The Freshmen - 14. Chapter 14

August 31, 2004

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

Brad

I strode confidently into our room and got a surprised look from Jake. “You’re home early,” he said. He stood up and gave me a nice kiss.

“I’m going riding with Claire,” I said. He stared at me, waiting for me to explain. “She called me and asked me to hang out with her, and that’s what we decided to do.”

“What’s that about?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Dad wouldn’t say anything about how they were in Greece, but I did talk to Stef.”

“And he was more forthcoming?” Jake asked, making us laugh at what a gossip Stef was.

“He was,” I said. “He told me that Jack and Claire were like newlyweds. They seemed completely happy the entire time they were in Athens.”

“That’s pretty cool,” he said.

“He said he got the feeling that Dad felt a little left out, because Marie spent most of her time with that Australian swimmer she was all into,” I added.

“I can’t see that bothering JP,” Jake said.

“You’re probably right,” I agreed. JP had no problem finding things to occupy his time, especially in a history gold mine like Athens.

“I need to be up in the City for the rest of the week,” Jake said, changing the subject.

“I figured that was the deal,” I said. “My plan was to stay here tonight, go into the office tomorrow, then meet you up in San Francisco after work.”

“Then I’ll stay home and drive up in the morning,” he said.

“There is no greater proof of your love for me than your willingness to endure the morning traffic into the City,” I teased, getting a chuckle from him. I shed my work clothes, put on some jeans, then went down to the stables.

My timing was so good that Claire had just gotten there. We told them to saddle up Psyche and Charger, then went to put our tack on. I was ready first and walked up to the horses. Psyche stamped her hooves at me, an obvious signal to stay away from her. I frowned at her and mounted Charger, taking a few seconds to get him under control. Claire walked up and Psyche seemed happy to see her. Claire mounted her with no problems. Psyche tried to nip at Charger, but Claire pulled her back. “Be nice,” Claire admonished.

“That horse hates me,” I grumbled.

“She hates men,” Claire said. “Except for Will.”

“We have nothing in common,” I said. “I love men.”

She laughed. “Try not to take it personally.” I rolled my eyes and we started walking the horses, then let them break into a trot. We didn’t say much, just enjoyed the ride, going from a trot to a canter, then finally back to a walk.

“How was Athens?” I asked.

“Wonderful,” Claire said.

“Really? I mean, it was nice enough, but I wouldn’t have called in wonderful,” I teased.

“You’re an ass,” she said playfully.

“I heard that you and Jack were like sophomores in high school who first started dating,” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “And who told you that?”

“I never reveal my sources,” I bantered back.

“Well, your source was correct,” she said. “Going away, just the two of us, made me realize how much I love him.”

“I thought Marie and Dad were there too,” I pointed out.

“Yes, but it was like we were in our own little world for most of the time,” she said.

“Hopefully he feels the same way,” I said.

She gave me a fake-annoyed look. “Of course he does.” I laughed.

“I’m glad,” I said. “You seem really happy.”

“I’m happy, but I’m also nervous,” she said. I looked at her, waiting for her to go on. “I’m afraid that he’ll hurt me again. I don’t want to deal with that. I don’t know if I can.”

And then I understood why she wanted to talk to me. “I know how you feel, but I think things are different between you and Jack than they were between Robbie and me.”

“Different?”

I nodded. “Had Jack ever cheated on you before?”

“No,” she said. I raised an eyebrow to challenge her definitive response. “He told me he hadn’t, and I believe him.”

“That’s what’s different,” I said. “With Robbie, it was a pattern. Whether it was in high school with Gary, or with Neil, or with Carson, or finally with Alex, it was a pattern.”

“I didn’t think that he was cheating when he was with those guys,” she said. “Didn’t you have an open relationship?”

“With Gary, it was flat-out cheating,” I said. “With the others, it wasn’t physical infidelity; it was emotional infidelity. I could have forgiven just a physical infatuation, but when he gave his heart to those guys, it was unbearable.”

“I don’t think I can really handle either one of those,” she said.

“I told Jake that if Robbie hadn’t died, we probably wouldn’t be together now,” I told her. “He wanted a level of freedom I just couldn’t give him.”

“I understand how you feel,” she said, then swallowed hard. “I’m not sure where things stand with Jack and me.”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“We really connected, but we didn’t talk about what that meant for us,” she said. “We got back, and as things stand, he can go back and fuck his girlfriend.” That she used the word ‘fuck’ told me how upset she was.

