Josh's Blog - 14. July 2009

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Hey guys!

Well, we moved into the old lodge today.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Gee, that went quick. Yes, it did, but when you have a sorcerer and his apprentice who can wield high magic with the flick of a finger or an eyebrow, quick is the norm around here.

Oh, yeah, big news item. We have a family of aloo out in Lake Michigan right in front of us. I did some checking and found out there were quite a number of drowning deaths here over the years and that was one of the main reasons the church decided to unload the property.

Well, the aloo are very friendly to us. Of course, we feed them French fries. They love French fries!

Funny thing happened today.

I decided Priya was going to wear Speedos when he went swimming down at the lake. I bought him a light blue pair, just his size.

Anyway, we were down at the beach lounging in some beach chairs, when Priya says, “When I was little, Mommy used to buy me this kind of swim trunks for when we went to my grandparents’ place on the lake down by Sheboygan. Of course, back then I didn’t have a big dick, so it was no problem. I’ve always thought of these a being little boy swim trunks, but since I’m wearing them now, I guess I’d better think differently.”

“Priya, how do you remember when you were a little boy?” I asked.

“Dunno, just did, just can. Of course, that boy is no longer alive, he never existed, but I have memories of him. Do you remember the day you came over to my house and, after swimming, we got naked and went up to my bedroom?”

“And that was the first time we had sex. Do you remember that?”

“Yes, I loved you then.”

“And, now? Do you love me now?”

“I’m not supposed to love you like that, but I can’t help myself. Can we go up to your room and make love like that first time?”

And, we did.

It’s great having the old Priya back. Of course, he’s no longer David, but memories are flooding back.

+ + + + +

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Hey guys!

Dad and Steven came over last night to spend the Fourth with us.

Steven took me aside and asked how I could come to own this place. He said that when he asked Dad, he wasn’t given as much of an answer as he wanted. I asked Steven if he could keep a secret, a family secret. He said he could.

“I’m a sorcerer and Priya is my apprentice, but, unfortunately, he thinks he needs to be my servant, too. It’s how sorcerer’s apprentices have been trained through the centuries and there’s not much I can do about it.”

“What do you mean by saying you’re a sorcerer?”

I did some magic. He wasn’t impressed with my magic. I took him nine thousand feet straight up and we stood there looking around.

“How did you do this?”

“Magic.”

“There’s no such thing as magic.”

“Suit yourself.”

“I think I’m going to do some checking to see how you can afford a place like this. I suspect it is some sort of criminal activity. I wonder if the FBI might be interested in you.”

I dropped us to within ten feet of the water. Two aloo rose up to the surface and looked at us with their five eyes.

“What the hell are those?”

“Aloo, they’re a mythical monster inhabiting some lakes and rivers in North America. Try going swimming where an aloo lives and it might pull you under until you drown. They won’t eat you. They just hold you under the surface too long. I think they’re lonely. I don’t think they understand surface creatures can’t breathe under water like them and fish. Oh, and they like French fries. I think it’ll be safe if you want to go swimming here.”

“That’s stupid. There’s no such thing as an aloo, or whatever it is you call it.”

“Then what is it you’re looking at?”

“A figment of my imagination, just like I’m appearing to stand on a firm surface about ten feet about the water. I am actually back in your study in the lodge. Somehow, you’ve hypnotized me.”

“So be it.”

I released the spell and he fell into the water. Many aloo came around him and I could see them touching him, but they did not pull him under. In fact, one of the bigger ones pulled him toward shore. I was waiting for him on the beach.

“Well, is the water wet?”

“How did you do that?”

“Magic.”

“Bull shit! What the hell is that?”

“That? Oh, that’s a gryphon. Don’t you know any mythology?”

“They don’t exist.”

“Whatever.”

I left him on the beach with the aloo in the water, the gryphon on the beach, and a thing that goes bump in the night sneaking up behind him.

Needless to say, Dad was pissed.

They left before I did the fireworks display. You could say it was magical. I’m positive our neighbors to the south, north, west, and maybe way across the lake enjoyed the show.

