Puppy for Sale 3.19 - Life After Greenstone - 8. Always Regretting Yesterday

Another hangover hit me as I came around from my zero quality slumber. I turned over onto my back and rubbed my eyes, feeling a warm body next to me. Shit! So it did happen? I turned to see a peaceful looking Steven passed out next to me.

I pulled the covers back and swung my legs over the side of the bed, thinking how hot it was in the room. I'd left the heating on by the feel of things. That was going to add to the gas bill, which I struggled to pay at the best of times.

My mouth felt like a sewer, my body felt shit from the previous night's booze, and I had a headache that I knew wouldn't let up until lunchtime.

"Arrrrgh, what time is it?" Steven murmured, causing me to arch my head around to look at him.

"Just after nine. We had sex last night, didn't we?"

"I'm kinda insulted by that comment, but yeah, we did. In fact, some of my fluids are probably still floating inside you."

"Thanks for that graphic picture." I replied, shaking my head, feeling regretful.

"You wanna go again?" Steven asked, giving me a smutty smirk. I was horrified.

"Fuck Steven, are you out of your mind? Even the first time shouldn't have happened, let alone again."

Steven's smirk left his face immediately. Had I insulted him, offended him, let him down. What? What was that face now developing? "I just thought...." he started.

I creased my head up. "No, Steven. Please don't think that. Look, last night was a mistake. I still say the same. I'm not going to be a fuck buddy when you feel like it. It's not fair."

"I better go, you know, things to do."

"How about getting a job? Mum and Dad can't continue to keep you."

"What the fuck has gotten into you?"

"Nothing, I just don't like seeing you unemployed."

"I'm gonna look for something today. Hey, what about Taylor?"

"What about him?"

"You think he can throw some work my way?"

"Steven, do you even know how a car works?"

"No, but I can learn."

I waved my hand away at Steven and wandered out into the bathroom to take a piss. My dick was crusty in stretched dry cum, and my ass felt a bit sore. It felt like I'd been well and truly fucked, and not for the first time in my life. As I stood at the toilet bowel, peering at my stream of piss that was quickly emptying out of my bladder, I tried really hard to remember what happened last night. The truth was we were both wasted by the end, and I even thought for a moment Steven had gone home. But obviously, he didn't.

I was surprised he was able to cum, the amount of drink he had, and I couldn't work out if I had or not. I guessed that I did, too embarrassed to ask Steven.

"You gonna be long in there shit head, I need a dump?"

"Yeah, I'm finished. All yours," I replied as we passed each other.

I went into the lounge and took my phone off charge, seeing a couple of texts. I went into messaging and noticed one was from Cindy and the other from Joey.

Hmm, which to read first.

I read Cindy's and saw she was asking me to come to hers today. The one from Joey was asking me if I wanted to meet his son. Damn. Double booked.

I texted both back and asked if I could meet Cindy later and agreed to Joey's plan of a park walk at eleven. I hoped the fresh air would clear away my hangover, plus it would be nice to have some alone time with Joey, seeing as Jack, Burt, or Roman seemed to be with him at the various times I'd seen him.

Chucking my phone on the sofa, I went and made a couple of coffees hoping Steven would stay for a little bit so we could talk. His usual preference to do a runner when the conversation got too difficult for him was now getting old.

He appeared moments after my though and grabbed his trainers. "Hey, stay for a coffee."

"Nah, I'm dressed now; I'm gonna go."

"I wasn't asking," I said gently, not wanting to piss him off.

"Well, look at you big balls. What you gonna do, try and hold me, prisoner?"

"No, we both know you'd kick my ass. Just stay, will you? I want to talk."

"Wanna talk about what?"

"Well, why there is your cum inside me? Why you woke up naked in my bed this morning? Oh, and to sort out what you want."

"Well, the last one is easy. I want you."

"But locked up like some Prince in a castle while you tell all your mates and our parents you're straight?"

"It's difficult for me."

"What, you're worried about your status? Your ego? You're embarrassed by me, of you, of your sexuality. Fuck off then. You're going to be a very lonely person Steven Chase!"

Steven just stood there glaring at me, his mouth slightly open. He looked fucking sexy, with his black hair, dark eyes and tight army-style t-shirt on. I fucking hated him.

But I loved him so much!

I slid his coffee over to him, and he picked it up, taking a sip, his eyes not leaving my gaze back at him. "You have it easy, Stibbings, you know that?"

"How so?" I asked, irritated he still used my old name."

"You're out and proud. Like some fucking tart out of a brothel. You prance around with all your gay mates, Mum, Dad and Cindy. You have a good lifestyle, settled and a job."

"I also have a part of my past in prison and a flat I can't afford. Love for a step bother which has crossed its boundaries more than once now. I'm behind on my course because I can't stop going out because of how fucking lonely I am. I have no money for day to day spending because everything I earn is sunk in this place. I have someone I like who I can never be with... no, make that two people I like. One is fucking married, and the other is a rude straight boy who just wants to fuck men. My life? Sorted? No Steven. I'm even more confused, uncertain and fucked up than you."

