Incandescence - 11. Push

Summer had descended fully and Eon’s fountain in the courtyard had purple and blue flowers I didn’t know the name of floating on its surface. It was scorching hot and I was thankful for the fabric that blocked the direct sunlight overhead. Thank the gods for Wren’s sensitive pink eyes. Wren. Gods, I wanted to know if he and Loren were okay! Were they safe? Had they made progress? Had Loren said too many stupid things to make Wren finally take a bite out of him? I closed my eyes for a moment. It was hard not knowing where they were or when they’d return. I had decided after the incident with the house that I wouldn’t settle until all my friends were back home. Everyone kept reassuring me that Wren would be fine and since Loren was with him, he would be okay too. It wasn’t enough. I had thought that with Talon returning and Tyren and I deciding against the Illiathian meeting, I would feel better. I didn’t. That crawling, creeping dread was still spreading through my stomach. The little foreign voice in my head was still shouting danger. I opened my eyes, fingers tapping against the book I held in my lap. It was one Hanja had written shortly after all the drama with Anders.

Hanja had documented everything Anders had done to our minds. Having witnessed it firsthand, the book was very detailed and accurate. It had raised questions. Most about the connection between Talon and me. I had been able to establish a connection with Anders as well. I had assumed, at the time, that it was due to a shared blood lineage. Now I had begun to wonder. Hanja detailed every aspect of the mad general’s power and it made me questions why Talon and I were able to connect at all. It was possible that I had started both tethers. Gods knew Talon would’ve never have been the one to willingly invite someone else into his head. I had been so drawn to him, so desperate to be close. I had wanted access to all the things he kept secret from me. Had I somehow drawn him to me forcefully or was it his strange spell that had jumpstarted our mental communication? Force seemed to be the case with Anders. Seeking some way to see what the lunatic was up to, I had sent my mind out, feeling for the other man across a fair distance. It’d been easier that time but how had I done it in the first place?

Anders used his power to control and see what those under his control were up to. That was how I’d come up with the idea to reverse it for use against him in the first place. Anders had been able to do it with seemingly anyone, however. Was that due to his specific Magik, or was that power in our blood? Could Talon do it as well? How was I to know when the only information we had about the beings whose power we harbored was so limited? It was maddening, but it was something I wouldn’t be able to stop stewing over. I should run it by Tyren when he wasn’t busy. Whenever that would be. Or possibly even Lyme. Maybe both.

I slid my fingers over the soft petals of the flower nearest me as my brother walked around Wyn. He tapped lightly on Wyn’s right foot until he shifted it forward the tiniest bit. Eon smacked under his elbow when his hands dropped as his focus shifted to his feet. Wyn threw him a dirty look and Eon raised an eyebrow.

“Guard your everything above your shoulders.” Eon said, standing in front of the boy with his arms crossed, “The fight will end pretty quick if you don’t have a head.”

I grimaced. I’d seen plenty of people who had fallen after making that fatal error. Wyn raised his hands and Eon prodded and poked at him for a solid ten minutes until the boy’s patience snapped, “I thought you were going to teach me to fight!”

Eon tilted his head to the side, ignoring the whining as he fixed Wyn’s shoulders. Frustrated at the lack of answer, Wyn dropped his hands and glared up at his uncle. Eon sighed and grabbed the boy’s neck lightning fast. He picked Wyn up off his feet and shook him. Wyn’s eyes were wide as he tried to free himself, legs kicking. My stomach rolled as it drew me back to when the dark Magik had taken Talon. He’d done something similar to Anders’ female mercenary. He’d shaken her so hard. Like a dog with a toy. Eon wasn’t nearly as rough and dropped the boy on his backside. I winced. The few feet he’d been dropped might’ve hurt less if it hadn’t been for the marble floor he landed on. He’d have bruises.

