Weeping Lily - 20. Chapter 20

Cal lay in his room and contemplated a dark patch on the ceiling where he had experimented with tacking posters to the ceiling and taken off a whole patch of plaster which he had to re plaster himself. He sighed. The poster had been of a band he had never heard of or really liked. He had only put it up because... he sighed again. It had been Jayden’s poster.

He wondered where Jayden was, how long he would be out there in the cold. There was an ache in his heart at the thought of it, the thought of his beautiful Jayden alone in the cold night. Suddenly it hit him. That’s what had been happening all this time... Jayden had been alone in the cold darkness... and he had let him be.

He was still staring morosely at the ceiling when the door opened. He turned his head expecting his mother but it wasn’t. He hadn’t bothered to put the light on and all he could see was a dark figure in the doorway. For a moment they just stared at each other and then Jayden took a few steps forwards becoming iced with moonlight.

“Jay...”

“No. Don’t... don’t say anything. I’ll get too scared if you say anything.”

Cal was stunned as Jayden slowly and hesitantly took a step and then another. When he was next to the bed he stood looking down at Cal, his eyes dark. Cal could see by the rise and fall of his chest that he was breathing hard and his own breathing was none too steady.

“I... don’t know if...” Jayden closed his eyes. “Don’t... don’t expect...”

“I don’t expect anything. I just want you to be close to me again so I can take care of you and protect you from the fear.”

Jayden smiled sadly. “No one can do that but...”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out with a sigh he very slowly a raised his arms and pulled Cal’s shirt and jumper over his head and dropped them on the floor.

Cal held his breath, mesmerised by the moonkissed paleness of his skin. He could see that Jayden’s hand was shaking and, when he just stood there with his eyes closed, fighting, Cal said softly.

“It’s alright Jay. You don’t have to do anything. Just let me hold you, that’s all I want. Just to hold you in my arms, nothing more.”

Jayden swallowed heavily and opened his eyes biting his lip. “I... I don’t...”

“It’s alright Jay. Just come and lie down. I’ll warm you and we can go to sleep.”

“Just... just hold me?”

“Just hold you. I promise.”

Jayden remained frozen, staring at Cal... and then he slowly, so very slowly, with shaking hands pushed the waistband of his joggers down over his hips and stepped out of them. Cal stared at him, not daring to breathe.

He had seen Jayden naked before, many times over the years on various occasions at various times. Now that he was being honest with himself he had to admit that he had checked it out and was incredibly turned on by the slender but muscular frame and fine pale skin. But this was different, so very different.

Jayden had lost a lot of condition during his illness but the intensive physiotherapy had gone a long way towards improving muscle tone and he was already starting to regain his previous gently sculpted physique. Cal’s eyes roved hungrily over every inch of the beauty that was revealed to him, not just because of what he saw but because of the very fact that he was seeing it.

Realising that he was walking on very thin ice he forced his eyes back up to Jayden’s face. He looked scared to death. It was that look that took the heat out of it for Cal and allowed him to bring himself under control.

“It’s alright Jayden.” He said softly, as one would to a frightened rabbit about to bolt. “I’ll just hold you. You can lie under the blanket if you like and I’ll lie on top.”

For a moment something flared in Jayden’s eyes that looked a lot like disappointment and Cal added quickly. “Of course I would prefer to be under there with you, just to feel your heart next to mine, to hold you close and keep you safe through the night. Just think of me as a great big teddy bear. I remember you always used to sleep with that moth eaten old teddy with only one ear. Come to think of it I saw that bear the other day when we were sorting out your stuff. It’s here somewhere but I’m sure I’d be a better option, except that I have two ears. I know how he feels though... I’ve had the stuffing knocked out of me too.”

Cal felt completely out of his depth. He was saying things now just to say something. They didn’t make sense even to him but they seemed to be doing the trick as Jayden didn’t look so scared any more. He even gave a small, shy smile.

Then the smile slipped and he looked scared again... scared but determined.

“Will you...?” He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Will you take your clothes of too?”

Cal’s eyes widened and for a moment he very nearly tore every stitch of clothing he was wearing at the seams in his haste to get them off. Fortunately he realised that would have been a very, very bad idea. He really needed to tread carefully.

