A Love Story with a Prisoner of War - 24. Tears

4^th March, 1942

Everything - the vase, the sofa, the cushions, the desk - remained where they had always been as if they were waiting for me to come back. When I walked back from the Williams’, I was worrying that my house would have become a battlefield because, according to Jake, mum had been throwing and destroying things. However, as far as I could tell, nothing had changed a bit – it was the same setting, the same feeling, and the same ambiance.

‘I’m back,’ I said to myself, feeling great.

Each household had its own unique smell, and in my house it was mixture of lilac and wood. Once I stepped inside, that familiar smell tickled my nostrils – the funny thing about that scent was that you couldn’t quite notice it when you lived at home because you had grown too familiar to it. However, the smell became highly pronounced when you set foot in your home after you have been away for a while. God, I missed this smell, I thought.

The wood floor tiles creaked and groaned as I stepped on them – I used to hate that shrill sound, but now I even found it appealing to my ears.

‘Jake,’ I said softly to the empty house, hoping mum couldn’t hear me.

Hearing no replies, I walked around the drawing room, feeling great to be home again.

‘Axel, I never thought my house was so beautiful until now, even this vase is the most elegant thing I have ever seen,’ I said, hands caressing the vase as nostalgia welled up in my chest. ‘I wish we could stay here forever.’

‘Me too,’ Axel replied, smiling broadly.

‘Hey, I’ll go upstairs to check if Jake is there,’ I said.

‘Ok,’ Axel said, settling himself down on the sofa.

I climbed up the staircase cautiously, trying to minimize the sound of my footsteps, but the wooden floor just couldn’t resist my weight and creaked every time my feet touched it. As soon as I landed on the second floor, something almost froze my heart.

‘Jake! Is that you? Why the hell did you tie me up! UNTIE ME!’ An angry but weak voice shouted from the room at the end of the hallway.

I held my breath as my mind raced to search for a plausible response to the voice. Jake was only thirteen, so his voice hadn’t deepened yet whereas mine was a baritone male voice.

‘Not now,’ I said, raising a few octaves, attempting to imitate Jake’s voice.

‘Jake! I’m your mum! I don’t want to sleep all day. Release me NOW!’ she shouted back, sickness in her voice.

Yes, she doesn’t recognize me! – my mind said, heart giggling. Ignoring her bark, I hurried downstairs to Axel. I assumed Jake wasn’t on the second floor because otherwise, he would have responded to mum.

‘Jake isn’t at home, but mum is. Luckily, she is tied up,’ I said softly to Axel, giving him a helpless look.

‘Where Jake?’ Axel asked.

‘Perhaps he’s handling the animals,’ I answered, gazing out of the windows. ‘Let’s find him.’

                                        *         *         *

Our first stop was the stable where Russell and Bradford lived. They were the two brown, heavy draft horses my farm had owned for decades. The smell of hay and horse permeated the air and the sound of horse hooves thudding the ground echoed in the stable.

‘Oh Russell! Bradford! How’re you? Did you miss me?’ I said, hugging the animals’ heads briefly and patting them affectionately on their crests. Axel, who had never been fond of the horses, stood far away at the entrance, staring at us.

Russell, in response to my pat, nuzzled my nose with his as if he was thrilled by my return.

‘Where’s Jake? Have you seen him?’ I asked Russell, hands still on his crest.

I didn’t know if he really understood me or it was simply a coincidence, but I guessed it was the former – Russell’s head first nodded and then pointed to his right which was the direction of the chicken coop.

‘He’s in the coop?’ I asked, doubt in my voice.

Russell nodded again.

‘Good boy. See you two soon,’ I said, kissing Russell, who licked me in return.

Leaving the stable, we headed to the coop which housed thirty chickens.

As soon as we entered the coop, we spotted Jake, who was on his knees picking up eggs and putting them into a basket.

‘Oh, Jake, here you are,’ I said, delight in my voice.

‘Xavier, you’re back. Thank God!’ Jake exclaimed, putting down the basket and running over to me.

‘Axel too,’ I reminded him.

‘Hi, Jake,’ Axel said to Jake with a small smile, but Jake ignored him.

‘Whatever. I’m going to die from overwork. Thank God you are back. You have no idea what I have been through this winter. Cooking, feeding the animals, taking care of mum, cleaning the house. Oh God, I’m dying. I can’t finish all these things even if I had forty-eight hours in a day. We would have nothing to eat very soon if you didn’t come back! I have already tied mum up to her bed, so she cannot harm you for now.’

‘I already noticed that. But we can’t keep her tied to her bed forever. What can we do once we untie her?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Jake responded promptly, ‘but the doctor said she is too weak to do anything right now. He advised her to stay in bed.’

‘Did he say why exactly mum fell ill?’ I asked.

‘Well, even the doctor couldn’t explain why she was so sick. She has had a fever on and off for a couple of weeks. She is always tired and weak. I don’t know what happened to her. The doctor gave her some medicine, but so far, no improvement. Oh, by the way, we owe the doctor twenty dollars,’ Jake said slowly, in a weary tone. ‘I’m so glad that you’re back, Xav.’

‘I’m sorry for everything, Jake. I really am. It must have been a very tough time for you, and I will do all that I can to help you. But my biggest concern right now is what will happen once mum recovers. There’s no doubt that she doesn’t want to see us and I don’t want to risk being hurt. So, Axel and I’ll have to leave again,’ I said, resting my hands on Jake’s shoulders.

