Trash Polka - 24. Chapter 24

It felt like I hadn’t slept at all. My body ached and my mind was stuck buffering. I stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what had forced me awake. After a moment I jerked upright, figuring out that it was my phone ringing. I yawned into the phone, still trying to get my bearings, “Mm ‘ello?”

“River. Are you busy?” Alec sounded strange. Something was wrong.

“Nope. Just waking up. Kenji had to leave this morning.” I tried to bite back a yawn but failed.

“Did he go to Japan?” He asked. I narrowed my eyes. He was avoiding the reason he called.

“Yeah. He was already supposed to be there, but he didn’t seem too worried about it.” I chuckled softly, “Then again, it’s pretty hard to tell when he’s bothered by something if he doesn’t outright say it.”

“He’s pretty reserved and blunt, huh?” Alec said.

“It’s…refreshing? When I didn’t know where I stood with him, if I would’ve just asked, he would have told me. I’m not used to people like that.”

“That’s good, right?” Alec asked and I resolved to let him guide the conversation.

“It can be. It can also be incredibly frustrating. He says whatever he wants to. He doesn’t try to sugarcoat things and it sometimes makes him come off as…as…”

“An asshole?” Alec offered and I grinned.

It made me laugh, “Yeah. I guess. He can be hard on people, but I think it’s just because he honestly doesn’t understand why they might make the choices they do.”

“Well, of course, and Kenji has never made the wrong decision.”

“He’s still a man, Alec. We all possess varying degrees of idiocy from birth. None of us are perfect, but Kenji, he’s god damned close.”

“What’s wrong?” I’d felt the shift. I heard his breathing change. He wasn’t just upset. I got the feeling that something was really, really wrong and he was hesitant to tell me.

“My mom’s not doing great. She got moved to hospice care. Basically to keep her comfortable until…” I held back a string of colorful curses. It had taken me way too long to catch on.

“Okay, maybe open with that next time Alec. Jesus! I’ve been going on and on about Kenji and you’re going through something awful!” I felt horrible. I didn’t know what to say.

“No, it helped. I needed to take my mind off of everything. This place is the worst and I didn’t think it’d be this hard. I don’t even know why I’m so sad. She was awful to me. We haven’t had a relationship in years and she snapped at me when I tried to visit her. I don’t owe her anything and still-“

When he cut himself off, I threw off the blankets. I started rummaging around the room for a suitable outfit. There wasn’t time for a shower. I could spare a few minutes to wash my face but I needed to get to where Alec was as soon as possible. We should’ve reserved two rental cars.

“Alec, I’m worried about you. Do you want me to come? I can call Finn too.”

“No, Finn’s at work and I don’t want to ruin your day.”

“Shut up. Your mother is dying, Alec. You’re allowed to reach out for support. Plus, Finn owns his gym. What’s the point of owning your business if you can’t make your hours?”

“I’ll tell Finn.” He said quietly after being silent for so long I had started kicking myself for being too harsh.

“Fine. Give me like, I don’t know…a half hour? I’ll have my mom come get me or something.” I said, shoving my feet into the first boots I saw.

“Okay.”

It had taken forever and a day to get to the hospice. Julie, bless her soul, drove so slow I thought we were going back in time. I threw thanks over my shoulder as I shoved open her car door and nearly fell out of the vehicle. I’d never been here before and it took me a minute and internet mapping to figure out where there was room to sit outside. There looked to be a little garden and I wasn’t sure if that was where Alec was, but I was going to find him. Damn it.

I turned a corner and breathed a sigh of relief as I saw two people sitting on a bench nearby. The broadness of Finn’s shoulders stood out and so did Alec’s faded blue hair. I started to make my way over to them. I came up short when I heard snickering. We were at a hospice. Confused, I looked around for the source and when I found it, my blood started to boil.
“What the hell are you staring at?” Alec and Finn turned to stare at me, but I was focused on two bottle blond nurses huddled by what looked to be a staff door.

“You got a problem with people comforting other people who are grieving?” I yelled, gesturing from them to my friends. Finn got up and I saw him coming to me as I glared at the women until they started to get visibly nervous. Finn was closer now.

