Dinner is Prompt-ly at Eight - 8. Prompt 344 - The Truck

Prompt 344 – The Truck

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

Justin was silent for a minute. “I didn’t want to bother you. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

“Now I’ve got to replace the whole damn thing,” Chad groused. “If you’d told me the light was on, I’d have fixed this one little thing but now we’ve got to replace the battery too.”

The seventeen year old didn’t respond. His world had been upended and his father’s foul mood wasn’t making it much better.

“Hand me that wrench, the one I just set down,” Chad grumped, his head deep under the hood.

“I’m sorry dad,” Justin said picking up the tool and handing it to him. “Can we talk about this?”

“Hmm,” his father responded. “I don’t want to think about it.”

Justin paused. He knew this conversation needed to happen. It was out there, in the open, and his dad refused to acknowledge the repercussions of what had occurred. “Dad, we need to talk about it. I know you’re upset.”

“I’m fine,” Chad said, his voice muffled by the truck’s internal parts. It was funny, in a strange way.

“I joined the GSA,” Justin announced. It felt like he’d just pronounced judgment on someone. “They’re helping me cope.”

Chad pulled his head out from under the hood so fast, he hit his head on the bar holding it up. “What? What happened? You joined the Girl Scouts of America?”

“No dad,” Justin smiled warily. “I joined the Gay/Straight Alliance. They’re helping. I mean, it’s helping me deal with things.”

Chad scowled and brushed a fly away leaving an inky splash of oil on his cheek. “Are they giving you trouble? I, um, the other kids?”

“A little bit. Mostly it’s to help me figure things out. A lot has happened and I’m trying to understand everything,” Justin said.

“So everyone knows now. The queer is front page news,” Chad said, his voice husky with tired despair.

“Dad, it’s not that bad,” Justin said laying a hand on his father’s shoulder.

“That’s not what your mom thinks,” Chad said. He grabbed another wrench and a rag and dove back under the hood. Justin knew it was his father’s way to hide his tears. There had been plenty of those over the past two weeks, ever since That Night.

“Mom is going to get over it. She needs some time,” Justin said. “Dad, it’s going to be okay.”

“No,” Chad said, voice thick with emotion. “It’s not.”

“Dad, look at me. We’ve got to talk about this,” Justin said trying to mask the whine he felt developing in his head. He succeeded, mostly.

“What is there to discuss?” Chad said looking at his son. There was nothing but fear etched on his face. Justin wanted to hug him but it was obvious he couldn’t handle that right now.

“I love you, you know that right?” Justin said. Chad nodded slowly in response.

“I’m supposed to make your life easier not harder,” the greasy man said, voice cracking. “A father should be an example and a guide in life. He shouldn’t force his son to join some group to protect him from insults.”

“It hasn’t been that bad,” Justin rolled his eyes. “Mostly kids just look the other way and whisper some. It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” Chad said ducking back under the hood of the truck. “It’s all my fault.”

“Dad, you can’t help how you feel,” Justin said pulling on his father’s arm. “Do you love him?”

Chad tried to tug away from the boy, his son, who was obviously trying to cope with his fucking problems, his bad decisions.

“No. I don’t think so. It was something I had to get outta me,” Chad said pulling his face from the hidden shadows of the truck’s hood. He looked his son, a striking version of himself at a younger age but with his mother’s frown.

“Being gay isn’t something you can get outta your system,” Justin said shaking his head. “Even I know that.”

Chad considered his son’s words. He was right, of course. These feelings had invaded his mind and body all his life. Pushing them aside hadn’t worked. Pretending wasn’t the answer. His final solution had been to put it into practice and now his seventeen year old son was paying the price. Not just his son, his ex-wife, his friends, the whole family was now dealing with his fuck up.

“I don’t know what to do,” Chad said finally. His voice was hollow, lost, devoid of feeling because his insides were using up all that emotion.

Justin nodded and gave him a smile. “You need to figure it out dad. You deserve to be happy too and you haven’t been for quite some time.”

Chad nodded in sadness. His eyes were downcast and he didn’t trust his voice. Talking about this was the last thing he wanted to do.

“How did you get so smart when I’m so messed up?” he uttered finally. Chad wiped his hands with the oily rag and looked Justin square in the face. “I’m sorry.”

“Dad, it’s not that bad. Lots of people have this situation. Kendra’s got two dads and Terra’s mom is dating a woman. I’m not alone,” Justin said with a grin.

“I don’t know how to be gay,” Chad said. “It’s strange because I have these feelings but I don’t know how to act on them. Being gay just isn’t me, it’s not who I am.”

“You have to figure out things I guess,” Justin said. “Move to the Twin Cities and find out what’s inside you. I’ll be fine.”

“I can’t leave you here to deal with my shit,” Chad said but inside a little voice was screaming that leaving was the answer. Council Bluffs wasn’t the place to discover what these feelings, these urges meant to him. He’d managed to hide and mask them here. This world wasn’t the place to explore what made him happy.

“I’m starting my senior year this fall. I’m fine. You aren’t. I need my dad to be whole now. Do this for me,” Justin said stepping forward. He hugged his dad and could feel as Chad’s reserve slipped away. In his arms, the big man shook as all the tremendous fear, doubt, and relief came pouring out. Justin realized how much this meant to him.

“Are you sure?” Chad said pulling away. “I could stay and…”

“I’m all good. Dad, I want you to accept yourself. That’s the gift I want most from you when I graduate next spring. I want a father who is happy to be who he is.”

Chad pulled away and wiped his nose. He cleared his throat but there was nothing more to say. Not about that.

“Let’s finish up with this truck. Ride with me and I’ll get a new alternator and battery. The truck will be as good as new,” Chad said and then stopped. “If you don’t mind being seen with me?”

“I’m not ashamed of you. You’re the best,” Justin said with relief. “I’m proud of you, especially now.”