“Protect your head.” Eon said simply as he flicked Wyn’s forehead. He kept his eyes on the boy. Wyn was embarrassed and unwilling to meet either of our gazes. He dusted himself off as he stood. Eon and I exchanged very different glances. Wyn sighed heavily and fell back into the clumsy stance he’d learned just today. Eon walked another circle around him. He pushed and poked until it looked better. Then they slowly began working through the most basic foot movements and how to throw a punch.

“Uncle Eon! You said you’d teach me how to use short swords!” Wyn huffed through panting as he ran laps around the courtyard. Eon was cruel. The marble made it hard to get traction. Running here was much harder than on grass or dirt. Perhaps my brother’s sadism had spread into other facets of his life? For some reason this made me think of the illegal meal he’d prepared for Wren. It should probably bother me more than it did, but as per usual, where those two were concerned, I didn’t seem to care. Maybe I needed to reevaluate my morals a bit?

“You want to use short swords when you can’t even throw a punch?” My brother chuckled as he came to sit next to me. Wyn’s sleeveless blue shirt was soaked with sweat and I shielded my eyes as I looked up at the obscured sky.

“It’s getting hot Eon. He is only twelve.” I mumbled.

“So it is.” He shrugged, “Wyn, you can stop running.”

The boy slowed to a stop once he’d reached us and panted, wiping sweat from his brow, “Thank the gods. I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“Drop. Pushups. Let’s start with twenty. If you have to throw up, do so, and then get back into position.” I winced and Wyn’s face fell.

“I can’t!” Wyn whined and I was surprised he didn’t stomp his foot as well.

I stood and smiled at him, “I’ll do them with you.”

“Da, I can’t!”

“God Kalian, are we sure he isn’t yours biologically somehow? The whining. It needs to stop. Get down. Now.” Eon’s face was expressionless, but his tone had Wyn lowering to his knees. It didn’t, however, stop him from grumbling all the way down. I kneeled with him, throwing my white linen vest to the side. I extended my legs behind me and Wyn mirrored my actions. His arms were shaking and I smiled sympathetically. I could relate. I had been in his position when I’d started. At least Eon didn’t kick and hit him the way Athel had me. He hadn’t even made him run that much. Not the way Talon had run me ragged.

“Down. Up. One. Wyn, your hips are falling already.” The boy mumbled under his breath and I held back a laugh. He made it to ten before the whining started again. His form was failing and Eon refused to count anything without perfect form. We’d been at ten for a while when Wyn’s arms gave out.

“Ten? That’s it? Are you sure you’re ready to train?” Eon sighed, rubbing his face. I held myself in the plank position. My arms were getting a little tired as well, but I kept my smile. Wyn looked up at me, despair all over his face.

“Eon, again he is twelve.” I frowned up at my brother who was still seated by the fountain.

“Kalian, never said you could stop either. You volunteered to do it with him. You shouldn’t have if you weren’t going to put forth real effort.” Eon raised an eyebrow, looking down his nose at me. Wyn whined and tried to prop himself up on wobbly arms.

“If it makes you feel better, your da couldn’t even do two when I started teaching him.” A voice said from the doorway. My head snapped in its direction and relief flooded through me when I saw Talon standing there. He’d been out of it for two and a half days. I’d only been able to wake him long enough to eat a little. He was leaning against the doorframe and grinned when we looked at him. Wyn scrambled to stand, his feet slipping on the now sweaty marble. He crashed into Talon.

“Oh, now he’s got energy.” Eon sighed. I stood and made my way over more slowly. Talon had dark circles under his eyes and he was still far too pale for my tastes. His hair was half up and messy too.

“Ugh get off me! You’re all sweaty!” Talon said as he tugged the boy in for a hug anyway. He opened and closed the fingers of his free hand in my direction, “Come here you.”

I rolled my eyes and tucked myself into his side. It was hard to put the slightly needy, touch-starved man that was my husband up against the dangerous loner he’d been when we’d met. I definitely preferred this version. He kissed my forehead and then nudged my head until I tilted it back to give him a real kiss.

“Gross!” Wyn whined as he shoved himself away. He then froze when Eon raised an eyebrow, arms still crossed. He thought better of his decision and returned to Talon’s side to avoid more training. Wyn looked up at Talon as he kissed my nose. Wyn made a face, “Do you mean Da used to have trouble with this too?”