“You probably need to work that out with him,” I said. “I mean, if he sleeps with her, he hasn’t done anything wrong, so you really don’t have any grounds to be mad at him.”

“You mean after spending an idyllic time in Athens, he thinks it’s just fine to go back to the way things were?” she asked, visibly outraged.

“That’s what I’m saying,” I said. “Guys usually need clearer rules. He’s probably on cloud nine just like you, but if there’s no rule barring him from being with her, he’d probably think it was alright.”

“You can’t be serious,” she said.

“Claire, I don’t know what's on his mind right now. My guess is that he’s really happy that you two are good together, but he also may think that means that you are fine with how things are, and that the more open deal you have is working,” I said. “You need to have that conversation with him, and you need to not get mad at him for what happens before you do.”

“I’m afraid to have that talk,” she said, then sighed. “I’ll have to expose myself, lay my feelings out there, and risk rejection. It doesn’t seem fair that after all that’s happened, that I’m the one who has to take that risk.”

“You want me to talk to him?” I asked.

“I should probably handle this myself,” she said, which was a ‘yes.’

“How do you want things to be?” I asked her.

“I think that with Jack, it almost has to be an all-or-nothing thing,” she said, and wiped away a tear. “I love him so much. If he can’t completely commit to me, I don’t think I can stand to be this second-class partner.”

“You have your freedom too,” I said. “He’s in the same position you’re in.”

“Only, I don’t enjoy it. Even if it’s allowed, I feel like I’m cheating on him. I end up not respecting the man I’m with, and worse, I end up not respecting myself.” She got frustrated. “I thought you would understand that.”

That pissed me off, but I controlled my temper, especially when she gave me an apologetic look. “I understand. I was where you are now. I just wanted to make sure you’d thought it through.”

“I appreciate that,” she said. “But I know what I want, or more importantly, what I need. With Jack, I have to either be his only love, or I have to be an acquaintance who shares his children.”

“That’s a pretty big gap,” I said.

“Bradley, I have to do this for my own sanity,” she insisted. “If I lose him, it will be more painful than I can imagine, but at least it will be over and, eventually, I’ll be able to move on.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I promised.

 

September 2, 2004

Tribeca, NY

JJ

“We’ll be there at 5:45,” Will said. I wasn’t clear why he was being so specific about the time, so I rolled my eyes at the phone.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you,” I said, trying to sound sincere, then ended the call. I’d survived a visit from my father, Stef, and Jake; Will should be much easier to deal with than them. That didn’t mean I was happy about his visit. I still didn’t want to risk messing up my happy home life. Any interaction with my family at this point was high risk. Plus I found the fact that he’d had sex with Kris to be irritating in the extreme. Just the thought of them together pissed me off.

I lounged around in the bedroom until Kris came in at 5:35. “Made it home!” he announced, proud of himself for getting off from work this early.

I got up and gave him a nice hug, and a pretty intense kiss. “Let’s celebrate.” It was stunning how uninhibited I was about sex with him.

“When do they get in?” he asked.

“Ten minutes,” I said, then kissed him again.

“We can’t be rude,” he cautioned. “Your Dad seemed pretty pissed off when we were late.”

“They’ll deal with it,” I said. It’s not like they couldn’t hang out or settle into their rooms. I saw no reason to delay my sexual gratification. I grabbed his hard dick through his pants and giggled as he grimaced.

“Fine,” he said grumpily, then smiled; then he fucked me. At 6:00 I found myself fully satisfied, lying next to him, trying to get my breathing back to normal. We hung out in bed for five minutes enjoying the afterglow, then he got all task-oriented. “We need to get up. They’re probably here.”

“They probably are,” I said casually. They weren’t in charge of my schedule.

“Come on,” he said, and got up. I sighed and did the same thing. I put my clothes back on, spent a few minutes in the bathroom to make sure I looked good, then Kris and I went out to greet Will and Travis.

Jacinta was waiting for us, looking a little nervous. “Mr. Will told me to tell you that they decided to go out and that you should call him.”

“They went out?” I asked. What the fuck?

“They waited until six o’clock, then Mr. Will got upset that you weren’t here. Mr. Travis, he tried to tell Mr. Will it was no big deal, but Mr. Will said it was a big deal, then they left,” she said.

“Why was it a big deal?” Kris asked her.

