Morningstar: The Malaise - 12. Chapter 12 Reprieve

Morningstar: The Malaise

Chapter 12

The sun was certainly up, judging by the brightness bombarding his closed eyelids. So was the wind. The back-and-forth brushing of leaves against glass broke through that serene state of semi-consciousness, nudging Kellar to acknowledge the new day. The warm body in his arms, though, was encouragement to ignore what beckoned outside this cocoon he was sharing with the person he loved. The man who wasn’t his.

Dammit. Why did he let that gut-wrenching thought intrude on such a special time? There was no avoiding the answer. This physical closeness was only going to make their impending separation hurt even more. This guy did not belong to him, yet here he was in Kellar’s arms.

Although he didn’t believe Tobyn was in love with Tilly, the man made a decision a long time ago, and she, or a girl like her, was part of that commitment to Morningstar pack. Kellar’s brain told him they shouldn’t be doing this, but his heart never wanted to let go.

He opened his eyes to view the top of the head using his chest as a pillow. His friend was breathing deeply… contentedly. It felt and sounded so right, but only to Kellar. Tobyn would eventually wake and be embarrassed. Until then, he couldn’t resist planting a soft kiss on sand-colored hair possessing three shades of gold.

Forcing his thoughts from the beautiful man, he let them settle on the previous evening. They had done it. He was a healer who’d actually cured cancer. Holy crap. What an accomplishment to try and wrap his head around. It was a shame he couldn’t share it with the world, but the drain it had on his and Tobyn’s body meant it was something he couldn’t tackle often. He’d never been anywhere close to that out-of-it before, and Tobyn’s colors had dimmed alarmingly.

He also had no doubt he would have failed if not for being able to tap into another person's strength. He’d been dangerously depleted before he’d drawn and converted the energy from his friend. Could he channel like that with anyone? Or just with Tobyn? He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but as with everything else happening, he had nothing concrete to go on.

Maybe, in some small way, he’d played a part in halting the extinction of his species. Adelin now had the chance to help replenish their numbers. Only time would tell what overall impact this healing would have. He smiled inwardly at remembering how Tobyn had called it a miracle. It wasn’t, of course, but for sure it would give the pack hope.

Was there more he could do? Ideas were swirling in his head, but they were only ideas. He had noticed a few things when he was around other shifters, but whether they were significant or not, he had no clue.

As strong as the urge was to leave, to protect his heart, there was one thing he would have liked a definitive answer for. It may not make a difference in his life, but the more he thought of it, the more he wanted to know, for peace of mind if nothing else. Still, even though he didn't want to be dwelling on anything after he left Morningstar... and Tobyn, he didn't think he could handle sticking around. Maybe, sometime down the road, he'd be strong enough to come back and not feel devastated.

Tobyn’s cadence of breathing was changing, so he prepared for their double-edged connection to soon end. He planted one last kiss, feather light, and waited for the inevitable. It wasn’t long before his companion began to stir. Checking his colors, Kellar could see no sign of the tired and inflamed joints he had before they went to bed, and his strength was back to his new normal. In fact, it was closer again to his own robust level. The initial comatose-like nap at Adelin’s, and a good follow-up sleep had set them both to rights.

Closing his eyes, he feigned slumber, giving Tobyn an out from the awkwardness he’d feel at their physical closeness. Slight stretching brought a small groan from the man before more stretching… and then complete stillness. Kellar could imagine the look on Tobyn’s face as he absorbed their entanglement, but kept his eyes closed. The last thing he needed was to see the mortified expression his friend likely wore.

Sure enough, he detached himself and slowly pulled away, taking the throb of his erection with him. Kellar gave him another minute, and then began stretching himself, pretending to slowly waken. He opened his eyes to hazel ones, and ascertained from the look in them that the jig was up. Tobyn hadn’t bought his sleeping act.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. Sorry I was all over you like that.”

Kellar was going to continue the attempted ruse, but what was the point. It had been proven over and over that Tobyn had the ability to read him in the same way he could read the blond man. “I’m not. It was nice. It helped me get some much-needed sleep.”

Tobyn ignored his attempt at light-heartedness. “I’m sending you mixed messages, aren’t I?” He was studying Kellar’s face with an unreadable expression, but Kellar sensed guilt.

“No… no you’re not. I have no illusions. We are friends, and that’s how it is. Friends can hold each other,” he said with a grin. “But, maybe they shouldn’t shower together.”

Tobyn didn’t laugh. He didn’t even smile. “We were going to talk last night?”

“We did. You said two words and proceeded to conk out,” Kellar teased. He was not going to let this get heavy.

“Sorry. I was so tired. I wanted to have a conversation, but….”

“You were tired because we cured a young girl of cancer, my friend. We need to be happy about that. Your pack didn’t lose another member.”

“I know. It’s unbelievable what you… my pack?” The room got almost eerily quiet… even the wind outside stilled. “You’re leaving, aren’t you? That’s what’s been wrong. You’re leaving because of me.”

