The Hollow Hills - 30. Chapter 30

Galen

The heat from the casserole felt good on my lap as Josh pulled his old Chevy truck into Jody’s driveway and parked in front of his house. The cold breeze made the loss of the comforting warmth more pronounced as I exited the vehicle and walked around the front toward the driver’s side door. I danced in place, trying to keep warm, as I waited for Josh to join me.

He sat, staring forward. I frowned, then balanced the nine by thirteen pan on my arm as I knocked on his window. Josh looked at me, then I saw his chest and shoulders rise and fall with his sigh. I wondered what the issue was. Josh opened the door and slid out of the truck.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he replied shortly.

I rolled my eyes. “Communication,” I stated and stepped into his path, blocking his access to Jody’s front door. I was freezing and wanted nothing more than to run inside, into the warmth of Jo’s house, but this needed to be nipped in the bud. I wasn’t going to deal with cranky Josh all afternoon and sure as hell didn’t want my friends to either.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and clenched his jaw. “Fine. It sounds stupid, but I’m nervous about meeting your friends.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand. You’ve met my friends. What’s there to be nervous about?”

“This is my first time meeting them as a couple.”

As a couple. I liked the sound of that. We hadn’t been out much since our first date a month ago, but I hoped to change that. I smiled and stepped closer to him. I ran my hand along his arm and squeezed. “You have nothing to worry about. They’re all happy for us.”

“I’m not used to—”

I leaned closer and kissed him. “Relax. It’ll be fine.”

He nodded. “This is all so new to me.”

“Well get used to it, because I want you to be a part of my world, and Jody is a big part of it. Besides, Alannah and Liam will be here so it’s not like you don’t know anyone. And you know Jody, even if you haven’t socialized much with him.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Relax, and have some fun. Between the magazine and the barn, you’re always busy. All work and no play make Josh a dull boy.” I winked.

Josh smiled and pulled me close, causing me to balance the casserole dish precariously to the side. He nuzzled into my neck and kissed below my ear. “I’d much rather play.”

I laughed and gently pushed him away. “You’re going to make me drop this.” I held the dish with two hands and turned toward the door. “C’mon. It’s freezing out here.”

We headed inside—Jody had told me not to bother knocking—and were greeted immediately by Sally.

“Galen! Josh! So good to see you both.” She hugged Josh, then took the casserole from my hands and kissed my cheek.

“Good to see you too,” I replied.

“What did you bring?” Sally headed toward the kitchen and Josh and I followed.

“Alannah shared her shepherd’s pie recipe with me.”

“You cooked? It doesn’t have chicken in it, does it?” Jody enveloped me in a bear hug.

I wiggled out of his crushing embrace and lightly swatted him on the arm. “Yes and no.”

Jody turned to Josh and held out his hand. Josh moved to shake Jo’s hand, but my best friend pulled him into a brief hug, whispering loud enough for me to hear, “Please tell me you supervised him. I don’t want everyone getting food poisoning.”

Josh laughed and winked. “Don’t worry. Your guests are safe.”

Jody grinned. “Good to know.”

We headed into the living room, where the rest of the guests were congregated. I recognized most of them, including Ben and Ethan. Ethan frowned when he saw us, and a rather… colorful… man glared at us and hugged, then kissed E. I’d seen him before, when I visited Jo at one of his worksites. His hair was bright blue instead of the crimson red I’d seen in the past. It was still arranged in giant, gelled spikes, and I think the man had even more piercings than last time. His arms were covered in tattoos and wrapped protectively around Ethan. I couldn’t remember his name, even if his presence was unforgettable.

I didn’t blame either of them for their reaction. Things hadn’t ended well between Ethan and me. I was happy to see he found someone new, even if it was what appeared to be an unlikely pairing. Ethan nodded when we made eye contact.

“Hi, Galen. Josh.”

“Hey, Ethan.” I looked at the man next to him.

“This is Elliot.”

Elliot seemed spiky in more ways than one. I smiled and held out my hand. “Nice to meet you.”