“Everyone started somewhere Islwyn.” Eon sighed, shoulders sagging as he determined we were done for the day by the boy’s subtle attempt to hide behind Talon.

“He threw up. I think twice on the first day?” Talon grinned and I rolled my eyes again, shrugging his arm off as I moved to pick up the vest I’d discarded earlier.

“It was only once on the first day and your father liked to use physical activity to punish me when he got jealous or mad.” I slipped my arms through the vest and leveled Talon with a sour look.

“Dad!” Wyn shouted and smacked Talon’s arm.

“I…did…not…do that. Lies.” Talon smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

“Uh huh. I’m pretty sure you made me switch between pushups and sit ups for an hour the first time Mallex called me a pet name.” Eon chuckled and Talon mumbled as he crossed his arms and looked away.

“Who’s Mallex?” Wyn asked, tugging on Talon’s crossed arms. The mood in the courtyard plummeted into something unpleasant and tense. Talon’s smile dropped and Eon looked away from us. I swallowed. My mouth suddenly felt dry. As though I’d walked through a desert at the hottest part of the day. Wyn knew I’d been captured more than once and held prisoner, but this piece had been kept from him. Most of Mallex’s wrongdoings against me had been kept a secret. I didn’t want to be a martyr or someone people pitied. He’d taken enough from me when he’d been alive. Gods, he’d taken from me even after his death! He didn’t deserve anything else. Talon’s eyes had swirled dark with black overtaking his pupil as his fingers twitched on his bicep.

“He’s no one.” I said as I moved forward. Wyn was confused and looking between the three of us as if he might get in trouble for speaking. I wrapped my arms around his narrow, sweaty shoulders and kissed the side of his head, “A monster long since vanquished.”

“But Da, why would he call you pet names?” I could almost see Talon’s teeth grinding together as I struggled to explain our way out of this conversation. Luckily, I was saved from further struggle.

“Why is everyone covered in sweat? Well except for you brother. You look terrible for a different reason.” Rah swept into the courtyard, amethyst short sleeve vest cut to fit tight to her body. She wore a one piece of thin, black material underneath that covered her chest and extended down into her signature boots. Talon glared at her and Wyn grinned.

“Aunt Rah! You brought her!” I blinked and, sure enough, Rah had the little girl we’d saved from Dleth strapped to her back with some kind of harness. Eira. The child looked only half awake and wore a floppy white and pink hat.

“I’m watching her for Tyren. Hanja is losing his mind having the little one around and they haven’t managed to rehome her yet. Potlyne has been having the time of her life making tiny outfits.” Rah grinned and pulled the child off her back, setting her on her small feet. She wore a ruffle-heavy white dress with matching white shoes and little pink bows on her shoulders. Wyn had already been a full person when he’d come to live with us, so I wasn’t used to small children. Unfortunately, our group tended to fall into relationships where procreation wasn’t possible. Which meant no babies. It made me a sad sometimes. I smiled at her and held out my hands as I crouched, cooing softly to try and get her to come to me.

“Tyren thinks she’s either two or three. Perhaps somewhere in between. He’s unsure if her development was stunted. She doesn’t talk yet. At all. She was malnourished when we got her here which may have caused delays. Suman said the small villages have been struggling more and more recently. Sumerion doesn’t seem to care. There are…there are people starving to death.” My chest hurt as I thought of more people struggling indirectly from Sumerion’s terrible rule. Directly was bad enough. Rah’s voice was soft as the girl stood and looked around. She ignored me completely and moved instead in Talon’s direction.

