Chapter 11

I assumed Lord Rowland was still alive, since the steward hadn't come yet to carry out his threats. But then no one had bothered me for two days, I was ignored—completely, which was just as disconcerting. I had no idea what was happening. I wondered if maybe they had discovered my Master's whereabouts and simply forgot about me. Certainly Lord Ashton didn't feel I was worth any more of his time.

I assumed Donnelly had been ordered off my care detail, after having 'let me free'. And whoever had been given the task, if anyone, wasn't interested in my welfare. I didn't blame them. As far as they were concerned, I deserved to be hanged for helping Master poison their lord.

Charlie had brought my last meal yesterday morning, along with a pitcher of water. The food was long gone, but there was still a bit of water left. After I realized no one was coming back last night, I'd started conserving the water.

It was late in the evening when I heard the lock slide, a sound I hadn't heard since Charlie last brought me a meal early yesterday morning. I sat up straighter on my cot, my stomach rumbling at the thought that maybe food was coming through the door.

Donnelly slipped in hurriedly, closing the door quickly behind him. He seemed nervous, and I wondered if he was even supposed to be here. It was dark, so I couldn't see much, only what the little bit of moonlight allowed me to see. He hastily pulled something from his pocket, handing it over to me.

"It's all I could get, little one," he whispered. It was a small piece of bread, still even that was better than nothing. I tore into the stale roll hastily.

"I'm so sorry. Charlie's supposed to be checking on you, but I know he hasn't. Liam has everyone busy packing up supplies to get them shipped out to the tenants. And Lord Ashton..."

I looked up at the mention of the viscount's name. I wasn't sure why Donnelly was rambling to me like he was, but I suspected he just didn't see me as a threat like the others did. I was just a kid, a 'little one' to him, even if I was of age. Even so, I was glad he felt free enough to talk.

"...he's been sitting by his brother's bed waiting for him to wake. And thank the Gods, he finally did. Tonight. He's rather incoherent still though, can't remember much. The doc thinks he'll be better by tomorrow afternoon, just needs time."

I was grateful to know that Lord Rowland would survive the poisoning. I'm sure everyone here was overjoyed to hear Lord Rowland was finally recovering.

Except for one person, I thought to myself: Lee. One person on this estate was here to thwart the Sterling Counts' plans. I just didn't know what he was planning.

The bearded man cast a shadowed smile, then he patted my leg and I flinched. "I'll see what I can get you tomorrow. Liam banned me from coming here, but he and Lord Ashton are busy with Lord Rowland and everything else, so I thought I'd see how you were doing."

I didn't respond. There really was no need to. I really don't know what he expected of me. Was he trying to be friends? It didn't make sense that he would. Maybe he was trying to insinuate himself with me for more information, taking a more subtle tact than the steward had tried. Although, I was beginning to suspect more and more he saw me as an ally—me and him working for Lord Barrett against the Sterlings. I just wasn't sure someone could be this nice without an ulterior motive.

"Okay, well. I'll see you as soon as I can." He left as quickly and stealthily as he'd come.

***

I had just drifted off, ignoring the gnawing in my stomach—the small piece of bread had done little to assuage my hunger—when I heard the lock slide back. Again. For the second time that night. I wondered if it was Donnelly again as it was quiet, not like when Liam or Charlie would slam it open.

I debated getting up to see if it really was unlocked. Before I made a decision, the door cracked open—oddly no light spilled in. There was a soft scrape before the door was pulled shut again. I waited for the slide of the bolt. It never came.

A shiver of unease raked over me as I waited to see if someone was coming in. However, minutes passed, then an hour or more, and nothing happened. I finally crawled from my cot to check the door.

I pulled. It creaked open, causing my heart to thump wildly with a mixture of hope and dread. I shifted, peering down the dark hallway. It was empty, the door to the outside mere feet away, hanging slightly ajar.

I could run. My fear told me to run. But to where?