He glowered at me as he shook my hand once, squeezing with excessive force. It hurt, but I didn’t let it show. I looked back at E. “I’m happy for you.”

Ethan clenched his jaw, then nodded.

Thankfully, Liam and Alannah chose that moment to arrive and drew our attention away from the awkward exchange. I hoped Ethan and I could get past our issues and get along for Jody’s sake. We were Jo’s closest friends, so I didn’t want any tension between us.

I wasn’t going to let anything ruin my good mood. I left Josh with Liam and Alannah and headed toward the kitchen. Jo intercepted me and pulled me into the hallway off the kitchen. He pulled me close, squishing me. “You’re in a good mood.”

I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face and whispered in his ear, “I gave Josh a blow job last night.”

He let go of me and laughed. “Yeah? How’d it go?”

I smirked. “I think you’re the only straight guy on the planet that wouldn’t be grossed out by that statement.”

Jody grinned. “Wanna hear what I did last night?”

I grimaced. “There isn’t a gay guy alive that wants to hear that.”

Jo laughed. “Seriously though… I’m proud of you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re proud of me for giving my boyfriend a BJ. Now there’s a statement you don’t hear every day.”

Jo clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Not everyone’s been through what you have. I think you’ve turned a corner.”

I nodded and clenched my jaw. Jo brushed my hair away from my forehead and smiled.

“Dinner’s ready, guys,” Sally called down the hallway.

Jo and I broke eye contact and headed into the kitchen to grab plates and fill them with food.

I sat on the couch, in between Josh and Ben, as I ate my dinner. I felt relaxed, despite being around all these people. I knew the majority of them, and being around friends, off the farm, was comforting for a change. I looked up when Jody stood in the entryway between the kitchen and living room, his arm around Sally.

“I suppose you’re all wondering why we decided to have a party.”

“Like you need an excuse for a party,” Ben called out, producing a chorus of laughter.

“Yeah, well this time we did,” Jo replied. He inhaled, pulled Sally close, patted her belly, then said, “Brace yourselves. The Williams are spawning.”

“Jody!” Sally smacked her husband on the arm.

Everyone present reacted with a mixture of laughter and ‘congratulations’, followed by hugs for Sally and back slaps for Jody. I waited until the throng cleared, then smacked Jo on the arm.

“You should have waited until Halloween to tell us. Then you could have done an ‘Alien’ costume and had that thing sprout from Sally’s belly,” I stated.

Jo made a face. “How the fuck did I not think of that?”

“You’re slipping, daddy.”

“Daddy. I have to say I never thought I’d hear myself called that under these circumstances.”

I stared at him. “Me either.”

“Just goes to show what a difference a year makes. We’ve been trying for a while now. I have to admit, I’m going to miss the trying.”

I stood rigid in front of him. His words had hit me like a brick wall. What a difference a year makes.

“Galen?”

We were approaching the anniversary of my kidnapping.

*****

The porch swing creaked rhythmically as I pushed myself back and forth with my leg and stared absently at the sunset. The farm was a blaze of color between the endless expanse of trees in full fall splendor and the crimson sky full of puffy, illuminated clouds. I failed to see the beauty, though. The red skies reminded me of blood and the shadows cast by the trees made me wonder what monsters lurked within, waiting to hunt their prey.

I sighed and pulled my blanket closer around me. While I knew these thoughts were irrational, I couldn’t stop them. My life was finally on an upswing, so why did I feel the need to go back to the darkness I had faced over the past year?

The horses were settled in the barn for the evening, content with their piles of hay. Josh was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Alannah had retreated to Liam’s for the night. I should have been helping my boyfriend get our meal ready. Instead I was sulking like a petulant teenager. At least that’s what I felt like.

I jumped when the door slammed and scowled as Josh approached with two steaming mugs. I lifted up the edge of the blanket with one hand and took one of the mugs with the other. Josh sat next to me and curled the blanket around him. We sat silently, sipping our hot cocoa, staring at the darkening skies as the sun descended.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Josh said quietly.