“Oh, Finn! Hey man. Hang on a second.” I beamed at him; I was thankful he’d gotten here sooner. Then I turned to finish my work, “You’re in a place where people continuously have the worst days of their life. Maybe put away the homophobia and try to show some compassion, eh?”

The women quickly put out their cigarettes, rushing away and whispering. I glared until they were gone and then I sidestepped Finn with a smile. I made my way to Alec, dropping down on the bench by him. I crouched in front of him taking in his shell-shocked expression and pale face.

“How’re you doing? You okay?” I rested my hands on his knees as he looked down at me.

“I’m way more of a mess than I thought I’d be.” Alec sighed.

“She kick the bucket then?” I asked as my head tilted to the side so I could study every subtle shift in Alec’s expression.

“River! Christ!” Finn scolded as he came to sit next to Alec again.

“What? Too soon?” I questioned, frowning a bit when Alec flinched.

“We’re in front of hospice.” Finn sighed, combing his fingers through Alec’s hair.
“So, if the wicked witch is dead, where does that leave us?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Alec leaned back and I watched him relax against Finn’s chest.
I made a mental note as I looked between the two of them. I was unable to stop a grin from forming “We’re going to talk about this later.”

“Where’s your less friendly other half? Going about his family business doing business?” Finn teased.

“Mm yes. He’s very good at his business business.” I answered with a grin. Then I refocused on Alec, my smile dropping, “You haven’t answered me. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” Alec sighed, curling up closer to Finn.

“Do you need us to come with so you can try to support your dad?” I asked.

“We can’t go in. We’re not family. I already tried.” Finn said, kissing the back of Alec’s head gently.

“I should go back in, though.” Alec sighed as he sat up, reluctantly removing himself from the safe circle of Finn’s arms.

“We can wait out here for you. I’m kind of stranded until I call my mother anyway.” I shrugged, pushing myself to stand.

“I can give you a ride home when you’re ready, but yeah, we’ll be here when you need us ba-Alec.” Finn coughed, catching himself before what was surely going to be a pet name.

Finn and I exchanged a glance as Alec separated from us and went back into the hospice, “Did he say anything specific? Is she really gone?”

“I think so. He was so out of it that I wasn’t getting much from him. I doubt Henry’s much help.” Finn sighed, rubbing a hand against the side of his neck.

“What else is new? Has Henry ever been helpful in his life?” I bit out.

“You’re right. All of this is going to be way harder for Alec because of it too.”

“That’s where you and I come in Finny Boy. We’re the support system. I don’t know how much progress you’ve made together, but you have to show all the way up for him now. If you can’t do that, leave now.”

Finn eyed me for a moment, “You’re just so different from when we were kids. You’re so…”

“Over the top? Eccentric? Loud?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Strong. You’re strong River. So strong that other people leech off it to make themselves stronger. Dang you’re impressive.”

I was stunned silent for a minute, but I recovered quickly, “I knew I always liked you Larson.”

“I suppose now we wait.” Finn sighed and his hand passed over his face. He looked a bit lost and I stretched my arms over my head.

“Let’s find somewhere to sit and wait until he comes back out.”

“U-uh yeah. Sounds good.”

I glanced at him again and held back a sigh. Finn was a mess inside. It wasn’t surprising. The bond that’d clicked into place when we were kids was something that didn’t go away. No matter how far apart they’d been, no matter how long, there was real love there. I thought back to Alec’s breakdown in the hotel room. He was so sure he didn’t deserve this. He thought he shouldn’t have someone who loved him the way that Finn already did. It eased some of my anxiety. Alec had started to trust someone else. He had someone besides me to take care of him.

I followed Finn to his truck and he dropped the tailgate. With a flourish, he offered me his hand and I laughed as I took it and climbed up. He followed me in and we made ourselves comfortable. I didn’t like not being with Alec. I didn’t like that I didn’t know what was going on in there and if he was okay. The only thing that made it a bit more tolerable was that Finn seemed to be feeling the same way. Solidarity went a long way.

Finn nearly threw himself from the back of the truck. I got up, following his eyes. Alec was walking out of the building and he looked terrible. His face was pale and I wasn’t sure how present he was. Henry followed behind him, not looking much better. Alec practically collapsed once he reached Finn and my heart ached. As much resentment as I’d built up over the years for Henry, the man looked destroyed.

