The World Out There - 34. Thirty-Four

Dinner that Friday was lasagne and chips. Almost a perfect square of lasagne sitting on his plate, surrounded on two sides by the yellow and crisp chips. The lasagne was rather greasy, a couple of stains of orange oil marking his plate, but Liam liked the lasagne. Even after being kept hot for so long in the trolleys that brought the food to the ward, it still managed to keep its flavour. The minced meat, sandwiched between the sheets of lasagne, still had a tangy taste of tomatoes and herbs; its topping still strongly tasted of cheese.

So much of Liam’s food, when it reached him, had been kept hot for so long that most of its taste had leached out of it. The only thing that retained any flavour were the chips and so often they were the only thing that made the food edible. At least, today’s dinner had two elements that were edible.

It was two weeks since Jared’s discharge. The unease Liam felt had been easing. A week ago, he found the courage and told Aiden how he was feeling. Aiden wasn’t shocked or negative. Aiden talked him through his feelings. Aiden treated his feelings as normal, but quietly Liam still questioned himself on why he felt like that. It wasn’t as if he and Jared were close friends - or even really friends.

That evening ,he was sat with Chrissy and TJ, eating their dinner. As always, he was letting Chrissy and TJ make the conversation - it was easy and rather safe to do so, but it was also comfortable to have them talking away around him.

“This sort of stuff could make me fat,” Chrissy said, waving a forkful of chips in front of her face.

“So don’t eat them,” TJ said.

“But the chips are the only thing here with any taste,” Chrissy replied.

“But the Lasagne tastes good too,” Liam said.

“Yeah, and that can make me fat too,” Chrissy complained.

“So don’t eat that, too,” TJ added.

“But it tastes good and nothing else does,” Chrissy said.

“So, eat it and enjoy it,” TJ replied.

“But I don’t want to get fat.”

“Why does that worry you?” TJ asked her.

“No girl wants to be fat.”

“Don’t worry about that.”

“Why?” Chrissy asked TJ.

“Because you’re already fat,” TJ replied, smiling broadly back at her.

“Bastard. I could go off you, I could,” Chrissy replied.

TJ took a deep bite of his lasagne, chewing his mouthful of food for a long moment, his jaw moving slowly from side-to-side.

“He’s afraid of losing my wonderful company,” Chrissy told Liam, as she tossed back her head as if she suddenly had a long mane of hair.

“There’s something I’ve got to tell you two,” TJ said, his voice now low and almost concerned.

“You’ve finally given in to my charms,” Chrissy said with another mock toss of her head.

“I’m going home tomorrow,” TJ quietly said.

“No!” Chrissy snapped back. “You said your MDT didn’t go well.”

TJ had an MDT meeting the week before. Afterwards, he was very tight-lipped, refusing to say how it went, but his sad face told Liam it wasn’t good news. TJ was talking endlessly about the MDT meeting before it. They were considering him for discharge or moving to an ordinary psychiatric hospital. But afterward, there was only silence from him, though Chrissy’s mood had certainly picked up. Liam simply watched TJ, watched as his nervous excitement was stripped away from him, and Liam knew there was nothing he could do to help.

“They said I could only be discharged if there was someone I could go and live with, someone who’d keep their eye on me and that,” TJ said.

“But you’ve got your mum,” Chrissy said.

“She don’t want anything of me,” TJ replied. “Her new man, my step-dad, said he’d kill me if they sent me there.”

“So, where you going?” Chrissy asked.

“My real dad said I can go and live with him.”

“When did he say that?” Chrissy continued.

“This afternoon.”

“And you’re going tomorrow?” she stared at TJ, a troubled expression pulling at her face.

“Yeah, my section expires on Monday and… They said I should go home tomorrow,” TJ answered her.

“Who said?”

“Janet … who else?” TJ replied.

“And you’re just going? You didn’t think of us! You didn’t think what it’ll do to us!” Anger flashed across Chrissy’s face.

“I’ve got to,” TJ quietly replied.

“You bastard! You don’t care about us!” Chrissy shouted, as she jumped up from the table, causing her half-eaten dinner to slide into the centre of it, before she rushed past Liam.

“Chrissy! Chrissy! Where are you going?” The nurse, Elizabeth, called out across the room moments before Liam heard the room’s door bang open.

Liam looked up at TJ. TJ’s face was wearing a heavy, sad expression that pulled so much of the handsomeness out of his face. TJ’s eyes were staring down at his own half-eaten meal.