I leaned my head against his shoulder. “Haven’t we been through this? I thought the price went up, even though they’re not worth that much.”

Josh put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. “You’re right; the price did go up. Quarter for your thoughts?”

“More like a nickel.”

“There’s not enough money in the world to pay what they’re worth.”

I exhaled sharply. “Seriously. You don’t want to know.”

“You’re wrong.” He rested his head against mine. “You’ve been quiet and jumpy ever since Jody’s party last week. Talk to me, sweetheart. Did something happen there?”

I shook my head then nodded. “No. Yes. Well sort of.”

“Well that’s clear as mud.”

“Nothing happened. Not really. It’s just—”

Josh held my hand and rubbed circles on it with his thumb.

“It’ll be one year in a couple of weeks,” I stated.

Josh stiffened and pulled me closer. “No wonder you’ve been so subdued. I’m sorry. I should have asked you sooner.”

I lifted my head and looked at him. “No. It’s fine. I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet lately.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “No. I just want things to be normal. I feel like I take three steps forward and five steps back. I’ll never be normal again.”

“Maybe it’s time to make another appointment with Daniel. You haven’t seen him in a while.”

I huffed out my breath. “Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.”

“Are you hungry? Dinner’s ready.”

“Not really, but I’ll eat.”

“I made beef stew.”

“Sounds delicious.”

We rose from the swing, and I moved to grab the blanket, but Josh stopped me and drew me close, hugging me tightly. “There’s more, isn’t there.” His question was said as a statement.

A year ago, I’d run out the door we were about to walk through, crying for a quite different reason. Josh had rejected me—chosen Roger, an abusive asshole—over me. The sting of that rejection had never gone away, despite the devotion Josh had shown me since. Back then, I never imagined him welcoming me into his arms, his life, or his bed. I clenched my hands into fists around Josh’s shirt and tried unsuccessfully to stop the sobs that burst forth.

Josh held me as I cried into his shoulder. He entwined his hand through my hair and around the back of my head, rubbing slow circles underneath my ear in my favorite comforting gesture. I trusted him, didn’t I? Why couldn’t I take that final step and be with him physically? Did it have to do with how many times he’d pushed me away in the past? After a few minutes, I took a shuddering breath and looked up at my partner. The love in his eyes made my breath hitch and my doubts ease, even if they weren’t completely erased. He leaned his forehead against mine and kissed me.

“It’ll be OK sweetheart.” He wiped the tears from my face. “I love you. We’ll get through this together.”

“I love you too.”

Josh took my hand and grabbed the empty hot cocoa mugs. “Let’s go have dinner.”

I followed him inside, into our home.

*****

I woke the next morning to an empty bed. I wasn’t surprised. It’d been a rough night for both of us. While we’d made some progress with the physical aspect of our relationship, we still had a ways to go. Thinking about the anniversary had put me on edge and very much not in the mood for anything beyond a quick kiss.

I’d given Josh a blow job a few times, but wasn’t ready for him to reciprocate. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me, and we had a bit of an argument during the night. He was trying to be patient and understanding, but I don’t think he understood why I was reluctant to let him get physically close. And I wasn’t willing to tell him why.

I used the bathroom, then threw on my barn jeans along with a long-sleeved shirt and sweatshirt. I figured Josh was riding Dragon, so I headed to the barn. I was right.

I watched from the side of the entrance to the indoor arena, hiding in the shadows. Josh and Dragon cantered around the ring, then approached a line of jumps and sailed over the obstacles effortlessly. My heart soared along with them. Riding Dragon on the flat—which simply means at the walk, trot, and canter, and not over fences—was one thing, but I never thought Josh would jump again.

Josh and Dragon headed around the corner and cantered down the ring diagonally toward a large oxer—a fence consisting of two sets of poles and standards to add width in addition to the height. They took off a little too close, and Dragon’s front feet knocked one of the rails to the ground with a resounding thud.

