Like a Train Wreck - 60. Chapter 60: How To Go On

Miracle laid in bed in the white padded room, looking up at the florescent light, having been changed into a white tee shirt and grey sweat pants but he still had his locket around his neck and he clinged to it with a single hand, staring off into nothingness, remembering what happened.

"Miracle!" Erica screamed

"You can't die, not when I just found you." Jeremy whispered and sat up, hugging Miracle close to him. "I'm your father."

Miracle rolled over onto his back and then looked over when the door opened and Aiden walked in.

"Miracle? My god...I heard what happened. Your Mom wanted me to come here for you, I..came with her."

Miracle stared at Aiden. "It's all gone..."

Aiden walked over to the bed and sat down. "I can't even imagine."

"I never thought I could hurt...so bad. I..don't have words...for it." Miracle whispered in a shaky tone, his eyes still filled with tears.

"You're in shock." Aiden rubbed Miracles shoulder.

"I don't know what to do." Miracle breathed heavily, as if he were on the edge of a panic attack. "He didn't think..."

Aiden took Miracle's hand. "You're going to be okay, the best thing you can do tonight, sleep."

Miracle laid there and didn't say anything else.

Aiden sighed and stood up, moving towards the door just as Jeremy opened it and stepped in. Aiden nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"Miracle?" Jeremy walked over, a medium sized card board box in his hands as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

He looked at Jeremy, not even knowing where to begin with processing that, he was having a hard time processing anything, his mind was still to shocked.

"I'm sorry I had to throw the big news at you...among all of this." Jeremy opened the box. "Your Mom wanted me to bring this to you." He pulled out a plastic gold colored music box, circular in shape with a pointed top. "It was yours, when you were little."

Miracle looked at the music box and sat up, taking it and he found the switch underneath. He wound it up and sat it on the side table, a little circus theme began to play from the music box as the top half began to rotate and lift, revealing a carousel, the middle of it made of glass panels and there were white lights built in all around it.

Jeremy watched Miracle, waiting to see how he would react to it.

He stared at the music box, watching it play until the carousel began to lower and soon it stopped. He looked down. "So where were you? What's the story?"

Jeremy looked down. "I signed some papers I shouldn't of signed, it was for a job that came up around the end of my three month term, to find out about the job, you had to sign the papers, then by signing the papers, you pretty much got the job, whether you liked it or not. Because...the details were classified."

Miracle stared at him.

"The CIA...and I couldn't get out of it, by the time I knew what I had gotten into, it was to late. Then I was assigned to Eric's case and when your involvement came up, they agreed to let me go, Eric just had to go to prison...or die first." Jeremy explained.

"That's a shame...because now I just wonder...what could of been." Miracle laid back and looked up at the ceiling. "Now...I'm just lost...so lost and alone."

"You're not alone, you're far from alone." Jeremy reached out and took Miracle's hand. "I am so sorry for what my actions caused, biggest mistake of my life."

"So what happens to me now?" Miracle asked.

"Well, they will keep you, until you're stable and then...we'll decide what to do."

"Stable." Miracle shook his head. "I'll never be that again..."

Jeremy looked down, tears fell down his face. "It's like a knife to the heart, to see you hurt."

"I just want to sleep." Miracle closed his eyes.

Jeremy nodded and stood up and walked towards the door, he opened it and then flipped the light switch off and walked out, closing the door behind him.

January 2010

Miracle sat there, looking around everyone in the group therapy. His eyebrows lifted, feeling nervous.

"Miracle..." Whitney looked over at him and smiled. "Do you feel like sharing today?"

He looked up at Whitney. "Not really..."

Whitney nodded. "You haven't shared once."

"Well, it's no ones business." Miracle looked at Whitney. "I just want to leave...and then I don't."

"Why?" Whitney asked.

"Because...going out, back into the world, it makes it...really real. I have to go on...by myself." Miracle shook his head. "Being in here...is like being on pause and I'm not ready to ever push play."

"Finding independence can be difficult, especially for one who has never had to have it." Whitney looked around.

"Well...if it's difficult, maybe it should stay lost." Miracle got up and walked out of the room and headed down the hall.

"Hey!" Another one of the patients went after Miracle. "My names Jamie." He said.

Miracle stopped and looked out the window at the garden. "What?"

"You sounded like you needed to talk, throwing someone in a group..." He looked away. "It irritates me...I hate group."

