November Falls - 6. Chapter 6 - Brady

Novy and I had completed all of the competitor’s entry forms at the registration tent for the days racing, we headed back out towards pit lane, our Pit for the day was pit-bay 19. Novy and AJ are racing in the Motocross Trials, Novy’s a good rider competent, but not a stand-out in the crowd type of kid, not like AJ, that kid can ride. Novy loves the sport and enjoys competing, but he’s a conservative rider and lacks that fearlessness, competitive drive needed to be really great – which I’m thankful for. I’m guessing that his buddy AJ will knock that right out of him if he follows his lead.

Like most worried parents, or at least ones new to the sport, I was amazed that there are so many kids walking around with the odd arm or leg in a cast. Scratched up a bit bruised, but they were all wearing a grin from ear-to-ear.

It doesn’t seem to bother my son that he only occasionally wins, sometimes he doesn’t place in every race. He’s good enough to keep up with the pack and keep the pressure on them but a bit like that ice skater a few years ago when everyone fell over on the last turn, Steve – something - Bradbury, yeah, one mistake and he’s there. Novy likes motorbikes and the atmosphere of racing, he seems content with that and I enjoy watching him ride, it always makes me happy to see him excited and to let loose and have fun. It’s good bonding time for us as well, after the divorce, coming out and relocating to the country. He’s never once complained, but I’m sure he’s struggeled with it too, I have.

“Thanks, Dad,” he grinned, waving his entry sheets, in his hand.

“You’re welcome buddy; you ready?”

Novy grinned, “Always, I wish Nan and Grandad were coming though.”

“I’m sure they wish they were able to see you ride too, maybe next time? You’ll do great Son, don’t worry, you can tell them all about it when we get home.”

Novy smiled at me as we walked along, “Hey Dad, there’s AJ, let’s go say hi?”

“Sure Buddy, you go on ahead, I’ll get the bike ready for you and be over in a moment.”

I looked over to where Novy headed, November caught my eye. My pulse quickened a little, for some stupid reason, maybe because I thought or hoped he was going to come over and sweep me off my feet and kiss me. No; more like it would be to strangle me. November was crouched down, working on AJ’s bike. His forehead creased, the skin around his eyes crinkled as he watched me over the seat of AJ’s bike. Our eyes met for a long moment as they followed me, I could feel them bore in to my soul.

I was snapped back to the here-and-now, as graceful as ever, I tripped over my own feet stumbling, but luckily not hitting the ground, more a few quick steps. I quickly pulled myself together without a shred of dignity left to my name, as fast as my feet would take me I headed back to our pit, and out of Novembers piercing gaze. Due to my moment with November I walked straight past it. That made me even more flustered, what the hell am I doing? I didn’t want to look even more ridiculous than I already did, my mind raced for a diversion, in the distance I saw a coffee van, so I continued walking in that general direction, let’s make this look something casual. But I don’t think I’m fooling anyone. Something over there should distract me, and anyway I can’t comeback empty handed, I’d look even more ridiculous than I do now. The van must have something worthwhile maybe a cold drink or a caramel slice, caffeine and sugar, something must work.

While I was waiting for the other customers to be served, my mind drifted off. Everything from last night came flooding back to me, smacking me down for a second time. I’ve no idea how I went from being a confident, self-aware adult, to this version of a stumbling, bumbling, fool. I’ve never felt this insecure in my life, coming out and being my authentic self was supposed to make everything better, so far no evidence of that. It’s just been a train wreck.

I felt the humiliation of yesterday rise through me. I’d already embarrassed myself at the interview at the Chop Shop, and at Community College - TAFE a few days prior. It would be easier if I could turn my brain off, but nope, it's not having any of that. It was relentless. I groaned remembering the humiliation of last night.

I’d found a vacant spot and parked my SUV in the pub’s carpark. I saw Ricky come in the driveway as we got out the car.

“You boys go on ahead and find a table. Ricky has just pulled in, I’ll wait for him,” I told my son and his friend AJ.

The two scampered off, kids under eighteen are allowed in the back area of the pub, which is closest to the carpark, as long as they don’t go to the bar.

I waved as Ricky strolled toward me, “Hey,” we quickly hugged like the old friends we were.

“So how bad was this interview?” Ricky asked with a chuckle.

My shoulders tensed up, my face must have drained of colour, and noticeable.

“That bad?” Ricky grimaced while he observed me.

I slowed to a stop and ran my hand over my face.

“You’ve no idea, it was nightmarish of epic proportions. Nothing went right…” by the time I finished telling Ricky how everything went down in the interview, he looked horrified on my behalf. It must be as bad as it seems in my head, I expected him to chuckle or laugh or maybe pass on some kind of pep talk, but his expression had softened he just gave me a look sympathy, it might have been pity but he seemed upset for me.

“Wow, I’m sorry Brady,” Ricky said putting his hand on my shoulder, then gave me a friendly smile. “Come on mate, I’ll buy you a beer, we’ll get something to eat and come up with a plan to salvage some of your dignity. Maybe even come up with a way to get November to actually talk to you, without leaving the room.”