“Henry.” I said, nodding to him before looking over Finn’s shoulder to check on Alec.

“H-hello River, Finn.” Henry said like he hadn’t noticed us at first.

Finn barely acknowledged the other man. His full attention back on Alec in an instant, “Have you eaten today? Do you want to go back to the hotel or…uh…my place?”

“Slow down there Casanova. He’s not a damsel in distress.” I said, dropping my hand down on the other man’s shoulder.

Finn blinked and slowly let his hands drop, “Yeah sorry. I’m coming on a bit too strong.”

Alec stepped forward, linking his fingers with Finn’s, “One of you needs to drive my dad and me home.”

“You want to go to your dad’s?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise. It didn’t work. My expression always showed exactly how I felt about things.

“Alec, you don’t have to. I know it wouldn’t be the most comfortable for you.” Henry said. I rolled my eyes. He said it, but he didn’t think it. He didn’t want to be alone. You could almost hear the desperation in his voice. Which, understandable. Alec was all he had now. I only hoped that Henry’s desire to reconnect wasn’t simply because his life was so empty. I hoped it was genuine.

“It’s fine dad.”

“I’ll take your dad. Why don’t you ride with Finn?” I said, stepping forward. Henry met my eyes and I could see the surprise on his face.

“We’re going to the same place, though.” Alec frowned, very confused.

“Duh.” I said. I’d buy the lovebirds time. Maybe Finn could stitch Alec’s pieces together enough so they’d hold for the shit storm that was to come.

“C’mon.” I watched Finn pull Alec away and I turned to Henry.

“Where’s your car Henry?”

“Thanks for doing this River. It’s been a rough day.” He answered and started walking. I followed behind quietly.

Henry had an older model sedan. Nothing fancy but it looked well-maintained and clean inside. I snatched his keys from his hands and shooed him away from the driver’s side of the vehicle, “Those in fresh mourning do not get to operate heavy machinery.”

Henry seemed almost obedient and he scuttled to the other side of the car. I scooted the seat back to accommodate my stupidly long legs and then flopped into the car. Once Henry was settled in the passenger seat, we took off. It didn’t take long for Henry to start talking.

“It doesn’t feel real. I’ve been married to Mae longer than I haven’t. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she’s not there.”

Ordering you around all the time?

I scolded myself internally. No matter how I felt about some of his decisions, the man was in mourning. He’d just watch his wife die and I didn’t need to make him feel worse. I sighed softly, “It’ll be a rough adjustment, I’m sure. You’ll be alright.”

“I don’t know.” Henry sighed heavily and I watched him fiddle with his fingers out of the corner of my eye, “I’m glad Alec is moving back. I’ve missed him and…I don’t have anyone else. All I had was Mae.”

I rubbed my neck and stayed quiet for a long time, picking my words, “Alec is making a decision that he thinks is best for him. He and Finn are in love and he’s decided to pursue it. Something he didn’t feel like he could do as a teenager because of you and Mae.”

Henry opened his mouth but I shook my head, “I’m going to say this once and I’m sorry if it’s harsh given the day you’ve had. Alec deserves to be happy. He deserves everything. I know that he’d love a relationship with you and you better not take advantage of that. Please, for once in your life, be a good dad. I really don’t want to be the reason he has to bury another parent.”

We pulled up to a stoplight about a block from the Kennedy house and I stared at Henry until he looked at me. He gave me a weak smile and nodded, “I’m glad he had a friend like you.”

“Has.” I said simply as I pulled into his driveway.

They pulled in a few minutes after us and with some finagling and then finally carrying, Finn got Alec into the house. Henry guided the blond to the guest room and I tried not to dwell on the fact that Alec was sleeping in his old room. His childhood bedroom. But there was no trace of him. He was a guest. His mother had treated him like an unwanted guest for years.

I shut the door behind me as Finn and Alec got comfortable on the tiny bed. Henry and I walked away, ending up in the living room and he sat on the couch. He looked so small. He’d shrunk in on himself and for the first time, it occurred to me that perhaps the other man had also been Mae’s victim. Was he always this shell of a person? Had he at one time been a fully realized person? It was hard to picture.