"It's because they're to cheap to hire a doctor for everyone." Miracle crossed his arms. "I had one...but she left and had to go back home."

"So, what happened to you?" Jamie asked.

Miracle looked over at Jamie. "My boyfriend...decided to set me free...by shooting himself. He thought if he died...I would be free from everything, the past, all of it. He was wrong..."

Jamie thought about it. "That's messed up..."

"Don't talk to me." Miracle looked out at the garden again.

Jamie shook his head. "Fine, deal yourself." He walked off.

Miracle walked back into his room and shut the door and looked around. "And there's no window! I hate fake lights!" He fell down on his bed and rolled over and curled up.

Whitney walked into the room and shut the door. "I'm sorry, I guess group therapy isn't for you." She walked over and sat down in the chair at the small round table. "Do you want to talk, privately?"

Miracle looked up at her. "I've lost my words..." He sat up. "Don't you understand that? I haven't been able to put a thought together since..." He trailed off.

"Given your history, your diagnosis..." Whitney looked over her chart where she made an overall summary of everything. "Do you feel like you lost your identity?"

"What?" Miracle stared at her.

"Jaemin..." Whitney said. "There have been quite a few deaths that you've gone through in the past two years, yet this one has damaged you so greatly. We need to understand why. That's the first step."

"He took care of me, he was always there..." Miracle looked down and shook his head. "How could I picture my life without him?"

Whitney nodded. "So..when David promised you forever, you searched for it. Jaemin became that. You were older though, that's the difference. You understood."

Miracle stared at her.

Whitney looked down at her file. "As a child, it was easy, simplified. Life wasn't over because there was still a whole world out there to see, now you've seen it, you found what you were looking for."

He looked away from Whitney. "So what does any of that mean? Wouldn't I just repeat the pattern? Do what I did after David?"

"No." Whitney shook her head. "After so many failed attempts, I bet you think there is no other chance, even if you don't realize that is what you think, even if you're not aware, it's a subconscious reaction. Besides, the attachment became so great. Not only was he a lover for you, but a guardian, like David was a parent, he provided that same security, now you've lost it. That's why you want to stay on pause."

Miracle grinned mockingly. "What else do you think, Miss Whitney?"

Whitney looked at Miracle and only offered a kind smile. "That's your guard, you hide behind sarcasm. You've hardly been able to use that since being here, your guard has turned into remaining in the shocked daze, for the most part. What else I think, is that you've always had others to turn to, other guys, when one failed, you always had another, as Jordan has noted. He may have been a bad guy, but he was smart in his assessments. Now you don't have anyone to jump to next...and it's been so long since you've started from nothing, you don't know how. School was your biggest outlet, without that social setting, you know it will be incredibly difficult..to meet."

"So that's my problem? I don't know how to continue my pattern?" Miracle shook his head.

"One problem, mostly your problem is the attachment. Jaemin became a strong figure in your life, the attachment, the bond, it's unimaginable for you to live without after so long. You have to start to build a picture of what could be without him." Whitney explained.

"Sadly, I don't know how to do that, nor do I want to." Miracle waved his hand. "You're dismissed."

Whitney closed the file and stood up. "The longer you resist...the longer the agony will last. Miracle, it's in your hands to decide how long you suffer." She then walked to the door. "And so long as that pain is there, you won't get a window. The temptation to cut yourself with the glass..." She shook her head. "If this is how it's going to be, get used to that..fake light." She walked out.

Miracle frowned and picked up his music box and wound it up and then sat it back on the table, watching it as it began to play.

Erica and Jeremy walked into the lunch room and spotted Miracle at one of the tables. She took Jeremy's hand and headed over and pulled out a chair, sitting down, along side Jeremy.

"Miracle." Erica smiled. "How are you? Are you doing any better? You know we want to bring you home, terribly."

Miracle looked up at his parents. "Are you guys getting back together?" He asked, out of the blue.

Erica's eyes widened and she looked at Jeremy and then at Miracle. "Uh...well, honey, why would you ask? I mean, we got all the legalities out of the way so that my marriage to Craig was legalized."

"Because...maybe I wanted my real family back." Miracle laid the locket on the table. "Look inside, read it."

Erica slowly took the locket and opened it, holding it so that Jeremy could see as they both read it.

