Dangerous Liaisons - 6. Chapter 6

When I got back the first thing I did was telephone Daniel’s parents. They were shocked and angry but they believed me. They told me to hang fire and that they would get back to me. I then went round to Daniel’s house. The door was opened by one of his housemates, Giani, a very beautiful Italian. At first he was enthusiastic, hugging me and kissing my cheeks before I could even get out a word.

“Joshua... it is so good to see you home. We have missed you so much. And where is the gorgeous Daniel? He has broken my heart so many times but it still beats only for him, for the glory of his smile.”

“Giani, Daniel’s in trouble. He’s in bad trouble.”

“Trouble? My Daniel? Come in, come in and we will plan. There is no trouble we cannot overcome my friend. For Daniel we will move mountains.”

I had to smile. Giani was very dramatic, prone to overblown language and gestures but he had a fine mind and, even better, his father was a Detective Inspector in the Metropolitan Police. He had connections, he could pull strings... at the least he would be able to help us get taken seriously.

Ash and Colleen, the other two housemates both greeted me warmly as we entered the living room.

“There is no time for sociality people. Daniel is in trouble and there is not a moment to lose. We must plan. We must make calls. We must do whatever it takes to... to...” He turned to me. “What is it that we must do? What has happened to Daniel?”

I told them as best I could and, in the middle of it suddenly realised the true meaning of what I was saying and collapsed in tears. For once Giani was lost for words. All three of them sat round me, Colleen kneeling on the floor in front of me, and put their arms around me.

“Don’t worry Josh. Daniel will be alright. You know what he’s like. There is no one and nothing on earth that can crush his spirit, that can break him or change him.”

“We will bring him home Joshua. We will crush these people like bugs.”

I shuddered to think that ‘these people’ included my parents.

*********************
By ten that evening Daniel’s parents were sitting in his sitting room, with Giani, Coleen and Ash. The local police had been and taken statements from me. After having been contacted by Giani’s father and Daniel’s parents’ solicitor they were taking the situation very seriously. They assured us all that they would find Daniel and they would bring him home. It was something we all wanted to believe... and we did believe... but... we were all prey to the same unspoken fear... what would they find... what would they bring home to us...?

None of us were naive. We all knew what went on inside these places. Some more than others. I had listened to the diatribe during sermons but had never really thought about what it actually meant, what it entailed. Daniel’s father had experience of similar institutions from his work with mental health issues. He had confidence in the fact that this was not a situation where Daniel could be compelled to remain at the clinic. They had no legal right to detain him there. I was not naive enough that this would make any difference. I had seen what religious zeal is capable of.

Giani, Colleen and Ash were more realistic. Ash and Colleen were in their second year of a Psychology degree and Giani was on the same course as Daniel and I. They had colluded on an assignment the previous term about methods of behaviour modification and, because of his orientation Giani had insisted they look at the concept of ‘curing’ homosexuality as part of it. We had joked about it at the time, never thinking it could ever affect any of us... we were all so comfortable with who and what we were.... little did we know that the horror stories that had made us shiver would reach out from the past to make us suffer, and suffer we did, each in our own way, all through the sleepless night.

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No one came to disturb Daniel for a very long time. At some point he grew tired and slept. When he woke, still no one came and his stomach began to growl, complaining the he had not eaten in a while. Just when it was beginning to get uncomfortable the slot in the door opened and someone shouted his name without opening the door. He got to his feet to find a familiar pair of eyes peering through.

“Breakfast Owen... enjoy.”

A tray flew through and landed at his feet spilling its contents onto the floor. “Thank you.” Without further comment he picked up the contents of the tray, a bowl, a pack of cereal, an apple, a small plastic bottle of milk and a bottle of orange juice. Fortunately the bottles were both intact as was the bowl and Daniel smiled to himself as he sat and slowly ate breakfast, taking his time, savouring each spoonful, each bite, each sip.

When he had finished he put the tray in front of the door and lay down on the bed. There was nothing else to do. After a while he felt himself drifting and smiled inwardly. Today they were taking no chances.

He was not quite unconscious when they came for him and so he was well aware of how rough they were. If he had not been so submerged he would have felt disgust that they were so cowardly, as it was he didn’t care. He had no awareness of arriving at the treatment room, no conscious awareness of what went on there, no thought or memory at all until he woke some time later in his room.

As before he was not alone but this time there was only one of them and they were not trying to get him up. As the fog cleared from his eyes he could see a dark figure, the priest.

“Hello there Daniel. How are you feeling today?”

“How do you think?”

“Always so defensive Daniel. Just relax. When are you going to realise that we are here to help you?”

“When you start helping me and not trying to hurt me?”

“No one here is hurting you. We all just want what’s best for you.”

“What’s best for me is for you to let me go home.”

It was difficult to speak, to focus, to form the words. There was a shroud over his mind that was getting harder and harder to push aside. One day soon he would just not bother, he would withdraw to his secret place and let them carry on and if he never came out again then so be it.

He tried to sit up, wanting to face this hateful man on equal terms but he was weak and the priest easily pressed him back.

“Easy Daniel. We thought that, as you found the group session so difficult yesterday we would just have a one to one today.”

