Love, Again - 25. Remember Me Like This

Chapter Twenty-Five – Remember Me Like This

Mason listened to the old clock on the wall. An electric buzz came from the fridge, and if he focused enough, all the electrical devices present hummed and drummed. The sounds of his small apartment had turned deafening ever since he and Rhys had broken up.

There hadn’t been much to break, he tried to reason with himself. The situation had been exceptional, and under such circumstances, they had somehow fallen into each other’s arms. He turned his attention to the sounds of his tiny home. Annoying as they were, they were better than –

“Are you really not going to talk to him again?”

“I have not one clue why you’re still hanging out with me,” Mason said and didn’t take his eyes from an invisible point on the wall.

“Obviously, I like your company.”

“If I ever wanted a pet, I wouldn’t get a ghost, though,” Mason pointed out.

Toby laughed softly. “Come on, man, you like me. And you said I was like a dog, good at investigating this and that. Sorry, but we can’t play fetch, though. No paws, or teeth, or … well, anything.”

“Anita admitted to killing you,” Mason said.

“Yeah. Whacked by a crazy old lady. What a way to go for me.”

“And yet, you still don’t remember one thing. And you’re still here.”

“Looks like it.”

“And isn’t that bothering you?” Mason closed his eyes, tired of punishing them by having them stare at nothing.

“I’m not sure how that would feel. But yeah, it bothers me. Could Anita be protecting someone else? That PI said that her fingerprints weren’t found on the murder weapon.”

“Apparently, she knew how to be careful. Except she dropped the mace when her master came around to take her home. While Levine was questioning her about what she had done, Ary must have come in and taken the weapon. Things do make sense.”

“And now she admitted to having done it. Which she could have denied.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to leave her boss to rot in jail alone,” Mason added.

“It’s not like she’ll tidy up around his prison cell. That doesn’t make much sense.”

Mason sighed. “What does, in this world? You’re still here, and I did everything I could to get rid of you.”

“You’re so breaking my heart right now.” Toby paused for dramatic effect. “You know what I think it might help?”

Mason was really not in the mood to hear that for the umpteenth time.

“It would help if you called Rhys.”

“Not going to happen,” Mason said curtly.

Toby clicked his tongue. “Why?”

“Why? What better reason than the fact that he thinks I’m trying to set him up for being sent to the loony bin by trying to convince him that I can see and hear his dead lover?”

“Ugh, point taken. Too bad I wasn’t with the two of you when you broke up like two silly kids.”

“Silly? Who’s silly?” Mason couldn’t gather the strength to protest too much, but Toby was now getting on his nerves with his patronizing tone.

“You,” Toby replied promptly.

Mason straightened up and worked his neck until he heard a pop. “Just give me a break.”

“What I don’t understand,” Toby continued as if he hadn’t heard Mason, “is how you could let him leave after everything you two have been through.”

“Apparently, it was much easier than anyone would have thought,” Mason said with a bit of vinegar added on top.

“I had no idea you were such a quitter.”

Why did ghosts have to be immaterial? Mason wanted to strangle Toby so bad right now. “I’m not going to force him to believe me. And I have no forgiveness in me to teach him about it, too.”

“Forgiveness?” Toby was surprised. “What you are talking about?”

Shit. He had let that out of the bag without thinking. He knew what Toby would want the moment he exposed his theory. But he couldn’t see Rhys; people never stayed, and it wasn’t in his power to hold them, even if he used both his arms and all the strength he could muster.

“He keeps on calling you,” Toby pointed at Mason’s phone. “He just got upset temporarily. He wants to get back together.”

“Sure. Because people can just forget about the fact that someone is trying to sell them on the idea that they can see ghosts.”

“Hey, no need to go in such a roundabout way about everything. It’s only one ghost you see. Are you seeing other ghosts? Because if you do, man, we need to have a talk. I’m not into open relationships, you hear me?”

Mason rubbed his face hard with both hands. “He will give up on calling, eventually.”

“He might since you turned off your phone. But he will start coming around here often.”

That had been quite the surprise, but Mason had managed to see Rhys waiting out in the street; he had slept that night at a motel and hadn’t gone back home for days. It would be easier if he just moved out, only that he wasn’t in the mood to go through all that just yet.

“Are you going to mope for how long?” Toby continued to nag him. “Seriously, man, I think I’m starting to see your muscles getting all flabby.”