Again Steven said nothing for a few seconds, looking like he finally got that my life was not all roses. Or maybe he was thinking of coming back at me with one of his Steven classic smart answers.

"So erm, when you moving back home?"

"Well, this place is going on the market today, hopefully. I'm just waiting for a call from the estate agents... and what the fuck? We were talking about my life."

"Yeah, and I was just thinking how better it will be when you get rid of this place and come home."

"Yeah, much better. Pffft."

"Well, at least you'll have a moment again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I parked up at Gantree park on the outskirts of Croydon and switched off the engine. The parking lot was small, and I was lucky to get a space, but thankfully someone had just left, allowing me to get in. My view forward was a busy children's play area with swings, a slide and a climbing frame. The site led on to a gravel path surrounded by tall trees which gently swayed in the wind. Low clouds hung everywhere, making the air a little warmer but giving the day a depressing grey feel.

In the distance, I could see Joey helping Noah onto one of the swings. He looked happy, content. He also looked amazing, with his spiked short blond hair and snug fitted Superdry hoodie on and black body warmer on top. I wanted to go over and hug him so bad.

Jesus, why do I do this to myself, I thought, as I got out of my car and locked it. Then, wandering towards the park, I hoped he didn't see me as I wanted to surprise him. Unfortunately, though, that was wasted as he seemed to turn in my direction as if sensing I was nearby. Joey put his hand up to wave to me, and I smiled as I got nearer.

"He looks like he's having fun?"

"How you doing, Puppy? Yeah, he loves the park. It's nice to get out and be with him alone for once. My Mum is normally nearby."

I got up close to him and felt the need to give him that hug I wanted. He responded by clutching my puffer coat and gripping me tight.

"So did you want to talk about something or wanted company? I was surprised to get this invitation."

"Truth is, I missed you," Joey said as he gestured me to a nearby bench, keeping Noah in his view. We both sat down, and he did his zip up a bit more, rubbing his hands together after. "Man, it's cold."

"I missed you too," I said, thinking almost too quietly.

"You did?" Joey asked, turning to me. "It's funny. I see you and Jack together and think to myself, man, they make a good couple."

"Really?" I said, chuckling nervously. "Why?"

Joey shrugged. "You get on so well. It looks like you can talk to him. Hell, he probably knows more about you than I do and yet I'm the one inviting you to a park."

I pursed my lips. Joey almost seemed upset by the fact I got on well his husband. There was no jealousy there I could sense, just a bit of sorrow.

"Well, he's easy to get along with, you should know."

Joey turned to me again. "I want a divorce," He said suddenly as if offering me one.

"Whoa, why?"

Joey sighed. "You know, when we first met, I couldn't keep my hands off him. Well, not when we first met because that was under funny circumstances. What I mean is when I first accepted, I was gay, and with him, we were such a perfect match. I was so into him, but no one else. Like, I hadn't even looked at another guy. That really continued for a long time because I think I was a bit confused with who I was. I mean, I knew I wanted Jack, like really wanted him, but I was also convinced I was straight, or at least bisexual."

"Sounds like someone I know."

"Huh?"

"Never mind, go on."

"Yeah, and being with Jack was enough for a long time."

"And then?"

"Then he got this job, and everything changed."

"In what way?"

"His ego changed first, I think. He became brimming with confidence. Then, he started connecting with different people, made lots of friends, became popular."

"And this annoyed you?"

"Annoyed? No, not annoyed. You see, Jack got bullied at school because he was gay. He's never had many friends, mainly because he WAS gay, and now he has. I think that has gone to his head a bit. I mean, his whole personality has changed. I always used to think I was the slightly more dominant one, but he treats me like his property almost. Maybe that's a bit harsh. I don't mean property, I mean... I dunno, kind of like his...."

"Wife?" I said.

Joey laughed. "Perhaps, yeah. Like in the old fashioned sense."

"Hey, I grew up in a kid prison. I don't know what old fashioned wives are supposed to be like."

"Well, they always stayed at home, did the chores, the shopping, and always made their husbands aware of where they were. All this while they went out to work to earn real money. And now with Noah? He hates Noah."

"He doesn't like kids?"

"Well, he doesn't like this one, as he's probably said. But, I still think he's angry inside that I have a child, and it's been made by me."

"Well, I don't want to sound like I'm taking sides because I'm not."

"But?" Joey asked, raising a brow at me.

"Well, you did have an affair, and Noah is probably a constant reminder of that affair, no?"

"I guess so. I mean, I have asked him about how he feels. We have talked... loads."

"Sounds like you really care. Are you sure you want a divorce?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I Probably have been for about three months. But as I said to you, it's complicated because our lives are so wrapped up in each other and intertwined with family, etcetera."

