Puppy for Sale 3.19 - Life After Greenstone - 4. Guilty, Your Honour

Jack was better than I expected, nicer than Joey made out and more down to earth than he looked. I liked him. But I shouldn't, should I? Because guys like Jack, Hunter and all those types always let you down in the end.

I'd given Jack my entire life story without ever really hearing his. Probably because he couldn't get a word in, something I was conscious of more than once. But for everyone I talked to, Jack, Steven, Mum, I realised things were ending with Hunter, It had to. My life was about to get more complicated, right when I needed it to get simpler.

I was doing far too much overthinking as my cab pulled up outside my flat... or our flat. I paid, got out and watched as he drove away before pulling my gaze back to the lit window above. It was one am, and the club was getting too busy for Joey to sit with Jack and me, hence why I was home. To be honest, I could have stayed out all night. But as I drank more, my tongue became looser, and I was bordering on being flirtatious with Jack. I hated myself... in fact, I pitied myself. I felt cheap, and I had to do something about that. I knew what was wrong. I was missing love. I mean, Hunter gave me love, or at least did, I guess. But I didn't want his love anymore. His behaviour had just become so unattractive I found my eye wandering to other people.

This had been my problem since I found out I liked boys. I could never find someone to love me long term the way I wanted. Or was it that I wanted someone exactly like I wanted them, and for that not to change? God, look at me, and I call Hunter possessive! I feel like I'm worse than him. Stupid me, fucking stupid me. I'm the one who fucks things up. I wish I could say I don't get bored, but I know I do. I get bored with the fact people change as you find out more about them. I want to bottle that feeling you get when you first meet someone you like. But it all wears off in the end, I know that. And now look at me, barely away from Hunter's grip, Yes, grip, and I'm looking at other guys. FUCKING GUYS who are already with someone. I hate myself, I fucking hate myself.

I sighed as I placed my key in the door and quietly closed it behind me, trying to be as nimble as possible on the hardwood floor. But, of course, I needn't have bothered as Hunter came around the corner and glared at me.

"You're drunk?"

"Might be, okay, maybe a little."

"Really Puppy? I have a lot going on at the moment, and I'd rather you didn't get drunk until this is over."

I smirked for some reason. "Hunter, it IS over. I told you."

"I meant my court hearing. And look, I've been thinking about that and I'm not mad, okay? You need to get some decent rest and not study so much, and we'll be okay. I told you, I'm gonna sort myself out."

I shook my head and barged past him. Then, taking my coat off, I slung it on the sofa and slumped on top of it. "You need to accept this, Hunter. I can't be with you like this."

"I know, that's why I'm gonna change. Remember how I used to be?"

"Yes, I do, and there is no way you can go back to being that person because this is the person you have grown in to.

"I don't think we should talk about things while you're in this state. You need to rest and get a good nights sleep."

"What I need, Hunter, is for you to stop telling me what to do. What are you doing now anyway? You're hovering?"

Hunter shrugged. "So, where have you been tonight?"

"Chariots. It was a quiet night in there until about an hour ago, so I came home."

"Who were you with?"

I shrugged. "No one. I was on my own."

"You went to a straight club, on a Sunday, on your own?" Hunter asked, not convinced.

"That's right. I can go out on my own, you know."

"But you don't usually. Usually, we go out together."

"I know, but things have been...."

"Look, I love you, and I always have. I admit I have a problem. I accept that and, I'm facing up to it, see? By admitting it, I know it's a problem. You know those people who drink too much... alcoholics, well they only start getting better when they admit the problem to themselves, right?"

"I guess," I replied, looking at a pleading Hunter. "But you've admitted before."

"I know, babe, but I'm serious this time; I'm gonna sort it out. And... and if I go to Prison, I know I can get on one of those courses right, where they rehabilitate you. So I can do this."

"So you really think you'll go to prison?"

Hunter nodded, running his hands through his dark, almost black hair, looking stressed. I felt sorry for him, and I hated myself for that. Weak!

"Please, Babe. I'm begging you. I'm begging you to give me another chance. Please, You're all I have."

"I'm going to bed, Hunter; we'll talk in the morning. When is your hearing?"

"Wednesday. Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

Hunter, still standing in front of me, took on a solemn look. "If... if I go down, you'll wait for me, right?"

I thought about his question as I sat slumped on the sofa, almost drunk, almost sober. I could think straight, but the question did not charge my emotions. Instead, my life flashed before me as a moment of silence ensued. Greenstone, Max, Dave, Hunter, Cutters farm, and everything in between. I'd been through so much, seen so much and now this guy who I'd spent two years of my life with asks me if I'd wait for him.

"Erm...."

"You're even thinking about it?" he exclaimed, chucking his hands in the air.

"You put me on the spot!"

"Babe, I would have thought the answer was obvious. Of course, you'll wait for me. We belong together."

"Okay, okay, I'll wait for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three Days Later - 8.57am - Croydon Magistrates Court

"All rise, please," said the Bailiff as Taylor, Mum, Dad and I stood in the wings for Hunter's hearing. Taylor shuffled his feet nervously, biting his nails, knowing nothing of the turmoil his brother's relationship was in. Not because Hunter didn't think to tell him, but rather because Hunter saw our relationship as still normal. Jesus, fuck I felt sorry for him, I thought as I glanced a supportive smile.

