Live, Love, Lose - 24. Chapter 24

During these last few weeks, George had been going through a real living hell.

With each day that passed, the pain and heartache were becoming even worse. Every bone in his body ached, painfully reminding him that he was still alive and suffering.

He was painfully aware that he could never see Nathan again, his smile that somehow always knew how to cheer him up whenever he had been feeling down, his pretty face, and especially his bright, beautiful blue eyes that always saw the good in anything. He could never touch him again, his soft skin that was always so sensitive to his caresses, his silky brown hair that he never really liked doing nicely like most men, or hug him to show him how much he wanted him in his life. He could never be intoxicated again by the smell of it, that was always so hard to define, but oh so good. He could never hear his voice again, that voice that was always so reassuring, his soft laugh, and loving words meant only for him. He was afraid he would end up forgetting the sound of it with the time that would pass. There would be nothing left of him, only one or two photographs which he would only be able to cry upon. And memories that would disappear forever when it was finally his turn to pass away, and that only caused the pain to be much greater.

All these things were playing on a loop in his mind. He just couldn’t get them out of his mind. It was worse than any kind of obsession. At times, he really wished he could have amnesia. It would make things much easier. But life was just merciless with him.

He felt somewhat bad for how he kept rejecting Robert, Margaret’s and Paul’s support and attempts at trying to distract him and cheer him up somehow. He knew they just wanted to help him because they really cared about him as if he was their own son, and he perfectly knew that Paul considered him as the little brother he could never have. It wasn’t against them, not at all. He was more than thankful for everything they’d done for him. He loathed seeing them so distressed and helpless just because of him and his broken heart.

He just felt he could never be happy again. His happy, positive self had totally vanished. That part of him had died with him.

Paul and Margaret kept telling him that time would make him heal whenever he saw them. But he was certain that time wouldn’t change a thing. That it would never relieve all the pain in his heart.

He was well aware of the fact that he wasn’t the only one on Earth to have lost someone dear to him. And that people have had to cope with it and overcome that terrible ordeal, but still.

Nathan wasn’t just some good friend he got along well with. No, he was much more than that.

His father had died during WW1, and his mother had committed suicide not long after giving birth to him. So he was raised by his grandmother. But when she died (in 1922), he was placed in an orphanage, having no other known relatives. He had been very unlucky in life, but this had never prevented him from enjoying life and the good things it had to offer.

That was the main reason why he had looked up to him so much and taken him as a role model as a child. But as he grew up he discovered that he wasn’t him, that he could never be, no matter how hard he tried.

He had met him at the age of seven. Right when he had been bullied by a group of boys after school. He had come out of nowhere and stood up for him when he had never known him. Yes, he had been pretty sure they had never met before. So, of course, he had found his bold gesture…surprising, to say the least. But what had been even more surprising had been the way he had managed to scare away his bullies. As if it had been no big deal for him; as if this had been the kind of thing he had been used to doing, coming to the rescue of unknown kids who were in trouble.

He had thought that even after he had practically saved his life, they would have just parted ways and never seen each other again. But apparently, destiny had had other plans for them.

Yet, why make their paths cross and make them become so close throughout time if it was only to make him die thirteen years later?

Why did life need to be so cruel? Why? WHY?

It seemed that it was just a game to the heavens, that they, humans, were just being manipulated like pawns by some sort of divine entity, whether it was God or anything else, he had no idea, even though he didn’t believe in God.

They had been seeing each other regularly, until he turned thirteen when his mother had decided to send him to a boarding school, Eton College, “the most prestigious school nearby”, according to her. She had always wanted the best for him. That’s what she had always claimed. But the best, according to her point of view. Which didn’t necessarily match his own vision of it.

He had never wanted to go to a boarding school in the first place, far from home. He could have just gone to some London local school, it wouldn’t have been a shame. But no matter how hard he had pleaded with her, she’d never change her mind. He had taken her decision as a punishment rather than believing the claim that it had been for his own good. She had kept saying that he would thank her later. But he hadn’t until now. And he didn’t think he was going to thank her anytime soon.