"Yeah, it must be difficult. So how are you going to tell him?"

"Pffft, dunno. Part of me wonders if he'll be relieved. I've been feeling lately that I'm holding him back somehow."

"You think he'll give you the divorce?"

"I think... and this is just a theory. I think he'll accept it because he'll no longer have to be involved with Noah, and he'll be able to take a job he was offered three months ago to work in New York."

"Wow, sounds like a dream job."

"It was, but he turned it down because I said I wouldn't go because of Noah. Noah's Mum would never let him go. Besides, I don't wanna leave Roman and the rest of my family. Plus, I'd never see Noah unless I came back. And what the hell would I do in New York?"

"You could be that kept wife," I replied, smirking. Joey smiled back at me before we both laughed.

Joey got up, seeing Noah had had enough of the swing he was on, and I joined him.

"Fancy a walk?" he asked, asking both of us.

"Hey, little man," I said, crouching down. "You wanna walk with Daddy and me? My name is Puppy." Noah just stared at me like I was some Alien.

"He's shy, but he'll be your friend as soon as you offer him sweets."

"Well, I didn't think to bring any," I frowned. "Looks like he'll just have to be my foe then until I get some, hey little guy?"

Joey laughed before taking Noah's hand and leading us onto the walkway out of the park. The wind was picking up, which didn't seem to bother either Joey or Noah. I felt like they used this park frequently.

"So, what're your plans for the future?"

"Wow, that's a big question, Joey. Well, first, I got to pass my degree. Oh, actually, no. Before that, I am selling my flat and moving back home with my brother and parents. Then I've got to pass my degree. Once that's done, I am going to try and secure a job in the home I used to live in."

"Oh yeah, Greenstone, right?"

"That's the one."

"Don't you feel a bit odd going back there?" Joey asked, giving me a sideways glance.

"It's a bit strange, but It's what I'm passionate about. I had a hard time growing up. So many emotions went unchecked. So much life I missed. I mean, when I got out of that place, I couldn't even open a tin. I want to work with kids to educate them... get them ready before they get new parents."

"It sounds like an excellent thing to do."

I looked up into the sky, imagining. "Yeah, I really think it is. Hopefully, I can get a job there."

"So, what about Hunter?"

"I left him. Well, I suppose I have. I mean, it's not official to him yet, but I have in my own mind. Left him, I mean... even moved on in fact."

"Really? Are you kidding yourself there or?"

I sighed. "No, I really think I have. I don't feel sad or regretful. On the contrary, I feel like it's the right thing for me. I just need to get around to telling him, which I'm not looking forward to. I have a feeling he won't accept it and make my life a living hell."

"Wow, really? In what way?... watch the gate here," Joey said as we walked through, its powerful spring slamming it closed behind us.

"Thanks," I replied. "In what way? Well, he is very oppressive for a start. He'll do what he always does and try and convince me I've made a horrible mistake and how I can't survive without him."

"Sounds suffocating."

"He can be a very loving person. But his anger and insecurities have rotted his sense of love and security away. He's just an angry, issue laden mess now. I can't have that in my life. I want to do things, feel like I'm allowed to live my life, you know?"

"Pffft, I've got the opposite. Jack doesn't even notice me some days. D'ya know, I could probably go away for a week abroad, and he'd be none the wiser. Not that I would, but still."

I turned to Joey and smiled. "Perhaps we should get together," I said jokingly, causing a serious look to come over Joey's face.

"Say that again?" he said, stopping suddenly.

"Well, erm, it was just a joke. I mean...."

"Oh," he said, looking deflated.

"Whoa, you mean, you're not offended?"

Joey grinned. "Why would I be? I was just hoping it wasn't a joke."

"Well, I can make the joke go away and repeat it."

"So you mean it?" Joey asked, now confused.

"Hey, cards on the table. I think about you all the time. In fact, I can't stop thinking about you. But you're married. I have Hunter in Prison, and then there is my brother, Steven."

"Okay, rollback. I get the me and Jack thing and, of course, Hunter. But what does Steven have to do with this?"

"Drink tonight?"

"Can do why?"

"I think we'll need it when I tell you."

Joey pulled the side of his lips down and nodded. "Drink sounds good. But not Chariots, let's go somewhere cosy."

"Hannity Grill?"

Joey clicked his fingers. "Perfect. I haven't had steak for a while. Let's meet at seven tonight; I'm buying. So shall we turn back and head for our cars?"

"Sounds like a plan. If we're going out tonight, I better get back sharpish. I'm going to squeeze my friend Cindy in for a tea and catch up."

"Let's go then, C'mon Noah," Joey said, steering the little boy in the opposite direction.

Tonight was going to be interesting. But one thing I was sure of... I was going to reveal all and not lie. I just hope he can understand it.