I closed the door again, leaning my forehead against it. Someone had given me the opportunity to leave, to spare myself the torture Liam kept threatening. Or... even more likely, to maybe catch me in the act of running, to make me implicate myself as Master's accomplice. If I left, though, I couldn't tell Lord Ashton about 'Lee' either. Maybe that's what someone was hoping as well.

I returned to my hard little cot, curling up against the blanket. Drawing in several deep breaths, I tried not to think about what the steward wanted to do to me, what Charlie or Samuel also seemed to want to do. I tried to bring Tareth's face to mind—something to allay my fears. Be strong. Be good. I'm trying, Tareth. I really am.

As hunger and exhaustion won out, I found Tareth's calming influence overrun by Lord Ashton hypnotic aura. The man's spicy scent filtered into my dreams, and I imagined him pulling me close again, like he had a couple of days again. Yet this time, he closed the distance between us, holding me tightly, possessively.

Be strong.

***

"There's no way the boy could have done this! You know that, Liam. He's been locked in—"

"Locked in, huh?" I heard the steward's voice just outside the door.

"Oh, fuck—" Donnelly's voice gasped as they apparently noticed the open nature of the lock.

"Godsdamn it. He's probably gone. Barrett must have sent—"

I shot up, eyes wide as the door slammed open. I took in Liam standing in the door, hand still braced on it. The shock on his face turned murderous, eyes blazing.

Oh fucking hell.

Donnelly, Charlie, and Samuel hovered behind him, all looking equally upset. Oh, Gods, something had to have happened. Had something happened to Lord Rowland? Or—or...Lord Ashton?

Liam was on me in an instant, grabbing the front of my shirt and dragging me up. "How did you do it? Who helped you?"

I frowned, sure I must have looked as bewildered as I felt. "W-what, sir?"

"Don't fucking sir me, you spleeny scut!" He shook me, rattling my teeth in the process. "Those godsdamn innocent eyes of yours aren't going to work on me. You may try to beguile Lord Ashton, but not me!"

I could only gape at him. What was he saying? Lord Ashton despised me. The man made no sense. "I—I don't..."

"Half our horses are dead! Only the horses in the barn were spared."

I blinked. Dead? Horses?

He threw me back on the cot, my head bounced off the wall—again. The cot shifted with my weight, and I thought it might break.

"Liam." Charlie drew the man's attention away from me. He was squatting by the door, picking at bits of dried, flaky leaves on the floor.

Samuel and Donnelly cursed under their breath as Charlie glared at me darkly. The steward scowled.

Liam stared at the dried crumbles, before reaching down to pick some up, sniffing them. His face revealed everything I needed to know. Hemlock. It had to be.

Where...? Oh, Gods... the door opening last night. Had someone scattered flakes of the poison near my door? Left my door unlocked? Just to...what? Frame me?

Oh, hell. They'd expected me to run, to take the blame for killing the horses, then hunt me down.

"I suppose it was a bit of a message to kill them with hemlock like you tried to kill Count Rowland," he sneered. "Your maggot marquis must have found it rather amusing to supply you with the dried hemlock to curtail our delivery efforts by killing half our cart horses. And having you sneak back in here to feign innocence, what was the purpose in that? Or were you just that fucking stupid you didn't realize you were trekking the poison back here?"

Did he really think I could possibly have killed several horses?

Breathe. Control. I wanted to lash out at the man, but I tamped down my emotions before I made things worse for myself.

Apparently reason wasn't forefront in the steward's mind, so blinded by his hate of me, of my Master, that he refused to see any other truth but my guilt. "Who's the traitor? Who gave you the hemlock and unlocked your damn door this time? Tell me! Now!"

I was already shaking my head to deny the accusation. "I didn't—"

His hand was around my throat instantly. "Someone let you free to put hemlock in the pasture's hay hutch. Someone who works here. Someone who could move around without being noticed. Someone who must have gotten the hemlock from your mewling toad of a master."