To go straight to the point, he had hated this boarding school. Its strict rules regarding everything, its posh people, especially the teachers and pupils. Oh, how he hated them, those posh people.

And that’s why he loved Nathan so much. He was unlike any of them, their polar opposite. Always so carefree, open-minded, making fun of them whenever he could. He had been a blast of fresh air among all this colourless, dusty ocean of boredom and austerity.

An unexpected knock on the door made him start and interrupted his stream of thoughts. It could only be either Margaret or Paul. He uttered a monotone “come in”, even if he’d rather be alone.

The door was opened immediately afterwards. It was Paul. He looked somewhat embarrassed as if he were looking for the right words to break some terrible piece of news to him. Should he fear the worst?

Paul closed the door behind him, looking at him before he approached with slow and careful steps as if he were already fearing his soon to come reaction. Now wasn’t really the right time for this kind of thing.

“Just tell me what it is. Go straight to the point. Don’t try to sugarcoat it.”

Did he really want to be nice at that precise moment? No, he didn’t.

He could see how he held back a sigh, and then he ran a quick hand through his hair.

“Mum, Dad, and I thought it was time for Carl to come back home.”

This definitely was the last thing he needed.

“Why can’t you just keep him with you?”

“Because my flat is hardly big enough for one person.”

“Then take a bigger one, and drop it.”

He didn’t intend to let him win the argument this time.

“Listen, I know the circumstances are quite special, but I think it’s best if you have someone to stay with you, rather than staying here all alone and depressed most of the time.”

He must have been kidding.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that bloke is definitely not the right person to cheer me up. If I had to choose someone, it could be anyone but him.”

Okay, it was war. But why out of all the families in London did he have to end up here? He could have been helped and accommodated by just anyone, really. But destiny had to decide it would be them.

Why couldn’t he just go somewhere else? London was big. He could be shifted into another family that was as charitable as them, or welcomed by an orphanage, or whatever, for all he cared.

“Alright. I’ll wait for one more week. But then, I swear I won’t leave you a choice,” Paul interrupted him again as he raised his voice.

He could feel his left eyebrow twitch.

“Just keep him with you if you love him so much, and stop bothering me!!!” He yelled, losing his temper.

He just wanted to be alone; was it too much to ask for?

Paul shook his head as he looked like he was about to scold him.

“I know you’re miserable and broken, but reacting like this won’t help you get better.”

Why could this conversation not be over already?

“How can you know what’s best for me, and what will help me? You’re not in my head, nor are you in my shoes. You don’t know how I'm feeling inside, and what I am really going through. You don’t know why I don’t want to get better because you’ve never experienced what I had with Nathan and the loss of that deep and special bond. So, please, don’t tell me what I should do and not do.”

Paul was left speechless, and that was the purpose he aimed for. He just stared straight into his uncertain eyes, his gaze unwavering and hard. The older male just ended up leaving the room not long afterwards, in utter silence.

He let his back fall back against the wall, as well as his head. He closed his eyes, squeezed them shut so he could try to escape from the harsh reality. But this only made them become wetter. His whole body was so shaky that they twitched uncontrollably and relentlessly under the forced closing.

He shouldn’t have pronounced his name.

Soon the tears started streaming down his face, and he was no longer to hold himself back any more.

So many tears that would be wasted, poured for nothing.

lockquote> Hey, folks!
Prepare for trouble and make it double! (No I'm just kidding, even though it's not really funny.... )
So from this chapter onwards, the POV will change to George's because I thought it'd be interesting to see what's in his head and how he really deals with this loss since he's the one to have lost someone close to him. Nothing more logical, right?
This will be a short series of chapters, until chapter 29. Chapter 30 will shift back to Karl's POV.
I hope you still enjoy the story so far
Thank you so much to all the people reading this story 🥰 It means so much to me ❤️
Take care 💞
Lots of love 😘