Kellar groaned. “I don’t want to do this, man. Look, it’s not because of anything you did. Would you want to hang around if the situation was reversed? It’s new, and I admit I’m kind of raw, but I’ll get over it.” Flustered, he sat up. “You’re the best friend I’ve got, Tobyn. Really, the first one I’ve ever had in my life. I feel like I’ve known you for years, not days, and if I stick around here, I’ll screw that up. I need some time, is all. Okay?”

Tobyn said nothing. Finally, he nodded. Getting up, he walked naked toward the door, and Kellar’s eyes locked on rolling ass muscles. Without turning, he spoke. “I’ll use the shower in my room. You take the one in the main bath.”

A minute later he knocked softly on the door frame. Kellar’s head was still in his hands, but he glanced up at the sound. Tobyn had put on some boxers, but they did nothing to hide how appealing he was. “It’s pretty late, but maybe we can still get breakfast at the lodge, and talk about when you want to leave?”

“Sure.”

Tobyn turned to go, but didn’t get very far. He turned back around, looking sad. “Kellar?”

“Yeah.”

“I wish things were different.”

“I know that. I really do… and I understand. I’ve never been part of a pack, but I can see… feel what it means to you. You’re committed and you have your reasons. It is what it is.”

Tobyn sighed, nodded, and disappeared.

The walk had been uncomfortable with some extremely awkward small-talk before they gave up, falling into uneasy silence. Kellar hated what was happening between them, and dreaded the coming discussion. He needed to leave today. Entering the lodge, all conversation around them stopped. Kellar figured he probably looked like a deer in headlights as he stood in the large, open room. “Hey, everyone,” Tobyn called out to the six... no, seven people having lunch at one big table. The rest of the room was empty.

A big guy who looked to be in his thirties stood up. “Hey, Tobyn. That was a quick trip. Welcome back.” He walked towards them. “This must be the healer Adelin just told us about? Hi, I’m Hutch.” He held out his hand in greeting.

“Hey, Hutch. Kellar.” He shook the offered hand. “Good to meet you. You saw Adelin?” He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of her being out of bed just yet, but then again, maybe some activity had been good for his recuperating patient. He would have to check on her later.

“Yeah, she was in here a few minutes ago, singing your praises. Tilly too. She told us what you did, and I’ve got to tell you, Kellar, that girl is special to all of us, and we all want to thank you. What you did… man, she looks so good… it gives us all hope things are turning around for us, you know?”

“That’s good… the hope, but, ah, no thanks are necessary. I’m a healer… it’s what I do.” Kellar wanted to run and hide from the faces staring at him. He knew they were expecting him to say more than his lame response, but his tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Dammit.

“I’d say you’re more than just a healer. What you did was a miracle, plain and simple. Will you join us? Let us show you some Morningstar appreciation?”

Tobyn interrupted. “Hey, Hutch, not to be rude, but Kellar had a pretty tough night. You know what they say about the bigger they are, the harder they fall,” he said with a grin. “Sorry… we’re going to have to take a rain-check. We need to talk and do some planning, so we’re going to sit over by the window today.”

“Oh, sure. Thanks again, Kellar. We’re counting on you sticking around, so we’ll talk another time.”

“Yeah, some other time.” A furiously blushing Kellar looked at Tobyn, who, after a quick glance, turned and walked toward the far side of the room. The set of his shoulders gave away his tenseness. God, this was hard. Kellar managed to return the greetings from the others as he walked past the upbeat table.

Scanning the room after they sat down, it was obvious to Kellar the pack was affluent, or at least had been. Quality surrounded them, from the scattered rugs on the hardwood flooring to the furniture lining the walls, and some really superb paintings. He wasn’t keen to turn his attention to Tobyn, but he couldn’t avoid it. “Thanks for rescuing me. I’m not used to attention.”

“I know.” Tobyn stared out the window. “It’s going to be choppy out on the lake.”

“I’ve never been on a boat.”

“Really? We should take a boat out.” Tobyn hesitated. “Or not.”

“Tobyn….”

“There you two are. I missed you for dinner, but I found out the reason this morning. Adelin looks wonderful,” Elinor exclaimed as she breezed up to them. Kellar stood up and was immediately engulfed in a hug. “My son was so right about you. I’ve never seen an actual miracle before. Thank you. Morningstar is indebted to you.” She released him after kisses on both cheeks, and turned to her son. “You did great, Toby, going out and finding us such a powerful healer. This is the first positive thing to happen to our pack in a long, long time.”

It was his friend’s turn to get one of those motherly hugs, and Kellar watched with mixed feelings. They were all expecting him to stay. I wish they would stop thinking it was a miracle.

“Are you joining us for breakfast, Mother?”

“Oh, no dear. I had breakfast hours ago, but Marjorie is bringing me tea when she delivers your breakfasts. I asked her to cook up the full platter for our heroes. Sit, sit. So, what are your plans for the day?”