“No, no. Go to him tiny thing. He wanted you.” Talon backpedaled, being careful to not step on her as she followed. I laughed-though I was a little sad she’d ignored me-and watched him try to escape the girl. The six-and-a-half-foot former assassin decked out in black running from a toddler girl in a frilly dress needed to be recorded somewhere for history. Posterity. Everyone deserved to see it. Those of us in the room were blessed. When Talon avoided her hands, she stopped and looked up at him, lower lip stuck out so far, a bird could land on it. The poor thing had to crane her neck far. She wasn’t big to begin with but compared to Talon she was itty bitty. She tripped on her own feet and horror flashed across Talon’s face. He slid forward and dropped, catching her with one hand before she hit hard marble.

Rah let out a breath, her hand pressed to her chest. My heart rate had ticked up sharply and Wyn ran forward, “Is she okay?”

“I don’t-“

The girl gripped Talon’s fingers and let out a triumphant high-pitched cry as yellow electricity shot out from her hands. Talon let go of her as he jerked and dropped like a sack of potatoes, his body twitching. He was panting as we all stared, wide-eyed. The toddler laughed and crawled forward, tugging at his pantleg.

“Well, I like her.” Eon shrugged and smiled.

“Lightning? Really? You saw it?” Tyren stared down at the girl and made overexaggerated faces. She giggled and reached for him. His face lit up, delighted, and I handed her over.

“I felt it.” Talon grumbled from behind me. He’d been sulking since she’d zapped him. Wyn had laughed so hard, the boy had stopped making sound. I’d had to cover my mouth as I had rushed to make sure she hadn’t stopped his heart or hurt anything vital. We’d walked Wyn to the school and then we’d gone straight to Tyren. He didn’t have a class now, luckily.

“Lightning is so rare! Yes! You are so special!” He cooed at Eira, bouncing her in his arms.

“Hmph, special.” Talon continued grumbling and I waved him away as Tyren set the girl on his desk. He held his palms up and I saw a lump of silver metal in his palm. The girl stared with her big blue eyes as the silver expanded and shrank in certain places before expanding once more into a horse. She clapped her hands and made a small cooing sound as he handed the horse over.

“Talon, what’d it feel like?” Tyren’s animated grin and eyes dipped to Talon fast before returning to the girl.

“It sucked. What do you think it felt like?” Talon growled, crossing his arms. He was looking down at Eira, face serious as he studied her. This was only the second lighting user I had heard of. The first was Talon’s teacher. The old man who’d taken him in when he’d been at his lowest point. I slid closer, pressing myself to his side. He glanced down at me and I smiled reassuringly, resting my hand on his chest. He took my fingers and kissed them.

Eira was watching us, waving the toy in Talon’s direction, “Look she’s showing you.”

“I see it tiny human. That is definitely a horse.” Eira waved it in the air more and beamed up at him. I smiled too as she kept her eyes on Talon. Apparently, the child had decided he wasn’t appreciating it enough and now that he had, all was well in her world.

“Gross. When did you two find another street child to adopt? At least the other one didn’t drool.” Nyx held glass bottles to his chest as he walked in and scowled at the girl. She held up her horse for inspection and Nyx’s face only grew more annoyed. Her lower lip quivered and a spike of panic tore through my chest. Gods, no more crying.

“Hey, acknowledge her damn toy, jack ass. She’s not old enough to know your personality isn’t her fault.” Talon snapped and Nyx narrowed his eyes at him. I smiled to myself, eyeing my husband.

“Fine. Cool horse. Anyway, I’m here on official business.” Nyx rolled up his sleeves and I stared, my mouth dropping open. His arms were bandaged all the way up to where they met his shoulders. Even his fingers were wrapped.

“What happened to you?” I gasped. Tyren’s face was serious and Talon was nodding, only half his attention on the conversation as Eira jerked her horse in his direction again.

“How do you think I test serums and antidotes? It is…unethical to do it on anyone but myself.” Nyx shrugged and set the bottles he’d brought in down on the desk opposite where Eira sat, “Now, I think I’ve improved upon my original antidote. It’s in liquid form here, but Lyme and Hanja have also helped me shift it into a gaseous state. The gas can be administered very quickly. Like, put your entire fighting force in a room and have them inhale for a couple of minutes, fast.”

