Standing In Shadows - 32. Chapter 32

SIS 32

After helping Jenny clean up the garage I glanced back across the two lawns to Clinton’s house. His truck and the boat were still gone. Sighing, I walked around the side of the house to my car with Jenny still holding my hand. Her eyes had become red and puffy from all the crying. I wanted to hug her, but the summer heat had me sweaty and in need of a shower.

“I wonder where Andy and Keith have been all day, I figured they’d be here making a mess of things,” I said glancing down at our hands. She had small hands with short fingernails. They had always fit perfectly in mine and when I looked back up I saw her studying me.

“You’ve not talked to them?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I think they’re scared to come around,” I said offering her a smile. “Afraid Dad would lay into them after they lied to him the other night.”

“Chicken shits,” Jenny said smiling, “do you want to have another movie night soon?”

“Aren’t your parents due home this evening?” I asked glancing towards the house. I wondered after they arrived if I would be welcomed here anymore. Part of me also worried that Andy and Keith’s parents were the reason they hadn’t come by, that they didn’t approve of me anymore.

“They won’t care about you being gay Corey,” Jenny said wrapping me into a hug. I saw her nose wrinkle when she looked up at me, but I wrapped her into a hug anyway. “If they do, I’ll tell them off.”

“Don’t start fights with your parents over me,” I said rolling my eyes. “I’m okay with people not liking me.”

“How could anyone not like you?” Jenny whispered as she broke the hug.

“I guess I’m a lucky bastard,” I said frowning slightly, “if anyone deserves to hate me, it’s you.”

“Shut up,” she hissed smacking me on the shoulder. “Stop beating yourself up, you can’t change who you are.”

“I know,” I said, “I led you on.”

“If you want punished for that, you owe me a dance at Prom,” she said, “if you bring it up again, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Like to see you try,” I countered smirking.

“You have two very vulnerable things hanging between your legs,” she whispered trying not to smile. “And I fight dirty.”

“Good to know,” I said swallowing as she laughed.

“Don’t stop coming around,” she said letting go of me and stepping back. “Please.”

“I promise,” I said, “I probably should go wait for Mary.”

“You better hope your Mom doesn’t kick your ass,” Jenny countering as I reached behind me and opened the door.

“Shit,” I said shaking my head. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Good luck,” she said smiling. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” I said feeling my face flush. Jenny smiled and I watched her walk back to her front porch before I slid into the driver’s side and was backing out of the drive when I noticed Clinton’s truck, with the boat, pulling into their driveway. Looking around to make sure no one was coming, I watched as he stepped out. He had his back to me as he watched Robert walk around the front of the truck. When he nudged Clinton I smiled and started driving. Then they both saw me and Clinton waved for me to stop. I saw Robert’s smile falter. Although they were supportive of him, I couldn’t help thinking that I was just a slightly better alternative than Cj. That I was still the person that Clinton was with. Not having room in the driveway, I just stopped and rolled down my window as he jogged over.

“Hi,” he said, glancing over his shoulder to where Robert stood. His cheeks were red, but being out of the sun all day, I couldn’t tell if he was sunburned or blushing.

“Hi,” I said offering him a small smile when he turned back to me.

“Sneak out later,” Clinton whispered smiling.

“For what?” I asked and his eyes widened slightly.

“I want to see you, we’ve not been able to talk since,” he said not finishing the thought. Both our parents seemed to have really picked up on the protectiveness. I had a curfew, I was sure he had one now too.

“I know,” I said and I saw Robert push himself off the truck and start walking towards us.

“Try?” Clinton asked hearing Robert’s footsteps on the loose gravel of his driveway.

“I’ll try,” I said smiling.

“At the tree then,” he whispered and then he stepped back when Robert stepped out onto the road and leaned into the window.

“Hello Corey,” he said offering me a smile. “Been helping Jenny with those pups today, right?”

“Yes, just finished up,” I said as he held out his hand for me to shake. Awkwardly, I took my hand off the wheel and shook his hand and he nodded glancing over at Clinton.

“Do you want to come in for some lemonade?” He asked and I looked over at Clinton, who seemed to relax slightly.

“I better get on home,” I said, “I need to shower and wait for someone to come by, I let them have Trouble.”