Smiling encouragingly at Jayden he very slowly took off his clothes, piece by piece while Jayden watched with huge frightened eyes.

“It’s alright Jayden. You don’t have to be frightened of anything. You don’t need to be scared of me. I won’t touch you I promise but...” He took a deep breath. There was no way to avoid this... literally. “You know I love you Jay... and god knows I haven’t hid the fact that you turn me on like crazy. I swear to you that I won’t touch you unless you want me to and that I’m absolutely fine with that. It’s just... my mind is under control but my body...” He shrugged.

Jayden looked confused. “I don’t understand.”

Cal blushed deeply. “Don’t make me say it Jay.”

“Say what?”

Cal sighed. “You can be such a bitch. You turn me on Jay. I can't stop that, I don’t want to. And it’s fine, because it’s more than enough to me just to lie next to you, to feel your warmth, to smell your hair... but my body has a mind of it’s own so to speak and...” He sighed. “Lying naked next to you in bed there is no way that I am not going to get a hard on and I don’t want you to think...”

Suddenly Jayden laughed, an explosive laugh which caught Cal by surprise.

“What’s so funny?”

Jayden shook his head, still laughing.

“I love you Cal.” He said and he slipped under the covers and snuggled up to Cal who froze completely for a moment. “It’s okay Cal.” Jayden said softly. “You don’t have to be afraid to touch me. I’m not going to freak out every time your hand touched my skin or... or you poke me in the back.” He giggled. “It’s just that I’m not ready for any more... not yet.”

Cal touched his face, afraid that he was dreaming, or that it would all come crashing down around his ears. Instead of tensing up and running away Jayden smiled and covered his hand with his own.

“Kiss me.”

Without the need for any further encouragement Cal leaned over, afraid to touch him too much, and kissed him gently. After a few moments Jayden pulled his head down and deepened the kiss letting his hands rove over Cal’s shoulder and back. Cal stifled a moan.

Jayden pulled back and Cal raised his head. Their eyes locked and Cal couldn’t even begin to guess what was going on behind Jayden’s. He would have pulled back altogether but Jayden was holding him tight.

“Touch me Cal, please. Make me feel warm and safe.”

“Touch you? Where?”

“Everywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“Then maybe...”

“Please Cal.” He breathed.

“Then promise to tell me straight away if you want me to stop, and I promise I will stop.”

“Okay.”

Cal carefully lay down, facing Jayden, holding him in his arms. Jayden buried his face in Cal’s hair, his head resting on his shoulder. With one arm Cal held him gently but firmly against him, hoping to make him feel safe and cherished.

With the other hand he started to gently stroke Jayden’s hair earning small sighs of appreciation.

Gradually he started to work out from the hair making the strokes longer to take in Jayden’s shoulders and upper back. Then, instead of moving further down he ran his fingers lightly down Jayden’s shoulder and arm. He shuddered and sighed. “I like that.” He whispered so Cal did it again... and again.

As he continued to stroke him Cal felt Jayden relax against him and, after stroking his arm a few more times Cal gently lifted his face from its safe cave within the circle of his arms and kissed him while he continued to run his hand over his back. Jayden’s eyes fluttered closed and he surrendered himself to the kiss more completely than he ever had before.

Cal was gentle and hesitant, stroking him gently while he let himself be led in the kiss. His heart soared as Jayden seemed to open more and more, responding to every touch. When sweet little moans started slipping out Cal had to exert a good deal of self control to hold back. He was so glad he did.

Eventually Jayden pulled back and stared into Cal’s face for a long hot moment. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Thank you much for making me feel... safe. Can we go to sleep now?”

Cal would have been lying if he’d said that he wasn’t disappointed. However the look on Jayden’s face at that moment was so beautiful that he couldn’t make himself be sorry... not for anything.

“Turn around.” He said softly. Jayden looked at him, surprised for a moment, then turned over and let Cal wrap him in his arms.

Eileen found them like that when she went to bed a few hours later. Both of them looked utterly content. She smiled and softly closed the door.

