Rivers of the Dead - 19. 2-8 - A Recipe

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Cucumbers: Ethan had never seen a more phallic vegetable. Ever since he'd come to fully embrace his sexuality, it just seemed he saw penises everywhere. The cucumbers were just the latest and greatest in a long list of phalluses eager to tantalize Ethan's mind with dirty thoughts.

Ethan didn't entirely understand why they were at the grocery store. Liz had said something about taking the night off from studying magic, but she'd been saying that quite often lately. He didn't want to make too much of a fuss, but he was certain he'd begun closing in on the magic necessary to bring Caleb back, even if it had taken a lot longer than he'd planned. Two months had already passed since Caleb's death. Two months, and Liz was starting to tire of this plan already.

He wanted Caleb back and thought she did, too, but she was already beginning to forget. She wanted to move on; he could see it in her eyes whenever they spoke about it. But he longed to hold Caleb, something he never had a chance to do before. He wanted to kiss him, to touch him, to do all the nasty things that two people in love could do.

He noticed Liz coming up from the side and said, "What did the spell call for? Oregano? Why are we in the produce section looking at tomatoes?"

"I told you, we're not doing a spell tonight," Liz said, grabbing a bunch of tomatoes connected on the same vine. She put them in the basket and fixed him in an exasperated stare. "We're making pasta sauce."

"Yeah, but we can pretend, can't we?" Ethan said, pouting.

Liz giggled and said, "I think you're getting a bit too addicted to magic."

Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and said, "I am not even remotely addicted."

Liz gestured with her head to behind Ethan and giggled again. "Then exactly why are the cucumbers levitating?"

Ethan glanced over his shoulder and realized there were two cucumbers hanging in the air, one was thrusting back and forth slightly above the other one, which pointed downward at an angle and bounced in time with the thrusts of the first. Ethan cut the spell energy, and the cucumbers dropped to the bin of cucumbers beneath them. "It was an accident. I was thinking about . . . things." He blushed a shade of red to make the tomatoes jealous and avoided Liz's gaze.

"Oh fuck . . ." Liz said, sucking in her breath.

"God dammit," Ethan said, turning back toward his friend, annoyed that she'd made fun of his absentminded casting. "I can't help it, okay? I haven't had a good fantasy since . . .;" he stopped when he saw the look of fear in Liz's eyes and followed her gaze toward the front of the grocery store. "What's wrong?"

"That was gross, and I wasn't talking to you," Liz said. She inclined her head toward the front of the store and said, "Jake Sanders just walked in."

Ethan took another look and noted a tall, greasy-haired young man straighten from picking up a shopping basket. "Oh, isn't he your weed dealer?" Ethan asked.

"Could you say that louder?" Liz hissed.

"Yes," Ethan replied, then raised his voice almost to the point of yelling. "Hey, isn't that y—" Liz clamped her hand hard over Ethan's mouth.

"Shut. Up," Liz said dangerously, but the damage was already done. Jake had heard the noise and looked their way. After recognizing Liz he headed toward them. Ethan smirked at Liz and wiggled his eyebrows before studiously returning his attention to the produce.

"Liz . . ." Jake said as he neared. "I see Caleb isn't with you. Good, I'd have to beat his ass into the ground after last time." He laughed at his joke, despite the glare he earned from Ethan as his head swiveled around at the mention of Caleb's name. "Hey, isn't your name Eth—" Jake started, and then scratched his head as his eyes lit up in recognition. "What the fuck? Hey, ain't you dead, man?"

"Holy shit," Liz whispered, sharing a wide-eyed glance with Ethan.

"What the fuck is going on?" Ethan asked, looking from Liz to Jake. "Did you tell him? Him of all people?"

"Hey, I swear a couple months ago you told me your friend Ethan was dead," Jake said, raising his hands in defense. Then he clapped Liz on the arm and said, "Where the hell have you been, anyway? You were my best customer!"

Liz stared at him incredulously, "So you don't remember what happened last time I was there?"

"Hell yeah I remember! Best blow job I've ever had," Jake replied. "You should do it professionally; sheeeeit."

Ethan opened his mouth in surprise, and his eyes lit up at this new piece of information he could lord over Liz next time they had an argument. Liz caught that look and tried to put an immediate stop to it. "Ethan. Shut up," she growled, forcing a smile back to her face as she turned to Jake. "So you remember . . ." She was fishing for information, not wanting to give up any more herself without finding out what Jake knew first.

Not wanting to give up any more. The thought made Ethan snicker, and he started levitating another cucumber so it was at the height of his head. It started thrusting back and forth as Jake answered the question.

"I remember Caleb threatening me, but it's in the past. Still, glad I didn't run into him today."

Ethan opened his mouth and stood sideways in Liz's view, the cucumber on the other side of his head, continuing to float in midair as it thrust back and forth, giving the appearance from Liz's view that he was sucking on it.