I wanted to yell, 'Exactly! So why the hell would they need me to help them?' But my throat ached and oxygen was sparse

"It wasn't me," I breathed out through my crushed windpipe, fear and anger flaring up at being accused for something so asinine. I was still fucking here, wasn't I? Why would he even think I'd stay if I'd been free last night to run off after murdering the horses? It was so ridiculous, it was almost laughable. I was shaking so hard I was ready to collapse.

"I don't know who it was," I muttered under my breath. I grabbed feebly at his thick wrist, finally finding my feet. My fingers bit into his flesh. "Maybe it was you," I snapped, then I flicked my eyes at the others. "Or him. Or him."

Shocked, wide eyes glared back at me. I was certain it actually was one of them. I just didn't know which one.

The fingers tightened. "Godsdamn scut! Being the whore of that maggot has obviously left you bold and cocky."

"And stupid," Charlie added.

"Take him out to the stables and strap him to the post. I'll get him to talk. One way or another."

I stiffened, biting the side of my cheek to keep from showing my dread. I'd known it was coming, and my mouth probably hadn't helped any, but I was so fucking tired. So tired of being thrown around, choked, hit and starved. Then to be accused of slaughtering Lord Ashton's horses? I hadn't been able to hold my tongue.

And I knew better. I really did.

Hell, if I'd known the poison was there, I might have been tempted to choke some down to put myself out of my misery. Maybe I should have run last night, just to have a day or two of freedom before... before... Liam caught up with me again and whipped me half to death for something I didn't know anything about. I tried to think of a lie that he would believe, but I was beginning to suspect it wouldn't matter what I said, whether it was the truth or not.

I knew I should probably be worried about what would happen to my mother now that I wasn't in Lord Barrett's service. I knew I should be focused on getting to Lord Ashton, at least telling him about his 'Lee' spy...

But at that moment, I didn't care. I just wanted...

Hell, I don't know what I wanted anymore.

To not hurt? Was that too much to ask for?

Casting my eyes back up at the steward, I could tell it was. Well, fuck him, if he thought I was going to fall apart into a quivering mess for him. The hell was I going to beg and plead for his mercy like a stinking undisciplined sod.

Samuel actually looked a little scared, which didn't make any sense. He hated me as much as the rest. What did he care what the steward did to me? And Donnelly had paled at the steward's threat.

"Maybe we should wait and deal with the horses first," Charlie suggested hesitantly. "Lord Ashton wanted everything inspected immediately to make sure nothing else is tainted. Marcus and Reth are combing over the barn, but the fields of the other livestock need to be checked, the grain stock..."

However, I barely heard the man as I met Liam's stony expression with my own icy stare. His lips tightened for a moment along with his fingers on my thin neck before he nodded and dropped his hand. I almost dropped as well but managed to brace my knees and clasp my hands behind me.

"You're right, Charlie. I'll deal with him when we're done cleaning up the mess he's made," Liam conceded. "Lord Ashton took off to check the outer fields. He may even want to deal with this whore himself this time."

By the Gods, I could only hope.

***

I shouldn't have been surprised when the door opened again shortly after the steward's intrusion. Charlie slipped in, a heavy cloth in his hand. I didn't even bother to move from my position on the cot.

"Get up," he hissed.

I moved slowly, not really in much of a hurry for whatever odious plan he had for me.

"Now, you little whore!" Charlie yanked me the rest of the way up by the arm. "I'm trying to save your hide."

I frowned at him as he wrapped the brown cloak around me. Save me? Charlie had never seemed too keen to help me before. Why was he willing to do so now?

"Liam's ready to kill you," he explained. "He's planning to whip you until you break. And from what I've seen of you, that won't ever happen."

As he ushered me to the door with a hood obscuring my features, I stumbled, lost in the confusion clouding my brain. He leaned close. "Follow me out like you belong here. My horse is out back. I'll drop you as far off as I can."

