The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 15. What Could Be

-----------------------------------------------------------------RYDER------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe it’s how much I like Teddy, maybe it’s the confidence I’m getting from this E.P., or maybe I’m just tired of being alone. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been this friendly. I mean sure, when Mike was here I wasn’t exactly ‘friendly’; but I helped Liz, I joked around with them, I even sang for them. That’s how you become friends with people isn’t it? This is what I want, isn’t it? I’m happy…aren’t I?

I couldn’t help but nervously fix my hair as I looked up at Teddy’s father. “So, um, you finished listening to it already?” I began, trying my hardest to hide the anxious tremors. He doesn’t look happy, or excited. Did he hate it? I knew it wasn’t that good. I knew I should’ve changed around some of the songs. I knew that when it came down to it, my writing wouldn’t compare to real music. “I, uh, you…”

“Stop thinking so much.” He warmly smiled, finally breaking the silence. “It’s like I can see parts of your brain working through your eyes.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” I mumbled, never knowing if it was a good thing or not. “So, what did you think?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure what to think.” He confessed, not helping to calm my wave of concern.

“Oh.” I involuntarily let out. He did hate it. This E.P. was a mistake. Everything about it is wrong. I should’ve just stayed at the barn playing small sets. I never should’ve…

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He comforted, picking up on the tone in my voice. “I just didn’t think it would…it was just…I…I didn’t expect a seventeen-year-old to write lyrics like that.” He exhaled, trying his hardest to piece together how the music made him feel. “It’s obvious you’re not the most popular kid in school. It’s not exactly easy for you to walk through those hallways.” He began as the smile faded from his face. “But I guess I assumed that’s where it started and ended. That bullying was what makes you so withdrawn and skittish. But after listening to those five songs, I’m not so sure about that anymore.” I shifted my mouth from side to side, not sure how to respond. “It all runs so much deeper than that, doesn’t it?”

“Everything at school, it’s just the start of it.” I confessed, unsure why I was letting him in that much. It’s one thing to let Teddy in, but this isn’t even Teddy. Yet, I’m just as comfortable around his father, why?

I could see the concern in Harry’s eyes but at the same time there was a layer of underlying pride there. “I can’t even imagine.” He shook his head. “That E.P. doesn’t make you smile. It doesn’t make you laugh. It makes you feel.” He explained with more life in his voice. “Do you know what it takes for music to make you feel? Do you know how many rock stars or legends wish they could have their music hit listeners as hard as yours does?”

I nodded my head, but could still feel doubt creeping in. “Maybe I should make it a little less…”

“No!” Harry interrupted me. “Don’t change a thing lyrically. This E.P. needs to be heard.” As my eyes began to fall he reached out and placed a supportive hand on my shoulder. “I know this is a lot to ask of you but you need to keep this type of music going. You need to write from you heart the way you did on this CD.” He exhaled, holding the small plastic case in his spare hand. “People need to see that there are others that feel the way they do. More importantly, they need to see a person feeling the way they do find success. I’ve seen so many musicians go through struggles with doubts, or mental illness, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone put words to the struggle so well. I don’t think anyone’s written the way you have. I don’t think the music world knows the storm that’s coming.” He must’ve seen the doubt grow in my eyes because his grip on my shoulder got firmer. “You’re going to change rock, you’re going to be a star, and your music is going to go on forever. But before any of that, before you’re playing sold out arena’s and topping the charts, you’re here, and you’re always welcome here. Our door is always open for you Ryder, I hope this will always feel like home.”

I stood there for a second, just letting his words hit me. I can’t remember the last time someone encouraged me like that. Hell, maybe it was my own dad. “Thank you.” I shook my head, not knowing what else to say. “I…it’s been a long time since I’ve heard anyone say that. I…thank you.” I forced out, still speechless by what he had to say. “I don’t know what else to say.” I nervously laughed.

“Don’t say anything.” He shrugged. “Just keep writing and playing music the way you do.” I saw a smile spread across his lips as he looked over to his son sitting on the couch. I wonder if Teddy’s told him we’re almost dating. I wonder what he would think. I wonder if he would still encourage me the same way, if he would still treat me like family.

With one last encouraging nod, he patted me on the shoulder then gave me a light push to return to my new friends. I couldn’t help but wear a smile as Teddy’s eyes connected with mine. This time I could see the gears in his brain turning. I’m not sure what they were talking about, but it clearly was making him think.

“Any chance you could…”

“No Dad!” Teddy interrupted, not letting him finish the sentence. “We’ll see you later!”

“Just one song.” He insisted, but Teddy was trying his hardest to shut it down.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I put the guitar back around my neck and started playing the opening to Wild Side by Motley Crue. Teddy reluctantly groaned as he heard the familiar sound of music in the air. “Why are you encouraging him?” I shrugged my shoulders but kept the song coming. “He’s never going to leave us alone now.”