Afterward, Priya and I had our own fireworks. He came twice inside me. He looked beautiful when his orgasms washed over his face. He looked like I remember David.

+ + + + +

Monday, July 6, 2009

Hey guys!

We had our first genuine trespasser today. At about three o’clock in the afternoon a thing that goes bump in the night brought in a little boy, who, quite interestingly, did not shit his pants when the thing grabbed him. He didn’t piss his pants, either. He just looked so meek and timid the thing didn’t know what to do so he brought the kid to the lodge.

When we came out, the little boy was playing catch with one of the goblins. He wasn’t afraid of anything, not even the gryphons.

“Who are you and what are you doing on my property?” I asked.

“I’m Billy Marks and some big kids dared me to come in here,” the boy said, sounding bigger than he looked. “They said there were scary monsters that would eat me. Your monsters are kind of scary, but they’re fun, too.”

If a thing that goes bump in the night could blush, the one that brought Billy in would’ve been redder than a bucket of fresh blood, but since they’re already that color from the blood oozing out of their green skin, I couldn’t tell if it was blushing. It certainly looked embarrassed, though.

“You’re not mad I came here, are you?” Billy asked.

“This is private property and is clearly signed,” I said. “Are you in the habit of trespassing where you’re not allowed?”

“No, but they dared me,” Billy said.

Yes, well, been there, done that. A dare is a dare and when you’re the little kid on the block, to not step up to the plate can ruin your rep for years.

“So, now, what do I do with you?” I said.

“What do you mean?” Billy asked.

“Well, you have to be punished,” I said.

“We can’t let him go,” Priya said. “He’s seen too much and we can’t trust him not to talk.”

“What? Kill him?” I asked.

“We could drop him in with the aloo,” Priya said. “Drowning is a horrible death, but it’s merciful and clean so his parents can have an open casket funeral.”

“Why don’t you simply wrap him in a suffocation spell?” I asked.

“Why don’t you, you’re senior here,” Priya said.

Billy hadn’t said a word and then I saw why. He wasn’t with us. He was over watching a garden gnome weeding the bean patch.

“I guess he wants to be with the gnomes,” Priya said. “They’ll keep him safe and if he works hard, they’ll feed him, too. He can’t leave. You know that.”

“I guess you get to stay with us for a while,” I said after I went over to him.

“Okay,” Billy said. “Would you’ve really killed me?”

“You can’t leave,” I said. “The signs clearly state there is to be no trespassing. You trespassed. You must pay the penalty.”

“Oh,” Billy said.

“Ignatius, the boy is yours to do with as you deem appropriate,” I said to the gnome.

“Yes, my lord sorcerer,” Ignatius said. “Come, Billy, you can help me.”

“Okay,” Billy said. He followed the gnome into the garden seemingly listening carefully as Ignatius explained his duties.

“What happens now?” I asked, no expecting an answer.

“Slowly over time, the boy will become a gnome, just like Ignatius and Violet, who will adopt him into their family,” Priya said. “In about a year, they will have a naming and you will be given the honor of formally welcoming him into your garden.”

“He turns into a gnome?” I asked. “How do you know this?”

“It is one of my duties to know all about the netherworld inhabitants here,” Priya said. “Becoming a gnome is far better than being killed. I would’ve killed him to protect your estate, even if you wished it not to happen. Personally, I would have cast a dulling spell to render him mindless and then an agitation spell to muddle his brains, if he hadn’t gone to the gnomes. They are very enchanting beings. Do you know they can’t breed? All of our gnomes were once little children who were attracted to a garden gnome and became one. It’s all very magical how it happens.”

I suspect the police will be visiting in a day or so. I suspect the gnomes will ensure no one sees Billy ever again.

+ + + + +

Monday, July 6, 2009

Hey guys!

Well, a deputy sheriff showed up at the gate today. After we let her in (There’s a speaker outside the gate, which operates remotely. There’s hardly any magic involved.), she drove directly to the lodge. All of the other beings kept themselves hidden.