“Your little dog, right?” Robert asked and I nodded.

“Yes sir,” I said and I saw Robert grimace and Clinton smirk.

“Well Clinton here has a curfew,” Robert said recovering and this time I saw Clinton grimace.

“I have one too,” I offered feeling my face flush.

“Midnight,” Clinton said, “during the summer anyway.”

“Ten for me,” I said, “or that’s Dad’s curfew for me, Mom’s is Midnight.”

“Dad tried ten on me too,” Clinton said and I saw Robert elbow him.

“It’s more to do with everyone else and not you boys,” Robert said his voice strained. “If we knew you’d be safe.”

“I know,” I said, “Mom had the same talk with me last night.”

“It is something the four of us discussed,” Robert said offering me a small smile. “Your Dad is still a stubborn old ass.”

“Yeah,” I agreed then headlights popped around the curve and slowed to a stop a few yards away.

“Well, see you around, better get out of the road,” Robert said and I waved and watched as Clinton and Robert jogged back to their truck.

After a quick shower I had just gathered up all of Trouble’s things when someone knocked on the door. Being alone I felt my stomach tighten. Mom was probably getting out of work soon, but I expected Dad to already be home. When I opened the door and saw Mary I relaxed and offered her a smile.

“Hi,” I greeted and let her into the Apartment. The bag with Trouble’s things was on the couch.

“Hi again,” she said smiling. “I remember you now.”

“You do?” I asked my mind going back to the guy that graduated a few years earlier.

“You’re all over the trophy cases at the High School,” she said, “I’m taking over for Mrs. Towns, the retired Chemistry and Biology teacher.”

“Oh, nice,” I said relaxing.

“My husband and I grew up here, big fans of the football team,” she went on, with the same longing sadness masked by her polite smile.

“How long has he been deployed?” I asked and she studied me a moment.

“About eight months this time,” she answered, “he’s due back at the end of the month.”

“Oh, that’s good,” I said and she smiled. Then I turned and grabbed the bag with Trouble’s things. It was heavier than I remembered so I kept hold of them.

“Well I better get back down there,” Mary said nodding towards the door. “He’ll be out of his booster seat if I leave him long.”

“Sounds like him and Trouble will get along nice then,” I said causing her to laugh.

“It really was a sweet thing you did,” she said reaching for the bags in my arms.

“I’ll take them,” I offered, “my mom would kill me if I didn’t.”

“Alright then,” she said smiling as she led the way outside and down the stairs to their car. Like she said, Darren was most of the way out of his booster seat and Trouble was bouncing around in the back seat. Mary popped the trunk and I put the bags in and closed it for her as she opened the back door and put Darren back into his seat.

“Well that does it,” I said glancing down at Trouble seeing that she noticed me and tried to wiggle around Mary to get out of the car. Before Mary could close the door she had to put Trouble back into the seat. With an excited bark Trouble started clawing at the window and I reached up and put my fingers against the glass.

“Guess I’ll be seeing you at school this fall,” she said, causing me to look over at her. I let my hand fall to my side.

“Yeah,” I said, “you’ll like teaching at our school I think.”

“Have a nice evening,” she said smiling, “you can come by and see her anytime you like.”

“I will,” I said and she patted my shoulder and walked around the front of the car. I stepped back and watched her back out of the parking spot and into the street.

When they were gone I walked back across the narrow street to the stairs when I saw Dad pull up. Waving me over he rolled down the windows and leaned across the seat. We hadn’t talked a whole lot without Mom hovering over us. I had avoided him without her in the room and made an excuse to go do something else and he had done the same thing.

“I was just about to go to the field,” Dad said turning down the radio in his truck. “I was wondering if you wanted to help.”

“Mom put you up to it?” I asked and frowned when he shot me a glare.

“No, she didn’t,” he answered, “just get your ass in the truck.”

“Fine,” I said knowing it was hours until I could sneak away with Clinton anyway. Knowing Dad would put me to work, I grimaced thinking I just took a shower for nothing.

“Did you lock that mutt up in your room?” Dad asked as I closed the door and fumbled with my seatbelt.

“I just gave her away,” I answered looking straight ahead.