"He wants me to be that happy again, then his destiny is fulfilled." Miracle frowned. "We were a family when that picture was taken of me, I think I deserve my two real parents, together, like a real family."

Jeremy looked at Erica. "Miracle, that's asking for a lot." He frowned. "Look, we both really messed up and we would give you anything in the world to make it up as best as we could, but isn't that a little selfish?"

"I know you still love each other. Or at least I know that Mom still loves you. She kept everything, literally everything, every photo, video, every shred of everything from our lives...she clung to all of it." Miracle looked at Erica. "Admit it."

Erica looked down. "I will always love your father, there will never be another him. And those times, they were the happiest of my life...but it's not fair for me to drop Craig just because he came back."

"I don't care, be selfish, we all deserve to be selfish." Miracle looked between them. "When I get out, I want that life back."

"Miracle, we can't recreate it." Jeremy shook his head. "Erica doesn't even have the house anymore."

"So get it back!" Miracle burst out. "Buy it back, make who ever lives there, make them leave, buy them off."

Jeremy shared a glance with Erica and took a deep breath. "Miracle, how are you doing? Your progress?"

"Change the subject." He looked away. "Well I started following the rules, except the group thing, I won't do it and Miss Whitney just has to accommodate me." He crossed his arms. "It's so hard...to break the attachment. She gives me ideas for my life on the outside, a job, being with family, getting involved with the community."

Miracle rolled his eyes. "I try to listen, I really try to give it a chance, I think about things, I just...every time I think about getting out, I think about my options of the first guy I could run to. Ryder, Aiden..." He shrugged. "Hell, even Kevin is an option. I have options, she doesn't think that I do."

"But, Miracle, that's not right. If you do that, your pattern continues. What if you get attached again? And what if it becomes just as strong as Jaemin? And then something happens? You go through all of that again. Sure, I am sure all of what happened traumatized you, but I think that Jaemin dying, I think that is what really broke you." Erica reached out and laid her hand on Miracles.

"She's right, you need to learn to form healthy relationships, not follow a pattern based on your sickness." Jeremy leaned closer. "It sets you up for more pain."

"And what are healthy relationships? How do I tell if I'm falling in love the healthy way or the sick way?" Miracle looked at them.

"Well, for starters, there are boundaries, people set boundaries." Erica said. "For example, classic example. The three date case. You meet someone and you go to public places, like a movie or dinner or you can do both, and in whatever order. Either way, you always keep it public, it's about getting to know the person." Erica took a deep breath. "And then usually, the third date, that's the walk to the door and...the first kiss but then you go in alone, depending on who's being dropped off. Either way the person who's at home, goes in alone and then...well, after that, it's up to you to set your pace."

Jeremy slowly nodded. "And to further elaborate, if you feel like diving in, that's not healthy, that's your pattern, that's when you need to step back and resist...and think."

Miracle listened to both of them. "Resistance isn't my strongest quality."

Jeremy reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture. "I found this at the house...and I held onto it and..I know it's going against your doctors orders but...I thought you might like to have it."

Erica's eyes widened and she grabbed Jeremy's wrist. "There's a reason the doctor has that rule."

Jeremy looked at Erica. "Memories are not bad."

"Yeah, but do you know what all of our memorabilia did? I obsessed over it...for years." Erica sighed and let his wrist go.

Jeremy shook his head and slid the picture across the table, it was of Miracle sitting in the living room of Craig's house with Jaemin and Issac at either side of him.

Erica looked at Miracle with a worried expression, worried that this might make him cling.

Miracle slowly picked up the picture and looked at it. His face tensed up and immediately, he wanted to cry.

"You see? I told you." Erica mumbled.

Jeremy watched Miracle.

Miracle's breath quickly picked up, his eyes widened and his eyes shifted back and forth between Issac and Jaemin. He then closed his eyes and laid the picture down. "I want it." He pushed the picture back across the table. "I'm supposed to let go..."

Erica reached across the table and grabbed Miracle's hand, wanting to cry herself.

Jeremy took the picture. "I'm sorry..." He looked down at it and put it back into his pocket.

"I need to go." Miracle stood up and walked off, the sound of soft crying being left behind and faded as he left his parents sight.

Jamie walked into Miracle's room. "Hey. You got upset...at visiting time, so I thought I would check on you."

Miracle sat on his bed, hugging his pillow to his chest with his legs pulled up. "The staff will freak if they catch you. I'm not supposed to have guys in my room..."