Mason threw the ghost a murderous look.

“Yeah, yeah, look at me like you’d like to kill me all you want. Someone beat you to it.”

“And I’m starting to think of a couple of reasons why you make people want to kill you.” Mason hanged his head down. “Sorry about that. It was uncalled for.”

“Don’t sweat it, man. I’d give you a hug if I could. But I think I’m still here because there’s one thing left for me to do.”

“Which is?” Mason asked.

“I need to get you and Rhys back together.”

“Well, you’re free to try.”

“I am trying. What do you think I’m doing, talking to you day in and day out?”

“I knew it had to be a strong reason why I couldn’t get a wink of sleep. I’m not getting back with Rhys because it’s impossible. He will never believe me. And I won’t lie to him. I’ll say it over and over until I’m red in the face, and he will only get mad. The way I see it, I’m just saving both of us a lot of fucking trouble.”

Toby remained silent. “There is one way.”

“I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Well, you will because I’m here and impossible to ignore. You said Billy realized that I was talking to you, right? I mean, I heard him talking about it, and I shat my pants.”

“You shat nothing; you don’t have an asshole,” Mason retorted.

“Right. Well, it’s just a way of saying. But Billy could go to Rhys and tell him that. Tell him that he believes you’re one fine ghost whisperer, and he can vouch for you.”

“And then Rhys will hate both me and Billy.”

“Billy would do it. For your sake, he would.”

“I don’t want to get him involved. What’s the big deal? Do you really want me to swoop in and take your place in Rhys’s life?”

There was a short moment of silence from Toby. His voice was serious when he spoke. “Yeah, I really want that. Because that place is fucking cold, man. And who knows what kind of douchebag will come and charm Rhys, only to abuse him later. With you, I know I’m leaving him in good hands.”

“Well, I don’t feel that charitable, forgive me. If Rhys doesn’t want to believe me, then that’s that. I can’t convince him, I can’t force him, I can’t lie to him. It’s over.”

“I don’t think so. I’m here, and that means that being stuck with a ghost will make your love life miserable. Just imagine me popping out just when you try putting it in, if you know what I mean.”

“Are you threatening me that you’ll be my personal cockblocker for life?”

“I have to consider it. You need to see Rhys again. Yeah, tell him the same thing until you’re red in the face. Tell him that you love him. Tell him anything to stop the both of you from destroying your chance at love.”

Mason shook his head. “No. I’ve done everything you wanted, Toby. I went and solved your frigging murder, for fuck’s sake. And now, you’re just an annoying piece of shit, all right?”

“All right,” Toby said and put his hands up in defeat. “But this isn’t the last time we’re having this conversation. I know I will wear you down. I’ll do it until you’re so mad at me that you’ll have no other choice but to do as I tell you.”

“You really are something,” Mason murmured under his breath.

“Yeah, I am. That’s why I’m not going to leave you be.”

“Really? That’s why you’re so annoying?”

“No, man. It’s because I care about you. And Rhys. You two are meant to be together.”

“And weren’t you and he meant to be that?”

“Who says love happens only once in a lifetime?”

“Funny, I thought you would serve me some bullshit soulmate theory.”

“Nah, I believe in love, not soulmates.”

“Such a convenient philosophy.”

“Whatever it takes, man, whatever it takes.”

It hurt Mason that he couldn’t pick up Rhys’s calls. He wanted to know how he had been, where he was now, if he had a place to stay, or if he ate enough. But those were not his worries to keep; his decision was set in stone.

And who was he to ask Rhys to forgive Toby, after all? In his heart, he had never forgiven Aimee Knight for leaving him all alone, with just a glimpse of happiness to remember for the rest of his life and carry like a burden.

***

He was barely out of the shower when his phone pinged with an incoming message. Toby had been quiet lately, only popping here and there to nag him or just keep him company. Maybe he was going insane a little because he liked having a ghost as company. They were even watching games and stupid movies. The only thing they couldn’t do was to drink beer together and get smashed.

It was a dangerous thing to isolate so much from the world, but the cocoon in which he had wrapped himself lately was comfortable and numbing.

He checked the phone, hoping and dreading that Rhys would send another proof of life. While he didn’t want to reply to his texts or take his calls, it was good to know that he existed somewhere in the world.

