It Wasn't Me - 5. Chapter 5-I'm not a fag

I walked through the halls on our first day of high school, with Matt right be my side. I kept looking over at him sweating and shaking.

Damn he's so cute when he's freaking out.

I wasn't worried until I saw Matt's small body being flung up against the lockers. I didn't mention to Matt that I already knew who was pinning him down.

Beanie Macro and I were neighbors. His father would make you bleed for not putting ice in his drink. I guess it wasn't shocking that Beanie was pining down a harmless freshman.

"You were almost in my way." Beanie growled.

I caught his eye and nodded. He recognized me and nodded, then let go of Matt.

I stepped in between them, "We were just looking for our home room."

As they walked away Matt turned to me, "What was that?"

"The welcoming committee." I said sarcastically.

We felt a tap on our shoulders. We turned around to find Alfreda.

"Alfreda." We both said as we hugged her. She joined in on the group hug, but in the corner of my eye I couldn't help to notice her embracing Matt a bit tighter. The two of them seem to have forgotten about their "date", and she started to hang out with us, I liked having her around, but I felt on nervous when the two of them whispered and smiled at each other. Despite everything I was honestly glad to see her friendly face.

"What has gotten into you two?" She laughed rolling her eyes.

"We are just happy to see you." Matt smiled.

“Well that’s reasonable.” Alfreda nodded, “As it is first day of high school, we entitled to feel nervous and out of place and cling to anything familiar.”

Yea, she always soundedso smart.

“So,” she went on, “Have each of you thought about your plans for high school?”

I rolled my eyes, “I just want to get out alive. But what plans to you have?”

She flipped back her long blond hair, “Well one it is important that I maintain straight A’s and high test scores. I also need to join the debate team, because I'm going to be lawyer.” She turned to Mac, “And Matthew I think you will be interested the Audio- video production, chess, and math clubs.”

Matt nodded, “AV huh? We’ll see.”

Then this guy in a leather jacket walked our way. He had a black mullet and was holding a motorcycle helmet.

"So whose you guys English teacher?" He called out to us in a thick Brooklyn accent.

We looked down at the green papers in our hands.

"Frist period Mr. Donovan room 4567" Alfreda answered.

"I got the same thing" Matt nodded.

I laughed, "I got him first period too. Donovan? I bet he's a total asshole"

The stranger stood smiling, "Oh really? Well I hear he's a total nut job.

The bell rang.

"Well then supposed to be better get to the nut factory." I smirked

Then the stranger strolled to door 4567 and pulled out a set of keys...and opened it.

The three of us looked at him confused.

He laughed, "Oh did I not say who I was? Oh I'm so forgetful... Tony Donovan I’m your new English teacher."

I was shocked. I had never a teacher with long hair and a leather jacket. Not to mention one that would let me mouth off like that.

He gave us a quick smile, "You better get to class."

We followed him in the classroom and took our seats. We always sat in the same seats, the row of 3 closest to the door. Alfreda always in the front (because was always trying to be the teacher's pet), I sat in the back (because I wanted nothing to do with any of it), and Matt sat in the middle (because well…just because). I don't think it was something we ever decided on, we just did it.

Donovan put his stuff behind the brown desk, "I am Mr. Donovan. I'm here for home room and English."

He scanned the classroom, "I have a feeling we were going to have interesting year." He chuckled before going on with the "it's your first day" speech that they had clearly written for him. I could tell by the sarcasm in his voice and the little jokes he cracked as he read the paper.

He was funny, honest, and not old fashion at all. He was the first teacher that I didn't mind being around.

The bell rang and Donovan yelled out, "Have a nice day and don't get killed."

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Matt slammed his lurch tray on the table. "I'm dead."

I laughed "You're being over dramatic."

He sat next to me, trying to stare in my eyes. I turned away slightly; it was too hard looking at him without thinking about kissing him.

"I ran into Joey Romano."

I dropped my fork, "What happened?"

Joey Romano was another one of my neighbors. The loud Italian family who lived a floor above me. I think the best way to describe Joey Romano is a mixture of a want to be Fonz and Al Capone. He was rumored that he was a part of mafia...yea that stereotype. I couldn't confirm nor dein the mafia thing, but I did know that he was co-leader of my neighbor gang, the other co-leader was my half-brother Bobby.

