric stole it back. Eric...was the man who stole me." Jaemin looked at Brendan with a pained expression. "I grew up alone...and then when I was old enough, they made me a sex slave..." Black tears rolled down his face and he sniffed and wiped at his cheeks. "Human trafficking...and just about...uh..maybe two years ago...Craig found me and saved me. I had found Paula's document by that point, it was how I found her. I thought Adam was my Dad until I learned otherwise, you know, because of Melanie but...I didn't know until we got the folder back."

"Eric...that bastard." Brendan sat there, taking this all in.

Jaemin frowned and started to stand up. "If you want me to go..."

Brendan grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

"Why would you want me?" He looked at Brendan. "I'm nothing like Brad...I'm probably a freak to you." Jaemin started to feel the urge to cry. "I can't replace him."

Brendan turned towards Jaemin. "You aren't replacing him. I had two sons."

Jaemin looked at Brendan. "You don't know what I did...you...you have no idea." Jaemin stared at him, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" Brendan asked.

"I can't tell you, even though you deserve to know, even though I should probably pay, I have people to take care of." Jaemin slowly shook his head.

"Wait...are you saying...." Brendan narrowed his eyes in a questioning way.

Jaemin pulled his arm back. "What he did to Miracle..." He shook his head. "He never raped him but he was there, he made it happen, I know because I chased them away." Jaemin looked away. "Miracle...he's everything to me. I had to do something..." Jaemin stood up and backed away. "You can report me...but I can't be your son. No matter what bad things he did..." Jaemin looked down. "The murdering brother can't come in and not replace the murdered brother."

Brendan slowly stood up, not sure how to react to any of this. How could he possibly handle the fact that one of his sons, killed the other? "Jaemin..."

"I killed my brother...and as if that's not enough...I killed my sister too and had I known the right things...I wouldn't of!" Jaemin cried out.

"What?" Brendan stepped closer.

"That's right, Melanie was scared she was going to have to share her inheritence with me because we didn't know! We didn't know...her Dad wasn't mine. She wouldn't let me meet the guy because she was so terrified about losing half of her fucking money! She made up a fake anxiety disorder that he'd seizure and heart attack if he found out about me. I tried to be patient with her!" Jaemin ran his hands up the sides of his head. "People kill over that stuff, I went into survivalist mode, you have no idea what being held captive does to you." He shook his head. "You don't know if you're going to live to see tomorrow, if they are going to get pissed off and beat you to death or starve you, abuse you to much and underestimate how much you can take or if a fucking sick bastard gives you an illness. They don't fucking care!"

Jaemin stepped closer to the door. "So...in my mind...it was me or her...and after I staged the wreck, I went to Adam...yeah, maybe half an hour after I killed my own sister just to find out I did it for no reason at all because I wasn't entitled to any of her money and if she had just let me meet him, he could of cleared it all up. Or maybe if I hadn't of freaked out so much at Paula, maybe she could of told me!" Jaemin looked away. "And now my brother, your son, died at my hands because I did it for Miracle...I did it for him. If I had known...if I had just known...I would have fixed it some other way...I have no right to be here." He covered his face.

Brendan walked closer and took Jaemin's hands and pulled them down and shook his head. "Accidents...accidents happen. It's only murder if you would do it no matter what and if you could change it, you wouldn't." Brendan said quietly. "And you're not replacing him." Brendan smiled. "You have a family now...a house, me and my wife...the real deal." He pulled Jaemin into his arms and hugged him. "No one else has to know, ever."

Jaemin opened his eyes and he felt as if all the air had been sucked out of him when he was hugged and he gasped several times to try to take in the shock of Brendan's reaction and then he closed his eyes, his arms slowly lifting to hug him back. "I...I can't believe it."

Brendan pulled back and grabbed him by the shoulders and smiled. "Well believe it and the one who is going to pay, Eric will pay, in fact, he will pay for all of it because in reality, it's all a chain reaction of his action."