“Henry, I think it’d be for the best if Alec didn’t stay here tonight.” I said, sitting next to him.

“You think so?” He frowned at me, “Why?”

Rubbing a hand down my face, I sighed, “He’s not comfortable here. I understand you’re both hurting but Alec isn’t going to feel any comfort being separated from Finn and staying here without him.”

“I understand. I want him to be okay. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I was just too much of a worm to make sure it happened.” He paused and I defrosted when his voice broke, “But I don’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be.” I offered him a small smile and after a moment he returned it.

“Thank you.”

Funerals weren’t pleasant. Obviously. This one seemed worse somehow. I held my mother’s hand as I watched Alec mill around the room like he was having an out of body experience. His face was blank the entire time and though Finn spoke to him, I didn’t see any recognition in Alec’s eyes. It worried me, but Finn was doing an immaculate job of checking on him and guiding him through the day.

At one point, Alec did come to me. I held him for a solid five minutes and he didn’t talk. It didn’t even sound like he was breathing. When he pulled away, I stroked his cheek gently and he gave me a flat smile. I had thought that when Alec finally found someone, I might be jealous or upset. I felt nothing of the sort, though. It warmed my heart that Finn was constantly with him and Alec felt comfortable leaning on him today. Alec moving to Iowa had scared me, but I was slowly starting to see how wonderful his life could be. I couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect man for my friend.

Alec went home with Finn and I went with my mother. She was talking softly about how beautiful the service had been. How nice the burial plot was and how they’d done a lovely job with Mae’s body. It felt weird to me. I hadn’t cared about any of that. My eyes had been on Alec the entire day. It was like he was frozen. I was terrified of what would happen when he thawed and all his emotions hit him. It’d happen all at once and I hoped Finn could handle it. I flopped onto my bed after shutting the door and dragged my phone out.

[K: Give my condolences to your friend. Are you alright?]

I started a message and then decided to take a chance. I listened to the ringing and swore softly as I glanced down at my phone. It was almost seven pm. It took me a moment to do the math. It’d be morning there. The man was already awake. I was okay.

“River?”

“Hey.”

“Give me a moment.” The line went quiet for a few seconds and then Kenji came back, “Sorry. I was getting into a car. Traffic is loud. Everything is loud.”

“I bet.”

“Are you alright?”

“It was a rough day. I’m mostly worried about Alec. He was like a robot all day and eventually the dam’s going to break.”

“Understandable. Are you with him?” Someone said something quietly and then a bit louder. Kenji snapped something and the person quieted down.

“No. He went home with his man.”

“Ah yes. The blond. Finn.” Kenji snapped something and I raised an eyebrow as I pulled my comforter up.

“Hi River!” A high-pitched voice yelled into my ear. There was something that sounded like a scuffle on the other end of the line and I heard Kenji’s sharp voice.

I grinned, “Well, hello.”

“Sorry. My sister is, well, how she is.” He sounded deeply irritated and it made me laugh, “What’s so funny?”

“You’re cute. She’s cute too.”

“She has been actively ruining my life since the first time I held her.” Kenji replied flatly and I laughed even more.

“Don’t listen to him! He looooves me. Ken-ken fought dad for me when he was trying to marry me off! Crazy bastard.”

“Ai, don’t call father names.”

“Hello Ai.” I said. I’d been smiling but it dimmed significantly when she made the comment about their father. I didn’t want to know what happened if Kenji outright defied his father. Also, marry her off? She was 16! Was that still a thing? Maybe I was ignorant, but I didn’t want to believe it was a reality.

“Anyway, what are you doing now?”

“Nothing. Lying in bed.”

“Not to be insensitive, but now that Alec’s mother has passed and the funeral is over, how much longer are you planning to be in Iowa?”

“Not sure.”

“River! You should come here! Kenji is sooo boring!”

“Ai, for the love of-“ I heard some dramatic whining and then Kenji’s voice was back, a little breathless, “While she is annoying. I agree. I’d like for you to come here.”

“Okay.”

“Just…okay? That’s it?” He asked.

“As soon as I make sure Alec doesn’t need me anymore, I’ll hop on a plane.”