“Have you seen a young boy? Here’s a recent picture. We have reason to believe he might be somewhere on your property. We’d like to conduct a search.”

Or, something to that effect.

Priya cast a false knowledge spell and she left happy in the knowledge Billy was not on our property and there was no need to bring in a lot of outsiders to search.

I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about me. I’ve not turned into a horrendous monster that steals little boys and turns them into gnomes. I’m different than you and operate under different laws and ethics. This retreat is not of your reality.

Yes, Priya and I could’ve cast a forgetting spell on Billy, but he chose to go to the gnomes. If he had stayed where Priya and I were talking, he would be as he is today and at home with his mother (his parents are divorced). He wandered over to the gnomes and was enveloped in their realm. Yes, I gave him to Ignatius, but that was only a formality. Billy already belonged to the gnomes; he just required direction to an adoptive set to help him transition into gnomedom.

Do I feel sorry for what happen?

No.

+ + + + +

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Hey guys!

The dragons arrived today.

We got three pregnant females, two yearlings, and an alpha male. They’re settling in their new quarters.

Interestingly, all of our adult dragons (three females and one male) are former apprentices (yes, there are female apprentices). It seems dragoning was a rather popular career option for apprentices back in early times when dragons carried a lot more respect than they do today. They’ve gotten a lot of bad press ever since Saint George slew his dragon.

First of all, dragons are not inherently evil or bad. Yes, there were evil and/or bad dragons, but nearly all of them have been properly dealt with. I’ve heard there are a few baddies in remote areas of Africa and Asia, but you need a good dragon to lead you to them, since all dragons are basically invisible to mortal humans. They can make themselves visible when they want, but they rarely do that today.

Oh, yes, our alpha male, Bruce, isn’t in-charge of the wreck, that’s their traditional word for a family group of dragons. It comes from an ancient language unknown to human academia (it’s so old it predates writing). A few of the older dragons, like our (not in the possessive sense) Molly and Martha (female names tend to stay within a three letter group, ours have “L, M, and N” names) are still able to converse in it, but most dragons today speak the language of the land. Ours speak American English, Latin American Spanish, and a dialect of the Northern Paiute language. (Why, I do not know, but they all, including the yearlings, speak it all the time.)

What do dragons eat? They prefer beef and the dwarf wranglers keep a herd down in the lower reaches of our dragon lair. They’re not your average, everyday cattle. They’ve been specially bred to give dragons maximum nourishment while providing enough wildness to give the dragons a sense of the hunt and capture of prey. Oh, yes, it’s not particularly palatable to watch dragons take down one of their steers and eat it. They usually do it as a group and it’s quite messy. And, killing a steer is one of the few jobs Bruce gets to do as an alpha male.

+ + + + +

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hey guys!

Alarm spells went off early this morning when three helicopters started flying over our property.

They were government copters, but since our property is now totally magical, there was nothing for them to see or pick up with their sensors. Oh, there is the big pond with the blue whale in it, the paddock with the lavender unicorns (the rarest kind), and the gryphons, of course. I do not know why Priya needs a blue whale and lavender unicorns, but he said he had to have them, so what could I say? For some strange reason, gryphons are intrigued with helicopters. They drop their magical protection and fly up to the machines and, basically, mob them as a flock of small birds would mob a raptor invading their territory. I don’t know what the men in the helicopters thought they saw, but they quickly left.

Then another alarm spell went off. This was the one I put on Dad. I quickly went to him and he was being driven in an FBI staff car to Milwaukee for questioning. He was handcuffed.

This is all the work of Steven, who has now become evil person numero uno in my book. I haven’t decided, yet, how I will deal with him, but he will be dealt with. I suppose I should ask Dad if it’s okay to hurt him, but not to kill him. Maybe Dad will want him killed. I don’t mind doing that.

I sent Priya to watch over Dad during the interrogations. If anything close to a threat on his life pops up, Priya will bring him here.

Oh, did I say Priya likes dragons. He’s like a little kid at a petting zoo. He can’t get enough of them. I’ve given him responsibility for the dragon lair.