As he strode out of my cell, I was tempted not to follow. On the other hand, I figured this might be my last chance to taste fresh air, so I wandered out behind him. He mounted a grey steed, his eyes whipping around the gardens. The only two people around were busy in their own tasks and didn't care about their fellow servant going about his own.

I strode over, lifting my hand to him, and he dragged me up on the horse with him. He snapped the reins, urging the stallion forward, quickly making his way down a path leading away from the Sterling estate.

We didn't ride very long, so when Charlie finally pulled to a halt outside a grove of apple trees, I was surprised to be stopping so soon.

"Here." He forced me to dismount. "Head west, follow the sun. I'm sure you'll find... someone to help you," he said with an ironic smile.

Help me? No one had ever helped me before. Except Tareth and he was gone.

I landed on the ground, hissing slightly at the crunch of rocks and twigs under my bare feet. The hood fell off my head as I surveyed my surroundings. I breathed in the sweet scent of the apple orchard, earthy and crisp. A slight breeze rustled my limp ashen hair. Apparently, I stood there too long taking in the fresh air because Charlie kicked my shoulder with his boot.

"Go. Run, you sodding idiot."

I cast him a baleful look. Did he really think I was running anywhere? I was fucking exhausted already. I moved in the direction of the sun as he'd suggested for lack of anything better to do. I glanced back over my shoulder as I heard him snort and turn his horse away.

As soon as I was within the depths of the grove, I scoured the ground for several apples that were not half rotten on the ground. I took off the cloak, as it only made me hot and sweaty, and used it to carry a half dozen or so apples. While I crunched on one, the juices dripping down my chin, I savored the pulpy goodness.

I was sure I'd never tasted anything so satisfying, but then anything edible would have been heaven at that moment. I actually hummed blissfully, enjoying the freedom of just being able to wander, and infinitely thankful Charlie decided to drop me in a fruit bowl.

I only wandered far enough to collect several decent apples. There really wasn't any point in hurrying anywhere. I had nowhere to go, and here was better than anywhere else. At least there was some food.

I almost dropped my makeshift bag of apples when I spotted a lake as I came out of the grove. The thicket of branches, twigs, and roots gave way to a grassy meadow which dissolved into a sandy, pebbly shore before transforming into a wide lake. I gently set down my bundle of apples, taking a moment to revel in the feel of the soft mossy grass between my toes. Gods, it had been so long.

I dropped to the ground, falling back on my buttocks. I fisted my hands in the cool grass, relaxing as the earthy scent washed over me.

I could almost imagine I was ten again, sitting with my older brother watching the sun set at the edge of our father's small lake. I wondered if Tareth ever swam anymore, where ever he was. If he still enjoyed the outdoors, or had he become the aristocrat he'd always dreamed of being.

I scrunched my toes in the thick, jade turf as I stripped my oversize shirt and pants off. The water was too alluring to ignore. I nearly skipped to the water, almost stepping in a small fire pit near the water's edge. Apparently, the lake was enjoyed by others. I only hoped they didn't decide to visit today.

Wading into the cool waters, my feet scuffing in the sandy bottom of the lake, I sank under the surface. After a few minutes of enjoying the soft brush of the water against my skin, I grabbed a handful of sand and used it to scrub my sweat-slick body. It felt good to rub the grime of the last couple days, the last week really, away. Feeling refreshed from both my apple breakfast and my cleansing scrub, I lazily floated across the lake. As tired as I was, the water felt so wonderful caressing my skin that I didn't want to leave the lake.

It didn't take long for my weakened, starved muscles to tire, yet it felt good to stretch them out again in a way I hadn't done in so long.

I eventually dragged myself from the water. I slipped my pants and shirt back on; in case the other visitor of the lake happened by. As much as I might want to enjoy the cool air on my skin and the feel of the soft grass beneath my body I didn't want to be caught lying around naked as I used to when I was younger. Removing the apples from the cloak then bundling the coarse fabric under my head, I plopped back in the velvety grass. I devoured another apple before closing my eyes and forgetting the atrocity my life had become.