“That’s amazing!” Tyren exclaimed in his baby voice while he transformed Eira’s horse into a puppy. She waved the toy in my direction and Talon laughed softly. I smiled brightly and she nodded before thrusting it in Talon’s direction.

“Yes, I see the dog. Also very nice.”

“Excuse me? I just made a significant breakthrough tying together our most advanced sciences and Magik. I deserve full attention and more fanfare.” Nyx raised his eyebrows and Tyren smiled apologetically.

“What you’ve done is incredible.” I smiled at him and nodded, “How fast are we able to make both? It’d be wise to supply every Magik user with an emergency supply.”

“How long does it provide immunity? Can it counteract the poison when it’s already in your system? If so, how long does that take?” Tyren tilted his head to the side, looking through one of the bottles of purple-ish grey liquid as he held it up.

“I think the gas will last at least two weeks. The liquid is more concentrated so in theory it should last longer, but I haven’t had adequate time to test it since the general gave me such a short deadline. It can counteract poison already in your system but it takes a few hours. That was difficult to test. Anders didn’t leave much behind so recreating the poison was hard at first.” Nyx sighed and looked down at the floor.

He counted something out on his fingertips, “Eon’s already called almost every maker that graduated from the school to help. Hanja made a list of those with ability similar to mine. Once I or another Magik user establish the base components, the rest of the mixture can be made by those without Magik. This is on purpose. I assumed that the short timeline and willingness to hemorrhage money meant that things were bad and we needed to be fast. Depending on how much help we get, we could have a sizable amount prepared for when things go tits up.”

I was at a loss for words, “Nyx…that’s-“

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll get started with some of the senior students in the school right away. There is one unfortunate detail. Kalian and Talon. Everything is different with you two and the Verseckt’s leader. I don’t know how it will work for you. It is tested on a regular Magik user after all. Just be careful and maybe have extra on hand if you two plan to fight.” Nyx threw the words over his shoulder after snatching up the bottles. He tossed one to each of us and left the room. That wasn’t a new detail. It had been the same when we’d first met. He had no way to be sure how fast the antidote would nullify the poison. I had cut it pretty close and the only reason I got my Magik back was my healing ability. I bit my lip. The fight with Anders had been the first time I ever jumped. It’d been sloppy, but I had done it. I wrapped my arms around myself as I thought. I hadn’t fought to improve my Magik since I had finished my training with Tyren. That had been a mistake. Talon could open an entire world for himself. He could store things within. There were things Talon could do that I couldn’t even fathom. I was strong, but would it be enough?

“Speaking of the Verseckt, in Wren’s absence, Eon has been in control. He’s sent some to Dleth and Illiath. Wren also took a few with Loren and him.” Tyren said absentmindedly, working now to change the metal dog into a cat.

“How many Verseckt are there in total?” I asked, playing with the girl’s hair.

“The numbers have dwindled over the years. They’re elite and Wren hasn’t found anyone worth admitting in some time. Or they don’t make it through the training. I think there are maybe ten now in total.” Talon sighed.

“There were three already on missions assigned by Wren. One is due back in a few days, the other two aren’t even on the continent. I’ve no idea when they’ll return. Two are helping in Serran. And I sent four to gather information. Then, as you know, Amaris is here.” Eon strolled into the room, looking worn out, “The ones I sent are to return by the end of the month.”

“I didn’t know Wren took men with them.” I said softly.

“There is too much room for the two of them to cover alone. If Serran is producing a toxin, we need to stop it. Wren and Loren mean to cut the head off the snake. You know Wren, information isn’t enough. He isn’t happy without at least a little bloodshed.” Eon shrugged.

“That’s smart. Realistically, it would be our next move. If they’re able to gather information about Serran’s current military strength and destroy one large advantage they have, it will help us immensely. We simply don’t have enough manpower. Without Magik, they’ll crush us.” Tyren said, crossing his arms.

“Splitting up was stupid. It’s like cutting legs off a spider. How do you expect it to move properly when it’s handicapped?” Talon sighed, running fingers through his hair. He dragged it away from his face and he suddenly looked exhausted, “If they meant to take Wyn, why? Was he to be used as a bargaining chip?”

