Believe - 6. Chapter 6

BORIS POV

“Babe, listen, you smell real good and you taste wonderful,” he said with a kiss on my neck.

Here we were, in his room, me lying down and him in between my legs. I wouldn't lie I was turned on. Even knowing that Siam wasn't bothered by us not showering, didn't help unravel the knot that had formed in my stomach. I really wanted him to do anything and everything he wanted to me, but I couldn't help the feeling that I was missing something. Something really important. But it wasn't the real reason I was hesitating.

“Really Si, …. I mean do I real...really smell good?” I asked. I hoped my voice wasn't shaking but even I could hear it was.

“Yeah, but if you still want me to stop I will. No pressure.”

I didn't want him to stop, but I also didn't want him to continue. So I did what I thought was right. I nodded and said, “Thanks.”

I couldn't look at him so I looked at the ceiling. The ceiling was a painted forest. The same forest Siam and I were in when I tried to calm him down the first time we met. The same forest where we met for the first time. Our forest. I hadn't noticed when I first entered his room, but right now, I found it to be captivating. Almost as captivating as the man right next to me.

The likeness of the painting was so close to the real forest. The trunk of the trees were the same greyish white and the leaves the same golden brown. In the middle was a clearing and in that clearing, were a boy and a wolf. The boy had reddish brown hair and very pale skin like mine. He also had his hand on the wolf's fur and the wolf had his head turned towards the boy. My breath caught as I recognized the figures in the painting. It was Siam and I and we were in our clearing.

I was suddenly brought back to the present when Siam got up and I felt scared. Was he angry? Did he expect me to tell him to continue where we'd left off? Does he hate me now that I said I wanted him to stop? All these questions were fighting their way into my mind and there was no way for me to expel them.

When I felt the bed dip once more, I opened my eyes. I hadn't even realized that I had closed them and that I'd been crying. Siam took me in his arms and I buried my face in his chest. I continued to cry but this time, they were tears of relief.

“You didn't leave me,” I managed to say in between sobs.

Siam sat up and had me sit on his lap. He took my face in between his hands and asked why I thought he'd leave me. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to but I just couldn't. I didn't even want to think about it for fear that I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. Cuan and Tate had made me promise, that I wouldn't say anything until he spoke to me first. But I didn't know it'd be this hard to keep it a secret from him.

“Tell me Rusty, please.”

I looked at him and I could see that he was hurting. 'I'm doing this to him,' is what I thought. It felt wrong. I didn't want him to be weak and I knew that he was strong. Even stronger than his dad and that, he'd be a very powerful Alpha when he took over the pack. I was proud to be his mate and I wouldn't have changed my position for anything in the world.

But here he was, hurting because his mate, a nobody, an omega that couldn't even control his powers, was hurting. I ducked and buried my face in his chest. Siam didn't deserve this. He deserved better and I made a promise to myself, the heavens and the poweres that brought us together, that I would become stronger and worthy of being his mate.

His mom and I had already started working on my powers and seeing, as she is an omega herself, she understands whatever it is I am going through. With her help, I was sure I could become stronger.

When I had voiced my insecurities to her, she told me that she was just like me at the very beginning and that she had had doubts about the whole marrying into the wolf community but she later overcame every insecurity she had with the help of our pack members and now she was happyily mated.

He tightened his arms around me and I just knew he wouldn't be asking me any more questions. I thought back to when I first came here. To when I was introduced to the pack as his mate and how since then, he has always made me feel safe in his arms. He had introduced me to everyone that didn't already know me and not one of them even blinked. They had all accepted me with smiles and hugs and even the pups showed their acceptance by clamoring to play with me. They weren't even bothered that the future Alpha's mate was male.

Some even had very interesting stories to tell me about Cuan, Tate, Blaez and my Siam what they affectionately called 'the boys'. I couldn't help but laugh when they told me about the time when they had “borrowed” the keys to one of the cars and decided to make a submarine out of it. Until this very day, it resides at the bottom of the lake.

“I was only nine and I saw it once in a cartoon,” Siam said in his defense. This only made everyone laugh harder. He then proceeded to blame everything on Tate and Blaez.

“They were older. They should have told me it wouldn't work.”

I laughed harder than anyone, as to me he sounded like I imagined the defensive nine year old Siam would have sounded when pleading his case. I laughed at his childishness. Here in the middle of all these male wolves, filled with enough testosterone to build an army of brainless soldiers, was an alpha wolf that was being treated like a little brother or a son.

There was respect, but there was also love and complicity only found in families. This made me miss the fact that I had never belonged to a pack. All these smiles and laughter were really getting to me and then suddenly I felt a pair of arms encircle me. My first reaction was to tense up but that only lasted a millisecond and then I realized that it was Siam and I relaxed into his arms. And for the first time in years, I felt like I finally belonged, somewhere and I felt safe.

“I can feel you thinking in there. A penny for your thoughts!” Siam asked bringing me back to the present time.

“My thoughts aren't worth that much.”

“They are to me. So are you going to tell me what you were thinking about?”

I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile. He was so cute and good to me. I wanted to tell him how I felt about him so bad that they were practically clawing their way out of my throat, but the warning I received from Cuan made me stop myself just in time.

“I was thinking of how safe I feel in your arms.”

He smiled at me and laid down with me in his arms. He started threading his fingers in my hair, occasionally scratching my scalp or behind my ear. It felt so good. I was asleep in seconds.