“I didn’t find it difficult although maybe Ray did.”

“Why do you insist on antagonising everyone Daniel? Surely you appreciate that things will be so much easier for you here if you co operate.”

“Who says I want to make it easy? What you are trying to do to me is an abuse and I am not simply going to submit to it.”

“No one here is going to abuse you Daniel. We are trying to help you.”

“I don’t want to be helped. I just want to go home.”

“And you will. When you are better.”

“I am not sick.”

“It’s part of the sickness that you don’t realise how sick you are. Don’t you want to be able to live a normal life?”

“No. I want to live my life.”

“Your life is out of control Daniel. Don’t you realise that you are exposing yourself to serious danger... of disease, of violence, of depravation and corruption.”

“Yeah...I’m going to be a lawyer.”

The priest sighed. “You are entirely unrepentant aren’t you?”

“I have nothing to repent of.”

“Daniel, the things that you do are wrong. They are a sickness of the soul, an offence against God. Don't you care that you are damning your eternal soul?”

“My soul is just fine. If I believed in a God it would not be one who took offence because I made use of the gifts he gave me, if I lived the life he had created me for.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“I believe that I am what I am and I am not about to change it, not for you, not for any damned God you wave before my face like and excuse for what you are doing. What you are doing is wrong, it’s illegal and it's an abuse. I will not co operate with it. I will not accept it. I will not acknowledge it.”

“I am very sorry to hear that Daniel. I had great hopes for you. If only you would have been a little more co operative then we could have moved on to gentler treatments, you could have been home in a few days.”

“I don’t care. I know you are not going to let me go. But someone will come. You have faith in your God... I have faith in my family and friends. They will find me. They will come for me.”

“No one is going to come for you Daniel. Joshua has abandoned you. He has realised that you have polluted him, corrupted him and has agreed to enter counselling to cleanse his soul of the darkness you put there.”

Daniel laughed softly. “There is no darkness in Josh’s soul. He is as pure as an angel. I know what you’re doing and it isn’t going to work, my faith is stronger than yours.”

“Faith?”

“Faith in Josh, in my family, my friends, myself.”

“Your faith is misplaced Daniel. All faith that is not in the Lord is misplaced.”

“So be it.” Suddenly very tired Daniel closed his eyes and turned his face away. The priest touched his hair, stroking it gently.

“You are very beautiful Daniel. You have the face of an angel but there is a demon inside you. It is corrupting you from within and you are not aware of how evil, how dangerous it is.”

“Whatever.”

The priest drew the hair back, away from his face, his touch almost tender. “Please let me help you Daniel. I don’t want to have to be brutal with you.”

Daniel turned his head and looked him in the eyes. “Life’s tough, we often don’t get what we want. Do what you have to do... and so will I.”

“You’re a strong man. I respect that.”

“Then let me go.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why? Because Mr & Mrs Stearn don’t want you to?”

“Because I can help you. I can make a better life for you. I can make you better.”

“My life is fine.”

“You think so now but you’ll see that you are wrong. I will make you see....”

“You can’t make me do anything.”

“Yes.... I can.”

“You can try.”

“I have to try.”

“Then give it your best shot.”

“Daniel.....”

“This is going nowhere. You can’t make me change my mind. You can’t make me hate myself. You can’t make me believe that I am evil, that I am sick. I know I’m not. I have faith and my faith is stronger than yours.”

“Alright, have it your way. I’m not giving up on you Daniel. I know that somewhere in there is a wonderful, pure, righteous soul and I am going to bring it out.”

“If it kills me?”

“It won’t kill you Daniel. It will only make you stronger.”

Daniel turned his head away and closed his eyes.

“I’m going to give you some medication to help you relax and open up your mind so that you will be more receptive to what I have to say. Don't worry I’ll be here the whole time.”

“That makes me feel so much better.”

“Just relax Daniel.”

Daniel stopped listening. By the time the needle pierced his arm he was already far away. He was aware of the priest talking to him, the words washing over him, meaningless sounds, not touching him, not reaching him.

When the pain came he registered it as nothing more than a flash of red behind his eyes. Then there were more words, no closer with no more meaning than before. More flashes, more words, until suddenly, unexpectedly, the world turned red and then there was no more.

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All through that first day we talked and plotted and hoped, and jumped every time the phone rang or someone knocked the door. My own housemates came round and we all talked endlessly, ceaselessly, until suddenly we realised we were talking about Daniel in the past tense and that is when we went silent.

There was no news, no substantive news. Through Giani’s father we learned that the police had been unable to locate Rev Shaw and were currently questioning everyone involved with him or who had ever been involved with him in an attempt to track him down. No one, including my parents, knew or were admitting to knowing anything about his clinic, and the staff at the estate on which he lived were keeping tight lipped about it.

My parents had been questioned by the police but they denied everything other than the fact that they had contacted the Rev for help. They told the police that the last the saw of Daniel was when he walked out of the house that night, which of course was true, and that they had not discussed him with the Rev other than to explain what they had seen, and had only asked him to come and speak to me. They told them that they had no idea why I had run and that they wanted me to go home and talk things through. Needless to say I dismissed that option out of hand.

