Running for Home - 29. November 27, 2021

November 27 2021

Ever since that incident in the weight room a month ago, I’ve never been alone in there. This was not anything of my doing, either. At first it was just Bobby showing up a lot, but other people started being there too. I switched around a few of my regular times to try and get some privacy and alone time again, but it has started to feel like it is impossible to avoid Bobby’s almost constant presence even when he isn’t actually around and it’s other people in there with me. It was obvious he’d told at least half the staff about what happened.

Why couldn’t he just leave this alone?

It pissed me off. It was just a goddamn one-time thing, not a stupid pattern. I love how he thinks he has the right to just assume things about me and then take action as if I need his help. I’ve been getting more and more pissed off about it. Today when Piotr walked in, I finally broke down and asked him if Bobby had said anything to people about that incident, or if this was all in my head. Nope, I was right on target. Before Pete even said anything I knew it just by the guilty look on his face. Bobby had asked a bunch of people to help him keep an eye on me in here. I walked over to the punching bag and started taking my anger out on it because it was a better idea than lifting more weights for a while. Don’t want to prove Drake right by making the same goddamn mistake again just because he pisses me off.

Piotr came over to hold the bag for me. He apologized, saying he didn’t tell me about it because it really was a serious thing and they were worried about me since they all knew how stressed out I was about the palimony suit and Dom being a motherfucking asshole beyond the outer limits of belief. He didn’t want me to think that they were trying to control my life, to baby me along. But they all wanted to keep me safe and to be truthful it wasn’t just about me. It was about all of us. There were a number of people who’d been using the room alone like I had, and people just kind of came to the consensus that we shouldn’t be doing that anymore. There was too much potential for accidents that wouldn’t be discovered quickly because the room was relatively isolated in the training wing of the subbasement. It wasn’t like the Danger Room. There weren’t automatic safeties in place to keep us out of serious danger, and all of us were using the free weights quite a bit with our training.

I felt like a bit of an idiot for overreacting to all of this. I muttered something at some point that it was a miracle that Bobby actually talked to anyone as it is. Piotr corrected me on that one. Apparently Bobby’s actually started socializing again in the last month, maybe even increasing it over time. He’d spent some one-on-one time with each of Piotr and Jean-Paul, and even got together with both of them at the same time once. I’m not sure why I was only finding out about this now, but whatever. It’s not like it matters to me. It’s not like I’m following all his activities like he’s the hot celebrity topic of a sleazy gossip rag. Piotr said that his hangout with Bobby was almost like things were back to normal, but Jean-Paul had told him that there was a bit of awkwardness in his interactions. That same awkwardness was much more evident the night Bobby was with the two of them at the same time.

I don’t know what to think of it. I mean, why should I think about it, anyway? It’s not like I care who he hangs out with, as long as he leaves me be. Maybe, though, he’d taken my words to heart and had realized he wasn’t as respectable as he thought when it came to dealing with us queers. It seems like he still has a long way to go, but at least he’s trying. That’s more than can be said about a lot of people.

I told Pete we were due to hang out sometime soon, just the two of us, with or without the vodka. I don’t know what it is about him, but it’s a lot easier for me to relax with him and just open up. I can rely on him to give me honest and level-headed advice when I need it, just shoot the shit about random things, whatever. He can still drink me under the table, of course, but at least nowadays when I’m only just beginning to be completely hammered he’s at least tipsy. When we managed to sneak some alcohol during my last year here as a teenager, Pete was always a bit left out since it took so much more to get him going than the rest of us. It's that huge body of his, and probably something in his Russain genes too. I’m glad Jean-Paul is secure enough with their relationship that he’s okay with us hanging out that way. JP and I get along pretty well. When the two of us get going with the snark, it can get everyone laughing along pretty good. He can be a bit serious at times, though, and when one or both of us is in a bad mood we can butt heads. Piotr finds it amusing because the things that get us mad at each other are the personality traits that JP and I have in common. He’s also good at defusing things between us before they get out of hand, so there’s that.

Hmm. Maybe the three of us should head into the city this weekend and go dancing or whatever down in the Village. It’s been forever, and the last time we were there the girls came along. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but the dynamic is a bit different when they are around. Jubes has turned into such a fag hag that it’s not even funny. But yeah, a night out with the boys could be a lot of fun. Maybe I’d even find someone to go home with. My dick is getting pretty tired of my hand, to be honest, and Grindr isn’t really an option out here in the Salem Center area. Just too few guys who like to fool around. I guess I shouldn’t really complain, though, since a one-nighter or even just a one-hour thing isn’t what I really want.

Sometimes I wish I’d stop being so fucking stubborn about not doing the one-night stand thing anymore. I’ve considered doing the online dating thing, but it really is a bit of a turn-off. From what I’ve heard the sites are supposedly good at matching people up, but I also hear they are better at making friends than finding people with good chemistry to go along with the rest of the important stuff. That’s not to say that I haven’t trawled some of the sites to see what was out there, but I’m not sure I’m willing to pay money for the better services they offer.

Regardless, going out to some clubs in the City would be more about having fun than finding a hookup. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one, actually. Dom just really wasn’t into the gay club scene, surprise surprise, so it just didn’t happen while we were together. I did go out a number of times while he was locked up, though. I was always a bit paranoid, though, not being there with friends. There is always shit that can go down - drinks being roofied, picking the wrong person to go home with… It’s just safer to go with at least one other person you know. Fuck, it makes me sound like I’m a fucking pussy to write that, but it’s true. I guess the other thing is that I was trying to avoid the temptation to use drugs. I had a lot of pain back then, still do, and drugs have always been something I’ve found myself attracted to. The part of me that wants to always be in control has kept me from doing anything but pot and some ecstasy a couple times in the past. I guess I should be glad for that.