“Mr. Will said that Mr. Jeremy did the same thing to his father when they visited. He said it was rude and disrespectful to be late when guests were showing up," she said. Kris gave me a dirty look.

“They invited themselves to New York, so this is what they get,” I snapped, because now I was totally infuriated. I was getting a smarmy ‘I told you so’ look from Kris, but I just glared at him. I got even angrier because my rage didn’t seem to bother him at all. But I was most pissed off because Will was probably right; I’d have to admit that and apologize to him. I would have to humiliate myself in front of Kris and Jacinta, then I’d have to grovel to Will and Travis. As if the fury could not get any more intense, I got angrier still because all of this had ruined my great mood from getting laid.

“You should call them,” Kris said.

“Fuck them,” I spat, and stormed off. I went into our room and lay on the bed, fuming at the entire situation.

I had hoped Kris would follow me and try to cajole me out of my bad mood, but he waited at least five minutes before he came walking in, looking annoyed. “We need to get going.”

I sat up and gave him my dirty look, stunned that it had no impact on him at all. I was going to have to work to make my facial impressions more impactful. “Where are we going?” I asked in my bitchiest tone, to caution him about how mad I was.

“I talked to Will, apologized for being late, and now we’re meeting them for dinner,” he said.

“I don’t want to meet them for dinner,” I said. “He is being a total asshole.” He knew I was referring to Will.

“That’s fine,” he said. “I’ll see you later. Do you want me to bring something back for you?”

I blinked at him in amazement. “You’re going?”

“I said I would meet them,” he said. “I’m going.”

“Have fun,” I said flippantly, then collapsed on my back. I felt a sense of satisfaction until I heard the bedroom door close, then I panicked. Would he go out with them after dinner? Would they go to a club? Would Will’s little temper tantrum over me being a few minutes late lead Kris back to the evil world of backrooms at gay bars? I jumped up and hurried after him, catching up to him just as he was walking out the door. “I’ll go with you,” I grumbled.

“Good,” he said. We went downstairs and got into the car, neither one of us saying anything. He leaned forward and told the driver where to go, then sat back in his seat, staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched, with a look of extreme irritation on his face. It suddenly dawned on me that he was upset.

“I’m sorry Will threw a tantrum about this,” I said, assuming that it was Will’s actions that had bothered him. He said nothing, and just sat there like a statue. We rode on for ten minutes until I realized he wasn’t irritated with Will; he was irritated with me. “Are you mad at me?” I meant those words to come out normally, but for some reason my tone made it seem like I was a little outraged.

He rotated his head slowly and let his blue eyes bore into mine. “I am mad at you.” Then his head rotated back so he was facing forward.

“It’s not like you weren’t having sex with me,” I said. I mean, he was as much the reason we were late as I was. He said nothing; he just stared ahead and ignored me. “You’re not going to talk to me about this?” I demanded.

He rotated his head toward me again, in such a smooth way he could have been a robot. “I told you that when I get mad, I need space, so leave me the fuck alone.” He’d started out speaking calmly, but the sentence ended up as a snarl. I was about to argue with him, but I changed my mind. He was doing his own version of pouting, and pouting was my specialty. There was no way he could beat me at that game.

The car pulled up to this weird place named “Ellen’s Stardust Diner” and Kris said nothing; he just hopped out and went in the door. I sat there, staring after him, my emotions roiling. I was really upset that he was mad at me, but even more upset that he didn’t understand why I was mad at him. He didn’t understand my family, these people who seemed to thrive on creating havoc in my life. He didn’t see how they came into town to purposely torture me. So instead of believing me, and trusting me, he believed them, and thought I was the douche. I was just about to tell Dave to take me home when my mind hit the wall. If I didn’t go in there and hang out with him, I’d be absolutely paranoid that he’d go fuck someone. Maybe that’s what he did when he was mad? My father did that. Matt did that. Will did that. Maybe Kris did that? I was distracted when the phone buzzed. “Mr. Schluter, I’m going to have to move. I’m blocking traffic.”

“Thanks, Dave,” I said. “I’ll get out.” I got out of the car and walked up to the door of the diner and this guy stopped me.

“You have to wait in the line,” he said.

“I’m meeting some friends,” I explained in annoyance. “They’re already here.”

“We only seat parties when they’re together,” he said.