It was difficult to get information because, although Giani’s father did the best he could, at the end of the day he was on a different force and there was limited communication. However, towards teatime we got a message to say that someone had come forward to say they had seen what they had thought to be boys messing about down by the river on the night Daniel disappeared. They had been concerned at the time because it had looked as if one of the boys had been hurt and bundled into a car that came tearing down the road shortly after. They had decided not to get involved but the incident had played on their mind and they had ended up making a call to the police just in case.

The news terrified me. I had never really thought about Daniel being hurt, not physically and the prospect terrified me. For the first time, I considered the possibility that, rather that go to the time and effort of trying to ‘cure’ Daniel, they might have considered it more effective to remove him from my life more permanently. I was sure that my parent would never have sanctioned such a thing, that they wholeheartedly believed that Daniel was being ‘helped’, they would have had to ... but the Rev... I wasn’t so sure.

Half an hour later there was a knock on the door and we all leaped to our feet. Giani, Coleen and Ash had gone back to my house with my housemates because theirs was just too crowded. I sat with Daniel’s parents and went slowly insane... until the knock on the door.

When I opened it the last people I expected to see was my parents, but that is exactly who it was. I peered past them into the gathering gloom, expecting to see lurking figures emerging from the shadows, but there was no one.

“What are you doing here? What do you want? Get away from me.”

I tried to shut the door in their faces but my father stopped me. He was stronger than I was.

“Joshua. We... we want to talk to you.”

“To talk? After what you’ve done? I never want to speak to you again.”

“Joshua. I appreciate that you are upset....”

“Upset? Upset? You have no idea.... You tried to have me taken away by that... that.... You got Daniel kidnapped. You.... you...”

“Is everything alright Josh?”

I spun round. It was Daniel’s father. He looked anxious.

“No, nothing is alright, nothing.” It turned back to my father. “Tell him Dad. Tell him what you did. Justify it to him. What you did... what you did to his son. TELL HIM!!”

I realised that I was out of control. My voice had risen to a scream and all I wanted to do was throw myself at him and tear off his face.

“Alright Josh. Maybe it would be better if you went to wait inside. I’ll talk to your parents. Then maybe they can come and have a chat with you before they go.”

It said a lot for the calm authority in his voice, both that I obeyed him immediately without question and that my parents let me go without so much as a word.

I paced the room, raging inwardly and outwardly. Daniel’s mother went out to join her husband and I was talking to myself but I couldn’t contain my emotions, I had to let them out and so I ranted and raged with no one to hear but Colleen’s cat, a disreputable ginger tom with a shredded ear.

Gradually I calmed down and continued pacing in silence, my ears straining to hear the conversation in the hall. It didn’t seem as if there were raised voices and, initially I didn’t care but eventually came to realise that my parents might be able to help Daniel and, if anyone could persuade them to do so it would be Mr & Mrs Owen.

It seemed like a very long time I paced, and strained, and worried and vacillated between wanting to see and speak to my parents and not. I longed for it and dreaded it, rehearsed what I would say, and none of it was complimentary.

My heart almost skipped a beat when I heard the front door close and the Owens came back into the room. They had both been crying and the sight made my stomach flip.

“We thought that it might be better if you didn’t speak to your parents right now Josh, not when you are so upset. Things get said at times like this that can never be unsaid and it would probably be better if you leave it until you all calm down.”

“I can’t believe they actually came here. After what they did I can’t believe they would think for one moment I would want to see them, to speak to them.”

“I think you will want to hear what they had to say though Josh.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’ve been to the police Josh, they’ve told them everything they know, everything that might help Daniel.”

I should have been delighted but all I was, was angry. “So... they’re trying to make things right now. Big deal. They wouldn’t need to make it right if they hadn’t done it in the first place. I’m sorry but I am not going to hold them up as heroes now, it’s too late.”

“Josh, don’t be too hard on them. They only did what they thought was right.. for you.”

“I don’t care what they thought. I don’t care why they did it. What I’ve been through these last two days!! And I don’t even want to think what Daniel has been through.”

“I know that. Don’t think I don’t understand because I do. Of course I do. We’ve been through the same things. Daniel is our son and the thought.... But we are parents Josh and we know what we would be prepared to do for our children, the lengths we would go to in order to protect them from....”

“From what? From being gay?”

“No Josh... you know we have no problem with that... I was going to say, from anything that we feel is bad for them or likely to hurt them. And I know they were wrong... they were wrong about that but.... they thought that you were at risk... that both of you were. They turned to someone for advice and it got out of hand. I believe them when they say that Josh. I truly do.”

“Yeah well... they are good at that, good at getting people to believe in them. They are such ‘good’ people. I am sure Daniel will appreciate it.”

“Josh... just give them a chance. If Daniel were here he would tell you the same thing.”

“But he’s not. He’s not here. He’s.... god knows where and I know these people, I know what they do in the name of their sick version of God. I’m afraid. I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do... I just don’t... I don’t know what to do.”

Mrs Owen threw her arms around me and I sobbed hysterically onto her shoulder.