Jamie's eyebrows lifted. "Oh...I didn't know...that."

"I wish this room were full of smashable things, I could just spend all my time, smashing." He looked at his music box. "Takes everything in me not to smash that."

Jamie walked over to sit on Miracle's bed. "Well I brought you something."

Miracle looked over at Jamie. "What?"

Jamie handed him a piece of drawing paper, it was two arms stretched out from each side with two hands clasped in the middle. "It's so...you can see love."

Miracle took the picture and looked at it. "That's nice." He shook his head. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful...but I don't know if I believe in love anymore."

"Can I see your locket?" Jamie asked.

Miracle looked down and then sat the paper aside and leaned forward, grabbing the locket to show it to him without taking it off. He then opened it.

Jamie read the front of it and then looked at the picture on the inside and then read what it said on the inside. "That's really beautiful." He looked up. "How can you not believe in love..after having that kind of love?"

Miracle closed the locket and sat back. "Because, that kind of love happens once...and then never again." He took a deep breath. "I just keep wondering what he would say to me right now, what he would tell me to do, how he would make it better.."

"Miracle..." Jamie looked up at him. "If you take that love...and let it make you a slave...and then let it kill you inside...you take that love and you make it everything but love."

Miracle looked at Jamie. "That makes sense."

Jamie grabbed the piece of paper. "If you do that, you take this..." He held up the drawing. "And you might as well draw slit wrists bleeding out...and then rip it in half."

Miracle stared at the drawing.

"He wanted you to be free, he wanted you to be happy. The locket says so, being here, it makes you far from free and you're even further from happy, so far from happy. In here, you don't even stand a chance. This is just a place to wallow in it."

"But I'm scared to be alone. I can't face the world alone..." Miracle shook his head.

"Then he failed you, can you live with that?" Jamie asked.

Miracle looked down and started crying and he shook his head.

"Then go out, face the world, find a way to overcome the fears, the best way you can, make it work...and you'll find your way." Jamie nodded.

March 2010

Miracle sat in the back seat, looking out at the desolate yet beautiful fields, hills and mountains as Jeremy drove down the country road, he looked at his Mom who sat in the passenger seat.

"So, middle of no where, Colorado? Keep me far away from everything dangerous?" Miracle looked up and briefly grinned.

"We just thought that thrusting you back into the city and...the memories would be a bad idea, somewhere new, it would be nice. Trust us, we have a plan." Jeremy said.

Miracle looked over as they pulled onto this rather lengthy gravel drive way that lead to a small one story blue house. Jeremy pulled around and parked in front of the house. "This is it." He got out.

"It's cute." Erica said as she got out, along with Miracle. She shut the door and walked around the front of the car.

"Two bed, one bath, a cozy living room, fire place and a little kitchen, not much to it, but I felt something less spacious would feel less lonely." Jeremy said.

"Less lonely?" Miracle approached, concerned. "Why would loneliness be an issue? Though it would be kind of nice if I could at least have a friend."

Jeremy looked at Miracle. "Because the plan is for you...to live here."

"Me? By myself?" Miracle looked at the house. "Are you crazy?"

"Not immediately. Erica's had her chance to be with you again, full time, I haven't. I'm going to stay, help you get a job, get you adjusted, I'll teach you and...get a routine and...prepare you." Jeremy walked over and rubbed Miracle's shoulder to comfort him.

"I'm in such a fragile state...and you want to work on...teaching me..." He trailed off.

"Miracle, you can't hide behind that forever. This was the point of getting you out of that facility, we didn't bring you here just so you could curl up here like you did there. I'm not going to rush you, trust me, I plan to help you, very carefully."

Miracle looked at the house. "Even Jaemin didn't think we were prepared to run a house..."

"Did he ever say you never would be?" Jeremy asked.

Miracle shook his head. "No." Miracle sighed. "Okay, I'll do this...but you have to make me feel safe." Miracle paused. "And I want at least one friend."

"I'm your father, that's my job...and I failed at it, I won't do that this time." Jeremy shook his head. "Miracle, which friend? They are all in school, how can they drop their lives for you? See...that's something else you need to learn. The world doesn't revolve around you. I'm sorry if that sounds mean or harsh."

Miracle suddenly began to gasp air as his eyes watered. "I don't have a single friend." He looked away.