Oh, yes, Priya and I are now sleeping in the same bed. It’s almost like it was in the beginning, except Priya is still aggravatingly subservient to nearly everything I do and say. He will happily fuck me when asked, though. I love watching him when he cums inside me and he knows that makes me very happy.

+ + + + +

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Hey guys!

Dad is staying with us. The FBI (and a number of other agencies believe I am, somehow, a detriment to all that is good about the US of A) had threatened him with many, many years of secluded incarceration if he wasn’t more forthcoming with what was going on out here. I guess Steven gave them a bag of hooey and they took it all, hook, line, and sinker.

As a result, I have removed our property from the present time. Everything inside our fence exists in the far future (about 250 years from now). Someone looking in can’t see any difference, but if they step inside, they, of course, will be dead as mortals cannot live outside their time unless they are specially transported in time altering machines, which will be invented in a couple hundred years. The time effect goes straight up a couple hundred thousand miles in case they try satellite surveillance. Also, if a helicopter should enter our airspace, it and its occupants will cease to exist. They don’t die horrible deaths; they just cease to be because they are beyond their time.

We expect an assault any day, now.

Dad said he doesn’t care what I do to Steven. Priya says I should put him on top of Mount Everest to freeze to death. I think that’s too kind. I was thinking more along the lines of slowly roasting over a hot, erupting volcano or, perhaps, see if he can swim in a tub of molten zinc.

+ + + + +

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Hey guys!

Guess who called today. No, it was the President. Mother called. After the preliminaries and pleasantries, the conversation went sort of like this:

Mother: “There will be some men coming to see you tomorrow.”

Me: “Oh? Who might that be?”

Mother: “Don’t be funny, Josh. This is serious.”

Me: “I don’t think you realize how serious.”

Mother: “I know you’re the prophesized sorcerer.”

Me: “How do you know that?”

Mother: “Because I was chosen first, but before the acceptance ritual, before I would’ve received immortality, I chose to give it up, get married, and have a child.”

Me: “What?”

Mother: “I gave up an extraordinary life for the ordinary. I wanted to be a wife and have children without the responsibilities of being a sorceress. They took all of my magical abilities away. And, then they gave me you.”

Me: “What?”

Mother: “We can talk about this some other time. Your father knows nothing about this. What you need to know is that tomorrow Mr. Franklin, from the company...”

Me: “Old Petey?”

Mother: “Yes, Peter Franklin will be showing up at your gate with two men from the CIA and two men from the FBI. Please try to be nice, they can do a lot for your future.”

Me: “Mother, a friend of Dad’s turned him into the FBI. They interrogated him and threatened him.”

Mother: “Josh, I know all about that. That is why Peter will be out tomorrow.”

Still not saying who Mother works for, but they top the FBI and CIA. Peter Franklin is an old friend. He used to take me out on his boat when I was still a kid. It’ll be nice seeing him, again.

Oh, and that Steven guy? Well, seems the company is taking care of him, so I don’t have to. Mother was rather insistent that I leave him alone. I guess the company has plans for him that might be much worse than what I can think of.

And, no, we didn’t get to have that talk, but Mother did say, depending on the outcome of tomorrow’s meeting, she will fly out here to spend some time and talk about things.

+ + + + +

Monday, July 13, 2009

Hey guys!

Well, today was interesting and bear with me because this is going to be a long entry.

First of all, they came by helicopter, two of them. The gryphons went ga-ga when they landed in the center lawn.

Mr. Franklin came out first and gave me the tightest hug. If he wasn’t the Big Kahuna of the “Company”, I would’ve kissed him.

Then the other four men, wearing nearly matching dark suits and dark sunglasses, got out of the other helicopter. There were some serious vibes coming off all of those dudes. I knew they were all packing.

First off, Mr. Franklin asked about Billy. I gave him the standard answer.

“He needs to go back to his mother,” one of the dark suits.

“That’s impossible,” I said.

“We don’t care about your opinion,” the dark suit said. He pulled his gun and pointed it at me.

