The Hollow Hills - 12. Chapter 12

Joshua

I slid the omelet onto a plate and placed it in front of Roger. We were spending the weekend together. It was precious time to me, since it was rare he was able to spend more than a night with me. I was elated to have him all to myself for two whole days. Alannah was away for the weekend, giving a clinic, so we had the house to ourselves.

I sat down gingerly after serving my own omelet. Roger had been a bit vigorous the night before. He took a bite of his breakfast and smiled.

“You’re so good to me. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

I leaned over and kissed him. “I don’t know, either.” I teased.

He looked at me seriously. “I mean it, Josh. You mean the world to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you.”

I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. Hearing those words always sent a thrill down my spine. “I love you too, Roger.”

“I wish I could spend more time with you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. I know.”

He sighed and took my hand. “Sometimes I wonder if my career is worth the price of my personal life.”

I squeezed his hand. “You know you’re welcome here any time.”

He laughed. “Tell that to Alannah. I don’t think she likes me very much.”

I frowned. “She just wants what’s best for me.”

“And that’s not me.”

“It doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s not what I think.”

“Something’s going on with you, though. You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s wrong?”

I sighed. “Nothing’s wrong, Roger.”

He looked at me skeptically. “I’ve known you a long time now, Josh. Something’s on your mind.”

I set my fork down and looked him in his eyes. “It’s nothing. Really. I’m ok.”

“But it is something.”

It was something. Today was supposed to be the day that Galen brought his boyfriend over to meet us. I was secretly relieved when he called last night to cancel; even more so after Roger told me he could spend the whole weekend with me. I wasn’t so sure I wanted Roger and Galen to meet. Roger was a hopeless flirt and some of the things he said to people made me cringe. I could just imagine his comments to the beautiful blond Galen.

“It’s just work. I had a lot of deadlines come up at the same time at the magazine, and business at the barn has been very busy. You should understand that.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I understand. I was just worried it was me. I don’t want to lose you, Josh.”

I smiled. “I don’t want to lose you, either.”

Roger stood and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. He drew me close and kissed me. He broke the kiss when we both needed air and led me into my bedroom. We spent the majority of the day in bed, pausing only for me to make lunch and dinner. After dinner I went to the barn and did night check. Caroline was a doll and had agreed to teach my lessons for me all weekend, along with taking care of the barn. She was getting married in a few months and could use the extra money.

When I finished, I paused at Buck’s stall and watched him eat his hay. He walked over to me and nosed my pockets, looking for treats. I scratched behind his ears and he bobbed his head up and down in time with my scratches. I smiled. Galen loved that horse as much as I had loved Blackjack. I frowned and moved my hand away from Buck. He nuzzled me, looking for more attention. I turned my back to him and walked out of the barn. I pushed thoughts of Blackjack out of my mind. It hurt too much to remember him.

Later that night, I lay awake and watched Roger sleep. It felt great having him in my bed. I thought about when we first met, a little over eight years ago.

I had been living on the farm for about seven years and put all my concentration into the magazine and the farm. I hadn’t dated anyone since Henri, and I could count the number of lovers I had since then on one hand. I missed Henri. I really did love him. I knew he loved me too, but he was so afraid of what would happen if he came out. I missed waking up next to him and cooking with him. I was worried that I would never find someone to share my life with.

The night I met Roger I was feeling so lonely that it physically hurt. I decided to head into the city and check out a gay bar I had frequented a few times. I needed companionship, even if it was for only one night, and I’d had success there in the past. I sat at the bar for hours, but I was rejected every time I made a move. I was only thirty-two, but my black hair was already peppered with gray. I wasn’t what the younger patrons wanted for the night; the looks they gave me told me that. I wasn’t a big drinker, but I ordered my third beer and sat slumped on the stool. The night was not going as planned. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel any more depressed.

A gorgeous black-haired man sat next to me. He smiled at me and ordered a drink. He turned to face me. “I’d ask if this seat was taken, but I have a feeling you’re not one to fall for cheesy pick-up lines.”

I laughed. “No offense, but that sounds like a cheesy pick-up line to me.”

He sipped his drink with a sly smile. “Did it work?”

“It depends on what you had in mind.”

“How about you tell me your name first? I’m Roger.” He held out his hand.

“Josh.” I shook his hand and his hold lingered before he grudgingly let go.

“Well, Josh, you’ve been here for two hours scoping everyone out. You’ve made a couple of moves, only to be rebuffed.” He leaned close to my ear. “They’re fools, by the way.” He sat up, smiling. “I think you’re here to get laid.”

I laughed. “I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to be creeped out or impressed.” I leaned in close to his ear. “Everyone’s here to get laid.” I winked.

“Touché. Tell me about yourself, Josh.”

“I’m an editor for a food and wine magazine.”

“So you know all the best places to eat.”

