The World Out There - 30. Thirty

It was the Saturday between that first Christmas and New Year. Though the ward was still decked out in all its Christmas decorations, it felt subdued. The excitement and activity of Christmas Day had faded away. Since breakfast, Liam had been sitting in the corner of one of the sofas in the Common Room trying to finish Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. He had five new books to read but he had to finish his current one first: it was his personal rule.

He was left alone that morning. Chrissy complained that she had a cold and decided to rest in her room. TJ also complained but he complained about the large amount he’d eaten over Christmas, worrying that he was getting fat. So he went for a long run around the hospital’s garden. Liam didn’t know what TJ was worrying about - he looked as lean and fit as he always did. He certainly wasn’t fat. But TJ still went for that long run.

Liam was taking advantage of the quiet, of being left alone by Chrissy and TJ. With the general quiet and slow mood on the ward, he was trying to finish his current novel. Every time he went into his room, especially when he went to bed at night, his five new books were sitting on his table almost staring at him, telling him that he hadn’t read any of them yet. He wanted to read them - he wanted to know what happened in them - but he had to finish his current Harry Potter book first.

He was sat in the corner of one of the Common Room’s sofas, finally nearing the end of his book. He was too absorbed in actually finishing the book that he didn’t see anyone approaching.

“You’ve got a visitor, Liam,” Warwick’s voice cut into his thoughts.

Liam gave a little start of surprise and then looked up at Warwick.

“A visitor?” He wasn’t expecting anyone. This wasn’t Mark’s usual Saturday to visit.

“It’s your friend, Mark,” Warwick replied.

“God, I need to get changed.” Liam jumped up from the sofa and started to hurry towards the room’s door.

“I’ve come here to take you to the Visitors Room,” Warwick called after him.

“I’ll meet you in the corridor,” Liam told him as he rushed out of the room.

He hurried to his room. There, he took off the hoody he was wearing over his t-shirt, and put on his beautiful new jumper, the one Mark had given him. If Mark was paying him an unexpected visit, then he must wear his new jumper. He needed to show Mark how much it meant to him.

Once his jumper was on, he returned to the corridor where Warwick was waiting for him with a puzzled expression on his face.

“What was that for?” Warwick asked him.

“I had to get changed.”

“But why?”

Liam touched the hem of his new jumper. “It’s a bit complicated.”

“Kids,” Warwick sucked in the air through his teeth. “Get a move on. Your visitor is waiting.”

Mark was waiting for him at a table in the Visitors Room. He was dressed in a thick, beige-coloured jumper, with an elaborate pattern woven into its fabric, and dark blue jeans. His hair seemed to have fallen into tighter curls, which had a dark shine to them. His chin was shaved smooth. Mark looked clean and smart and yet comfortably casual. Mark always looked so different out of his business suit, and yet he still kept something formal and business-like about himself, as if the solicitor were hidden just under the surface.

Mark’s face lit up with a broad smile when he saw Liam walking towards him.

“You’re wearing your new jumper,” Mark said, pleasure rippling through his voice, as Liam sat down on the other chair at his table.

“It’s really great! Thank you,” Liam replied. He ran his fingers along the hem of his jumper.

“I’m glad you like it. That really does suit you. The moment I saw it, I knew that colour would suit you.”

“It must have been dead expensive. It came from the GAP.”

“You haven’t been into the GAP much, have you?”

“I’ve never been in one of their shops. My mum never shopped there.”

“They’re not that expensive and they sell really good clothes. They were recommended to me, though. I’m more of a Next for Men man myself.”

Liam bit his top lip, for a moment. He couldn’t forget Chrissy’s words. Sitting in front of Mark, her words didn’t seem right, but people lied - he knew that. He had to hear Mark say it.

“You buy me lots of presents. I like getting them.”

“I like giving you presents.” Mark was still smiling.

“Someone said that your giving me all these presents could be…” The words stuck in his throat: it was so stupid now. To say it would sound so stupid, and in front of Mark.

“What?” Mark quietly asked.

Liam took a slow breath of air.

“They say with your presents you’re grooming me.” There, he’d said it. God, he’d said it. He shouldn’t have said it.

Mark gave a little and very embarrassed laugh.

“Oh Lord! People say the stupidest things,” Mark said.

“You’re not angry?”

“No, I’m not. I would say I don’t know how to groom someone, but I’m a solicitor and I’ve been involved in a grooming case. But I would say I’d be pretty stupid trying to groom you.”

“Why?”

“You’re in here and I’m outside, and I only get to see you around this table. The nurses over there keep a close eye on us anyway.”

“I hadn’t thought about any of that.” He glanced down at the table between them. He’d said the wrong thing again, he’d been stupid again.