“I just watched my friend walk through those doors,” I said. He gave me a dour look, and I got so exasperated I kind of broke down a little. “Look, I have had a really shitty day. I’m just trying to meet up with three other people that I don’t want to be with anyway. Can you please not make this harder?”

He grimaced at me in an understanding way, the way that said he understood how sometimes here in this massive city the stress just got a bit overwhelming. “Go on,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said, and smiled weakly at him. I went through the doors and was stunned by how tacky this place was. It was crowded and noisy, and I had to squeeze past people to get through the second door. The staff members were wearing horrible versions of 1950s diner outfits, and one of them was walking along what looked like a very narrow catwalk that was part of the back of part of the booth seats. That person was singing, and singing quite well, but there was no space to pause to appreciate it, because I was being jostled again as people tried to push by me.

“Are you lost?” a lady asked me rudely, because evidently I was blocking the aisle. I was starting to feel claustrophobic, and my annoyance grew, as I wondered why I was in this establishment in the first place. I finally found a place to stand and scan the crowd. I heard people cheering from above and realized this place had a second floor. I was hoping they’d be downstairs and for the only time today, I got lucky. I spotted Kris and Will at a banquette table, with Will sitting on the bench and Kris in a chair opposite him.

I made my way over to them, wondering where Travis was. As I got closer Will looked up at me, so I scowled to let him know how angry I was, but he rolled his eyes and turned away from me. It was maddening, absolutely maddening, how little he cared about my feelings. I sat in the chair next to Kris and said nothing, pouting while trying not to look like I was pouting. “I’m glad you made it,” Kris said calmly.

“Not my first choice of places to go,” I groused.

“There’s some good talent here,” Kris said. I didn’t know if he was referring to the singers or to the hot waiter who glanced over at us. I picked up the menu and rolled my eyes. Burgers, shakes, and assorted fried foods. The waiter came over and I ordered water. Will and Kris ordered a bunch of food for themselves, plus Will ordered for Travis.

“Where’s Travis?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” Will said mysteriously, as if he was working for the fucking CIA and this was some big secret.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the emcee said. Her voice sounded excited in a fake way. “We have a guest star here from the West Coast. A true surfer boy. Give it up for Travis Buck!”

Travis started walking around the restaurant, even as he started singing the words to “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys. He was a really good singer. He walked up to us and gazed down at Will as he sang the chorus. Kris chimed in, and I felt obligated to join him. Even though I was furious with Will and seriously annoyed with Kris, Travis had always been nice to me.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego
Baby, why don't we go? (Ooh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo)
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down in Kokomo

He worked his way around the table and gazed down at me, making me the center of attention, and I sang back to him enthusiastically. He left us and walked around, then jumped up on the narrow catwalk behind us and belted out the rest of the song. Will and Kris cheered like idiots when he was done, while I clapped enthusiastically, which was so much more tasteful.

“He’s really good,” Kris said to Will.

“He’s amazing,” Will said, looking like a love-struck idiot. They both stared at me.

“Impressive,” I said, which I thought was effusive praise, but evidently it wasn’t gushy enough and that got me frowns. Travis came walking up and of course Will jumped up and gave him a hug, throwing out all the rules about public displays of attention.

“You were amazing,” Will said.

“That was fucking terrific!” Kris said, and gave Travis a man hug. They must have met while I was torturing myself in the Maybach.

Then Travis was in front of me, and I gave him a friendly hug. “You did a nice job,” I said. Kris gave me a dirty look, making me wonder what I’d done wrong now.

“Thanks, JJ,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” I replied, which was true, unless I factored in that Will came with him like they were some package deal.

“I ordered for you,” Will said, as Travis took his seat across from me. Before we could have a conversation, the emcee came back on with a plea for money to help the singers here. They claimed it was for voice and dance lessons, but I decided it was probably just tip money. She came around with a bucket to collect cash. Will and Travis took out big wads of bills, getting a very big thank you from her, then Kris tossed in about $50. I threw in a couple of hundred, which seemed like more than enough, but the look I got from Will all but accused me of being a tightwad. As soon as she moved on with her bucket of money, the waiter arrived with food.

“Didn’t you order anything?” Travis asked me as he stared at my glass of water.

“I wasn’t hungry,” I said grumpily, even though I was.

“Want a fry?” he offered. Will and Kris snickered, so I grabbed one.

“Thanks,” I said to Travis. “I’ve never heard you sing before. You’re really talented.”