When Cal woke the next morning he could barely believe that Jayden was still fast asleep in his arms. During the night he had turned and was now laying facing Cal with his head on his shoulder and one leg hooked over Cal’s.

The smile that broke over Cal’s face was as warm as sunshine and he unconsciously tightened his arms around Jayden who stirred, nestling his head deeper into Cal’s shoulder and sighed, but didn’t wake.

For a long time Cal just lay, staring into the pure face, open in sleep and wondered what expression he would see in the dark eyes when they opened. Would he run again; be angry, hurt? He was anxious and frightened to find out the answer. Even so he would not dream of waking Jayden who seemed to be more at peace than he had seen him in a long time.

Unfortunately there was a growing need building inside him that soon would have to be recognised. Soon, but not quite yet.

Daringly he reached out and gently touched Jayden’s hair. Jayden sighed and stirred slightly making a little sleepy noise that made Cal’s stomach lurch.

“Jay? Are you awake?”

Jayden stirred and sighed yawning. ‘This is it’ Cal thought. ‘Either he is going to freak and run... or he isn’t. And what the hell am I going to do next, either way?’

Jayden’s eyes flickered and opened. For a moment he looked confused, then he blinked and yawned as Cal held his breath. Smiling sleepily Jayden stretched and froze for a moment, seemingly surprised to find his body entwined with Cal’s. Then his eyes turned soft and he relaxed, resting his head back on his chest.

Drawing lazy circles on Cal’s stomach with his finger Jayden murmured. “Good morning sexy.”

“Um... er... good morning.”

Jayden rolled away from Cal, stretching out with his hands behind his head. He was completely naked and apparently unconcerned. “Do you think I’m sexy?” He purred and Cal’s eyes widened. He licked his lips and would have swallowed if his mouth hadn’t suddenly become so dry.

“You know I do.” He said huskily. Jayden grinned.

Cal lifted himself up onto one elbow and looked down at him. Jayden shivered at the look in his eyes. His grin became a hesitant smile and he reached up to cup Cal’s cheek in his hand.

“I haven’t been fair to you have I?”

“It’s not a matter of being fair Jay. You’ve done the best I could and so have you.”

“I’m not ready yet. You know that don’t you?”

“Jay... if we never go any further... just to be able to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you in my arms. If I can fall asleep to the sound of you breathing and wake to the feel of you in my arms I will be the happiest man in creation.”

Jayden frowned and Cal thought for a moment that he had blown it. Still frowning Jayden brushed Cal’s lips with his finger making him shiver and close his eyes.

“You’re crazy beautiful Cal; wild like a lion and so full of fire. I feel...”He sighed and let his fingers explore the rest of Cal’s face before burying them in his bright hair. “You make me feel... small and delicate and weak.”

“I don’t mean to.” Cal said, opening his eyes. “You’re none of those things.”

Jayden sighed. “Maybe. Sometimes I feel fragile. I fight against it Cal but the fact is that I am. I’m shaky inside and the weaker I feel the more I fight it.” He closed his eyes and let his hand fall. “Fighting is hard and I’m tired. I’m scared Cal. I’m scared of everything.”

“You have nothing to be scared of. You’re going to be okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Jayden opened his eyes and stared at him. “I know.” He smiled. “That’s why you make me feel small, delicate and weak... because with you I can be, and it’s alright.”

“It is alright Jay. I’ll make it alright.”

“Touch me Cal. Make me feel alive.”

Cal stroked his hair and chest while Jayden closed his eyes and sighed. When Cal leaned forward and kissed him gently he raised his arms and pulled him down into a tight embrace, kissing him forcefully.

As Cal began to lose himself in the kiss Jayden unexpectedly flung him away and followed him, flipping him onto his back and coming own on top of him. He reared over him breathing hard.

Cal blinked. This was a Jayden he had never seen before. His eyes were on fire sparking blue, picking up the streaks which had recently been re woven into his hair. The wild flag of black and blue half hid Jayden’s face and almost reached Cal’s.

“What?”

“I can’t do it Cal, I can’t let myself, not yet. But I can... I think I can...”

“I don’t understand Jayden. You’re not making much sense right about now.”