"You mean pin it on him?" Jaemin asked.

"Brad's death, Melanie's...both of them. You didn't know who they were or how everything really was because of what he did so he'll pay for what you did because you did it under the beliefs you and everyone else had because of what he done and he will pay for everything else he has done too, all of it, directly and indirectly." Brendan moved to stack all the papers and put them back in the folder.

"Thank you." Jaemin looked at Brendan. "I don't know where I deserved so much kindness."

Brendan looked up at him and took a deep breath. "You deserve it because of who you are." Brendan smiled, even though it still did hurt that Brad was gone and now knowing the true circumstances but he was trying really hard to aim that all at Eric. "Now..uh, my wife should be home in about half an hour and I'm sure she'll want you to have lunch with us. I know I want you to so...why don't you go get cleaned up. You kind of look like an eyeliner mess." Brendan laughed a little. "And there's a guest bed room if you want to check it out, it'll be yours if you want it. I won't give you Brad's, I don't want you to feel like you're replacing him at all, I'll turn that into the guest bed room."

Jaemin nodded and smiled briefly, still unsure. "Okay, thanks." He walked away and towards the hall before stopping and turning around to look at Brendan. "Are you sure about not turning me in? I feel really creeped out right now."

Brendan looked at Jaemin and sighed. "I can understand why." He walked over to him. "I'll walk around with you everywhere while you're here if you want."

Jaemin shook his head. "No, it's fine. I just...got this picture in my head of me walking off down the hall and then you calling the police and telling them that I'm here and hosting the whole thing until they arrive."

Brendan nodded. "I can understand the distrust, people probably haven't given you a lot of reason to trust." He paused and then sighed. "Jaemin...if you're going to make life on the outside work for you, then you're going to have to start trusting people. If you want to have a family, you have to trust..well..your family."

Jaemin looked at Brendan. "Okay..." He then looked down. "Just...please...don't hurt me..." He turned around and walked off down the hall.

Brendan sighed and ran a hand over his mouth, pained by the fact that Jaemin had been put under such torment that he would distrust his own family upon finding them, it should be a happy time, a miraculous time, not a scary one.

"So again we find ourselves out on the water." Kevin smiled, standing on the deck, looking at the sky.

"Yeah." Miracle frowned, sitting on one of the cushioned seats.

"You don't sound happy." Kevin moved to sit beside him. "What's wrong?"

Miracle looked at Kevin. "This..." He almost let out a cry but only a quick breath escaped before he jerked it back. "This is probably going to be one of the hardest things that I do...but I have to ask you."

Kevin looked at Miracle, adoringly. "What is it?" He reached up for Miracle's face.

"Stop." Miracle took his hand and then he looked at their hands, tears rolling down his face. "Kevin, I need you to leave. Not this fall...I need you to go now."

Kevin looked confused. "Why?" He looked at their hands.

"Because this is wrong, what I am doing to Jaemin is wrong and no, getting caught is not the issue, he knows all about it, you know that, he said he won't ever leave me, won't ever stop loving me, no matter how much I do it." Miracle looked up at Kevin. "That...that is just wrong." He shook his head. "He loves me that much and for me to keep going on with you, it's wrong but as long as you're here...I can't stop."

"Well, then maybe that just says you love me more." Kevin suggested.

"Is it love Kevin? We were out partying, had a threesome with Cody, people in love don't do that. If you loved me, you wouldn't want Cody to lay a hand on me." Miracle looked down at their hands, still together. "It feels like love, to me it does but Kevin..."

"I know..." Kevin looked up. "It's a fantasy that formed out of no where. When I'm alone with you, it almost feels like a dream."

Miracle felt Kevin's thumb rubbing the top of his hand. "I...I think what it was to you...is that I was so like Melanie..."

Kevin's gaze jerked up to Miracle and he shook his head. "I'll admit...maybe but when I look at you, I see you...Miracle, right now, I see you." He stared at him. "I love you..."

