It Wasn't Me - 10. Chapter 10- Can you just lay here with me?

Matt opened the door and grabbed me into a warm hug.

Oh god he gave the best hugs.

Mr. and Mrs. Edwards got up from the couch and both gave me a small hug.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Mr. Edwards questioned.

"Are you hungry? What do want me make you? Pancakes? Waffles? Anything?" Mrs. Edwards exploded.

"I'm fine and Donovan feed me." I said addressing them both.

Matt stepped in front of them, "I have your backpack upstairs."

"Hey boys." Donovan spoke up. "Why don't you two go hang out up there."

Mr. and Mrs. Edwards nodded in agreement.

Matt and I went up upstairs to his room.

"Jamie, I was so worried about you? Where were you?" He mothered as he handed me my bag.

I took a seat on his bed, "My dad and I went looking for my mom, and then he left me in a motel room…" I debated if I should tell him about what happened at the motel.

"Then what?" He asked moving his desk rolling chair toward me.

I lower my eyes, so wouldn't end up daydreaming how cute his curls were. I made the decision to lie, "I just got bored so I went to Donovan's apartment"

"Jamie why didn't you come here?"

"I don't know." I smirked another lie.

"So what was Mr. Donovan's apartment like?"

Now that was something I could tell him about. I told him about the bachelor pad set up, Donovan's cooking, and about him being unsure about marriage and kids.

He seemed impressed and amazed. "Wow I can't believe you got to see where a teacher lives."

We both chuckled. It was nice to laugh after everything and I could always rely on my goofy best friend for that.

"So where are you staying tonight?"

"The motel is fine." I smirked. "Hey why don't come over tonight? They got a pool, and they got cable." I said. I thought if I was going to go back to that motel, I at least I didn't want go back alone. Plus I knew that Matt and I would a lot fun hanging out at the motel, hell we would have fun anywhere together.

"We have cable here." He smudged.

"Not like this place Mac." I nervously laughed, mostly to myself. I stared at him and debated again if I should tell about the…program I stumbled upon.

"You can't live in a motel." He said lightly tossing me a baseball.

"Why not...at least it won't drive away." I said as threw the ball back with bitter anger.

He caught it then put it down and walked over to sit beside me, "You know, you could have cashed here."

"I know. I'm fine." I swallowed.

"I know that you're fine…just remember that I'm here for you." He said as he accidentally dropped his hand over mine.

His hand felt so hot on my skin. It felt so good, and it scared the hell out of me. I should have moved my hand but I didn't and I shouldn't have thought about kissing him but I was. I wanted to throw him down on that bed and kiss him as if there the world wasn't so complicated.

"I know, it's okay Mac you don't have to worry about me." I managed to say, trying to keep my pride and self-control.

We shifted our eyes between our hands and each other until Matt nervously started ranting, "You know Jamie we are in high school this is the time when can explore certain things about ourselves and I know that we have both kissed girls but I was wondering…"

"Hey Jimmy come down son." My dad's voice called out.

I felt I was in pressure cooker siting like that with him. I wasn't sure what Matt was trying to say, but I was too afraid to analyze it. Also as crazy as it sounds I really wanted to see my dad.

I ran out of there, "See he's back."

As I was going down the stairs I heard Mr. Edwards yelling. "What the hell is wrong with you Bud? How could you let yourself get so out of hand?"

Dad stood there holding his head mumbling. I could see he had a huge hangover.

"Hey dad did you find mom?" I whispered (like I learned to do when my dad had hangovers).

He slowly turned to face me, "Nop…I have something on mind." He slurred rubbing his head. He turned to Mr. Edwards, "Russ, ya know I consider you a friend"

Mr. Edwards just stood there with his arms crossed giving my dad a dirty look. I saw Donovan doing the same thing behind him.

"I must go after my wife…so can yall take care of my boy."

Mr. Edwards yelled, "Well, somebody needs to since you two obviously need to get lives together."

Dad cleared his throat, "Yes, yes I know"

I stood trying to retain my anger. I was honestly shocked that my dad didn't even fight for me. I felt like he might as well been saying to feed his dog. "Dad why can't go with you?"

He patted my shoulder. " You belong here."

"Shouldn't you ask James what he thinks?" Donovan spoke up angrily.

"Whatever that's fine with me." I smirked not knowing if I was being sarcastic or just lying.

Dad gave me a slight smile. "It's only going to be a couple of days, week's tops."

He turned around and tried to shake Mr. Edwards' hand (Mr. Edwards didn't take it).

"Bud don't worry about it, we'll be happy to have him" Mrs.Edwards said trying to be sweet but sounded more annoyed with him.

Mr. Edwards raised his hand as if he wanted to hit something…or somebody. "Just go Bud" he mumbled as lower his frits.

***

At dinner Mary held most of the conversation. Mary shared what seemed to be a never-ending story about the playground. I was relieved that at least somebody was talking, I hated the quiet. Matthew's parents slowly ate their food as they stared at me. Matt was mostly quiet occasionally making funny faces at me or putting his spoon and fork in mouth to pretend to be walrus. Usually Mrs. Edwards would scold for it, but I think she let him do it because it made me laugh.

After dinner Mr. Edwards insisted that he and I "clean up", meaning throwing the dishes in the sink and talking.

"He took it out on you didn't he?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry James."

I looked at him confused. "What are you sorry for?"

He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry that I failed you. I'm sorry that didn't do anything sooner. I didn't think he was bad at home and I most certainly didn't think your mother would leave like this." He patted my back, "I just want you to remember that we are here for you. So what is on your mind right now?"

I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him that I wasn't able to believe in anybody. I couldn't tell him that my trust in people died that day. I most certainly couldn't tell him that I was concisely thinking about kissing his son.

"Um…" I said. "I think I just want to go to bed."

He nodded. "I get that, but if you ever need anything I'll be here." He said giving a small side hug.

%%%%%

Mrs. Edwards set up a cot bed for me by the window in Matt's room.

I couldn't sleep. I started to realize that I couldn't sleep in a dark quiet room. I figured out that the reason was that almost every night of my life I would hear the sounds of trucks and people threatening each other. To normal people that might seem annoying, but I had adapted to it too well. I also realized the only reason I ever slept good at Matt's was because Mac would be lying next to me.

I was still trying to figture out that one.

I sat there holding my black notebook. I turned on the little lamp on Matt's desk and looked through the window.

You were never there so how can I miss you.

I was already bleeding at the heart, so why does it suddenly feel broken.

Being with you created pain, pain though my whole body.

But now I'm shocked to find that it is more painful being without you.

Why is that?

"Jamie?" I heard Matt mumble half a sleep.

I quickly turned off the lamp and ran to the cot.

"Jamie?" He whispered as he walked up to my cot. "You okay?"

I didn't know why I did this, but I moved over to the side of the cot to make space for him.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked as he laid down next me.

"I don't really know what to say Mac."

"Is there is anything I can say or do to help?"

I turned to face him. He looked at me with those sweet brown eyes and that cute smile. I couldn't explain it (especially not back then), but I think that was when I first started to see that I had undeniable feelings for my best friend.

I just said. "Can you just lay here with me?"