“No, I’m not am I?” He smiled gently and lowered his head to kiss Cal who, confused but appreciative closed his eyes and enjoyed the confusion.

He was shocked however when, a few moments later Jayden slid down and kissed a trail of kisses down over his chest and then licked at his nipple ring tangling his tongue inside it and tugging gently.

“What... what are you doing?” He gasped, clutching Jayden’s hair in his hands.

“I have no idea.” Jayden whispered into his chest, his hip bones digging into his groin. He shifted uncomfortably.

“You’ve lost too much weight. Your bones are sticking into me.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel... there’s something sticking into me too.”

“I... er... I’m sorry, I just can’t... help it. I’ll try to control myself.”

“Why on earth would you want to do that?”

Giggling Jayden slid down until his nose was adjacent to Cal’s belly button. “Jayden,” he gasped. “Please. Please don’t... ah...don’t...tease me.”

“But the teasing is half the fun isn’t it?” Jayden smiled, but there was an element of uncertainty in his voice. Cal lifted his head and looked down at him with such tenderness Jayden’s eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat.

“Just being with you is the fun Jayden. Just looking at your face, seeing you smile, touching your hair, feeling your breath on my skin. I love everything about you Jay.”

For a moment Jayden stared at him, then he lowered his head to lie on Cal’s stomach. Cal felt the weight of him as he let himself go limp. “Jay? What did I say? What did I do? I’m sorry. Whatever it was I’m so sorry.”

A gentle sob escaped Jayden as he snaked his arms around Cal’s body and clung to him.

“Don’t cry. Please Jayden. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I thought... I thought I was...”

But every word just seemed to make things worse and Cal lay helplessly watching Jayden’s sobbing get more and more painful. More thank once he tried to get up, to hold Jayden, to comfort him but Jayden pinned him down, deliberately not letting him get up. He was even afraid to speak because everything he said seemed to make things worse. All he could do was rest his hands on Jayden’s head and gently stroke his hair.

Eventually Jayden began to calm down and took deep gulping breaths still with his face pressed into Cal’s stomach. Gradually his breathing calmed and he lay quiet. After a while Cal thought he had fallen asleep.

“Jay?” He asked softly and Jayden lifted his head to look at Cal, his face swollen and wet with tears. Through the tears he smiled a weak smile. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Sorry? Jay you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

“But...”

“Ssh Cal. Just... Ssh. I’m so scared but I need... I need to see. I need to... feel. I’m not ready for me, not yet but I need... Please just let me... try.”

“Try what?”

“Just... just don’t...”

“Jay?”

“Ssh.”

Jayden looked terrified and Cal was more concerned than ever. He tried to sit up but Jayden pressed him back. “Please.” He pleaded. “Please don’t stop me. Please just let me... try.”

“Try what? You’re not making sense. I don’t... oh...OH.”

Cal gasped as Jayden slid down further, until his cheek rested not on his stomach but his...

“Agh... Jayden don’t. Please don’t do that. Don’t start...”

“What I can’t finish? Who said I can’t finish it.”

“Please Jay... don’t do this if...” He gasped as Jayden’s tongue licked out, nudging his flaccid penis, making it jump and slowly come back to life. “Jay.” He moaned in a completely different voice causing Jay to redouble his efforts on awaking his libido.

His libido really didn’t need much encouraging and within a remarkably short time he was writhing, gasping and moaning under an assault against his senses such as he had never experienced before. He was almost choking on his cries in an attempt to keep them silent.

And then Jayden eased his legs apart, his thumbs massaging his inner thighs, getting closer and closer to... “Oh fuck... Jay... Ngh.” Ability to speak along with all capability for conscious thought disappeared and Jayden took him into his mouth, sunk him to the balls and swallowed.

Incoherent noises issued from his lips, dragged from the depths of his being as Jayden began to bob. Thrusting his hips forward and his head back and trembling uncontrollably Cal surrendered completely and, by the end was bathed in sweat and in tears.

The end, when it came, was explosive and Cal had to stuff handfuls of sheet into his mouth to stifle the screams. Afterwards he lay panting and twitching as Jayden collapsed with his head on Cal’s stomach again, a thin trickle of cum dribbling from the corner of his mouth.