It Wasn't Me - 25. Chapter 25-My Isolated Museum

"What do you think of Holden's thoughts of the museum?" Shawna asked me sitting across from me while we were on a dinner date.

We were reading Catcher in The Rye in English class. Catcher in The Rye one of the books that probably changed my life. D.J. Salinger really seemed to understand the mind of a rebellious, misunderstood, loner teenager. I think that I would've an interesting chat with Holden Caulfield.

"I love that part, how it symbolizes a frozen and peaceful world." I said biting into my veggie burger.

Yea, I said my veggie burger. I had thought about becoming a vegetarian for a while, maybe it was because I had grown politically aware the disgusting way factories process meat. Shawna had been a vegetarian for a few years for the same liberal and artistic reasons. She taught me all about the vegetarian options, even pointing out that there was a way healthier and way better tasting veggie burger.

"But don't you think it enables his isolated behavior? By staying in environment where the world is things are closed off and impersonal?"

I loved discussing literature with her. She was into writing too, though her writing was more politic than poetic. We had been dating a little over two weeks now and this relationship was different form the others. One, we never had sex, she never asked about it and I cared way too much about her to touch that subject. Two, she didn't annoy me. Three, I felt she honestly valued my thoughts and honestly valued hers. She actually grew up on military bases with a strict solider father, which kind of shocked me considering how liberal and free-spirited she is. But she said that moving around and having to adjust all the time is what made her become so open minded. Her mother left when she nine and with her dad being in the military, she was mostly raised by neighboring army wives.

"Well" I shook my head, "Maybe his isolation isn't such a bad thing. The real world is crazy. And he doesn't like rapid changes and snuggles to find people with enough intellect to open up to. Why shouldn't he isolate himself?"

***

I was hanging out with at Jake's apartment. Jake and I ordered Chinese and were watching some 80's action movie.

"I love ice shaking." Jake said out of nowhere.

I turned my head licking off the butter form the popcorn form my fingers, "What?"

He took a breath, "It's seems the only way were going to open up to each other is if I start."

"And ice shaking is your deep dark secret."

He laughed, "No, I just thought it would help break the ice."

Whether the pun was intended or not, I still laughed. "Okay…well I actually like ice shaking too."

"Cool." he cheered. "Maybe that's something we can do together."

I shrugged, "Maybe."

We said nothing for a while.

"When I was a kid," Jake started, "I was always confused why last name was Hunter and not Smith. My mom didn't tell me about my real dad until I was older. But I always felt different. I looked different. I had a different last name. I knew I wasn't a Smith, but I knew I wasn't a Hunter either."

I nodded, "Well, being a Hunter isn't that great. You got lucky."

"James is it true…that our dad was an abusive alcoholic?"

I bit my lip.

"James?" he asked.

"Yes." I casually said. "He was abusive when he drank."

"Did he…"

"Hit me?" I nodded, "Yea…me and my mom."

He put his hand on my shoulder.

I pushed it off. "Okay your turn."

He took a long breath. "I had a gamboling addiction."

Well there went my dream of having a brother who's not an addict.

"When I found out that my dad wasn't really my dad I was confused and angry. Then I found myself playing a card game with a group of friends…it led to poker. I liked wining and everything felt like a sure thing, which what I needed at that time, a sure thing. I moved on to the ponies, then football games and other stuff. I was even in rehab for a while."

"Wow." I said not really knowing what else to say, "That's big."

"Yea, I don't go around telling people that."

"Jake...why didn't you ever return any of my letters?"

He raised him eyebrows, "What?"

"I wrote you like a billion letters and you never wrote me back. Why?"

"I never got any letters."

"Yea right." I smirked.

Jake gently grabbed my arm and shook his head, "I never got them."

"If you had would you have written me back?"

He nodded, "If I would have known that you wanted to see me. I would have found you."

He gave me a hug. My brother was giving me a hug.

I took a breath, "Yea…so if told you something big...you would keep it between us right?"

He nodded pulling way, "Of course."

I wasn't sure why I was going to tell him this. I couldn't even tell my best friend for over 12 years, why I would I tell my half-brother that I've known for mouths?

"You're not going to believe this." I chuckled.

"Okay, try me."

I brushed my hair back, "Jake…I'm gay."

It still wasn't easy to say out loud but better. I shut my eyes and breathed.

Jack started laughing, "Seriously?"

That was a shock. I wasn't sure if it was a good reaction or a bad reaction.

"Yea." I nodded, "Is that a problem?"

He shook his head, "No, I have no problem with that." He laughed again, "It's funny because I'm actually bisexual."

I gasped, "Seriously?"

"Yea." He nodded, "Is that a problem?"

I laughed, "Wow."

"So James…do you have a guy, like a boyfriend or something?"

I shook my head, "No…do you?"

He smiled. Really big.

My mouth dropped and I felt his wave of excitement, "You do! Oh my god, who is it?"

He took a breath, "Will isn't just my roommate."

I put my hands on my cheeks, "Wow, wow…that makes so much sense. How did it happen?"

He crossed his legs, "Well, we connected the day we met, and I of course I thought he was cute…and funny,which balances out someone like me. Then we um...ended up in bed together."

"In bed? As in…"

Jake nodded wiggling his eyebrow, "Yes, as in sex."

I couldn't believe it. "Wow."

Then we heard our front door opened, "Jakie, I'm home and I got news." Will's voice called out.

Will ran into the room, "Jake I got great news."

Jake got up and wrapped his arms around Will's hips, "So do I! I told James about us."

Will's head jerked backward and he turned to me, "What? How did it go?"

"Great." I told him, "I'm honestly happy for you guys."

"Well," Will started looking at Jake, "I told my family too. I was at a museum with my dad and sister. We were talking about art…and I felt it was a good time to bring it up."

"What did they say?" Jake asked.

"Well My dad said that he was shocked but he wanted me to be happy. My sister asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes it's Jake and my mom was thrilled about that."

"Well." Jake piped in, "Let's celebrate tonight."

Then Jake kissed Will right on the lips.

It was the first time had seen two guys kiss in person. Watching them made me feel a certain kind of sinking in my heart. I know that I'm twisted and trouble and screwed up in all sorts of ways. I couldn't help to think that I wanted something like that. If only I wasn't in my isolated museum.