“Seems foolish. Surely, they know that whoever took him would have destruction and pain rain down on them when they were discovered. Especially if they harmed him.” Eon leaned against one of the student desks, scrubbing his hand over his beard.

“Do you remember when everyone was rushing to train me as fast as possible? I’m starting to think it may happen again.” I sighed and tried to smile as Eira looked up at me.

“The Magik he’s currently nurturing isn’t offensive. It may need to be. We can’t leave him defenseless. I think you’re right, love.” Talon tugged harder on his hair as he looked up at the ceiling, “We should’ve started him sooner. As he is, he’s practically giftwrapped for our enemy. If they get him alone, they will take him or…or worse.”

“We all wanted Wyn to have the life that none of us did. I think it has worked to his disadvantage. As much as we’d like to be, we are not always going to be there to protect him. Peace doesn’t last. Humans never let it.” Eon’s face had gone blank, but his eyebrows drew together and he let out a breath, “We’ve taken his legs out from under him.”

“You all irritate me so. If you think the boy is ill prepared, then start preparing him. What’s done is done.” Hanja stormed into the room, flicking his black and red layered robes behind him as he did so. Students filled the hallway behind him.

I automatically looked for black wavy hair, green eyes, and tanned skin. My fingers itched. I stepped away from Eira as pain stabbed into my stomach. I gripped the desk and let my head hang. They were right. I had deluded myself into thinking that someone would always be there to protect Wyn. We’d followed the normal route for young Magik users. They learned at home and then entered the school. Fighting wasn’t incorporated until the third year for the regular students. Wyn was not a regular student. Simply being part of our family put him at risk and frankly, we’d been negligent.

“I may not have time to train him fully,” Eon frowned, “I have to prepare what soldiers we have and do what I can to encourage more to join. Even if we get more to join, they’ll need training.”

“The Magik users you called to help Nyx. They were mostly of the old school. They will have combat training. We should encourage them any way we can to assist us further. We should call more in solely for that reason.” Hanja said, rubbing his temples, “I know most of my students would return should I ask. As would Tyren’s. Phelti is on her way home from a research trip. She is a warrior in her own right. We are not resourceless. Most of the school’s alumni that graduated since we came into power look upon us favorably. Even fondly. We gave them freedom they never had with the king.”

“Solid plan. Wren already agreed to the Verseckt fighting with the army. We have limited numbers. It will come down to how we spread them out. We must find the most effective way. With Nyx’s antidote, we have a leg up. Even if they find out about it, I doubt they’d have the means to create a stronger poison in the small window they would have. They might not be able to even try with Wren and Loren pursuing the source and their stock piles.” Eon nodded at Hanja.

“Kalian, as of right now, Amaris will stay with Wyn at all times. She already stays in your home so it shouldn’t be too much of a hassle.” Eon said as he stood, “He should never be alone. When the other Verseckt on mission returns home, he will watch him too. The old palace’s guards may need to be doubled. As of right now, there aren’t many. We have been overconfident thinking that we didn’t need security. We are all large, walking, targets.”

“Kalian, Talon, and Wyn possibly more so. It would be wise for them to take out our strongest pillars and their child is a weakness.” Tyren added, frowning at his feet.

I looked to Talon. His face was serious and his hair was tangled around his face from all the tugging he’d done on it. He met my eyes and tilted his head to the right.

It is smart. Wyn’s already been a target. Amaris is strong. I trust her.

I don’t know if I really trust anyone with Wyn.

We don’t have much of a choice, my love. If it comes to fighting, are you going to drag him around the battlefield? You can’t baby him forever. It’s not possible in our reality.