“Don’t worry. We all listen to the wrong people from time to time - or the right people say the wrong things.”

“I feel so stupid.”

“Don’t be. I like buying you presents.”

“Why?” He looked back up at Mark, the man’s face wore a concerned but gentle expression.

“It makes me feel good. I enjoy buying them and you’re always happy to receive them. You’re so happy to receive them, and that makes me feel good too.”

“Thank you, but don’t you buy other people presents.”

“Not really. I’m not close to my brothers. They’re just the same as my parents were, and that’s just too hard for me. I’m not that good at relationships. Boyfriends don’t really last with me.”

“But you have William.”

“It’s nice you remembered, but we broke up long before Christmas, before I could start planning to buy him a present. I’ve got my circle of friends and that is great, but we’re not great present givers. I enjoy buying you presents. I went into the GAP to buy you your jumper - I haven’t been in one of those shops in years. And it was an experience again.”

“I love this jumper, it’s… it’s beautiful.”

“And that’s why I like giving you presents. You really appreciate them.”

“I never got presents much before.”

“What about Christmas?”

“My mum wasn’t big on Christmas. My present was always what I needed for my school uniform for the next year.”

“Your mother never ceases to amaze me. The more I find out about her, the less I like her.”

“I don’t miss her. Is that bad?”

“With your mother, I think that’s natural.”

“I like our visits.”

“So do I.”

“Why?” He knew why he liked Mark visiting him, but why did Mark keep coming back to see him?

“I enjoy talking to you. I haven’t had much to do with teenagers before. They sort of confused me. But I can talk to you, and I enjoy doing so. I get to spend a Saturday morning just talking with you. I don’t have to think about work or anything else - all those things that shout for my attention during the week. We just talk, and that’s nice too.”

“I like talking to you too. You don’t treat me like I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“My mum always said I was.”

“What the bloody hell does she know about anything?”

A laugh of relief escaped him. Mark was right. Then that thought struck him.

“I didn’t get you a present. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t buy you presents to get any back.”

“But you got me this wonderful jumper, and I didn’t get you anything.”

“Don’t worry about it. Really, don’t worry."

“But I feel bad about it.”

“Tell you what: get your teacher to send me your best essays. She can email me them.”

“My essays?”

“Yes. Show me how well you’re doing at school.”

“Sure. I’ll ask Mrs Williams in the new year as there’s no school because of Christmas. She’s got to say yes.”

“Good, I look forward to it… Oh yes,” Mark added, as if he was suddenly remembering it. “Bernie has told me she would like to come and see you.”

“Who?” Liam asked. Mark had never mentioned a Bernie before.

“Your barrister.”

“Oh, Mrs Stewart-Graham.” Why did she want to see him? “Is there something wrong?”

“No. She just wants to see you. She’s always been worried about you. I told her to come see you and she agreed. But she wanted me to ask you first. Bernie’s like that.”

“She sent me a Christmas present - five new books.”

“I told her you’d like those Philip Pullman books.”

“She also gave me two books by Gerry Stewart-Graham.”

“He’s Bernie’s husband and he’s a writer. He’s written quite a few books, double figures last time I counted. I’ve read a few of them and they were really good. You should enjoy them.”

“I’ve got my Harry Potter to finish first.”

“You’re very disciplined. I can end up reading three books at once and not finishing them.”

“I’ve told myself I have to finish the book I’m reading before I start a new one.”

“Good for you… So you’re happy with Bernie visiting you?”

“Yes, that would be nice.” He smiled to add to his agreement. It would be nice to see Mrs Stewart-Graham again. She was almost a force of nature during his trial and she’d been so angry as they talked in his cell after his trial. In her way, she had been so kind to him.

“Good… So how was your Christmas?”

He smiled back at Mark. “Amazing. We had this amazing Christmas dinner. I ate two portions…”

<><><><>

Liam lay on his side, on his bed, hurriedly finishing reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. He only had a dozen or so pages left to read before he reached the end and he could start the first of the His Dark Materials books, and the excitement was pushing him forward.

When Warwick brought him back to the ward, he told Val, the Nurse in Charge that day, that he felt tired and was going to his room. Val just replied, “There’s a cold going around.”

He felt a bit guilty going straight to his room. TJ was probably back from his run and sitting in The Common Room watching something crap on the TV. Or he could be in his room too. But Liam wanted some time alone. He felt the pull down of his emotions. He always did when his visit from Mark came to an end. Mark was out there - someone out there cared about him - but Mark was gone again for another month. The world outside was slipping away from him for another month, and his world had slipped back down to Nurton Cross, to the small world of Nurton Cross. However, it was a very safe world.

Liam turned over the next page of his book. He was nearly finished reading it now.