“When you get better taste in music I’ll stop bonding with your dad.” I teased him over the roar of the guitar.

“Motley Crue is overrated anyway.” Blake shouted trying to start up whatever trouble he could.

“You’re really trying to get kicked out of this house, aren’t you Mr. Ramsey.” Harry joked, watching on from the stairs.

“He’s got a small mind.” I shrugged, quickly stopping the guitar and pivoting to chorus of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. “He likes simple bands.”

“This song isn’t simple!” Blake defended, in an almost aggravated tone.

“I could play it with one hand if I really wanted to.” I teased, with a smile. I could see Liz’s eyes narrowing in on my hands as I effortlessly let the music ring out. Even if she didn’t like the music, she really was interested in what I was doing. It was like she had never seen live music before. “What kind of music do you like?” I asked, shifting my attention towards her.

She shrugged, uncomfortable by the sudden spotlight. “Pop I guess.” She yelped over the guitar.

For a second I thought about showing her the cover of Pill in Ibiza, but decided against it and started playing a more pop based rock song I knew. I could feel their eyes fall on me as they tried to pick out the words I was singing. I could tell the soft airy voice I was using threw them off. I mean I’ve sung lightly for them before, but never this soft and clear. New found confidence took over as I hit the main chorus and gave in to the moment. My rock voice seemed to combine with pop tones as I got lost in the song.

Harry couldn’t help but laugh and shake his head in pride as I finished up the chorus. “See, that’s all I wanted.” He nodded, climbing back up the stairs.

“Was that song satanic?” Teddy yelped, looking from me to his dad “Why did you want that?”

“Music is music.” He laughed, just happy to have gotten a song out of me.

“Why were you singing it like that?” Liz wondered, looking from Teddy to me.

“It’s how the song goes.” I shrugged. “It’s supposed to be melodic and clean to make it seem even creepier. I mean it also sounds kind of popish. But since I only have a guitar, I don’t know if that came across.”

“So, what style can’t you sing?” Liz asked, still trying to get a grasp on my voice. For some reason talking with her isn’t like talking to other people from Hudson. She’s kind and doesn’t care what people think. Of course, that may just be a perk of popularity, but at least she uses her status for good.

“How many times can you ask that question?” Teddy interrupted with a proud glow. Whatever indecision he was facing has seemed to slip his mind for now. I just hope it stays that way.

“I’ll stop asking it when he answers the damn question!” She insisted, but I simply shrugged my shoulders and lightly strummed the guitar.

“If he’s not going to answer that question, I guess we’ll just have to ask him the one that’s on everyone’s mind.” Blake exhaled, looking from her to me. Teddy awkwardly shifted in his seat, unsure of what Blake was about to ask. “What did you mean when you told Mike you won’t be in school next year?”

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the question. “Is that what’s been bugging you?” I asked, as my eyes connected with Teddy’s.

“Yup,” he let out, but I could tell there was more to it than just that. “So, you’re just dropping out?” I shrugged my shoulders once more, not sure if I was even allowed to tell them about the future plans for the band. “How do you not know?” Teddy pressured, allowing some of the built-up tension to release.

“I do know.” I muttered, as I placed the guitar down and took a seat right next to him. “I just don’t know if I can say.”

“We won’t tell anyone.” Blake promised, nodding towards Liz.

“You’re not who I’m worried about.” I confessed, keeping my eyes on Teddy’s.

“You don’t trust me?” He let out, trying to hide whether he was hurt by what I had said or not.

I slowly shook my head, trying my hardest not to hurt his feelings. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just…”

“You’ve got a big fuckin mouth.” Blake finished for me, not caring whether Teddy would be offended or not.

“You like to brag. And if you say it to Mike and it gets around, it could really hurt my band.” I explained, secretly hoping that he could string together the right words to get me to speak.

“I won’t tell a soul.” He swore, placing his hand over his heart. I bit my lip and shrugged once more, knowing he needed to do better than that. “I swear on my life?” He tried but once more was met with silence. “Yours?” He laughed, beginning to have fun with it, before finally leaning in to my ear and whispering, “On our relationship.”