I laughed. “Yeah. I used to be a chef, but quit when I got the job at the magazine.”

Roger smirked. “So you can cook me an amazing breakfast in the morning.”

“Well, that depends on if you end up spending the night.”

He laughed and looked me over. “Oh, I’ll be spending the night.”

“You seem pretty sure about that.”

He leaned forward until his mouth was almost touching my ear. A shiver ran through my body as I felt his hot breath when he spoke.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

He wasn’t. I ended up going to his place and spending the night. We didn’t have sex, though. We spent the whole night talking. It felt great. I told him all about Henri, the farm, and my job at the magazine. He asked about my riding career, but that was something that I wasn’t willing to discuss, even back then. Talking about riding meant I’d have to talk about Blackjack and I tried my hardest to bury that memory deep in the past.

He told me about his career in finance and his hopes and dreams. He wanted to open his own firm someday and was very clear about how much time he worked. He worked as many hours at one job as I did with two.

I cooked him breakfast, and he kissed me before I left later that morning. We made plans to get together the following weekend.

I ran my hand through Roger’s jet-black hair and trailed my fingers lightly along his stubbled jawline. I smiled as I remembered our early years. Roger had been so attentive back then. We usually saw each other once a week and then again on weekends. We alternated between his place and the farm, although weekends were always spent at the farm due to my lessons. He was a great lover. He only topped, which was fine with me since I prefer to bottom. He always made sure I was satisfied.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling for a minute before getting up to use the bathroom. I was wide awake, so I decided to make myself a cup of tea. I sat on the couch with my steaming cup of chamomile and thought back to when things started to change between Roger and me.

From the beginning, I had made it clear that I wouldn’t leave the farm. Roger’s job was in the city, so it wasn’t practical for him to move in with me since it was so far away. I understood that, but longed for the closeness and intimacy I had shared with Henri. Don’t get me wrong…I didn’t want a replacement Henri, but I did want to wake up next to the man I loved every morning. I wanted to cook for him and share our days with each other. I wanted the domesticity that had always been missing in my life. I took a sip of my tea and exhaled slowly. When I realized that I would never share that type of life with Roger, I almost broke up with him. He convinced me to stay, though, and for a while, he was even more attentive to me. That stopped around four years ago. It wasn’t as abrupt as that, though. It was more of a gradual lessening of our time together. He started coming over one day a week plus weekends, then it was just weekends, then every other weekend, then just a couple of nights a week. Eventually we progressed to the point we were at now. I usually saw him a couple of times a month, sometimes more if we were lucky. We always spent two weeks in the fall at his hunting cabin, and I looked forward to that time all year. I knew we didn’t have an ideal relationship, but it seemed to work for us. At least it did until I met Galen.

My thoughts turned to the beautiful blond. I had never met anyone like him before. He was so vibrant and gave me his friendship so completely. I smiled, thinking of our cooking lessons and the joy on his face when he realized that Buck was his. He had been about to kiss me when Liam pulled me away, and I was both grateful and irritated with the hunky sheriff for doing so. I thought I was past thinking of Galen as anything but a friend, but I admit to feeling a pang of jealousy at the thought of him and Ethan together. I wasn’t close to many people – never had been, but Galen managed to work his way into my heart from the moment I met him. My decision to stay with Roger wasn’t an easy one, but despite our issues I did love him. The thought of spending every day with Galen – sharing my bed with him, cooking with him, working in the barn with him – was very tempting, but my loyalty to Roger had won out. I didn’t regret my decision to stay with my black-haired boyfriend, even if a part of me still craved more. Besides, even if I did want to leave Roger for Galen, the blond-haired man wasn’t available anymore. I finished the last sip of my tea, placed the empty cup in the sink, and headed to my bedroom and lover.

Roger stirred when I slid under the covers and nestled into his side. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “What time is it?”

“Three a.m.”

“What were you doing up so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I had a cup of tea.”

He drew me in for a kiss, then smiled suggestively. “I can think of something that will help you sleep.”

“We’ve done that all day, Roger. I’m a little sore.”

He ran his hand through my hair and alongside my face. “We don’t get to see each other that often, Josh.”

“I know.”

He pressed his hips into my leg, and I could feel his desire. “I’ll be gentle,” he said, nibbling on my neck.

I gave in, feeling slightly ashamed for doing so. Maybe it was a character flaw or just the way I’d been treated in the past, but I had a hard time saying ‘no’ when my partners wanted sex. Roger was right, though. I did fall asleep immediately after.

We spent Sunday in Boston, taking in the sights and shopping. We had lunch at a restaurant owned by a colleague of mine. We returned to the farm in the late afternoon, and Roger needed to head home since he worked the next day. Alannah returned shortly after Roger left, and I made us dinner. It had been an exhausting, but fulfilling weekend, spent with the man I loved. I lay in bed clutching Roger’s pillow, and let his scent lull me to sleep.