You & I - 26. Chapter 26

To Max,

I get it, it's uncanny, you didn't expect me to be sitting in a wheelchair, and I know it is a crappy thing to have done to you. I don't like lying, it isn't me as a person. It makes me extremely guilty when I stop to ponder how it must be to be when you have been forthcoming and overwhelmingly positive since the get-go. I should have just been transparent with the topic, as you have been with me. Furthermore, it is okay about the physical activity aspect, I never took any heed to it, and well… you could have never known anyway, so, what is the point of getting angry about this.

To your questions, I swim using my arms, I cannot explain the process, though, since you kind of float in water, it makes it easier for me to do that as a past time. I played soccer before in the wheelchair with a support group I was a part of for a while, they used to get somebody to push the wheelchair, and I'd hold the ball on my lap as they pushed my chair.

My only regret is that I never got to try football. In a way, working as a team is rather exciting and also rewarding to do. Though no, I don't feel anything below my hips, well except… em, you know my junk… sometimes. It works, just when it wants to. Peeing is okay, but everything is messed up… ish.

I assume I did drop a lot of hints about not doing stuff since we first started writing, and I understand why you probably don't want to talk to me anymore. I hope it is only temporarily, and we can go back to being friends, that is if you still crave to be. I had a feeling that if I did tell you that we'd stop being friends. It's not easy for someone to watch after me all the time, or to have the constant thought in your mind every minute.

I reckon it takes the joy out of the time, knowing you have to be responsible for a person who is semi-dependent. Only, I promise you, I can do a lot more than you think. I can do most things you can do, other than walk obviously. Just smaller things like climbing stairs take longer; for instance, I'd have to scooch my way gradually to the top of a staircase. Things take time, but I'm not entirely broken.

Oh… em, I was just replying to what you were saying before I took the time to read your letter, and now that I have come to a particular paragraph I'm not sure what I should say about something you have written.

First off, I wish to say thank you for accepting me, or I'm not sure since I took the time out to read your entire letter now, and it says at the end of the message that you want to take time out.

If I am missing something, please tell me, but I don't want to lose you as a friend. If I could fix what happened to me, I would, but I can't. It occurred, and I ain't got the power to do those sorts of miracles.

Em, love is a strong word to say to someone you have never met. I like you to, but not that way, of course. Though this is hard, I know, but I'm not gay. I think things have changed between us and there may be an adjustment period, or perhaps we just were never meant to be. For now, all I can say is cool… although it's a little odd, I don't mind it.

I just don't want to lose what we have built up. Therefore, Max, I am incredibly touched. So, I guess I'll try and start again. Is it even worth beginning all over, or is it past that point? If not, hi, I'm Isaac, I'm 15-years old, I'm in 10th Grade, and not only am I in a wheelchair, but I am a science geek, and I kickass at swimming. Well 9th Grade, would you like to start again?

You know, sometimes I ask the same question as I lay awake at night, searching for answers in the busy avenues of my brain. What did I do to him upstairs, to have to live like this? The answer is nothing; just a silence distills. God never responds. God is not there. He is a phony. As to how it happened, we were on the freeway, coming home on Monday afternoon from spending some time up at the lake house our family owns.

Dad left earlier as he took a week off from work and had to be back in the city. Dad drove home on Sunday evening, and mom and I followed on the next day as it was summer. We drove a good two hours, and we got pretty close to the city.

Just, a few cars ahead, someone must have recently changed a flat tire, and never put the wheel back on correctly. Before mom could react, driving the vehicle, this projectile bounced off the windshield. Instantly, the glass cracked, the screen turned a milky white, and I couldn't see the road in front of us. Somehow mom got scared, she swerved to avoid the tire bobbing along. Only, it still hit us and well the car barrel-rolled, three times to be exact.

We ended up on the other side of the highway.

The backpack I had between my legs with snacks and drinks in it, came from the floor well. I was sitting in the front seat, I remember the bag hitting my face as the car tumbled. It's like everything hurt for a moment, and I couldn't take control of anything. Plus, something happened with the daylight. It like stuttered, or flaked out.

You know like those old super 8 cameras; the way the light flickers inside. Then everything stopped, and it was calm for a moment. Lastly, I recall hearing a loud crash, and then I don't remember anything after that.

For that split second when the car calmed down, I've never been as scared in all my life. I wish people never felt that way when it happens to them, thought the sad fact is it does occur. I woke two days later in the hospital, everyone thought it was a miracle I was alive.

They told me I died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Though I felt different; I thought for a second, I was living outside my body, and then tried moving my arms, even though it was sore.

I then attempted to move my legs and realized they didn't work. I knew then I'd never walk again; the seatbelt impression left on my chest suggested it saved me. Though I later learned another car plowed into us from the front of the vehicle, and yet, my mom died. Dad takes care of me now, and he is overprotective.

The footwell squished and did its damage on my legs. I was supposedly bleeding really bad, and that's all they told me. They skipped the fact my mom died, even though I was asking for her all the time. They never told me where she was as soon as I came around. Then when dad told me, I went psycho, so much, they had to sedate me. So there… no more secrets. I'm Isaac Miller; once an adventurous kid, yet, still with a joyful heart.

Please just don't leave me hanging, okay. Even if you don't want to talk to me, just tell me. Besides, I'll turn up to watch you play this weekend. I won't miss that.

Eh... Later,

Isaac