I saw Blake glance towards Liz and smile, as they both tried to figure out what he had whispered. At this point I really don’t care who knows I like Teddy. Who knows, maybe if I play my cards right they’ll pressure him more towards me rather than away. “Alright.” I exhaled, before they could tease us about what was whispered. Suddenly I felt my hand nervously begin to tap as I thought over all the plans Teddy’s uncle had gone over with the band. “Well,” I gulped, as my heart began to beat faster, “your uncle showed demos of the two songs I played for you yesterday to some big promoter and he said that if those songs are as good as their demos we can play Warped Tour when it comes to Jersey.” A huge smile of excitement filled Blake’s face as he put together what that could mean for me, while Teddy sat there thinking about it all. “Then,” I began, as my nerves got even worse, “if the crowd likes us and we sell enough of our CDs, we can join them on the East coast leg of the tour. And…”

“And you’ll meet the bands there. And one of them will sign you as an opener!” Blake shouted, as he jumped up out of excitement. “Holy crap Ryder! You’re going on tour!”

“No.” I raised a hand and shook my head. “I have the chance to play Warped Tour, hundreds of no names play it every summer, it doesn’t…”

“Okay, but you’re not a no name.” Blake shook his head. “I mean, right now you are, but you won’t be. People in this area know you. Once the regulars from The Barn hear you’re playing Warped, word will spread. People will go just to support you.”

“No, they…”

“Tickets are only like twenty bucks.” Blake argued. “They spend more than that on food and beer at The Barn. They’ll happily pay that to see a real set from you.” Blake shook his head as his brain overloaded just like mine had when Martin pitched me the idea. “A Day to Remember made it on this track, Bring Me the Horizon made it on this track, Beartooth made it on this track, Rise Against made it on this track, Escape the Fate made it on this track. HELL! Avenged Sevenfold made it on this track!”

“Stop.” I yelled, as my brain started to overthink it all. “Let’s just take this one step at a time right now Blake.”

“So, that’s why you’re rushing the E.P.” Teddy examined, as he kept a cold look on his face.

I took a deep breath, not even realizing how he might take the news that I won’t be in school with him. “Yeah.” I nodded.

“You said you still had a lot of work to do on those songs last night. What happened?” He shook his head, trying to piece it all together. “I was just thinking that the E.P. you gave my dad was like a very basic version, but it’s not, is it?”

“I stayed up all night fixing the songs.” I forced a smile, and stared in his eyes as if it was only the two of us in the room. “Then I went to the studio with the guys this morning and we rerecorded most of the songs. There were only five, so it didn’t even take long. I still have last minute changes I want to make to the sound of it, but yeah.” I swallowed hard as anxiety racked my body. “That wasn’t a basic version, it’s almost done.” Teddy’s face stayed cold as he thought over everything I had said. “I can’t wait for you to hear the cover of Pill in Ibiza.” I squeaked, not sure how to read Teddy’s reaction.

“When’s Warped Tour?” His question was emotionless.

“Two weeks.” I exhaled, as my hand began to shake more.

“Where do I get a ticket?” He asked, turning and looking towards Blake.

“I don’t even have a spot yet.” I exhaled, trying to get him to look back at me. “Nothing is certain, I mean the agent from Warped only heard demos, he could totally hate the real…”

“He won’t.” Teddy forced out, turning back to me. “My uncle will make sure of it, I know how these things go.” He exhaled, recalling stories his uncle must have told him about other bands.

I nodded my head, and lightly placed my hand over his. “I’m already looking into getting you guys passes, don’t…”

“No, I don’t want a giveaway, I want to support you.” Teddy insisted, not caring that Blake and Liz were overhearing our conversation. “I want to buy tickets to your first real concert.”

“Don’t be stupid.” I nervously laughed. “Just take the pass, besides,” I nervously blushed, holding back some words.

“What?” Teddy asked, hoping I would just spit out what was on my mind. “Ryder.” He nervously spoke “What?”

“I kind of told the band that you would sell CDs at our tent while we played.” I blushed with a nervous laugh. “We need someone working the tent the whole time, and I don’t know, I figured you have a good personality and…” A small smile took over his face as my words connected with him. “What’s that smile for?” I sighed leaning back. “Just, Blake do you want to work the…”

“No!” Teddy interrupted. “I’ll do it! I’m just, you thought about me?” He asked as a blush formed on both our faces.

I guess I did. I mean it may not have clicked that we won’t have senior year together, but I guess I had been thinking about bringing him along on the journey. I have been thinking about how hard it will be to be away on the tour, and how much I’ll miss him. “Yeah.” I let out with an embarrassed smile. “I mean how could I not.” I sheepishly forced out.

A small smile formed on Blake’s face as he stood up and discreetly nodded to Liz. “We gotta get going. I’ve got house work to catch up on, and I’m Liz’s ride.”

“Yup!” She supported him, jumping up as Teddy and I kept our eyes locked, nearly unphased by what was going on around us. “So, we’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” I responded absently, still not paying them any attention. Teddy’s eyes began to drift away, and I realized it wasn’t like him to just let people leave without walking them out. “Go ahead.” I sighed.

“So, we’ll do this again soon…” Teddy began, standing up and walking towards the garage door.