Miracle sat on the bed in his room and looked at the wooden walls. "Great, where's all the hillbillies and the hunters?" He took out his cell phone and selected Jasmine's name and laid the phone down.

"Hello?" Jasmine answered. "Oh my god! Miracle, are you okay?! I heard everything! I was so worried about you! I called and I called and then it started just going to voice mail!

"They confiscated my phone at the facility...now I'm living with my Dad, my real Dad. He left, took my Mom back to the airport so she could go back to New York." Miracle cried. "I don't have anyone here..."

"What about Cody?"

"I don't even know where he's at, some dope house between New York and Tennessee, God only knows that." Miracle wiped his face. "I wish I knew, he doesn't have responsibilities."

"Why don't we mess with Ashley some more? Will that cheer you up?" Jasmine suggested, hoping that it would.

"Okay, you call it..." Miracle covered his face in his hands as he listened to the rings.

"Hello?" Sterling answered.

"Put Ashley on the phone." Jasmine said in a firm, demanding tone.

Miracle's hands fell from his face.

"Ashley is in prison." Sterling said.

A slow grin appeared on Miracle's face and he started laughing. "What did she do? Protest a satanist cave?!"

"No, she had Issac prisoner, I found the chains in the basement, the lunch she had for him, as molded as it was by the time I found it, everything. Rachel spilled her guts to keep her immunity deal. Funny thing is...and I never admitted this to you, Miracle. I never did remember the first night we slept together." Sterling explained.

"So I was right! She hypnotized you!" Miracle's smile then slowly faded at the realization that Ashley had been the one to hold Issac prisoner, thinking about how they had sent the cops to her house, how he could of been saved.

"I heard about everything that happened, Miracle. I'm really sorry that you had to go through all that." Sterling frowned.

"Yeah...and now what Ashley said has come to pass. What if I do end up all alone, what will I do? I don't even have the slightest idea. I have no one who can come here, no friend that can be with me, you all have lives and responsibilities, it's just like I said..I'm a fingerprint of the past, I didn't move on, like I should of."

"Miracle, we are so sorry that you hurt so bad...but maybe that is the point, you have to start new, like the rest of us." Jasmine said.

Miracle's voice started to crack up. "I got to go." He then disconnected the call and laid down, hugging a pillow close to himself and shut his eyes tightly.

Jeremy walked into the room with two mugs of hot chocolates. "I take it you're not in the mood for any...hot chocolate."

Miracle cried, holding the pillow tighter. "I'm not in the mood for anything. I just want to fall apart, I want...my body to break...like a mirror."

Jeremy walked over and sat the mugs on the night stand and sat on the edge of the bed and he rubbed Miracle's back.

"How could he...Didn't he think?!" Miracle sat up and rolled off the bed and stood up. "Didn't he fucking think!" He grabbed his television remote and threw it at the wall. "He knew I had no one! He knew...I would have no one left..."

Jeremy stood up and walked over to Miracle and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"He didn't think...he didn't think of any of that..." Miracle cried in his fathers arms.

Miracle woke up the next day at the sound of a light knock on his door frame. He rolled over and saw Jamie standing there. "What are you doing here? They let you out?" He sat up.

"Full of coincidences, huh? I live in this town, I saw your father at the grocery store, talked to him." Jamie stepped further inside. "Nice room."

"No comparison to the one I had before, not like I got to enjoy that one for very long." Miracle shook his head. "What time is it?"

"One, in the afternoon, I figured I would wait, in case you were a late sleeper." He sat on the edge of the bed.

"So...what were you in there for, anyway?" Miracle asked.

"Mom hired men to stage a home invasion to kill my Dad for his life insurance, they kidnapped her, to make sure that she held up her end of the bargain. They thought I was traumatized." Jamie shook his head. "I didn't give a damn either way. My mental illness, whatever it is, well I lack empathy, it takes a lot to pull it out of me, something special."

"Huh. I feel way to much." Miracle looked off to the side.

"I could tell." Jamie said. "Feelings attract me, since I can hardly feel myself, I like to hear other peoples feelings."

"Well, mine are long and complicated." Miracle stood up and walked out of his room, Jamie following, as he moved down the short hall and into the living room.

"Listen, Jamie...thanks for stopping by...but I'm going to go out." Miracle opened the door and after Jamie walked out, he followed him.