“Richmond, there’s no need for that,” Mr. Franklin said.

“We’ll be the judge of that,” another dark suit said.

“That thing won’t do you any good here,” I said with a smile. “I’m impermeable to bullets.”

“Get the boy out here, now!” another dark suit said.

“Josh, please bring the kid out,” Mr. Franklin said.

“You know, I’d like to do that, but he’s not Billy anymore,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Mr. Franklin asked.

“He is being turned into a gnome,” I said.

“What?” one of the dark suits exclaimed.

“We were discussing what we should do with him and he wandered off into the realm of the gnomes,” I said. “They have him and he can’t come back.”

“Look you stupid kid, we mean business here,” the one with the gun said.

“Yes, I do too, but you have no idea of my power,” I said.

“We’ll see about that,” one of the dark suits said as he approached me in a threatening manner. My protection spells automatically reacted and the man disappeared.

“What the hell?” another dark suit exclaimed.

The one with the gun must have been nervous because he pulled the trigger and the bullet fell out of the barrel. They all looked at it. I thought of the perfect spell and all the darks suits disappeared, too.

Mr. Franklin gave me the strangest look. I smiled.

“Where are they?” he asked.

“I sent those three to their homes,” I said. “As for the other one, well, I’m not certain I can bring him back, but I’ll try.”

“Where is he?” he asked.

“Here, just not quite here,” I said. “You might say he’s out of time. It’s not a nice place to be, but he’s not dead, yet.”

I said the appropriate spell and the dark suit reappeared and immediately fell to the ground. He didn’t look too good.

“Priya? Could you do something with this man?” I asked.

“Yes, Master,” Priya said.

“Master?” Mr. Franklin asked.

“It’s a long story,” I said.

“Tell me about it,” Mr. Franklin said.

“Come on up to the veranda,” I said. “Do your pilots wish refreshments?”

“No, they’ll be fine,” Mr. Franklin said.

We had a nice chat about me. It was all about me. The gnomes brought Billy out. He is shrinking and is oblivious to his former self. He’s in that transition phase, neither little boy, nor little gnome. Mr. Franklin said the “company” will come up with a story his mother should accept. I offered to create a body that would be suitable for burial. It would be genetically the same as Billy, but burned beyond recognition. Mr. Franklin thought that was a good solution.

We then talked about me and my powers. He asked if I could be of assistance to the US of A. I said that I sought out evil, wherever it occurred, but I could not be used by a temporal entity, especially a country. Some things just had to occur. He didn’t seem too disappointed.

Priya came out with the dark suit he’d helped. Then man didn’t look well. I suggested it’d be best if he left in his helicopter, which he did. He didn’t seem to care that his compatriots were not there.

Mr. Franklin said that I’ll be left alone, but that if he needed my assistance he would be back. I said I’d be willing to consider offering whatever assistance I could within the bounds of my position and the rules of my order not to become directly involved with the affairs of mortal man.

“What do you mean by mortal man?” he asked.

“I am immortal. I will live forever, no matter if I’m in a temporal body or spiritual after having crossed to the misty plain.”

Then he saw that Dad was here and he excused himself. They talked into the night and I invited the helicopter pilots into the house for supper. They were reluctant to leave because the gryphons were around their machine, but I assured them the gryphons were interested in people.

They ended up staying the night.

+ + + + +

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hey guys!

The dark suits came back this morning in five helicopters, four of which stayed in the air while the dark suits came down, supposedly to arrest me, Priya, and Dad; plus, remove Billy if they could find him.

Mr. Franklin tried to talk to them, but they wouldn’t listen. He told me to do whatever I felt necessary to protect myself from government stupidity.

They said they were willing to use force if needed.

With a thought I dissolved their clothing, including their shoes and socks. Their weapons disappeared. They were unable to move or talk.

The helicopter they came in evaporated. Unfortunately, the helicopter pilot and co-pilot had a nasty fall to the lawn when the helicopters were no longer supporting them.