Ricky walked through the door ahead of me, I followed. Once we were inside, Ricky pointed to the tables and chairs to his left, as I went to follow, I heard my son call out.

“Dad, come here a sec!”

I looked over, my son was standing with his friend AJ and Justin from the interview today, who was laughing his ass off. November was sitting side on next to him; our eyes met, and in that instance his happy smile was gone. Replaced with what looked like a frozen, pained expression on his face somewhere between horror and anger. Fuck!

Oh shit - Oh shit-Oh shit, my mouth had gone completely dry in a matter of seconds. I could feel my heart start to pound away like it was trying to beat it’s was out of my chest.

My vision had black spots, my ears rang, my head pounded and was starting feel light. My entire body started shaking like I’d just been plunged into an ice bath.

What the hell was going on?

Was I going to pass out? I was going to pass out. I heard Novy yell “Dad!” it was so distant I almost missed it – I passed out; right in front of my son, his friend and November. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I opened my eyes, everyting was a blur, and there was a faint ringing sound in my ears. It was so embarrassing, As I tried to get up off the floor Justin, Ricky, and Novy came to my aid immediately. I was surrounded by them and some concerned onlookers, November stood next to his bar-stool with AJ. They were both staring at me, AJ looked a little worried, but November’s face said he was about to rip my head off.

I put my hand up to the side of my face, I could feel a hot spot a little bit of blood near my right eye socket. I must have hit that now overturned table to my side on the way down. Novy looked worried, almost freaked out I guess, it’s not every day you see your father pass out because he saw his childhood crush, object of sustained stupid bullying and disgusted not-happening-ever employer look at you like it was a scene from the ‘Evil Dead.’

Novy was desperately trying to convince me to go home, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had to push through, own it. I tried to play the incident off as a bad headache to everyone, but the real reason was stress. There was a terrible feeling in my gut that everything had just come to a head. Seeing Novy standing with November just pushed me over the edge. I’m pretty sure by the way November was glaring at me he now knew that I had named my son after him. He looked shocked a little pissed, but totally confused; but I’m guessing. It was all too much for me and my brain, it just said enough let’s reboot and see if that fixes everything… or not as in my case.

“Are you okay mate?” Ricky asked me, his face written with concern.

“Yeah, sorry guys,” I said my voice gravelly and weak.

Ricky pulled the closest chair over while Justin shot a look at the gathered people who were more intent in getting out their mobile phones than actually trying to help me. The look and fairly intimidating stance Justin took worked and they turned grumbling as they walked off. I heard some old lady.

“Isn’t that the Douglass Boy, the one that moved to Sydney and became, you know, the queer one?”

The tone of her voice made it sound like I was the Ebola guy not the gay guy, small towns I’d forgotten how much I love them.

She motioned to her blue haired friend to move on quickly, they were going before they caught gayness.

I don’t understand why old women think okay, my natural hair color is gone now, let’s go for … indigo blue or violet. I quietly chuckled, and she thinks I’ve got problems.

“Here sit, sit down mate. I’ll get you some water.”

Ricky pushed me into the chair before heading to the towards the bar. November was still riveted in place, at least he was talking to AJ and trying to comfort him I think. AJ seems a little taken back about my fainting spell, that kids got good morals, I can tell from here.

“Are you sure you’re okay Brady?” Justin asked with a sincere look on his face.

Glancing in his direction I nodded, “Yeah, thanks. I’ll be fine.” Subconsciously I raised my hand back up to my eye again, “Ouch, that’s going to leave a mark I guess.” There was a nice lump forming.

“Okay, you sure, really?” he said with uncertainty.

“I’m fine Justin, thanks. I’m just going to…” I pointed in the direction of the bistro.

Ricky returned with a pitcher of cold water, a few glasses and a cold pack for my face.

“Thanks Ricky.”

“No problems, November had the barman to get it ready by the time I’d made it across the room.”

“Oh Thanks,” I looked over in Novembers general direction, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to see. But he’d turned sightly so I couldn’t make eye contact with him, but he could see me in his side vision.

I stood and slowly, Justin and Novy both grabbed at me. “Thanks Guys I’m good.”

The glass of cold water and ice pack had helped a bit. Slowly I made my way over to a vacant table deep in the back of the bistro area, hoping no-one could see me. God, things just keep getting worse. Novy followed me as I went to sit down.

Justin had stayed back and was righting the table and general mess I‘d made. Justin was always a great guy at school, I think him and my brother Cam were friends. He then waved in our general direction and headed back to the bar where November and AJ were.

“Are you sure you’re okay Dad, what happened?”

“I don’t know son, but I’m fine now. Maybe you and AJ can look at the menu board and find what you want for dinner, then let me know.”

It was more of a directive than a request. I needed a minute to gather myself. How the fuck did I get here? Become this person, I need to sort myself out.