Kellar jumped in quickly. “We haven’t decided yet. Maybe your son will take me on a little tour after we eat.” He gave the blond man what he hoped was a subtle pleading look, and Tobyn raised an eyebrow. The last thing Kellar wanted was to engage in a conversation about leaving with both of them at the same time. It was going to be difficult enough as it was, and frankly, his instincts told him he'd be no match for Elinor.

“That sounds like a good idea. If your wolf is up for it, maybe you could take him for a run over to the gorge, or spend some time at the lake?”

“We’ll figure it out, Mom.” He sent Kellar the slightest of eye-rolls before changing the subject. “So, anything new around here?”

“You were only gone for two days,” she remarked with a grin. “Although, there is something that did happen. Digory has run out of patience. He wants to retire from the garage and work part-time in the livestock division, and you know what that means.”

“Closing the shop?”

“Unless we can produce a mechanic out of thin air, yes. I can’t blame Dig; he’s been holding on way longer than he wanted to, but he’s gone through two apprentices, and neither one can do the job. Losing the business income is bad enough, but even worse is that we’ll have to pay for all our vehicle and equipment maintenance now.”

Kellar interjected at this golden opportunity. “I know a mechanic.”

Elinor turned her attention to the big man. “Is he a shifter, dear, because we can only have our own kind work the businesses? It’s too dangerous to work so closely with humans. We can never take the risk of exposure.”

“I understand that, and yes, he is.”

“He is? Wonderful. Can you vouch for him? Or his pack?”

Kellar could see the confusion on Elinor’s face, and Tobyn was watching him speculatively. “I can’t actually vouch for him. He did a good job of fixing my truck, but he, ah… he didn’t seem to like me. I’m pretty sure he lives alone. I thought all of us did.”

“What do you… why did you think shifters were loners?”

“I’ve only met two, and they both lived in isolated areas by themselves. Neither of them liked me asking questions about our kind, that’s for sure.”

Elinor looked from him to her son. “Do you think this is a sign packs are disbanding? Maybe they’re all from the same pack. Why would there be lone wolves? It’s against our nature.”

Tobyn was still staring at Kellar. “There’s only one way to find out. Where does this mechanic live?”

“He has a garage about 45 miles north-east of my place, so about two and a half hours from here… maybe a little longer.”

Elinor looked shocked.” How could he be that close and we not know about him?”

“I don’t know, Elinor. He’s in an out-of-the-way place, but I know he’s only been there about a year… at least, I think he’s still there. He fixes everything from snowmobiles to four-wheelers to full-sized vehicles. I’m pretty sure he does boat motors too, because I remember seeing one in his shop. I have no idea whether he does farm equipment, though. If you think about it, Morningstar didn’t know about me either, and I’m not much farther away than him.”

“That’s true… the fact is we haven’t been looking for others until now. Maybe we should have been,” she said, almost to herself. “Well… what do you think, Tobyn? He sounds like exactly what we need.”

“Yeah, he does. Maybe we should go talk to him. Kellar, do you think you could take me to meet the guy?”

“Yeah, sure, but I don’t think that will work. He ran me off last time with a shotgun. Said I asked too many damn questions, and he had nothing to say. He insisted he just wanted to be left alone, and to get my truck fixed somewhere else next time. Elinor, maybe if you came with us, as one of the pack leaders, he’d be more inclined to talk.”

“Are you saying he’d be more likely to talk to a woman?” She gave a little snicker, and Kellar laughed.

“A pretty one, yeah.”

She chuckled again. “You know, I haven’t left this compound in ages. Let me see if I can clear my schedule. Maybe we could go make this man an offer tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes, if that’s okay with you?”

He nodded, with a quick glance at Tobyn. The man’s expression was unreadable, but Kellar sensed he was both pleased and worried.

“I don’t know about this. If he’s a wolf living alone, and he chased Kellar off with a gun, it might not be safe to approach him.”

“You mean for me to approach him. Tobyn Berenger, I do not need protection from the world. I think your friend is right. A little feminine persuasion might be in order. If he’s cute, I might even flirt a little.”

Kellar found her playfulness amusing, and while the mechanic may have been cantankerous, he hadn’t appeared to be crazy at the time. He foresaw no danger to Elinor.

Tobyn gave an over-the-top exasperated sigh, but he smiled at his mother. “Okay, road trip with my mom. This should be fun.” He surveyed Kellar for a few seconds before letting a grin escape. “You’re going to pay for this.”

Kellar shrugged, and gave him a smirk in return. This could end up providing him with some important information, and maybe even some insight into the overall plight of wolves, but it was too soon to know. There were a few things niggling at his brain. They needed to talk to this lone wolf in person. If nothing else came of it, he might at least know where other packs were located, and that would help Tobyn’s quest.

With perfect timing, two sweetly-gushing women brought them a breakfast feast. What was one more day spent with the beautiful, sandy-haired man? Kellar could handle it. He had to.