It was a text from Billy who wanted them to meet. Mason quirked an eyebrow as he read the location of their meeting; the old wooden bridge was pretty far, and no one went there much anymore. It was just a vestige from another world, soon to be swallowed by vegetation if the memory served him well.

But, of course, given the secrecy of Billy’s profession, it seemed like a good choice. Maybe they hadn’t said all their goodbyes the last time, and Mason couldn’t deny the speck of warmth lighting up in his chest as he thought of their friendship.

Billy would be pretty disappointed to hear that things hadn’t worked out between him and Rhys. But Mason had warned him before; with all of Billy’s natural enthusiasm and optimism, sometimes things were just what they were.

He looked outside. It would rain again soon, but he didn’t feel like taking an umbrella along. A bit of cold rain would help him clear his head; he had been indoors for far too long.

Still, he opted for a warm sweater and a leather jacket. There was nothing more miserable than having a cold and being by himself. Too bad he couldn’t train Toby to make tea; that would have been helpful.

***

Mason looked up and allowed a few raindrops to fall on his eyes as he leaned against the wooden rail. He blinked a few times to chase them away.

“Hey.” A soft melodic voice he knew well called for him from a few feet away.

He turned on his heels and set his jaw hard. “What’s this?”

Rhys looked as beautiful as ever, albeit a bit thinner than Mason remembered. He wore a long, fashionable coat that looked abnormally white in that kind of weather, and like him, he didn’t have an umbrella.

Mason didn’t move, but Rhys took a few steps toward him. “This is me, coming to apologize and ask for your forgiveness.”

Mason pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and looked away. Just seeing him so close was torture. It would take so little to reach for him and hold him, to taste his lips again and breathe in his scent. If he did that, all was lost.

“You’re forgiven.”

“Yes, of course, your curt and mean tone says it all,” Rhys said and laughed softly. “No, I mean it, Mason.”

“And I do, too. But I’m not going to take back anything I said.”

“And I’m not asking you to.”

Mason snorted. “What? Do you believe me now?”

“Yes. I do.”

Mason pondered for a moment. Of course, how come he hadn’t realized already? “Did Billy tell you that you should?”

“What?” Rhys sounded surprised. “Can Billy see Toby, too? The nerve on that guy, to haunt everyone except me. He was my boyfriend, after all.”

There was real shock in Rhys’s voice. Mason checked his beautiful face for signs of an attempt to take him for a fool. He found none. “How come you thought of putting Billy up to texting me?” Mason asked, too unnerved for a moment to continue the conversation on his ability to see ghosts.

Rhys leaned against the wooden rail, his hands deep in his pockets, but didn’t come any closer. “It wasn’t easy. Did you know Billy is some kind of big shot investigator? Renzo didn’t want to give me his number until I threatened him. Something about his needing to disappear from the face of the world after a job well done. But persistence pays off, I think. So I gave the message to Renzo, and Renzo gave it to him, and now you’re here. We’re both here.”

Mason looked ahead. They were both crazy for coming there without an umbrella. Being cold and miserable with no one able to make tea seemed to be in the cards, after all.

“So,” Rhys started again, “what does Toby say?” This voice was awkward and tense.

Mason turned his head and looked at his profile. “What would you like to know?”

Rhys shrugged. “Anything at all. I’m not the expert in talking to ghosts here. When did it all start?”

With difficulty, Mason tore his eyes away. “The day I met you. That evening, I mean. It took a while to figure out who he was. Toby didn’t know his identity, but he was damned happy I could see him.” He weighed his next words carefully. “It looked like he became conscious, as a ghost, I mean, about the time you got released from that place.”

“Good to know that he still has some connection with me,” Rhys mumbled and pulled his coat around him tightly.

Mason wanted to reach out and hold him, keep him warm. But first, they needed to have this talk about dead lovers. “He knows that he loves you.”

“He does?” Rhys’s voice trembled.

“Yes,” Mason said without one ounce of hesitation. “Even if he doesn’t remember about your life together.”

“Did he help you solve his murder?”

“To the best of his abilities, yes. And he watched over you. We wouldn’t have gotten to you in time if it weren’t for him.”

“That makes sense,” Rhys replied. “I apologize for being such a reckless fool. As I was giving my statement to the police, I realized how much anger I had in me, about Toby and everything. It wasn’t right that I got mad at you. It took me less than a day to realize that. But then, you wouldn’t take my calls.”