Yea, Italian convicts and white trash criminals unite in screwing with the lives of everyone else.

Matt said, "He is going to kill me."

"No, he won't." I demand.

I sneaked out of the lurch room and into the boy's restroom where Joey's "school offices" were set up. Joey was having a smoke by the urinals while Beanie was shoving some poor kid's head in a toilet. He saw me and gave me a crooked smile.

"Hey its Bobby's little brother…um Jimmy?"

I hate being called Jimmy.

"I go by James." I smirked.

He rolled his eyes, "You want something Jaaammes?"

"Yea, I heard you ran into my friend Matt."

"Who?"

"Black curly hair?"

"Oh pretty little Matlin." he laughed.

I stepped closer in front of him, "What did you call him?"

Then this hunky jock walked up to the urinal next to us. I was trying to look at Joey, but I felt one of my eyes glance over at the jock unzipping his jeans and whipping out his…well never saw him on the field but I could see he was "gifted" in some way. My jaw dropped and I found head spinning. I felt…well I didn't know what this tingling feeling was.

"Hello?" Joey smirked seeming to notice my distraction.

I looked back at him. "Anyway, please don't kill him."

He laughed, "See here's the thing Jimmy. I have a rep here that need keep. So your friend Matlin…yea you're going to have to say good-bye to that goofy face."

"Oh come on Joseph…"

He shoved his face into mine, I could taste the smoke breath. He hated being called Joseph as much as I hated being called Jimmy.

"Don't ever call me that fag." He screamed.

The jock turned his head and quickly zipped his pants back up and ran out.

"What?" I whispered shocked, confused, and scared all at once, "What did you call me?"

Beanie came out from the stall with some poor kid that ran out too as soon as he was set free.

Joey took another puff ,"I saw you checking out that guy's cock. I bet you wanted to kiss him too. Wow who would ever thought that a Hunter would be faggot."

On the inside I wanted to cry. I had heard that word being used around since I was a kid. Back then I didn't really know the real meaning of that word, but I knew what he was implying. However at that moment I felt more range than tears.

"I'm not a…a fag." I took a breath. "I wasn't checking out anybody. Do you know what? You're the one that mention him…so maybe you're the faggot huh?"

I knew the second it came out of my mouth that I was going to get the crap beaten out of me.

"Beanie." Joey command as he snapped his fingers. Without even thinking about it, Beanie grabbed my neck and shoved me into the small stall.

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I didn't tell Matt about my interaction with Joey. I actually didn't feel much like talking. My mind was flashing between cocks and lips, while hearing Joey's voice repeating "faggot" over and over again. I spent the whole day biting my lip and trying to keep my face emotionless.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked grabbing my arm as we walk together. "You seem distant"

I stared at him, "Do I?"

"Yea." he said shifting his backpack around, "Is it…you know…him? Do you need to spend the night at my house?"

He gave me the look, the "I want to save you" look.

"Matt it's not about my dad." I whispered.

"Okay Jamie"

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That night I walked into the apartment to see my mom finishing her make up. Her make-up was getting more colorful, and her clothes were getting more sluttish. I don't think my parents hardy talk to each other at that point.

"Hey." I greeted her.

"Hey baby how was school?" she asked applying her ruby red lipstick.

"Okay…for you know school." I laughed, "By the way mom I don't think the blue poka doted top looks good with the red lips."

"Really Hun?" She said examining her outfit "Should I change?"

"Yea," I said grabbing a coke and sitting at the kitchen table by her, "your black hair goes great with lipstrick. Now I would wear that red sequences halter top you have. It would match the lipstick. Plus it would also look better with that black leather skirt with that sliver belt you have."

She left the room for a minute and came back wearing the shiny red top and pour herself a glass of whiskey. "You are so right, babe. I'm so lucky to have a son with such an eye for fashion." She kissed me on the cheek.

"So do you think dad will come home tonight?"

She drank, "I wouldn't plan on it." She chuckle as she finished the drink. "Well I have to go work the bar tonight." She said walking to the door.

"Mom." I whispered.

"Yea baby."

"I love you." I said just because I was curious to see how she would respond.

She paused and grabbed the door knob "...you too...there are leftovers for dinner." She said before walking out.

I heard the door close. I walked over and got out my black notebook and started to write.

I can honestly say the more I live the less pain I feel

Because the feeling of pain starts to feel more normal.