Re-Verse - 5. Two Floral Odes

Well I like them.  Like the flowers they honor beauty does not require perfection.

2 hours ago, Valkyrie said:

I like them both, but the descriptions in the second one stick out with me, particularly in the last stanza.  Well done, Northie.  

Thanks, Val. I was amazed 'Quetzalcoatl's' fitted into the rhythm. Or I think it does ... 

30 minutes ago, dughlas said:

Well I like them.  Like the flowers they honor beauty does not require perfection.

Thanks, dugh. I was pleased with them, but not all the elements that should be there are. 

4 hours ago, northie said:

Thanks, dugh. I was pleased with them, but not all the elements that should be there are. 

 

What 'should' be there, in my humble opinion, is what feels right to the poet. I have much respect for structure, but in describing what we see or feel, form sometimes needs to take a secondary role, or get thrown out altogether.   I like these... they are beautiful... nothing is missing... and your words reveal a gardener's love for her 'children.' Well done, my friend.

8 hours ago, Headstall said:

What 'should' be there, in my humble opinion, is what feels right to the poet. I have much respect for structure, but in describing what we see or feel, form sometimes needs to take a secondary role, or get thrown out altogether.   I like these... they are beautiful... nothing is missing... and your words reveal a gardener's love for her 'children.' Well done, my friend.

Thanks, Gary. I enjoy the challenge of incorporating the appropriate structure (or trying to). But as you say, you get to the point that the words are more important. Saying what you mean.   

Quetzalcoatl's gift, now flowing,
Burnishing over all

Fabulous!

I am in full agreement with @dughlas. These are wonderful sapphic studies of flowers. I can hear the buzzing of bees and see the colored sunshine on the petals. 

On 6/11/2018 at 5:53 PM, asamvav111 said:

Fabulous

Thanks!  The general opinion on the other site was that the second ode was a little over the top. (I have toned it down since.)

4 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

I am in full agreement with @dughlas. These are wonderful sapphic studies of flowers. I can hear the buzzing of bees and see the colored sunshine on the petals. 

Thanks, dear friend. And all without bothering you ... 

22 hours ago, northie said:

Thanks!  The general opinion on the other site was that the second ode was a little over the top. (I have toned it down since.)

Can't comment on that since I haven't seen that version, but this is much restrained and eloquent, especially the use of "Quetzalcoatl". 

1 hour ago, asamvav111 said:

Can't comment on that since I haven't seen that version, but this is much restrained and eloquent, especially the use of "Quetzalcoatl". 

That stanza was unaltered. I was proud to be able to fit Quetzalcoatl in ...   The first was less good, so that's where the changes were made. 

I had to look up Sapphic Ode. I had never heard this term before. I am not knowledgeable enough to comment on your success with the format, but your poems both contain some great word choices and beautiful word pictures. Thanks. 

17 hours ago, JeffreyL said:

your poems both contain some great word choices and beautiful word pictures.

Thank you! I remember writing these; they were quite hard work. Getting the right elevated tone and fitting the scansion rules were taxing.