“That’s good,” he said after a short pause. “That was a very grown up thing to do, she wouldn’t have had a good life with us.”

“I figured as much,” I said glancing at him expecting to see his cold blue eyes still glaring at me for my earlier remarks. Instead he looked like he was studying me. When I didn’t turn away he looked behind us and put the truck in reverse and looked around for traffic before he backed out onto the road.

Not living as far away from the field, didn’t allow for an uneasy quiet to fall on us, like most trips with my Dad involved. Instead he turned the music back up a little and tapped his fingers against the wheel as we started towards the high school.

When we arrived he shoved the truck in park and got out before either of us could say anything. He glanced at me and I knew he was going through what he wanted to say to me, the entire point of dragging me out here, in his head. I knew he would come out and say it when he got angry enough at himself for being scared to tell me what was on his mind. Usually it didn’t take as long as this and we would be in the middle of an argument by now.

After that night and so many strained talks with Mom in the room, he seemed to be thinking over his words carefully. When he shook his head and started towards the field I followed him. He held the chain link gate open for me and I looked around. The grass had greened up after the storm and had been cut. The groundsmen had also put the first coat of paint on the grass of the year just in time for practice.

“You’re going to miss this place,” he said and I turned to see him studying me again. “You probably hate football because of me, but you’ll miss this.”

“I kind of already do,” I said holding up my arm.

“That’s good,” he added looking at my cast grimacing, “so I didn’t fail completely by you.”

“Do you really think you have?” I asked surprised that he was blaming himself and not me.

“Let’s go see if the raccoons have moved back in,” he answered, “I’ve had a hell of a time with them.”

“Alright,” I said swallowing hard against the tightness forming in my throat. I didn’t want to show him how bad the unanswered question hit me. So I walked slower than he did. Usually he would turn around and tell me to pick up the pace, but he ignored me until we got to the heavy metal doors. He unlocked them with a key on his keychain and pushed the door open with his shoulder.

When he hit the lights, they hummed a few moments before they started to come on one by one. There was always one on the far corner that flickered every few seconds. When I looked up and saw that it still flickered I smiled, nothing ever changed here.

“It always stinks in here,” Dad said, “I’ve been on the board’s ass about a new weight room for years.”

“Maybe if you win the championship this season,” I countered and he looked over at me.

“This shit hole will be here forever,” he said smirking. “They want us to win championships and we have this to get you guys in shape with.”

“It’s worked so far,” I countered looking around for any signs of raccoons. There were a few stray dead leaves on the floor and the place did stink, but it was from mold and moisture. It had smelled like this since I started coming with Dad when I was in youth league, back when I still liked to play football. It was before he was my coach and he had been proud of me. Especially when I got big enough to start working out on a few of the less dangerous pieces of equipment like the treadmills.

“Do you remember when Keith almost killed Andy on the bench press?” Dad asked turning to look at me.

“Andy didn’t have to try to lift that much,” I answered smiling as I remembered.

“Damn near gave me a heart attack and a hernia,” he added causing me to laugh.

“Do you think we’ll be good this year?” I asked leaning against an old treadmill. Dad tried a few of the large fans plugged into the wall. It helped ventilate the room and caused a nice breeze on the hotter days, but it was never really cool in here. When one didn’t come on he kicked it with his foot and when it started he shrugged.

“I think we will be,” he answered not looking at me. “Cameron will be okay, but I’d rather you be out there.”

“He’s just as good,” I countered and frowned when Dad shot me a look.

“I’d rather you be out there because it is your last year,” he said, “I know Cameron will be fine, but it’s always been me and you.”

“I know,” I said as he shook his head. Cameron was a senior too and had played behind me all through High School. Only getting playing time if I had a minor injury or we had a big lead. I had felt sorry for him having to watch and wait.

“I hate that you don’t even seem to care,” Dad said, “that this was all for nothing.”

“I told you I would miss it,” I said glaring at him.

“This isn’t what I wanted to talk about,” Dad sighed looking around the weight room. He turned off all the fans after he was satisfied the racoons hadn’t returned.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked feeling my heart race and my stomach turn. Mom wasn’t here to moderate now, he could say what he wanted.

“I told you how I suspected something was wrong with you,” Dad said looking away when I grimaced. “Sorry, I don’t know how to talk about this.”