I jogged into the ring to reset the jump without thinking about my actions. Josh pulled Dragon to a walk, looked at me with an unreadable expression, then cued the horse back into a canter and circled around to approach the fence again. This time, they cleared it with room to spare, and Josh eased Dragon down to a walk again and headed over to the side of the arena where the quartersheet hung. I grabbed it and flipped it up and over Dragon’s hind end, then headed into the barn to start the morning’s chores. I figured I might as well feed them as long as I was there.

I was efficient at my job, and had the horses fed and watered by the time Dragon was cool and Josh brought him into the barn to take care of him. Horses needed to be walked until they were cool after a workout, otherwise they could get very sick. Josh stood, facing the same direction as the bay gelding, and removed the animal’s bridle, replacing it with a leather halter. He grabbed the cross-ties—two lengths of rope with a clip on the end on either side of the aisle—and clipped them to the sides of the halter. He then moved to Dragon’s side and swiftly undid the girth and removed the saddle.

I moved closer and took the saddle from his hands as he headed toward the tack room. He looked at me quizzically, then turned to the horse and started grooming him. I grabbed the bridle and put the equipment away in the tack room, then helped Josh groom Dragon and fasten the animal’s blankets. I watched as Josh led the placid horse into his stall, removed the halter, and hung it with its lead rope on the hook in front of Dragon’s stall.

Josh was dressed in tall, black, leather boots and light gray breeches. He wore a light jacket that fit him as if tailored. The breeches clung like a second skin, highlighting his fitness level, and accentuating his ass in the best way possible. Despite our issues of the night before, my body reacted, and I swallowed. Being attracted to Josh was a good thing, I told myself.

He approached me cautiously, a look of uncertainty on his face. “How long have you known?”

I shrugged. “A while.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

“Does Alannah know?”

“I haven’t said anything to her, but if I figured it out, I would imagine she has. Dragon doesn’t look like a horse on pasture rest.”

Josh smiled. “He’s a special horse.”

I nodded. “Yeah, he is.” I paused. “As special as Blackjack?”

Josh tensed, then relaxed and nodded. “In some ways, even more.”

We walked down the aisle, out the door, and toward the house. Josh put his arm around me and I snaked my arm around his waist. I stopped when we were halfway to the house and turned to face him, looking him up and down.

“You look incredible.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sorry about last night.”

Josh frowned, then sighed. “You know I’d never hurt you.”

“I know. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? What else do I have to do to prove you can trust me?”

“It’s not about trust.”

“The hell it isn’t. Galen, you’ve given me so much. I want to make you as happy as you make me.”

I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m trying. I—”

“What is it? If it’s not trust, then what?”

“That fucker’s done enough damage to both of us. I don’t want any thought of him when you and I are together, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop the flashbacks. I don’t want to associate him with you.”

“Then don’t.”

I scowled. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah, it is. Look, sweetheart, I’m not him. And I’ll be with you every step of the way until you’re through it.” He pulled me to him and held me against his chest. I ran my hands up his back. “Let me replace the bad with good.”

I nodded against the warmth of his embrace. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I tilted my head up and kissed him. “I love you.”

Josh smoothed my hair away from my eyes. “I love you too.”

“Now I have a request for you.”

“Name it.”

“I want to go riding together.”

Josh smiled and nodded. “I’d like nothing more.”

*****

As I suspected, Alannah knew about Josh’s riding. She was thrilled he was back in the saddle and with Dragon’s progress. The bay gelding was added to the training schedule, with Josh as his rider. Although he never said anything, Josh seemed relieved to have everything out in the open and to not have to get up so early to go down to the barn.

As the date of the anniversary of my kidnapping approached, I became more and more withdrawn. Josh tried, God bless him, but I didn’t want to talk about it or face the flashbacks that had returned. I could sense his growing frustration with me, but didn’t have the strength to do anything about it.