I was tense and stressed. Sleep was impossible. I squirmed out from under the blankets and crept from our bedroom. The house was silent. Amaris’ room had been switched to the one right beside Wyn’s. There was even a door connecting the two. Suman was on the other side. It made me feel only fractionally better. With Talon down the hall, there was very little chance anything would happen to the boy. He was surrounded by human weapons. It didn’t matter. I saw only the blood smeared on the front door and dripped up the sidewalk. We’d had to remove someone from our study. Hanja had the body now and was doing all sorts of tests that were beyond me. The attacker’s clothes had been plain. Brown leather vest, cream tunic, and tan trousers with boots. Nothing on the clothes or body that may show who sent him. He had brown eyes with yellow flecks and brown hair. He wouldn’t have stood out to me if I passed him on the street. That was probably on purpose.

They’d been so close. Too close.

My earlier thoughts plagued me. The longer this war went on, the longer that I would have to leave Wyn’s side. Exercising with him for the short time had made me realize I wasn’t in any shape to withstand a war. I had to be strong. Stronger than I currently was. My walk shifted into a jog and then I was running. My lungs burned and my legs ached from lack of use. I wasn’t completely out of shape, but I’d gotten lazy when Anders’ threat had ended. I pushed hard, ignoring the stitch in my side as the night’s chilly breeze cooled the sweat on my skin. I was chilly, uncomfortable, and breathing far too hard. I didn’t stop. It was as if my brain had partially shut down. The only voice in my head wasn’t mine. It was Athel’s. My old trainer’s voice pushed me harder, scolded me when I slowed my pace, berated me for being weak. I needed this. I needed to prove to myself that if the worst happened, I’d be able to stand in between my family and whoever came for them.

I didn’t stop until I had dragged myself through all the lower layers. I came to the city gates and wrapped light around me as I ran. I appeared on the other side of the gate, hidden by a small group of trees and let myself stop. My hands rested on my knees as I bent over, catching my breath. I straightened, hands resting on the small of my back as I wheezed. Still Athel was there, snapping at me to get into my stance. So I did. I lowered myself and self-corrected. I missed her. Sometimes this was the only way I felt close to her again. She’d left my life so suddenly and I hadn’t even been aware. I didn’t let the pain eat away at me. There was no time for that. Or at least that’s what I imagined Athel saying.

I slid from position to position, stopping myself when the shift wasn’t smooth and perfect. My elbow was too low, I didn’t follow one fist with the other fast enough. Athel hadn’t finished my training, but the groundwork she’d laid supported me even now. One arm circled forward and light slashed through the trees. The other followed in a smooth arc behind it. The trees seemed to shake their leaves in silent protest. I planted one foot and swung the other up in a high kick. I dipped to one side as if avoiding a strike, sweeping imaginary feet as I fell into a crouch. My hands came up, creating a triangle shape between them with my palms facing out. Rings of light burst from my hands and I turned as they continued to come. The circles of Magik shredded through the trees. I could hear creaking now as if they cried out.

I planted my palms on the ground and forced my power out fast. It propelled me wildly upward. My feet planted on the ground and as my upper body came up from being bowed backward, I chopped both hands out away from me with a yell that seemed to rip from deep inside. An ‘x’ the size of a two-story building hit the poor trees and I panted as I came to a stop. Leaves drifted through the air and I turned to walk back home as trunks and branches gave way and toppled. As I reached the gate, I heard yelling and could see the soldiers on the wall pointing. I flicked my wrist and nearly collapsed as my feet touched down on the sidewalk in front of my house. I was tired. Bone-weary and my body was beginning to ache. Unacceptable. It hadn’t been near enough. There was more inside me.

I had felt it when I’d killed Anders. It was as if I was hitting my head on a ceiling I couldn’t see when it came to my Magik. Even with Tyren’s teachings, I’d never been able to break through. It would become my mission then. To break through whatever barrier held me back from my true ability. I had made a promise. I would wipe the entire map clean if I had to. I was still so much weaker than I needed to be, but I would get there. I would work hard and push my body to the limits so I didn’t put Wyn in a situation that could be avoided.