“You gonna eat that?” The familiar voice said knocking me back to the present, my body shivered with embarrassment from the memory.

I plastered a fake smile on my face, “Hey, Cam, how are you little brother?”

Cam raised an eyebrow at me, he still hates me calling him little brother. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder for a side hug. “Look at that!” he said as he flicked his chin towards the crowd, while I was looking in the direction he’d nodded, he grabbed my pastry and stuffed it into his mouth.

“Ass!” I chuckled.

“Wha’, you were just standing there staring into space, I didn’t think you wanted it,” my brother said with a mouth full of my former berry danish. Cam has always been able to eat whatever amount of crap and always look great in a pair of shorts, only. Not that I’ve got the hots for my brother, it’s just were both blessed that we can burn stuff off pretty easily. Plus, there is a gym room at his work and he puts it to good use.

“I thought you were working today?”

“Yeah! Finished earlier this morning. It was a quiet shift thankfully, so I got a couple hours shut-eye at work.” Cam cleared his throat, frowning he asked, “So was that November I saw over in the other pit where Novy is?”

I set my coffee down on our fold-out portable table, not acknowledging Cam’s question. Then went through the regular checklist for Novy’s bike. Although he had done all the maintenance last night once we got home from dinner, I like to make sure he remembers to tighten everything, we’ve had a few scary moments in the past when he’s blown off simple little things, like tightening spokes or securing his seat correctly. Bloody kid, it scares the crap out of me. But he’s a teenage boy and pretty good too, so I can’t really complain.

“Mhmm,” I answered Cam “Please tell me Novy hasn’t been hounding you all week to watch him ride.”

“I don’t mind, I want to spend time with my nephew. Unlike when you guys lived in the city, I barely got to see him. Now that you’re here, I’m going to take full advantage of every opportunity to see Novy, thank you very much and be the best uncle he has.” The cheeky Cam smile had gone for a second replaced with one I’m sure he wears at work, then as quickly as it that, his eat shit grin was back.

I looked up at Cam, “I didn’t mean it like that Cam, Mom said you were working the night shift. I didn’t want you to feel obligated if you were tired, there'll be other races.”

“S’fine,” waving his hand at me dismissively “I honestly want to be here,” Cam said having a good look around the place, “I’m too old for the end of night shift drinks, some of the guys still do, but nah, not for me. I don’t mind the odd night out though I’m not dead.”

“Really!” I thought to myself, “Oh, how you’ve changed Cameron Douglass.”

“Uncle Cam, I didn’t think you’d come. Thanks, man!” Novy greeted his Uncle excitedly, and they did one of those hand-back slapping shakes. “This is my friend AJ,” he pointed, “and Justin, he’s going to give the bike a once over before I race.”

“Justin,” Cam said.

“Cam-ron,” Justin replied stiffly. “Hey Brady, how’s it going?”

I smiled and nodded, I wasn’t sure what to say really. Last time I saw Justin I was half dazed and bleeding. Him and November must think I’m such a fuck-wad.

Justin came over to Novy’s bike, the two young boys followed, I moved out of his way going to my brother’s side, trying not to make an ass out of myself. Justin was in full concentration mode, giving the bike a once over, he explained a few different things to the boys, and grabbed a few tools and showed them how to tighten something and twist some pipe out of the way that apparently can get caught up easily when close riding. They asked questions as Justin went, I nudged Cam, and pointed with my head over to the bike. Going by the look on Cam’s face, I couldn’t tell if he wanted to be in the thick of what the guys were checking or balls deep in Justin. He resisted until I almost pushed him, he shot me a look then took a step or two closer.

“Go on, you love all of this bike crap,” I elbowed my brother.

“Thanks,” he gave me a lopsided smile, that’s how I knew Justin was in trouble. My brother loved bikes, but the crooked grin is reserved for mischief, and he was eyeing Justin.

Good luck sunshine, you’re gonna need it Justin. The slight look Justin had slipped in Cam’s direction when he moved closer didn’t go unnoticed, maybe Cam is not the only one with mischief on their mind.

I was thinking about the past 48hrs. I’d made such a mess of everything. It’s all November’s fault, he’s just unnecessarily hot; it fries my brain. I was so swept up in watching AJ and Novy, with Cam and Justin looking but not looking at each other. Yeah, there was history there, but unlike November and me, they’d seemed to be able to talk with a few fleeting looks between each of them.

“Brady! Do you have a second?”

I knew that voice, my heart started to beat up again, it was like time was slowing down. I could almost count my heartbeats 1-2-3, a fine bead of perspiration had broken out in my palms and across my forehead in an instant. I spun around it felt slow but clearly wasn’t. Novembers deep sexy ass voice had gone clear through my body making my cock start to take notice, damn you thing don’t betray me now. I stopped and was facing directly into those deep blue piercing eyes, “We need to talk,” November handed me a coffee, “Two and a half-shot espresso, right?”

How did he know…