“Do you truly believe me, Rhys?” Mason asked, dreading the answer.

“Yes.”

“But how? No person in their right mind would.”

Rhys chuckled. “Then maybe I’m not in my right mind anyway.”

“You’re not crazy,” Mason insisted.

“I know. But I also know something else, something I haven’t said in a while now. I decided long ago that when I’ll love, I’ll love with all my heart. That the person I love will know that, every moment of his life. And that means believing in him, too. Completely.”

You can’t love me; you still love him. Mason said nothing and listened.

“Of course, for most of my life, that person was Toby.”

“You still love him,” Mason pointed out.

“Yes, I do, I still love him. But the one I’m in love with right now is not him anymore.”

It was hard to keep from breathing, but it looked like the only thing to do.

Rhys shook his head. “It took me a bit to realize that. It wasn’t love the first thing I noticed happening to me. But guilt and shame.”

“Of what? You’re not guilty of anything,” Mason said in a gruff voice.

“I felt so. I met you and started betraying Toby, in my heart. So all along, it was myself I was mad at. Not you.”

“What about Toby?”

Rhys sighed. “I am still mad at him. I don’t know what to say. It will go away, eventually.”

“Make it go away now,” Mason said.

Rhys threw him a curious look. “Like now, now? I’m not sure --”

“What did I miss?” Toby appeared by their side all of a sudden.

Mason no longer knew how to act startled at Toby’s sudden entrance. But why had Rhys stopped?

“He’s here now, isn’t he?” Rhys asked.

Mason nodded. “How do you know?”

“Your face changed, and I’ve seen it before,” Rhys replied. “Like you want to kick someone’s ass. Toby often made me feel that way, but nothing too serious.”

“Seriously, my dudes, what did I miss?” Toby insisted.

“What is he saying?” Rhys asked. “And where, exactly, is he?”

“Right in front of you,” Mason replied.

Rhys looked straight ahead.

“OMFG!” Toby exclaimed. “He believes, right?”

“He does,” Mason replied. “He asked if you believed me now,” he explained to Rhys.

He stopped when Rhys buried his face in his palms and began sobbing softly.

“Tell him he looks beautiful,” Toby said. “And that he shouldn’t cry. And also, that you’re not crazy, definitely not. And --”

Mason put one hand up. “Slow down, Toby. I will tell him everything you want, but don’t count on my short-term memory that much.”

He knew the words came from his mouth like an avalanche, only making Rhys cry harder, but he couldn’t stop. It was insane, whatever the three of them were doing, so choosing such a remote place for their meeting had been inspired.

Rhys took a handkerchief from his pocket and sniffled a few times. “Mason, tell Toby to shut up for a minute because I have things to say, too. That was exactly like he was when alive.”

“I had a hunch,” Mason replied.

“Has he driven you nuts with his talking, too?”

“You bet,” Mason said, happy to see a hint of a smile on Rhys’s face. “Now you tell Toby what you want him to hear from you,” he encouraged him.

The words that followed weren’t what he expected.

Rhys said, “Toby, do you think you can forgive me?”

“Tell him that I do, although I have no idea what he’s talking about,” Toby said quickly.

Mason repeated every word.

Rhys sighed. “I’m in love with someone else now. I promised you that I would only love you and you only.”

“Really? Is that what he wants me to forgive him for? That’s frigging easy,” Toby said.

Mason put a comforting hand on Rhys’s shoulder. “He says there’s nothing to forgive.”

“Because he doesn’t remember me?”

Mason exchanged an uncomfortable look with Toby. He didn’t need to hear what he had to say to know. “He is certain that he’s still here because he needs to make sure that you’re in good hands.”

“Yours?” Rhys asked and looked into Mason’s eyes.

Mason nodded.

Rhys began laughing softly. “So have I fretted so much over nothing? My Toby thinks that I should just go on with my life?”

“Totally,” Toby said. “Tell that to him, Mason. Tell him that love always happens again. It never ends.”

“You and your philosophy,” Mason mumbled. Regardless of how awkward he felt to say those words, he repeated them. “Toby says love always happens again.”

“Tell him that he must love again.”

Mason sighed. “He says that you must love again.”

Rhys shook his head and smiled. There was no more beautiful sight in Mason’s eyes. “Love? Again?”

“Yes,” Mason confirmed.