Miracle walked into a small corner bar, it was a small town, typical place a person could find, a couple of pool tables and a row of booths in the back. He walked over to the bar and sat down.

Andy, the bar tender had been wiping down the counter and looked up, a smile appeared. "What can I get you?"

"A margarita...." Miracle said.

"You got ID?" Andy asked.

Miracle's head fell onto his arm which folded on the counter. "I'm trying to play the part of the hopeless drunk with no life." He mumbled and then sat up. "So can't ya break a law for me?"

Andy grinned. "For someone that seems hopeless, that's kind of amusing."

"Humor...it's how I deal." Miracle sighed.

"I'm actually getting off." Andy said.

Miracle looked at him. "Does it feel good?"

"Getting off? Of course, I hate the work." Andy said.

Miracle grinned. "And when does the work pay off?"

"Mondays." Andy said.

Miracle slowly nodded. "So that's your favorite day to...get off?"

Andy grinned and his eyes slightly narrowed. "Okay, Mr. Innuendo. Do you want to go somewhere that might make your day a little bit brighter?"

"No where could make my day...or my life brighter. You could put me on NASA and send me crashing into the sun and not even the tiniest of light would touch me." Miracle frowned.

Andy frowned. "What happened? If you don't mind, that is."

"I just lost everything." Miracle looked away and then looked down. "I don't know who to be now, where to go, what direction...I tied so much of that into..." Miracle looked up. "..into him."

Andy looked down, quietly. "So..in other words, you're a blank canvas with no idea what to put on it?"

"I'm just a nobody in a no where town." Miracle mumbled. "What sucks about it the most is that no one ever believed in me before, who says they will now? When I need them to the most."

Miracle walked into the psychiatrists office and sat down, then he stared at her. "So what's the deal?"

"Well, first medication should be in order, a cocktail as we normally call them." The psychiatrist stated. "My name is Sharon by the way."

"Hm...yeah, throw pills at me, read my file, see what I did with them before." Miracle shook his head.

"Well, I am trusting that your father will keep them in his possession until you're deemed fit capable to handle them on your own." Sharon sighed as she looked at her prescription pad.

"I think Klonopin for your anxiety, stress and outbursts, as needed, but I'll give you a months supply, given your history." She jotted it down. "Lithium, lamotrigine, risperdal and remeron." She jotted this all down and tore the prescription off, keeping her copy in the files. "Might seem like a lot to start off, but...I'll want to try taking one or two away in a couple of months to see if you handle it okay." Sharon explained.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Why don't you just toss the highest dose of ambien in there so I sleep all the time, that would be nice." Miracle frowned. "Because I sleep...and yet I don't feel like I sleep at all...and my eyes are always dry and sticky, as if I've always just gotten over crying when I haven't."

Sharon hesitated but then she wrote a prescription for a low dose of ambien and tore that off and laid it on her desk next to the first prescriptions. "So..do you feel like you've progressed at all?"

"I feel like that train might as well have hit me." Miracle looked at Sharon. "I mean...I'm out of that shocked state, sure, but I'm right back to putting my walls up, hiding behind whatever pathetic, sad, sarcasm I can muster up, and when I don't feel sad, I just feel dead inside." Miracle looked down.

"Truthfully, I don't know what to do with myself, I have no one, I have no direction, I am no one." Miracle finished.

"You tied everything that you were into Jaemin, he was always there, the leader...and you followed." Sharon said, observingly.

"Yeah, and yada yada, I know, it goes to David, he was the big strong man, I was the child, the follower, I've heard it a million times. Difference is...I could deal. Now..."

"Now you're faced with having to grow up, by yourself. You have family, but...it's not like the romantic love you had with Jaemin, or even the sexual experiences you had with David, so that doesn't seem as intimate...or close." Sharon suggested.

"The thing is...I don't feel like trying anymore. David promised me, love and forever and I found the one that could make that promise come true...and he broke it." Miracle shook his head. "Why bother looking anymore? It's different if you go through a bunch of people who don't really care, but once you find that one person..."

"That repeat." Sharon said.

"Exactly...and it fails...why look again?" Miracle shrugged.

"Maybe you don't focus on that, maybe it's time for you to learn that there is more to life, that there is a person that exists within you, a person that doesn't need another person to identify himself with."

Miracle looked at Sharon and then looked out of the window. "You mean...it's time to...love myself."