Blake followed, but Liz stayed back for a second, keeping her eyes locked towards mine. “I’ll be out in a second.” She gestured, as they approached the garage door. Blake and Teddy shared a confused look but left us anyway.

I awkwardly scratched my head, not sure why she had decided to stay behind. I could tell she had something important to say, but didn’t know how to put it. “Thanks,” she finally spoke, breaking the awkward silence.

“For?” I asked, feeling confused suddenly.

“For letting me vent to you about Mike.” She explained. “No one really lets me do that. Teddy and Blake are kind of clueless. When I’m angry they usually just let me scream until I calm down, but you didn’t.” She slightly bit her lip, thinking over the altercation. “You understood my anger. You knew where I was coming from. You knew how to calm me down.” I shrugged my shoulders and smiled, not knowing how to respond. “I’m sorry for the way people treat you.”

“Don’t be, you’re not the one making fun of me.” I forced out, now knowing what else to say.

“No, but I also don’t stop it.” She exhaled, moving a little closer. “But you don’t hold that against me. Is it because of how you feel about Teddy?”

I nervously laughed as another blush formed on my face. “I don’t have any feelings…”

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.” She comforted. “He really likes you too. He’s not as tough, and cunning as he makes himself look.” I titled my head, not understanding where her sudden confession was coming from. “He comes across as smart, brave and confident. He fakes it every single chance he gets, but the real Teddy,” she shook her head, “he’s soft hearted, soft spoken, and loyal to the bitter end. He’s fragile.” She admitted. “Just please, don’t hurt him. Blake and I, we’ve put him together more times than anyone could imagine. He’s more like you than you think.”

“I won’t.” I swore with a nod of my head. “But what if,” I swallowed hard as indecision filled my head. “What if we’re both too fragile? I need someone who’s strong, not…”

A laugh escaped her lips as she walked by and ran her hand threw my hair “Don’t you see? You’re the strong one Ryder.”

“No, I’m…”

“You constantly put Mike and his friends in their place.” She interrupted once more. “Even if you fall apart at the end of every day. Even if they torture you for it, you never stop. That takes more strength than anyone in all of Hudson has. Everyone talks about how Teddy’s a leader. How he’s the one who will go out and unite people. But that’s because no one has been paying attention to you. You’ll bring people together in ways he could only dream of.”

I shook my head, disagreeing with almost every word she said. “I have no idea how to be a leader, I’d just fuck it all up.”

“That’s why you have Teddy.” She shrugged, finally reaching the door. “Let him show you how. Together,” she shook her head once more as her smile spread, “you two will be what this world needs. Goodbye Ryder.”

“Bye.” I forced out, carefully thinking over everything she had told me. When Teddy walked back into the basement I found myself falling quiet and simply watching him. Who is the real Teddy? Have I met him? Do I know him as well as I thought I do? Or have I always known the fake person Liz was telling me about?

“So,” he smiled, sitting nearly on top of me. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.” I shrugged, wanting to keep the moment between Liz and me. “We were just talking about some small stuff.”

“Ah,” he teased with a smile. “Sounds like a whole lot of nothing.” I leaned my head against his shoulder but kept my eyes focus on his face. “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I go through phases where I think you don’t care about me. I’m sorry I can be such a mess some nights.” I exhaled as I began to open up for the first time in my life. “I really don’t want to screw this up. I’ve never had anyone care about me the way you do.”

“You’re not screwing anything up.” He giggled, trying to figure out if something Liz had said sparked this side of me. “I knew what I was getting into the day I invited you over for that party. The real question is, do you know what you got yourself into?”

“I don’t know if I do.” I confessed. I know he was being playful, but I can’t let this sit on my mind. It’ll destroy me if I do.

He laughed at first, figuring I was teasing, but quickly kissed my forehead as he realized how serious I was being. “Why’s that?”

“Because I can’t see the line between the real you and the fake you.” I exhaled. “I assumed I was going to get the real you at the game yesterday, but I got the fake you. Then today I thought I was going to get the fake you, but I’m getting the real you, I think.”

“Your mind really does go in circles, huh?” He inquired, taking a long look into my eyes. “I told you, I learned my lesson yesterday. I’m going to try and keep the fake me as far away from you as possible.”

“Promise?” I exhaled, as my head slip off his shoulder and onto his chest.

“Promise.” He repeated my words before leaning his head against the top of mine.

We just laid there in silence for a few minutes, heads on top of one another. Enjoying being with one another. Somewhere in it all, I could tell Teddy knew what was coming. I could tell he knew that pretty soon, these small moments won’t be possible. He knows where I’m headed, and I can tell he’s more nervous than scared. I just hope he sticks around with me through it all. If Liz is right, I’ll need him.

*Ghost "Square Hammer"