“Then that’s easy.” Rhys continued to look Mason in the eyes. “Is he sure he won’t get mad if I do this?” He pulled him into a tender kiss.

“Yippee!” Toby exclaimed.

“What is he doing?” Rhys asked and kissed Mason once more.

“He’s doing one weird as hell victory dance that I don’t know how to describe,” Mason replied.

“You don’t have to. I know all his crazy moves. I’m still pissed that he doesn’t remember me and is willing to let me go so easily. Toby,” Rhys turned slightly, and Mason pointed the right direction, “I forgive you, too.”

“That’s f-ing great!” Toby said, without stopping his crazy moves.

Rhys turned his attention on Mason. “So how is living with a ghost? I’ll make all the necessary adjustments, no questions asked. I mean, I just need to know what they are.”

“Well, he doesn’t eat and doesn’t need anything. It’s annoying that he never sleeps, though. He might pop in and ask crazy questions when you least expect it, so make sure to be prepared if you intend to manipulate dangerous objects. It will be tough,” Mason joked.

“Guys, guys, I really don’t think you need to worry about that,” Toby said, drawing Mason’s attention to him.

A ray of light was pointing exactly where Toby stood.

“Mason, do you see what I see?” Rhys pointed at the ray of light. “The clouds are breaking.”

“I … remember everything!” Toby exclaimed. “Oh, God, I really do! Tell Rhys I’ll always love him.” The warm light was all around him like a warm blanket.

“That might be a sign from heavens,” Mason explained to Rhys, “because I can see Toby, ugh, damn, rising on that ray of light.”

“Really?” Rhys smiled broadly. “So will he be okay? Just ask him to tell me a few words more.”

Mason looked at Toby, who was already floating up in the air. “He says he’ll always love you, and that he remembers now.”

“Also, to remember my crazy dance. Yeah, that’s how I want him to remember me,” Toby added. “I had no idea riding like this would be so cool. See you, guys, on the other side someday! But not too soon, okay?”

Mason repeated Toby’s words to Rhys. The clouds that had parted gathered again. Toby was nowhere to be seen, and the rain started again with a vengeance.

“Oh,” Rhys complained as the raindrops began pelting them. “Do you have an umbrella, Mason?”

“No, I was too damned depressed to care.”

“Me, too,” Rhys admitted. “So Toby is now gone? For good?”

“I think so. Maybe all you two needed was to say goodbye.”

“Thank you, Mason. For helping me say goodbye,” Rhys said and kissed him. “Now, are we going to make a run for it?”

“It’s not a good idea.” Mason took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure, Rhys? That you’re --” he choked on his own words.

“In love with you? Of course,” Rhys replied. His voice was soft like rain. “You’ve seen my all, Mason. I think love is, sometimes, like this. Like when you bump into someone in the rain. And although you can’t see his face, he’s familiar and you just know it. So you stop, you forget all about where you were going and why you were in a hurry, and then you turn, and he stops, too. Your eyes meet and the rain gets in them, but you see more clearly than you’ve ever seen in your life. That’s what I feel about you.”

“Fair enough,” Mason admitted, too overwhelmed to imagine himself capable of returning that declaration of love with crafted words.

“But now, I have to tell you. I know I must be overbearing, with my constant need for ... Why are you laughing?

“I’ve only run away from what I wanted most. Someone to care about, to protect.” It was the right time for coming clean, after all.

“I might be good at running, too,” Rhys warned.

“Away from me?” Mason was in the mood to pull Rhys’s leg a little.

“Really, Mason? What I meant is, I’ll run after you until I catch you. Wait, that’s exactly what I did. Now, are you ready to tell me that you love me, too?”

“Not until we’re home, under warm blankets, with cups of hot tea in our hands.”

“Fair enough.” Rhys grabbed his hand and began walking.

Mason stopped him and gave him a long kiss. “I love you, Rhys Harmony. Wait, what’s your actual last name?”

Rhys smiled mischievously. “Do you have to ask? It’s going to be Knight soon, I hope, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Ah, Rhys Knight. Hmm, it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as Rhys Harmony. You should keep your stage name, you know, for your stage appearances.”

“How generous of you. Now, Mason, let’s just go somewhere we could call a cab because this rain is seriously trying to get us.”

“All right. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I know. But I like to hear you say it. So, I love you.”

“How long are you going to play this?”

“Until we find a cab.”

“Fair enough.”

TBC