"Ethan!" Liz shouted, and Ethan immediately let the cucumber drop as Jake turned around to see what was going on.

"What?" Ethan asked innocently.

Liz glared at him. "You do realize how serious this is, right?"

"Yeah, so he remembers me and . . ." the realization hit Ethan hard. "Oh. He wasn't affected by the memory alteration. That is serious. Sorry, I guess my mind was elsewhere."

"Glad you finally caught up," Liz said dryly, "Are you done playing with the vegetables."

Jake raised an eyebrow. "Memory alteration? What are you two talking about?"

"Spell gone awry," Ethan explained, shrugging. "No one is supposed to remember that I should be dead."

"Really?" Jake asked. He nodded thoughtfully. "Huh. Must be that protection spell I have over my garage. If I was there when it happened, there's no way your spell affected me."

"Wait. You do magic?" Liz guffawed.

"Yeah, princess," Jake said with a snort. "How do you think I keep the cops away? I'm the most famous drug dealer in town, and yet there's never a cop to be seen when my deals go down. I'm a mother-fucking sorcerer."

Ethan rolled his eyes and said, "That line is old by this point."

"So am I," Jake said. "I'm like thirty. I think. Let me do some math . . ."

Liz and Ethan shared another skeptical look. "But you went to school with us."

"Yeah, transferred in when I was 'fifteen', right?" Jake said, grinning like a fool. "I still look kind of baby-faced, don't I?" He laughed like he'd just heard the funniest joke in the world. "My dad was a hippy with some crazy-ass hippie mojo. He knew some spells that, used in the right combination, could make you young forever. Of course, they don't make you immortal. He got shot after sleeping with the wrong girl and her husband found him in their bed. See, I can still get killed all the other ways, but the mojo keeps me young and sexy and able to bang high school chicks without the ick factor."

Liz looked like she was going to puke and turned away from him. Jake watched her with confusion and opened his mouth to say something else, but she raised her hand. "Could you just stop for a minute? I'm feeling a pretty strong ick factor right now."

"That sounds like the strongest spell I've ever heard," Ethan said excitedly, pulling Jake aside. "Young forever, you say?"

"I don't know, man. You came back from the dead," Jake replied, whistling. "You telling me that mine is the strongest spell ever? Whoever pulled off that shit could do way better than a fuckin' eternal youth spell, shit."

Liz straightened again, breathing hard. "You have got to be the least well-spoken warlock I've ever met."

"I don't like that word, 'warlock'. Makes me sound less peaceful," Jake said, puffing out his chest. "I prefer 'sorcerer'. Makes me sound all bad-ass."

Liz stared at him hard. "You carry a gun around."

"Ah come on, princess. It's not like I use it," Jake replied. "I got magic, what the fuck do I need bullets for?"

"Liz, we should use him," Ethan said enthusiastically. "He could help with the spell."

"Spell?" Jake said. "Yeah, probably not. I'm usually too high to cast anything, and not on the stuff that makes casting easier. I haven't cast much in the last few years."

"Come on," Ethan begged, "I need to bring Caleb back."

Jake looked at Ethan in confusion. "What do you mean? Isn't Caleb still around?"

"Caleb exchanged his soul for Ethan's," Liz explained. "Caleb's dead."

"No kidding," Jake said, laughing. "That twerp was the guy who cast the spell? Fucking bad-ass!"

"Nope," Ethan said, "that'd be Liz."

Jake gave Liz an appraising look, then smiled as if he'd just won the lottery. "Oh yeah, you're a witch. I remember you having that rep. Makes sense why I always wanted to bang you."

Liz blushed, turned, and started walking away. "Okay; we're done."

"But I thought we were going to make pasta," Ethan said, taking a step after her. She turned back toward him and saw the eagerness in his eyes. Biting his lip nervously, he said with a great deal more sincerity, "Liz, we could use him."

"I like Italian," Jake said from behind Ethan.

"All right, fine," Liz said, throwing her hands in the air. "We'll bring him in on our plans, but only if he promises to stop making passes at me."

"All right, princess. That I can do," Jake said, then glanced down at Liz's legs, following them up to the cuffs of her shorts. "Just as long as you don't mind me looking."

Ethan snickered and reached out with his magic, making several of the cucumbers stand erect in the bin. Liz's vicelike grip on his arm broke his focus and made him release them yet again.

"Ethan," Liz begged. "Please stop playing with the cucumbers."

Don't forget to comment and react to this chapter! Also, special thanks to my Patreon Supporters: Michael, Bill, Charles, Amr, Don, James, Joe, Jos, Mark, Mark, Paul, Steve, John, Frank, and Sam. Couldn't have done it without them. Email me at Samuel.D.Roe@gmail.com to be put on my mailing list!