Weeping Lily - 16. Chapter 16

Helen sat and listened carefully as Cal recounted, as accurately as he could, what Jayden had told him. Listening to the words had been hard but speaking them was harder still. When Jayden had been speaking he had been looking into that sweet face, those beautiful eyes and had been more concerned with sparing him pain than anything else. Now he had no such luxury and the words were stripped bare, their meaning slicing into his heart as he uttered each one.

When he had finished he lapsed into silence, staring down at the forgotten coffee cup. Tears splashed on the white paper tablecloth and he noticed, distractedly that each tear left its mark.

He jumped when the hand touched his arm. Looking up he met the calm green eyes and managed a small smile.

“That was brave of you Cal. It must have been hard to hear and harder to recount. I am sure that it doesn’t help much but this is not the first time that I have dealt with something like this. It’s not as uncommon as you may think and it’s not as bad as you think either.

“What happened to Jay was terrible. I don’t think he has ever told anyone the full extent of what went on, not even me. Something like that never goes away and sometimes the only thing that can push it down for a while is to put another layer on top of it. The only way to stop the pain is to feel more. The only way to cope with the humiliation is to humiliate yourself. It’s hard but there it is.

“The really, really good thing is that it’s not festering away in the dark any more. It’s out in the open and so it can be dealt with. Don’t be afraid, Cal. We can deal with this. I can help him. If he’s being more open then I can help him even more than I did before. It’s going to be alright.”

Cal looked up at her, his eyes red rimmed and shadowed. “I want to believe you. I have never wanted to believe anything more. But I don’t know if I can. You haven’t seen him, Helen... I mean awake. You haven’t spoken to him. This is as bad as it has ever been.”

“I’ve seen him there once before, remember? And that time I was starting from a point where I was undoing the harm that had already been done.”

“And that’s not what you’re doing this time?”

Helen looked at him thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think I am. In some ways this woman may have done Jayden the biggest favour of his life. Not physically of course, but mentally for sure. He has never been more open, more raw. The whole boiling pot is churning and everything is coming to the surface. He was never this open before, never. It will be good for him.”

“I don’t know.” Cal said doubtfully. “He’s really hurt.”

“Of course he is. And he will be hurt more by the time this is over. But after that he can heal... properly. I will make him better Cal, I promise.”

Cal tried a weak smile and it almost worked. Helen laughed. “Oh get on with you, you big softie. Aren’t you the one who roars like a lion and now you look at me with those little kitten eyes. Let’s get back and sort that boy of yours out before you have me on my knees putting cream in a dish.”

This time the smile was genuine and he hugged her as they both got to their feet, dropping a kiss on the soft copper curls which reached only to his chest. Helen giggled like a girl as arm in arm the set off on the long journey back.

It was a long evening, a very long evening. Helen would not let anyone near Jayden, except for the doctor who hovered like an angel of death, waiting. Fortunately he was not needed.

For Cal the not knowing almost killed him. Elaine had gone to check into the hotel room she had taken for herself and Helen during their stay and he missed her already. He paced back and forth and no one knew what to say to him. Knowing looks flashed between the other band members who talked in hushed tones about neutral topics and were very careful not to even mention Jayden’s name.

At about six thirty Kelly showed up.

“I tried to go and see Jayden and they wouldn’t let me in. What’s going on?” She demanded.

“It’s none of your damned business.” Cal snapped.

“Oh, for heaven sake Cal. Jayden is not your property and you are not the only one who cares. Stop trying to keep everyone else away from him. You are not the only one who knows him. You are not the only one who cares about him and you are not the only one who has the right to be near him. Now tell me what the hell is going on.”

“You think you know so much Kelly... you tell me.”

“Get down off your high horse Cal. Things are a lot different when you’re not looking down on them like a goddamned saint from above.”

“I’m no saint,” he growled dangerously, “and if you don’t get your smarmy arse out of here in the next ten seconds I’ll prove it to you.”

“You don’t scare me.”