One of the helicopters above us launched a missile at the lodge. It fell out of the sky without exploding. The offending helicopter simply stopped flying. It didn’t fall, it didn’t move. The others started circling as if they, too, were piloted by fools. Those helicopters ceased to move, too. All of their weapons were rendered harmless.

“I can make them disappear or I can put them somewhere, your choice,” I said to Mr. Franklin.

“How about the nearest Wal-Mart parking lot? No, how about the flight line at Camp Williams?”

All the naked dark suits, their two pilots, and the other helicopters disappeared.

“I need to get to Washington,” Mr. Franklin said.

“Where, exactly?”

“My office.”

“It was nice to see you Mr. Franklin. I wish things could’ve turned out better.”

“You will not be troubled further. I will send a forensics team out to gather the remains of Billy. I’ll call you before they arrive.”

“Thank you.”

He disappeared.

His helicopter pilot stood beside Priya and asked, “What about me and George?”

“Where do you wish to be?”

“Our facility is at General Mitchell Field in Milwaukee.”

“Get in your machine.”

When they were sitting in their seats I moved the helicopter where they wanted.

“Do you think you can trust him?” Priya asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Dad, do you wish to stay here or be at home?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather stay here with you for the time being.”

“As you wish.”

It was a long spell, but briefly, I put a dome of magic over and around the property. No one can see in, whether above, on the ground, or out on the lake. We are, to put it simply, invisible to the human eye. It’s almost as if there is a big nothing here, sort of a hole in reality.

+ + + + +

Friday, July 17, 2009

Hey guys!

Well, I guess this is it. All things must come to an end, including this blog.

Mr. Franklin called this morning and said that cooler heads did not prevail in Washington. They’re going to nuke us.

I went to the misty plain and conferred with many of the high sorcerers and mages. It’s sort of like a council of elders. These are the men, women, and other beings who hold the light side reins of the world as you know it.

I told them what was to occur. They asked how all this came to be. I told them my story. They asked what I would do in this situation. I said there were two options: 1) render the nuclear device inoperable and let the delivery device miss the target; or, 2) redirect the weapon to a suitable location where a nuclear explosion would be more appreciated.

They said that one version of the history of the Earth shows that on Saturday, July 18, 2009, a cruise missile carrying a thermonuclear device crashed in a Wisconsin corn field. The weapon did not detonate and radioactive material was not released in the resulting explosion.

So, there, you have it.

We are moving to a future time where we can be alone in a world not dominated by stupidity.

We are not moving physically, but temporally. This place will continue to be here, will continue to be a hole in the Earth, but we will be living a couple thousand years in the future. There’s not a lot around here then. Everything as you know it has gone into the historical records.

Unfortunately, this blog cannot continue.

Some of you have been very good friends to me over the years watching me grow into the man I am now. If I could’ve done one thing, if I could’ve changed one thing, it would’ve been never leaving Seattle, but all those changes occurred and I can’t go back to vague possibilities.

Priya sends his love.

Dad is looking forward to seeing the future.

Chloe and dwarf mistress Gneiss will join us later.

I will have a lot more work to do, seeing that most of you will not have a happy future. Luckily, all of you will not live to see how bad it will get. Stupidity will rein for a long, long time until Ignorance can step in and attempt to obliterate all that is good and decent.

Some of you may remember this solution to being on the receiving end of a thermonuclear attack: Drop your pants, bend over, and kiss your ass goodbye.

I wish you well.

+ + + + +

Thanks to Sharon for a wonderful job of editing.

Yes, this one did end a bit abruptly. I was trying to come up with an ending and thought of David as a child at the beach wearing those tight swim trunks you often see on little boys. Once that memory was recovered by Priya, the end was bound to occur in a short period of time.

I apologize to those of you who hold the government infallible and without error. Government police organizations have a tendency to overreact to such a degree that nuking a sorcerer isn’t entirely implausible.

The truth be known, this story didn’t quite achieve its original goals. Life changes and those changes can affect a quite a number of things. My life has changed and unfortunately, this story got in the way.