Jump to content
    Lux Apollo
  • Author
  • 773 Words
  • 1,909 Views
  • 5 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction that combine worlds created by the original content owner with names, places, characters, events, and incidents that are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, organizations, companies, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Authors are responsible for properly crediting Original Content creator for their creative works.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Stories in this Fandom are works of fan fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Recognized characters, events, incidents belong to Marvel Comics <br>

Running for Home - 25. November 10, 2021

November 10 2021

 

 

Xi’an asked me to help her improve the teaching resource library today. I’m not sure why she asked me, considering I only started teaching two months ago and I have no formal training beyond the Journalism degree I stumbled through while Dom was locked up. I wasn’t even asked to be a teaching assistant for any of the freshman or sophomore classes that I aced because they had a surplus of graduate students for that job. That was part of the reason my accounts started to run dry when they did. I blew a shitload of money going to UCLA and was too dumb to work more hours part-time because I was trying to fall back on my writing for cash and keep getting my name out there to advance my career. I thought my cash flow would stabilize after I finished and had more time to write and more opportunities with a bona fide degree in my hands. I was producing some Grade A shit, after all.

Xi’an told me that for now it was more about pulling together materials like textbooks that they could use. Apparently she has some connections and can get review copies of textbooks either for free or on the cheap. I haven’t said yes yet. I mean, I don’t know when I’d find the time to do this on top of everything else. She says it doesn’t need to be a priority, but she’d like to accumulate at least a few things before the year is up. In case I don’t like it here. In case I decide to call it quits.

I wasn’t able to say anything once she laid that out, the quitting part. I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do after May, not in a long time. I’ve been too wrapped up in what’s been happening day to day. Suddenly I was wondering about where I’d be if I remained in L.A. after Dom and I broke up. Or, where would I be if I’d finally moved somewhere else I’d wanted to live, like Portland or Seattle. Would I be farther along writing one of the many novels I’d started but never came even close to finishing? Would I have been captured by a new idea and been able to sell it to my old publisher?

The answer is probably not. I’m not stupid. Without the distraction and necessity to get shit done every day I’ve worked here at the School, I probably would have just been wallowing in self-pity for months. By the time I’d have got back on my feet, this lawsuit would probably have been hitting me in the face and I’d be completely screwed. Or, maybe not. I probably wouldn’t have had any money left to pay out. Maybe the lawsuit would never have happened, and instead I’d be caught up in an abusive gaslighting cycle with Dom, like the one JP described going through. I thought about what I might have done, with Dom crawling back to me and pretending that he could do better and we could make things right. I don’t know for sure if I would have let him, but at the same time I’m pathetic enough that I probably would have fallen for the trap, over and over.

You know, there’s part of me that wonders if that’s what happened, what led up to this lawsuit. Dom tried to come back to me, only to find me gone. Then he searched for me and somehow overcame the efforts I’d made to leave as little a trail as possible. I still wonder how he found out where I am.

The School website. Shit, that had to be it. Emma or Sean probably put up a profile of me, or made some welcoming announcement on there. It probably would have come up in an internet search fairly easily. I never explicitly told them I wanted my presence here to be hush-hush, so this is 100% my own fault. Fuck. I can see his reaction now, realizing that I was back here. Back at Xavier’s. Back with our perennial foes from the Brotherhood days. Back with people I’d claimed to hate with my entire being. I wonder if that alone was enough to make him want to hurt me, to hurt me even more than he’d already done. I wonder if, realizing I would now have money again, he could hurt me without having to deal with me one-on-one and he could still get what he wanted anyway – a free ride.

 

 

I feel sick.

 
© 1963-2022 Marvel Comics, Walt Disney Company; All Rights Reserved; Copyright © 2017 Lux Apollo; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 10
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction that combine worlds created by the original content owner with names, places, characters, events, and incidents that are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, organizations, companies, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Authors are responsible for properly crediting Original Content creator for their creative works.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Stories in this Fandom are works of fan fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Recognized characters, events, incidents belong to Marvel Comics <br>
You are not currently following this story. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new chapters.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

:no: St. John really needs to stop putting himself down and blaming himself all the time. It's not healthy. But then I guess his state of mind isn't exactly good, eh? And he never gets a break, some new shit always pops up to hit him where it hurts. :(

  • Like 2
Link to comment

John is reverting again, and it's all because of Dom. It's amazing how an ex reappearing can throw us for a loop and set us back again. It's happened to me, and I get him here. It's sad, though. He needs a win, in any form... someone to love would be good for him... find him someone, lux... he's breaking my heart... it's awesome what you accomplish in so few words... cheers... Gary....

  • Like 2
Link to comment
On 10/31/2016 05:49 AM, Headstall said:

John is reverting again, and it's all because of Dom. It's amazing how an ex reappearing can throw us for a loop and set us back again. It's happened to me, and I get him here. It's sad, though. He needs a win, in any form... someone to love would be good for him... find him someone, lux... he's breaking my heart... it's awesome what you accomplish in so few words... cheers... Gary....

Thanks, Gary. I don't think any journey is without setbacks, whether it's when times are good or when times are bad. John has a lot on his plate, for sure. I doubt Xi'an was trying to spiral him into more self-loathing, but breaking him out of his immediate reality for a moment so he could think of the broader future was probably good for him. Unfortunately John chose to ruminate on Dom and what could have been. It's a thought pattern so many of us easily fall into.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
On 10/30/2016 06:11 PM, Timothy M. said:

:no: St. John really needs to stop putting himself down and blaming himself all the time. It's not healthy. But then I guess his state of mind isn't exactly good, eh? And he never gets a break, some new shit always pops up to hit him where it hurts. :(

His self-blaming and whatnot is going to be a hard thing to break himself of. I think it's something that he's been guilty of for most of his life - probably something that started in his childhood. Hmm... when we learn about his parents, maybe we'll get a glimpse into that. I think the good thing is that John does know that his mental health isn't the best. He hasn't talked about it yet, I think, but it will be addressed.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
On 10/30/2016 06:11 PM, Timothy M. said:

:no: St. John really needs to stop putting himself down and blaming himself all the time. It's not healthy. But then I guess his state of mind isn't exactly good, eh? And he never gets a break, some new shit always pops up to hit him where it hurts. :(

His self-blaming and whatnot is going to be a hard thing to break himself of. I think it's something that he's been guilty of for most of his life - probably something that started in his childhood. Hmm... when we learn about his parents, maybe we'll get a glimpse into that. I think the good thing is that John does know that his mental health isn't the best. He hasn't talked about it yet, I think, but it will be addressed.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..