“Just try not to sound like I have some sort of mental problem or anything,” I countered smirking when he looked up at me, his cold eyes wide.

“Alright,” he said reaching up he turned the lights off and held the metal door open for me. When we stepped back out, the air wasn’t much better outside. It had been humid all day, but at least the smell of mold was gone. “Tell me when.”

“When what?” I asked watching him lock up behind us.

“When did you and that boy start,” he asked his eyes squinting. “Was he the reason for all this?”

“Clinton?” I asked and he shot me a look.

“Just how many more are there you little shit?” Dad asked his face turning red.

“Greg,” I answered and he shot me a glare.

“I knew it,” Dad hissed, “I knew it as soon as I saw those damned flip-flops.”

“Dad,” I said trying not to laugh. “Don’t tell his Grandmother or anything.”

“I just want to know why you weren’t careful, why he mattered enough for all this shit,” Dad said as we walked to the first goal post. He inspected the padding on the pole to make sure it was still cushioned and hadn’t rotted any.

“I don’t know,” I said and he looked at me.

“Did any of those girls make you think about changing your mind?” Dad asked not sounding too hopeful. He was smart enough to know that it didn’t work that way, but I couldn’t help understanding the reason he asked. That he wouldn’t want me going through everything that I have so far. That I would be someone he understood.

“No,” I answered. “When it finally sank in that no girl could change my mind, I just started getting scared.”

“Scared of what?” Dad asked and I smiled at him.

“That you would find out and kick my ass,” I answered and he smiled and looked across the field to the other goal post.

“I wish you would have waited until you graduated,” Dad said still looking out across the field.

“I’m sorry I embarrass you,” I said and he shot me a glare.

“You have never embarrassed me,” Dad growled, “it’s everyone else, this fucked up small town.”

“Have you been having trouble?” I asked and he shook his head. What Amber had said earlier came rushing back. He seemed to be sheltering me as well and I wondered what people had been saying.

“I just figured it would be better for you,” Dad said, “if you had waited until you were in college and could step out from behind all this.”

“I thought you wanted me to remember all this?” I asked and he let out a breath of air and reached up scratching the back of his head.

“I wanted you to be Corey in college, not Corey the football star, son of a coach,” Dad answered. “You don’t even know how big of an impact you have on this shit hole.”

“Not really,” I said, “mostly because you never…”

“I know,” he interrupted, “I never let you think you were good enough.”

“So you did that for my benefit?” I asked trying not to sound angry.

“Don’t give me credit, I’m just a hardass,” he answered dropping his hand back to his side turning to look at me.

“Okay,” I said after a silence fell between us. The sun was almost completely set and the lightning bugs were starting to come out of their hiding places. I looked up to see bats darting around and bugs flying around the lights that lit up the football field every night not matter what was happening at the school.

“Don’t let anyone give you shit,” Dad said studying me. “Mom won’t like this, but kick their asses.”

“Do you think I’ll have to?” I asked and again he shook his head.

“Probably a few,” He answered and started walking across the field towards the gate.

“I expected as much,” I said and he looked over at me.

“You’re more confident now than you’ve ever been,” Dad said, “I expected you to fall apart.”

“I know who I am now,” I answered shrugging.

“I’m sorry if I held you back from that,” Dad said, “you’re nothing like your old man.”

“I am a little bit,” I said causing him to smirk.

“Mom says all the bad is me,” Dad said, “the stubbornness and all that.”

“Mom is just as stubborn,” I said causing him to laugh.

“I’ll let her know you think so,” Dad countered, “no reason for me to be the only one in the dog house.”

“I’ll probably be there on my own,” I said, “after giving Trouble away.”

“Yeah,” Dad said grabbing my shoulder as we approached the gate. He surprised me by wrapping me into a hug. It was so brief that I didn’t have time to relax before he pulled away, but kept his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t say I love you enough. I thought after a certain age a son didn’t need to hear it to know.”

“I don’t say it either,” I countered and he looked away.

“Let’s not get into the habit of it, just know that I do,” Dad said and for the first time I heard a true weakness in his voice.