Tears dropped down Miracle's face. "Don't say that, you can't say that to me." Miracle pulled his hand away and took a deep breath. "We can't take this path, go through this door." He shook his head. "Think about my life, Kevin. This fall, despite no matter what happens this summer, you're going off to California and you have a whole great life ahead of you."

Miracle looked at him, his heart breaking and a pained expression on his face. "I don't get to have a great summer fling and then start over. I'm involved...and us...me, you, we could wreck that and I'm the one that gets stuck behind with the consequences."

Kevin looked down as Miracle pulled his hand away. "It's a shame." He looked up at him. "We couldn't even be temporary...and if we were it would just be a...summer fling." Kevin looked away. "And what we have had...we don't even know what the hell to call it."

"A tragedy...that breaks my heart." Miracle started to cry. "And despite how much it's happened...it hurts no less each time."

Kevin wrapped his arms around Miracle and hugged him. "I'll miss you, always you..." Kevin closed his eyes tight.

Miracle cried in his arms and then pulled back, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry but...for me...just go or I won't be able to stay away."

Kevin looked at Miracle and nodded. "Well, I guess I'll sail it, got a whole summer to get there." He stood up and sniffled a little. "Let me just uh...dock you."

Miracle nodded. "Okay." Miracle looked down into the water and watched his reflection that rippled away as the yacht went back into motion and he laid his head on top of the seat, closing his eyes.

Kevin watched Miracle, looking at how peaceful he looked and then took a deep breath. Soon they reached the dock and he walked over and reached down, taking Miracle's hand. "We're here."

Miracle opened his eyes and then stood up. "Didn't take to long."

"Do you wish it had?" Kevin asked.

"No." Miracle looked at him. "I wish it was never ending."

Kevin smiled. "That would take a reality warp."

"To bad that kind of magic doesn't exist." Miracle stepped closer to him and took a deep breath. "I guess this is it, better make it happen before I...well I'll regret it no matter what."

Kevin's smile faded. "Yeah..." Kevin took Miracle's hand into his own and leaned forward, kissing him deeply, lovingly. "Better do it before our minds grow weak and we fall to temptation."

Miracle looked up at Kevin. "I think..we already did."

"Can you do me a favor?" Kevin lifted his eyebrows. "Try hard...not to cry, I don't want to look back at you and see that."

Miracle nodded. "I can't make any promises, in fact...it's a favor I can tell you that...I'll probably fail at."

Kevin's smile faded and he nodded and looked over, seeing Sterling. "Go...and be safe." He pulled Miracle close, kissing his forehead.

"You too." Miracle looked up at him. "And I love you too, think of me when...when you see the sunset over the pacific because...I see it over the atlantic but really...it's all the same and as you look out at the endlessness of it, I'm on the other side, just know that." Miracle then took a deep breath and turned, stepping up and grabbing Sterling's outstretched hand and stepped off and onto the dock.

"I'll be seeing you, Sterling." Kevin looked at both of them and then smiled at Miracle. "Just remember...you're the adored one...for some special reason." He then turned around to go drive the yacht away.

"He's leaving?" Sterling asked.

"I had to make him go." Miracle took a deep breath, feeling the pain swelling inside of his body, as if he could burst. "If I didn't...me and Jaemin would be over."

Sterling frowned and hugged Miracle from behind. "I'm sorry."

"I promised him....I...I promised I wouldn't cry." Miracle's face tensed in pain and his eyes shut momentarily as the tears spilled and his breath picked up, he reached up and gripped Sterling's arms. "Don't let me go." He watched Kevin and watched the yacht as it faded out and towards the sunset and he saw Kevin glance at him, one more time before he turned his attention out to the horizon ahead. Miracle then practically fell weak and burst into tears, if it hadn't been for Sterling, he would probably have fallen onto the ground.

"Sterling..." Miracle cried, shutting his eyes tight.

"I know...it hurts." Sterling hugged him tight, not letting go.