Live, Love, Lose - 40. Chapter 40

He went out for a long stroll.

He needed to try to forget about what had happened earlier, although it was easier said than done.

He was confused more than anything else. Well, this kiss had been like anything he had ever experienced before. Explosive, dizzying, electrifying, wild yet soft and chaste, unsettling yet so familiar…

He still felt light-headed yet unable to bear the overwhelming weight of culpability slowly eating him up. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall, his gaze fixed on the ground.

He thought about that time he had accidentally wounded Karl. It was true. He hadn’t meant to try to kill himself again, although the circumstances had been against him…. He had only wanted to scar his skin, but with shallow cuts. Not a clever thing to do, yeah he knew that. But it seemed that good sense had already left his brain a long time ago. He sighed several times on his way.

There was something about the Danish boy which he couldn’t grasp, and not understanding got on his nerves against his will.

He…Well…He hadn’t been expected him for him to try to comfort him. But showing so much vulnerability had him clench his jaw.

Should he really let his walls fall? It had never brought anything good in the past.

He felt he couldn’t make any good decisions any longer.

He went back to the Hopkins’s when it got dark. He sighed before he went upstairs and entered the bedroom.

There he was. Looking lost and distressed. He sighed again.

Had it been that awful?

He felt so stupid for doing such a thing.

“I’m sorry…I should have known you weren’t into this… I won’t do it again.”

His cheeks burnt from sudden embarrassment.

There was a long and awkward moment of silence during which Karl barely glanced at him.

“I can understand if you don’t want me to stay. It’s natural.”

He couldn’t bear that heavy silence. He left without taking a last look at him. He hadn’t meant to ruin things that way. He really hadn’t.

What if he hated him now?

As he went back downstairs, Margaret was waiting for him, her eyes reflecting worry.

“Is everything alright, dear?”

He sighed.

“Nothing worse than what has already happened I guess.”

Her look of worry turned into one of sympathy.

George. You can talk to me. You know I will never judge you no matter what. We only want to help you.”

“I know that, Margaret. And I’ll never be thankful enough for it.”

As he finished speaking, he saw his uncle approach his wife.

He sighed again before biting his lower lip, glancing down.

“I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble and worrying. But I’ve learnt my lesson now. I don’t want to be a coward. I should stop bemoaning my fate.”

He could realise many things once he had become aware once again of his environment.

“There are so many men around my age who have been dying at war, and here I am, trying to kill myself while I’m given the chance to live. I still need to work on myself. And even if it’ll take time, I don’t want you to worry any longer.”

“Please, there is no need for you to apologise, George. Besides, parents can’t help worrying even when there is no apparent reason to.”

George tried to smile a bit, although it was clumsy.

“I have to go. I can’t stay any more.”

“Why not? What has happened, George.”

He tried to swallow the knot forming in his throat but was having trouble with it. He couldn’t tell them about this…

“I’ve made a terrible mistake. Done something I shouldn’t have.” He deliberately said the last part in a low tone.

They didn’t say anything, and he thought it definitely wasn’t needed in this context. It seemed they instantly understood. Or maybe he was becoming a bit too paranoid…

“George…” Margaret kept talking, and the silence on his uncle’s part was unsettling. He felt there was buried deep in him a feeling of disappointment he would never unseal. He had seen too many horrors in the great war to show how really felt about some things. “There are no mistakes that are unforgivable. I am sure you can make things up.”

“Thanks Margaret. But I’ll be staying at Paul’s for a while. I need to let some time pass before coming back. But I’ll stay in touch with you.”

Margaret looked sad and disappointed while his uncle looked more like anxious.

He hugged her and she hugged him back with a mother’s warmth.

Then, once they pulled back he stared at his uncle, waiting for him to react. He shifted uncomfortably the weight from one foot to the otheras he couldn’t look away from his burning gaze.

“You know I trust Paul, but please come back as soon as possible. I tend to get quite anxious when you stay away from me for too long.”

George didn’t know how to deal with it. The rush of emotions bubbling in his stomach, his heart pounding a bit too loud in his chest, his eyes becoming watery.

His uncle ended up wrapping his arms around his frail body, but he was too shocked to hug him back.

Could there be anything better and unswerving than a fatherly love?

His heart skipped a beat as he blinked his tears away.

A sweet kiss and display of affection from a certain blue-eyed boy.

“Thank you.”

Hey!
So, I've decided to add this chapter at the last minute. It wasn't planned but I felt it was needed after the kiss scene. But I'm afraid it doesn't sound good as I imagined it to be in my head...So I'll leave you judge
Have a good day/night and take care ❤️
xoxo