Later on, I rubbed my shoulders as I relaxed into a bath. I flipped a page with wet fingers, my lips moving as I refamiliarized myself with the words I was reading. The entire point of learning dead languages had been to supplement my power. I had already proven that my light could do more than anyone had originally thought. Disputatio fell from my lips and I ran a wet hand through my hair. It was like reuniting with an old friend. Sure I had used it to heal recently, but that was the same spell every time. Some words I hadn’t used since I’d been learning. I mumbled the words a few more times, catching a mispronunciation, and exhaled. I held my hand up and kept my voice down as power gathered at my fingertips.

Tyren was a genius, but he’d stopped too soon. He’d had other responsibilities and new students. I would teach myself. There was much the dead languages could still do for me. I intended to bleed their secrets from the old pages. I lifted my hand higher and my fingers began to tingle and then burn a little. The burning intensified and I grit my teeth, gasping as I let it go. I reread line after line and set the book to the side as I closed my eyes, raising both hands. I spoke words to the bathroom walls, my voice echoing eerily around me. Both hands burned now. It was as if Eon had lit my palms on fire. The sensation spread down my wrists and then to my elbows. It hurt and as it reached farther down my submerged arms, the water around me began to heat. I let the Magik go when the water started to singe my skin and panted. I had a long way to go, but this could be incredibly useful.

I wouldn’t give up. I didn’t have give up left inside me.

After I’d showered and climbed back into bed, I looked across the bed to Talon. He was laying on his side, facing away from me. The moonlight lit the edges of the scars on his back, making them almost have a silver hue. I traced a few with my fingers. They were heavier on his upper back and shoulders. A neat, horizontal one sat at the base of his neck. This was where Loren had stabbed him when I’d gone missing. I moved across the bed, curling my arms between me and his warm skin. Talon was a tapestry of suffering and pain. He’d struggled to survive for every moment up until I’d met him and a few years afterward. He fought, he protected, and the marks on his skin were proof of that. Had we doomed Wyn to this kind of life? Would he too never have a moment of peace?

It hurt to think about. Why couldn’t we lead peaceful lives? Talon had spoken of running away once it was all over and living alone happily together. I’d been fine returning to his house in the lower levels, or the one in Krinn. How had our life ended up this way? Why had I chosen this for us? There was no mistake either. I had been the one to choose everything. Talon simply went along with whatever I wanted because he loved me and our family.

I rested my forehead against his back and let my eyes slipped closed. Had the last seven years been a string of mistakes? We’d all been thrust into positions of power and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling more guilt. We’d done what needed to be done, yes, but why did we think the country was our responsibility? I wished, for only a moment, that I had been selfish. That I had chosen a quiet life away from all of this. A life where we didn’t wear giant targets on our backs for being who we were. I rested my palms flat against warm skin. Talon was awake. I could tell by the change in his breathing. I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Did we make the wrong choices?” I whispered into his back and the dark.

“Does it matter, Kalian? We’re here now. We can’t go back. We can only move forward. I love you and Wyn. You love us. Our weird group has love too. It’s disgustingly cliché but that’s going to have to be enough to get us through this.” He murmured, voice gravelly and slightly slurred from sleep. He rolled over, lifting my head with fingers under my chin. His eyes looked so dark as he studied my face. The room was dark too and I couldn’t see the emotions I knew lay in them. He sighed and touched his forehead to mine, “There’s going to be a point where we have to stop making your politically correct diplomatic decisions. That’s when I excel, but I’m concerned about you. The moral compass you steer your life by may have to be pushed aside.”

“Talon, I told you that I would wipe an entire map clean if I had to. Do you doubt me?” I frowned up at him.

His fingers stroked lightly along my jaw, “I know that you will do what needs to be done. I’m just worried you’ll hesitate along the way. That will make everything harder.”

I didn’t have an answer for him. The truth was, I feared the feelings brewing inside me. Determination had skewed a bit within. I was being wound far too tight. Whether he wanted to come out and say it or not, Talon didn’t believe I’d be capable of the things I promised. As the string inside grew tighter and tighter, I was scared Talon wouldn’t even recognize me when it finally snapped.

I was scared I wouldn’t either.