“People would think we were weird anyway,” I said causing him to laugh and open the gate. He held it open for me and I walked through it and kept walking to the truck hearing him behind me. When we were in he backed out of the parking lot and headed towards home. It was already past nine and I wondered if Clinton had been able to sneak out of his house yet. He probably wouldn’t have as much trouble as I expected. I knew I couldn’t sneak away from Dad either.

When we arrived back home Mom was home. When Dad and I stepped through the door together her eyebrows creased, but she didn’t say anything. She was nearly finished cooking dinner and had the plates set up.

“Where have you two been?” Mom asked as she unwrapped the baked potatoes from the aluminum foil and put them on three plates.

“Doing a last good check of the field,” Dad answered stepping around the counter. They did an awkward dance around the small kitchen until he was finally able to get to the refrigerator to get a beer.

“Where’s Trouble?” Mom asked looking across the small living room to me.

“Don’t get mad,” I said and I saw her shoot a look towards Dad.

“I had nothing to do with it,” Dad said through a swig of beer.

“After all the other puppies were adopted someone else came,” I said feeling my voice tighten slightly. Knowing Dad would grimace I swallowed and stepped up to the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. “She had a young son, Darren, his father is deployed and she wanted a puppy to help her get him through that and Trouble was all there was.”

“Oh Corey,” Mom whispered putting down the pan she had used to cook the baked potatoes on and stepped around the bar. I looked over her shoulder as she wrapped me into a hug and saw Dad give me a thumbs up.

“It will be okay, she’ll have a fun time with him,” I said patting Mom on the back. She broke the hug and wiped at her eyes smiling.

“We’ll get you another puppy,” Mom said and I saw Dad slam the beer can down.

“Now Cora,” Dad started, “a puppy won’t have any sort of life here when his ass is gone to college.”

“I don’t really want another puppy,” I said trying not to smile.

“Fine,” Mom said rolling her eyes. “I would argue, but it seems I’m out numbered.”

“Yeah,” I said and she studied me.

“I think that’s the first time that’s happened since you started High School,” Mom countered walking around the small counter to put green beans and a salad on the table.

“Can I go out tonight?” I asked as Mom grabbed a pitcher of lemonade. She kept hold of it as she studied me, the condensation dripping down her fingers to the floor.

“You have a curfew,” Dad said glancing down at his watch. “We’re having a late dinner as it is, you just need to stay home.”

“But I’ve not seen...” I said, but closed my mouth. I wasn’t about to ask them permission to go see Clinton. If I had time to sneak out, I would have at least tried to. Although if I had been caught it would have been bad. I hated not letting them know anyway, knowing they would worry a lot more now than they ever did before.

“Honey,” Mom said finally setting the lemonade down. She turned to get what turned out to be chicken out of the oven. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“He’ll probably be out there waiting for me soon,” I said feeling my face flush. I refused to look at Dad, knowing if I did I’d lose my nerve. I could see him tensing up from the corner of my vision anyway.

“Where?” Dad asked and I grimaced.

“River,” I answered frowning, “beside a large shade tree where he hid the motorcycle.”

“What motorcycle?” Mom asked as she laid the baked chicken out on our plates.

“I didn’t tell you?” I asked, “He bought my motorcycle from that guy.”

“That sweetheart,” Mom answered and I heard dad groan.

“He can’t ride it,” I said, “I think he’s in trouble over it.”

“As he should be,” Mom said, “silly boy.”

“Mom,” I groaned and she smiled as she sat down at the table. “Can I go?”

“No,” Dad answered cocking an eyebrow.

“Not tonight honey,” Mom said pointing to the third chair at the table. I sighed walking over to the table and sat down at my plate.

“I’ll call Robert,” Dad said standing up. I watched as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket and walk around the table. I figured he’d just stay at the table, but when he walked around the counter and stepped outside, closing the door behind him I turned back to Mom. She wasn’t looking at the front door though, she was studying me.

“What’s going on?” I asked my stomach turning, “It’s not that big of a deal is it?”

“No,” she answered offering me a smile. “Just give it a few days Corey, please. To settle our nerves a little, okay?”

“Yeah,” I said and she reached over and patted me on the arm. I was already thinking of ways to sneak out of the house though, knowing Clinton wouldn’t be giving up so easily.