Taylor that was!

The Judge walked in, patting down his robes as he approached his oversized black chair. "Please be seated. Let's get underway. Mr Hunter Kirby, you have been brought before the court to answer for the count of common assault. How do you plead?"

Hunter stood at the dock bar, his suit pressed, hair immaculate, and answered almost immediately on hearing the Judge's question.

"Guilty, your Honour."

"Very well, Mr Kirby. In light of your previous misdemeanours, obvious issues with anger and contempt for the law that gives people the right to go about their business without due fear or harassment, it is my judgement that only a custodial sentence can be the only punishment at my disposal. This is a shame, young man, because looking at you, if you could channel that anger through a more useful outlet, I'm sure you could go on to do good things. Alas, perhaps some time in a correctional facility will focus your mind. Hunter Kirby, you are sentenced to ninety days confinement in a prison of Her Majesty's pleasure. Is there anything you wish to say?"

I heard Taylor gasp before a sob escaped his mouth.

Hunter looked across at me before looking at Taylor. He wiped a tear from his eye and then turned back to the Judge.

"I just wanna say I'm sorry to my family, my Partner, and anyone affected by my behaviour."

"Duly noted Mr Kirby. Okay, take him down, Bailiff.

And that was it. It was done. Hunter had got himself thrown in the slammer, as Steven would put it. I felt okay, actually. Perhaps this would do Hunter some good. Saying that, I didn't know what Prison would be like and hoped I never would, but what I did know is that Hunter was never going to change unless drastic measures were taken. I squeezed Taylor's hand just as we turned to head for the exit. He seemed shaken, almost surprised his brother had actually got sent to Prison. Mum, Dad and me, however, not so.

We all met outside the court, the cold air making us eager for our cars. But Mum hugged Taylor, and Dad shook his hand before they did the same to me.

"It will be okay," Mum said; I think to us both. I just smiled gently. Taylor gripped his forehead between his thumb and fingers.

"Bloody idiot, I knew he'd go too far one day. I kept telling him to talk to someone. I'm glad none of my family knows about this; they would throw a fit."

"C'mon, Taylor, let's go for a drink," I said.

I left Mum and Dad to walk back to their car and gestured Taylor over to mine. We both got in shivering, and I shifted my body, angling it towards him.

"I could kill him!" Taylor snapped.

"Yes, well, don't do that Taylor, we don't want you both inside," I said, trying to lighten the mood. "Look, I erm... I'm really sorry."

Taylor looked at me incredulously. "Why are you apologising? You've done nothing wrong."

"Haven't I? Listen, Hunter and me, well, we haven't been that good lately. I don't know how much he has told you, but we are kind of at the end."

"What? No, he hasn't said anything, and I always ask how you are both getting on. He does look miserable sometimes, but I put that down to working on cars in a freezing cold garage. I had no idea you guys were having problems, Dude."

"If I'm honest, Tay, I don't even think he knew the problems we were in. So it's really been me trying to convince him we were not that great."

"Puppy, you don't strike me as a person who would feel that way unless my brother was being an ass."

I looked up and sighed. "No, I'm not. And I have a lot of love for him."

"But?"

"But, my life is not my own. I don't know what's happened. It must have been gradual, and maybe I didn't realise at first, but he's become almost possessive. And that's on top of his anger. Sometimes his anger is... well, it's concentrated rage."

"Has he ever...."

"Me? No, not really. He says the way he is, is to protect me. Most of it is directed at other people. But most of what he rages about is in his head. I've tried to get him to speak to people, but he won't. I just get these promises that he'll change. He's been in trouble with police five times this year alone."

Taylor slapped his face, his mouth open. "Five times?"

"Look, he made me promise not to tell you, but you need to know. Perhaps If I'd told you earlier, you could have spoken to him. I feel bad that I didn't, but I made a promise."

"Dude," Taylor started, putting his hand on mine. "This is NOT your fault. And your loyalty to him is totally understandable. But, listen, I'm gonna sort this. I'm gonna write to him, visit him and throttle this shit out of him when he comes out. I promise you you'll have a new Hunter when I...."

"Tay, Tay, hang on, please. I need to tell you that... Jesus, this is hard. I need to say that I don't want to be with Hunter anymore."

Tayor dipped his chin inwards, his eyes wide. "Oh... oh wow. Sorry I didn't think... Oh, man."

"Are you annoyed with me?"

"Annoyed, what? No, of course not."

"I mean, shit, this is really bad. I mean, I feel bad towards you."

"Why? I know my brother can be an asshole sometimes, and Puppy, it's not my relationship."

"I mean in a sense that you have been so good to me... for me, and me and Hunter. You've become like a big brother to me."

"Hey, that will never change, even if you're not with Hunter."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Of course not, I think you are a cool Dude, and I have a lot of time for you. Look. All I'll say is this. Hunter, as you know, has not had the best life. I'm not excusing his behaviour, and I'm not saying you should be unhappy with him just because of that. I just want to say it might be a reason."

"I get that, and you know Tay, if he hadn't had that life we both know he had, I probably would have ended it sooner if someone I was with was the way he was, but I held on because I knew he'd had it so hard growing up."

Taylor smiled. "Well, how about that drink?"

"Sure, let's go!"