‘I understand, but there’s nothing I can do. Forget what will happen tomorrow, there’s LOTS of stuff waiting to get done right now. We need to start working; even if we don’t need to eat, our countrymen in Europe need to,’ Jake said.

‘Wow,’ I thought. At that moment, I was astounded by how mature Jake was. He was only thirteen, but he thought of the Canadian soldiers who were fighting in the war. What he said was the last thing I would expect to come out of his mouth.

‘You’re right, Jake. So, what's the plan? Shall we start plowing?’

‘It’s a bit too cold to start on the field right now, I guess. Maybe we should wait for a week or so. Milk the cows for me please,’ Jake said expertly.

‘Jake, I have only been gone for two months, but you have grown so much, mentally I mean. Being the only person running the household is not easy, and I’m so proud of you, Jake. I know I have been a bad brother, but I’ll try to make it up to you.’

‘Ok, enough. I wish all this never happened. And to be honest, I don’t really like that German boy; our family is shattered because of him. Has he put a spell on you, Xav?’ Jake asked bluntly, eying Axel with hostility.

‘Oh, Jake! Hating Axel means hating me. And he didn’t put a spell on me. I fell in love with him, ok? Young man, be careful what you say. If you dare to say that kind of thing again, I’ll leave this place immediately and you’ll never see me again,’ I warned, looking down at him threateningly.

‘Huh? Where can you go?’ Jake snorted, shooting me a dirty glance.

‘Anywhere but here,’ I said, with certainty and anger.

‘Come on, Axel. Let’s get outta here. We’ve a lot of work waiting for us,’ I said to Axel. I then held his hand and together we left the coop, leaving Jake behind.

What Jake said made my blood boil, but I reminded myself he was only thirteen after all, and I decided to forgive him this time.

‘So, Jake no like me?’ Axel asked as we were heading to the cowshed.

‘Um…’ I mumbled, kind of wishing his English wasn’t good enough to understand Jake. ‘Don’t take him seriously, he is just kidding.’

‘I know he no like me. He look me angry,’ Axel continued, sadness written over his face.

‘Oh, Axel, forget it. He didn’t mean what he said.’

‘Ok…’ Axel replied glumly.

‘Not everyone will love us, but we still have each other, that’s all that matters,’ I said, hoping to cheer him up.

I wasn’t sure if he got what I said because he only gave me a faint smile in response.

Soon, we arrived at the cowshed and started our first day of work of 1942.

                                                             *         *         *

Before the sun set, Axel and I went back home to prepare supper. Having cooked at the Williams’ a thousand times, my culinary skills had showed a dramatic improvement. That night, I made tomato spaghetti with chicken breast and according to Jake, it was the most scrumptious food he had had in two months. After finishing his portion, Jake delivered a tray to mum and fed her.

Tying mum up was not as easy and painless as we thought. Jake had tied her up after Axel and I were banished because she was throwing/destroying things, but only for a few hours. This time, she had been held bound for half-a-day, and shamefully, we had kind of forgotten that all humans, literally all, need to pee… and we were told by Jake later that night that mum had wet the bed and he had to help her clean the mess up. So, in the end, we reached the conclusion that chaining mum up was downright impractical and preposterous, and as such, we had to figure out another plan to deal with her threat.. Late at night, Jake and I decided that we would untie mum and we locked her room from the outside by hindering the movement of the doorknob, so hopefully, she could not leave her room (which had an adjoining bathroom).

Another thing that bugged me was once Jake went upstairs to mum, Axel and I had to make absolutely zero noise so as not to trigger any further suspicion from mum that Axel and I were back. And that was totally a pain in the ass. All we could do was sit, keep our mouth shut, and move as little as possible. Oh God, how I wished I could go back to the Williams’. People say home is the best place on earth, but for me, it wasn’t.

Finally, after making sure mum was sound asleep, Jake went to his bedroom and Axel and I retreated to mine. Despite our fatigue, Axel and I chatted for an hour in bed.

‘I afraid mum,’ Axel said, tousling my hair.

‘I think locking her in the room is good enough and she is sick, so she can’t really hurt us,’ I said, feeling invincible in Axel’s arms.

‘Where we go when mum not sick?’ Axel asked.

‘We will have to leave this place behind. I’m thinking of North Bay or Toronto. I have never been to those places but as far as I know, they are big cities like Berlin, lots of tall buildings and traffic,’ I said.

‘Berlin! I like Berlin,’ he added, apparently delighted at the mention of his hometown, the capital of Germany.

Speaking of Berlin, I thought it would be an opportune moment for us to discuss a subject that I had been contemplating for months: does he have the intention of returning to Berlin when the war ends? I never broached the subject because I knew very well that my heart would break instantly if his answer was yes and I was petrified because it was very likely that this would be the answer. I didn’t want to face the truth, but at the end of the day, I had to.

‘Axel, when the war ends, you know…um… that day will come…um…um… will…will you go back to Germany?’ I asked, my heart pounding with anxiety and trepidation.

Seconds turned into minutes which felt like an eternity. I could hear the thud of my own heartbeat sounding loud and clear in my ears and I felt like I was suffocating.

‘Um…’ Axel finally broke the silence. ‘I…I want to.’

Oh my God, my mind screamed.

‘I miss Deutschland (Germany in German), I miss speak German, I miss family and friend. I want go back. I really want.’

Oh, please just stop, my mind begged, sadness raging in my heart.

‘But…but I… I will stay in Canada, because I…I want you… more.’ Axel whispered softly in my ear.

Hearing him say that, the tears couldn’t stop themselves from rolling down my cheeks, but those were tears of pure joy... ...