“I don’t? Then you must be even more stupid than you look. Jayden doesn’t need you and we don’t want you so get the fuck out of here before I pick you up and throw you out of the window.”

Kelly’s eyes widened. “We’re on the second floor.”

“Do you really think that makes a difference?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

For a long hot moment their eyes locked and everyone in the room could feel the tension. It was almost possible to see the sparks, the static crackling between them. Everyone held their breath. They all knew Cal, they knew him very well. But Kelly was an unknown quantity and they had no idea what would happen if she was stupid enough to not stand down.

“I’m not going anywhere and even you wouldn’t be stupid enough to assault me in front of your precious fans and the media who would love to know the story of why the woman went flying out of the window.”

Cal continued to stare at her for a while and then he smiled. Kelly smiled too, thinking she had won. The rest of them continued to hold their breath and waited.

Still smiling Cal turned and walked from the room. Even then, while Kelly shot triumphant glances around, no one moved, no one dared hope that it was over.

“You shouldn’t have done that Kelly.”

“What do you mean?” She snapped, turning on Rik. “That conceited bag of bones needed to be taken down a peg or two. Who the hell does he think he is, ordering everyone around and expecting us all to walk on eggshells the whole time? He is not in charge here. He is not god. He does not have to get his own way all the time. And I have as much right to be here as he does; more... I’m family.”

“Don’t ever let Cal hear you say that.” Acton said quietly.

“And why not? It’s about time someone showed him that he’s not the be all and end all... of the group, of life... of Jayden.”

“He knows that.”

“Does he?” She said incredulously. “I haven’t seen any signs of humility, understanding or co operation.”

“You didn’t look in the right place.”

She looked around angrily. “So now you’re all on his side?”

“We’ve always been on his side Kelly. We all felt that you deserved a chance, but Cal’s right... you don’t have the right to be here, you gave that up a long time ago. You’ve always been here on sufferance, because Cal cares enough about Jayden to want to give you a chance to be there for him. You’ve been lucky so far, and I think your luck just ran out.”

Kelly stared at him. “Is that what you all think?” She looked pointedly at Luc, who looked away.

“You should have been grateful Kelly. You should have kept your head down and been grateful for your chance. You really don’t deserve it.”

She growled. “Fuck you. Fuck you all. You have always been toadies. You’ve always bowed and scraped to that arrogant twat. Well, not me. I won’t be bullied by him. Jayden is my brother and I am family. No one is going to make me leave him. Not you, not that overblown schoolboy.... no one...”

They all turned as the door opened. Kelly’s eyes widened when she saw the two large security guards who accompanied Cal. He went straight to the window and stared out, not looking at her.

“If you would like to accompany us Madam.”

“No. I would not like to accompany you. How dare you! You have no right...”

“It would be better for you if you did not make a scene Madam.”

“Make a scene? I...” Kelly looked around for support but no one was looking at her. In fact they were all making a point of looking away, embarrassment on their faces. “You can’t make me leave. I’m family.”

“If you have a problem Madam, may I suggest that you take it up with the hospital administration? I could direct you to the correct office.”

“Don’t bother.” She turned to Cal, who had his back to her. “You’ll pay for this Cal. I swear it. You’ll pay for this... you all will.”

And then she was gone and the whole room breathed a sigh of relief.

Cal was not happy about what he had done. He was not happy about the fact that he had been forced into doing it. But Kelly was a bitch, Kelly had always been a bitch and he knew full well that she cared less about Jayden than about carving a position for herself in his life. She would never be content to take a back seat and just ‘be there’ for him and therefore, in Cal’s mind, it was better that she was not there at all.

The interlude had calmed Cal and he was able to sit down rather than pace. However, he couldn’t speak to anyone, he was still wound too tightly. Every time the door opened he almost leaped to his feet. Finally it opened to admit his mother and, for the first time he smiled.

“How are you holding up sweetheart? I went by Jayden’s room but it’s locked up tight. I assume Helen is still in there with him.”