“Coming from someone like you, who is so talented yourself, means a lot,” Travis replied, getting a huge smile from me. I decided to ignore Will and Kris and focus on this guy who was being so nice to me. At the same time, I was kind of eavesdropping on what Will and Kris were saying.

“I love this watch,” Kris said to Will, referring to his Rolex. That sent a bolt of irritation flying through my body, but I gamely kept up my conversation with Travis.

“It looks perfect on you,” Will said.

“Whenever I check it to see what time it is, I think of you,” Kris said to Will in what almost seemed like a loving way. I was about to lose my mind.

“If you all don’t mind, I’m going to head back to Tribeca,” I said, trying to make my voice sound calm.

“Are you alright?” Travis asked and seemed to be really concerned.

“I’m dealing with a bad headache,” I said, even though the headache was metaphoric, referring to Will and Kris.

“I’ll go with you,” Kris said, then turned to Will and Travis. “Are you guys coming over?”

“We’re heading to the airport,” Will said firmly. Travis looked a little surprised by that, which meant Will was probably doing this just to make me look bad.

“Have a good trip,” I said. I gave Travis a nice hug, totally ignored Will, then walked out of the diner. As I did, I glanced back to see Kris hugging Will. If Kris didn’t get here before Dave brought the car up, I was leaving his ass behind. Then I remembered that if I did that, he’d be out on the town and, since he was mad at me, he’d probably go fuck someone. I stomped my foot on the ground once, then remembered I was on a street corner in New York, and got even more irate because I’d made an ass out of myself. As if to taunt me further, Dave drove up just as Kris came out and stood next to me. Kris opened the door and held it for me, then got in himself. “Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” he replied coldly. We went home, saying nothing, and he went into the office to work, while I sat around feeling sorry for myself. We went to bed with our backs facing each other and didn’t even say goodnight. I laid there in bed, absolutely miserable, until I managed to make myself mad again. I rolled over and stared at his back, nonverbally asking him to roll over and face me. He didn’t, so I lifted my foot up a bit then dropped it on the mattress. I did that over and over again, and it was funny to watch him act like I wasn’t bothering him. Finally he turned around and glared at me.

“Did I wake you up?” I asked, smiling at him to show him I was trying to be funny.

“You succeeded,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I need for you to not be mad at me,” I said earnestly.

“Okay, but I need you to understand why I’m pissed,” he said. His tone was very businesslike.

“You’re mad at me for being rude to them because I should have made sure we were on time,” I said in a dismissive way.

“That’s not why I’m mad at you,” he said. “I mean, you usually have amazing manners, but not tonight. If I would have done something like that when I was a kid, my parents would have ripped me a new asshole. But I wasn’t mad about that; I was disappointed at how you acted.”

I grimaced at him, because now I was humiliated. If Grandmaman was here she’d probably subject me to a very unpleasant lecture. I couldn’t handle that kind of admission right now. “Why were you mad at me then?”

“Because you are making it really hard for us to be together,” he said. “You are driving a wedge between me and your family.”

“I am not doing that,” I insisted. “They know how I am. They know this is my fault.” He raised an eyebrow to point out that I’d just admitted I had fucked up. I should have dated a guy who wasn’t so fucking smart.

“When they come to visit and you blow them off or treat them rudely to be with me, it drives a wedge between me and them,” he said firmly. “They’ll think you’re so absorbed in me you’re losing yourself and acting like you normally wouldn’t.”

“They normally think I’m an asshole,” I said. “They’ll think this is normal.”

“And you think that’s okay?” he challenged.

“No matter what I do, they’re going to find something wrong,” I grumbled. “I gave up trying a long time ago.”

He shook his head at me, which just about set me free. “I don’t see that at all, but maybe I’m missing something,” he said. “I was really uncomfortable tonight.”

“And that’s my fault?” I demanded.

“It was,” he said firmly, not yielding an inch. Probably that German heritage of his was turning him into a stubborn mule. “I had a good time with Will, I really like Travis, but it was all ruined by your moodiness.”

“That’s not fair!” I objected.

“Think about how much better things would have gone if we’d been on time, or even if we hadn’t, if you’d apologized to them,” he said. “We would have had a nice evening, and they’d have gone away thinking I was good for you.”

“They only waited fifteen minutes before bailing!” I said. “That warrants a major apology from me?”

“It does,” he said. He leaned in, gave me a nice kiss, then rolled over and went to sleep.