Running for Home - 44. January 3, 2022

January 03 2022

I won!

No, seriously. The judge basically threw the case out and publically chastised Dom’s lawyer for bringing it forward in the first place. He ordered Dom to pay my legal fees. I have trouble believing that money is ever going to appear but what-the-fuck-ever, I won! I am so glad Emma recommended Vange. She was flawless. Dom’s lawyer was a slimeball that I wouldn’t have trusted a nickel of my money with, let alone a case like this. I feel like Dom might have been played by that lawyer. No, not might have been, he was definitely played. There’s no way his lawyer couldn’t have known they had little hope of winning. Needless to say, Dom was pissed. He was seething, but I was actually a bit surprised that he kept himself under control and didn’t say anything he’d regret to the judge. He didn’t even approach me to so much as toss out a parting insult.

Seeing Dom for the first time in six months was simultaneously angst-ridden and liberating. I had to really keep myself in check at the beginning. The anxiety over how the hearing would go was just pushing my anger and resentment to new heights and I really had to keep myself in check to avoid saying things I would have regretted during the proceedings. The very sight of him made my blood boil, and the lies, half-truths and hyperboles they based their case on made me want to scream. But at the same time I couldn’t help but feel relief, like I’d dodged a bullet at the last millisecond. Getting away from him is one of the best things that’s happened in my life. I’m glad I had Jubilee there for moral support, even if she couldn’t sit in with me. With all that emotional turmoil, I needed it.

I high-tailed it out of the courthouse the moment it was over. I didn’t want to stay in there any longer than I had to, didn’t want to listen to any words of contempt Dom might have had to say to me even though he didn’t immediately approach us. I didn’t need that, and I didn’t care. I’m free of him. Even he can’t be idiotic enough to push for an appeal of this decision. It was unambiguous.

After the hearing I went directly back to my hotel. I texted Bobby and then had a quick video call with him to tell him the news before I went to sleep because I was utterly exhausted. I almost can’t believe how much energy that took out of me. I just woke up from the nap. I sure needed it to recover before tonight’s festivities. I’m having a victory dinner with Vange in a bit and then going out to celebrate by having a night on the town with Jubilee.

I’m free of Dominik now. Completely free.

I know this should feel like the end of something, but instead it feels like a beginning. I guess that's what it is, right? This last vestige of my relationship with Dominik is done and over with. I can move on with my life and move forward with Bobby. Maybe, just maybe I can let myself feel a little more than just victory here. Maybe I can look up and out and allow myself to see the beginnings of a bright future. My bright future.

I don't know if that's a good idea, though. I need to just take every day as it comes. Things will always happen, come up, wreak havoc and change things. Nothing ever turns out the way you want, to one extent or another. If you asked me six months ago if I thought I'd be standing here with Dom gone and Bobby stepping into his place... If you asked me six months ago that, hypothetically, if this were to happen, would I have thought this new relationship could be a success?

The answer is no. I'd fuck it up. I'd say all the wrong things at the wrong times. I'd be too bitchy, too picky, too callous, too prideful. I'd drive him insane until all he could feel is resentment. And then he'd leave me, alone, clutching a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of booze at the edge of a high cliff.

I guess I've changed a lot, haven't I? Enough that I actually have hope that this relationship can - no, will work out. That Bobby is my forever-home. That I'm the luckiest motherfucker on the planet. I have hope that if I work hard at this relationship, I can keep it going. We can keep it going. That's right. Part of that hope is that I feel like it's not just that there is a Bobby and a St. John, but also an 'us' that we're building. That thing that is greater than the sum of our individual selves. That thing that can hold you up when life sucks as much as when life is a joy.

Now here I am wanting nothing more than to feel his arms around me, to kiss those lips, to taste him, smell him, be enveloped by him. If only he was here with me, or that all of this was happening in New York, that I was going home to him tonight. I guess Skype will have to do for now. Besides, just a couple days ago I was telling Bobby I wanted to go slow, wasn't I? It's what I wanted. What the rational part of me still wants.

But really, when have I ever been rational, anyway?

None of this matters right now, though. I won. I fucking won. Dominik is gone.

Nap, then celebrate.

Bring on the fucking champagne!