“It’s been so long. Surely they shouldn’t have been this long, not when he’s so fragile.”

“Jayden has never been fragile, hun. He seems it but he’s not, not even now. I’m sure that Helen and the doctor would not push him beyond safe boundaries.”

“Just letting him wake up was doing that.”

“It will be alright.”

Almost as she said it the door opened and a very tired looking Helen walked in. She looked drained and serious and Cal panicked. As if she had felt it she glanced in his direction and smiled.

Cal had no eyes or concern for anyone else in the room. “Is he alright? Is Jayden alright?”

“No.” She said carefully. “I wouldn’t say he’s alright... but he’s better. It’s going to take a lot of work but I’m confident that in the end he will be alright.”

“Are you sure?”

“Cal, you know that with something like this it is never possible to be sure. I am confident. That’s all I can say.”

“Can I see him?”

“Of course you can. In fact he’s waiting for you.”

“He’s awake?”

“He was when I left but I wouldn’t wait too long. He’s exhausted.”

Cal wasted no time. His heart was pounding and his mind spinning, hovering between hope and fear.

At first he thought that Jayden was asleep. His eyes were closed in a face that was puffy and streaked with crying but possibly even more beautiful because of it. Cal quietly crossed the room and sat down next to the bed, just staring at him with wonder in his eyes.

The knowledge that he could now open his eyes was torment as he both longed and dreaded. It was so much easier to talk to him when he was unconscious. He didn’t know what he would say when he was able to respond.

Hesitantly he reached out and took Jayden’s hand. Jayden shuddered but didn’t open his eyes and it occurred to Cal that he might be as scared as he was.

“I know you’re awake,” he said softly.

The long sooty lashes trembled and suddenly Cal was staring into the eyes that always took his breath away. This time was no exception. Catching the look in Cal’s eyes Jaden smiled a slow, weary smile.

“Don’t be scared of me Jay. Don’t ever be scared of me.”

“How did...?” His voice was a hoarse whisper as if it had been drastically over used.

“You know I know you better than you know yourself.”

The smile widened. “If you know me so well tell me what to do.” The smile faded. “Tell me how to stop feeling like this, to stop being like this.” The pain was palpable and it stabbed into Cal’s heart like a shard of glass from a dark mirror.

“I can’t. I can help you but I can’t give you the answers... you have to find them for yourself. That’s the point... the journey.”

For a moment Jayden held his eyes with a look so intense that Cal started to get frightened. Then he sighed and nodded slightly.

“I know.”

“But you do feel better don’t you? After speaking to Helen, you do feel better?”

Jaden shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t feel so much like running away.”

“That’s good. Not running away is good.”

Jayden’s smile changed, became less ironic and more tender. Although it was clearly an effort he raised his hand and touched Cal’s face. “I’ll never run away from you Cal. I promise.”

Cal grinned, his heart easing at last. He turned his head and kissed the hand. “I’ll hold you to that. I’ll hold you and never let you go.”

Jayden smiled but he was fading fast. Cal took the hand that was resting against his cheek before it could fall and pressed it against his lips. “Go to sleep now. You look exhausted and if I know anything about her Helen has plans for you tomorrow.”

“She’s lucky she’s so cute. I can’t say no to her.”

“I know what you mean. She’ll take care of you, you know that... and so will I. We’ll make you better. I promise.”

Jayden looked wistful. “I don’t know Cal. I don’t know if anyone can.”

“I know that you can.”

“Maybe... but I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting and tired of hurting and... just tired.”

“Then rest. Not just sleep... rest. Give yourself a break. Stop trying to work things out and be strong and... anything. Be weak and pathetic and helpless and all the things you aren’t. Let us take care of everything, do the fighting for you.”

Closing his eyes Jayden sighed. “I don’t know. I’m just tired. I can’t think... too tired.”

“Then don’t think... sleep and just be.”

“Will you be here?”

“I have been all along.”

He opened his eyes and smiled up, for the first time something other than fear and pain in his eyes. “I know.”