Running for Home - 23. November 6, 2021

November 06, 2021

I was working out in the gym today, overdoing it a little. I mean, of course I’m overdoing it, I’m stressed the fuck out right now with midterm grades and report cards for my students and even more so about this goddamn palimony lawsuit. So yeah, I went down to the staff gym in the subbasement to try and take out my frustration on the weights. I’m not sure when it started, but suddenly I felt like I was being watched. I didn’t hear anyone come in, mostly because I had earbuds in and some tracks playing to keep me pumped and drown out the uncomfortable emotions threatening to spill over. But yeah, I got this tingle up my spine suddenly, and when I turned and looked, there was Bobby all the way across the room. He looked away pretty damn quickly and tried to look nonchalant about it, but I could tell he’d been watching me and was nervous about it for some reason.

It pissed me off. I know I’m being juvenile about everything with him, but I just don’t want him anywhere near me. I don’t want to have to deal with him. I don’t want to see him. I just want him to fucking go away. His presence started getting to me, and I stopped paying attention to what I was doing. I started pushing my max lifts even further than I already was as I moved from machine to machine. And I kept checking on him, here and there, and I swear to you almost every time I looked over he was looking at me and then tried to make it look like it was just a passing glance if he noticed I’d turned towards him. Argh.

Eventually I got to the bench press. I was getting all aggressive and shit so I started loading up way more than I should have. The first few sets were fine, but I started to struggle as I approached my max. Stupid me, I tried to push it way too far, and suddenly I’m fighting with all I had to keep the bar from dropping down and crushing my chest or throat.

Of course Bobby had to save me. Of course. He starts yelling at me about how I could have seriously injured if not killed myself just for the sake of being macho, about how I needed to stop acting with my ego and start thinking things through before doing something and blah blah blah. Once I’d regained my breath, I just got up and walked away from him. He called after me, but I just told him he was wasting his breath telling me shit I already know. I don’t need him to make me feel even stupider and more embarrassed with myself at this point so just shut the fuck up.

And then I added, quietly, ‘thanks for saving me, asshole’.

I didn’t hear a peep from him as I walked out to the locker room. I changed quickly, so much so that I actually ripped my workout shirt a little bit. It made me punch the door of the locker beside me, which hurt like a bitch, but I guess I fucking deserved it for being such an emotional cunt. I elected to shower upstairs because I just wanted to be anywhere but in that goddamned place.

I ended up hanging out with Rachel and Xi’an tonight. They wanted to go to a bar, and I was in such a shitty mood that I figured getting drunk with friends would be wonderful. Well, they basically duped me, because there’s no way I’d have come along if they told me about the place we went ahead of time. It was a karaoke bar. A fucking karaoke bar! Not the asian kind where there are separate rooms for groups to go into and have fun in private, no the kind where you get loaded and make a fool of yourself in front of a room full of people who may or may not be as drunk as you are. But then there’s the judgy ones with the perfect voices and the perfect routines and all that shit. You’d fucking think it was their job to sing karaoke, they are so into it. To each their own, I guess, but for some reason I even find people who love doing cosplay to be less weird than people obsessed with karaoke.

So yeah, I was a little pissed when we got there and I ended up sulking for a bit. I was especially annoyed because Xi’an drove and we were a few towns over so I was pretty much stuck there with them until the girls were ready to leave. Rachel paid for the first round of drinks, and I took advantage and got a whiskey straight up and a beer, the one that the bar was featuring that night. The beer was some local craft shit, though it wasn’t actually shit. It was pretty damn good, to be honest. Hell if I remember what it was called though. I asked the girls why they hadn’t invited Jubes to come along, and if I was just her pathetic replacement. Xi’an smirked as Rachel told me that Jubilee was too good at this shit and sometimes they just wanted to have fun. I could totally see that being the truth and we all had a bit of a laugh at her expense as the two told me some stories about the crazy acts Jubes had put on when she was up on the stage.

I wasn’t going to sing. I really wasn’t, but the girls had other plans. They got me progressively more loaded, hitting me with hard liquor, shots, beer, everything. Xi’an got up twice and rocked out to some Pat Benatar and Joan Jett tunes - she killed ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot,’ actually. Never would have thought she’d have that in her. I razzed her about it, asking her how she could accuse Jubes of being too good when she was knocking them out of the park like that. Rachel also went up once and sang along to No Doubt’s ‘Don’t Speak,’ and she was decently good too. I don’t know, maybe i was getting too drunk and couldn’t fucking tell the difference anymore or maybe they actually have some hidden talent for this stuff. At some point I was loosey-goosey enough that they decided to put their plan in action. They dragged me up on stage and we sang Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’ I'm a baritone, so I had to sing it an octave down to avoid injury but it's a fine song for the girls' range. The crowd ate that shit up, lifting their beers up, swaying back and forth and singing along. It was surreal, a complete head rush. I never thought I’d be doing something that would elicit a reaction like that from people. I’m glad I was drunk, though. I wouldn’t have had the nerve otherwise. There’s just something so exposing and personal about singing… It’s hard for me to describe. It’s like when people judge you for your appearance, but it hurts even deeper because it’s such a powerfully physical and integral part of your identity.

Xi’an and Rachel tried their best to convince me to go up and do a solo, but I wouldn’t. They wanted me to sing A-ha's 'Take On Me,' which is a fucking awesome song, but I wasn't having any of that. They were a bit disappointed, I know, but they were happy enough that I actually got up on stage with them in the first place. Hangover will be a bitch, but fuck if I cared. It was good to hang out with the two of them, just the three of us. To be honest, I’d consider going back to that place with them again. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that, but seriously, it was a fucking awesome night.