The day before the anniversary, I stood at the sink, washing dishes while dinner was cooking. I’d had a flashback earlier that day and it put me on edge. I felt a hand on my shoulder and an arm curl around my waist.

“Hey, sweet—”

I jumped and spun around, lashing out with a fist that, thankfully, missed its mark. I leaned with my back against the counter, chest heaving from the panic attack. “What the fuck, Josh!”

Josh scowled and gestured toward the living room. “We need to talk. Now.”

I crossed my arms and followed him. We sat on the couch, facing each other. I glared at him.

“Communication goes two ways. You’re always after me to communicate, now I’m telling you the same thing. And I’m not going to let you tell me you don’t want to talk about it,” Josh stated.

A flash of anger caused me to clench my hands into fists. My rational side told me I was being unreasonable, and for once, I listened to it. But my stubborn side refused to let Josh know that.

“It’s because of tomorrow, isn’t it.” He inhaled and moved to take my hand, but I moved it away. Josh slumped his shoulders, then sat up straight and looked me in the eyes.

“Galen, you have a choice. You can live in the past and let what happened make you miserable, or you can hold your head up, look at your life now, and look at tomorrow as a celebration of survival. And before you say anything, I know it’s not that simple. But stop pushing me away and let me be there for you.”

I frowned, but considered his words. He stood and turned towards our room. “I’m going to get changed. Let me know what you decide.” He walked into our bedroom and shut the door. I sat for a minute, then headed into the kitchen. It was time to remove the roast from the oven and let it rest while I cooked the side dishes.

Josh joined me after a few minutes, and we ate dinner together. Liam was working and Alannah was away, conducting a clinic, so Josh and I had the evening to ourselves. I ate in silence, while Josh shot me occasional worried looks. About halfway through our meal, I set my fork down and spoke.

“I’ve been giving a lot of thought about what I want to do tomorrow, and I’ve decided I want to spend it with the people I love the most.”

Josh reached over and held my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to spend a quiet day together? We can go riding, if you want.”

I shook my head. “That sounds like a nice way to spend time together, and I’d like nothing more at some point, but not tomorrow. It’s important to me to have my family and friends here for the anniversary.” I inhaled. “I felt so alone last year. You had rejected me, in the worst way possible.”

I squeezed his hand after seeing the stricken look on his face. “I was alone most of the time I was in that bunker. I had to face my own mortality.” My voice hitched. “I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be anywhere other than chained to that bed, not knowing if the next time he returned would be the time he’d kill me. I wanted to be with you and Jody and Liam and Alannah and Buck.”

Tears streamed down my stoic partner’s face. He pulled me to him in a crushing embrace. “I’m so sorry… for everything,” he whispered.

My emotions threatened to overwhelm me—love, fear, hate, frustration, despair, and love again, warred within, constricting my throat, making it difficult to speak. “Before I was kidnapped, I was ready to be done with you. You hurt me so much. But when faced with the possibility of dying… Josh… none of it mattered anymore. My love for you helped me survive. I just wanted—” I gasped for breath. “I just wanted to see you again.”

I felt his hands bunch around my shirt, and I tilted my head up and kissed him. Not just a peck on the lips, but I poured every ounce of passion I could find, letting him know my feelings. We separated, foreheads together, panting.

“I forgive you, Josh.”

He nodded, and a fresh cascade of tears fell down his cheeks. “I’m not sure I can forgive myself,” he whispered.

“You’ve more than proven yourself over this past year. You took care of me when no one else could. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. To say I’ve been through hell is an understatement, but you saw me through it.” I sat up, revelation dawning on me. He’d already seen me through my worst. “I don’t want to let that asshole have any more power over me. I’m a lucky man to have you in my life. I can’t remember the last time I felt so blessed.”

I looked at Josh and smiled, then kissed him. I was ready to face the future.

Thank you to Cole Matthews and Parker Owens for their invaluable input.  Chapter 31 will be the last chapter and I will post it early next week.  Thanks to all for reading.  I welcome all comments, rants, and reactions.