“Shit. I screwed that up,” TJ quietly mumbled.

Liam only slightly nodded his head in reply, and then quickly stopped. Could TJ see him nodding? Please, no.

TJ had barely eaten half his dinner before he left the Dining Room. He pushed away his plate, as if he’d lost interest in it, then stood up from their table, saying, “Sorry mate. You know how it is.” Liam had just nodded his reply.

<><><><>

Liam spent the evening on his own in the Common Room, reading his latest book as he sat hidden away in the corner of one of the sofas. The television was on, as always, playing away some bright and noisy programs, but Liam ignored it. It was much more comfortable to try and get lost in his book.

He hadn’t seen TJ since dinner, nor Chrissy. He guessed that they went back to their rooms, but he didn’t really know. He hadn’t gone looking for them. What would he say to TJ, to either of them? Chrissy was upset; what could he say to help her? TJ? Should he congratulate him? Should he tell TJ he’d miss him? He would miss TJ, but was that fair to say? Kids did get discharged from the ward. He should expect TJ and Chrissy would get discharged, but now?

Liam looked up from his book and saw that the Doc Martin TV program had started on the television. It was one of the few TV dramas that Chrissy didn’t like. It also meant that it was gone nine o’clock. He wasn’t tired, but neither did he want to stay in the Common Room on his own. It was all too quiet.

He closed his book and stood up.

As he walked to the room’s entrance, he passed Gary, the nurse.

“Liam, you okay?” Gary asked him.

“I’m tired. I was going back to my room.”

“Okay,” Gary replied.

Liam walked out of the room.

<><><><>

The next morning, Saturday, he ate his breakfast on his own. He got up at his usual time, but when he went into the Dining Room, he couldn’t see Chrissy or TJ anywhere. His eyes scanned over the room. He was expecting them. Things from yesterday could have blown over, but he was wrong. He got his own breakfast, found an empty table and quickly ate his way through it. Normally eating his breakfast would take twice as long, Chrissy and TJ’s conversation filling up the time. Sitting there on his own, it felt so quiet.

After he finished eating, he didn’t know what to do. Usually he spent Saturday mornings with Chrissy and TJ, with Chrissy chatting away about the previous evening’s television, and TJ taking the piss out of her. It was safe and easy: he could just sit back and let Chrissy and TJ’s conversation flow over him. He needed to find something to pass the time, and quickly settled on reading his book again, sitting in the corner of one of the sofas in the Common Room. He did consider going to Chrissy’s and TJ’s rooms and seeing how they were, but quickly rejected the idea. That would be too intimate. It was all right to be invited to Chrissy or TJ’s room, but to do so without an invite seemed too intimate and pushing himself forward too much. He couldn’t do that. So, he sat on his own in the Common Room reading his book.

The television in the Common Room was playing loudly, as always, and though he wasn’t watching it, Liam noticed the passage of time by the changing programs on it. It was a little after eleven o’clock. The third cookery program was now playing on the television when someone sat down on the sofa next to him. He looked up from his book and saw it was TJ.

“I need to say goodbye to you,” TJ said. “My dad is meeting me here at one.”

“Yes, we do,” he replied, but what would he say?

“Can we go somewhere and talk? Go outside in the garden?”

“Sure.”

Liam followed TJ out of the Common Room. TJ found Sarah, the nurse, and she seemed happy to let them out into the garden. The weather was warm and bright that morning It felt good being outside, and Liam was comfortable out there in just his shirt and jeans. He carried on following TJ as TJ led them along the long, curving path there. They walked in silence, quiet hanging between them.

When they reached the bench at the top of the path’s curve, TJ said, “Let’s sit here.”

“Sure,” Liam said, as he sat down on the bench next to TJ.

“Do you know why I’m here?” TJ said.

“We’re not supposed to talk about it. The nurses always say not to. We’re here to move forward and all that.” It was what Janet always said, and even though he was sort of quoting her, he always stuck to it because it was also a way of hiding away.

“I took a machete to school because I thought the teachers were shape-shifting lizards and were sucking the life out of the kids there.”

“You did that?”

“I was fucking ill. I was hearing voices and they were telling me all kinds of shit. I was nearly fucking dangerous.”

“What happened?” he asked TJ.

“The voices were telling me to kill the teachers. My step-dad had a machete. I don’t know why, but he was a dick. I put it in my school backpack and took it to school. The first teacher I saw when I got to school was the PE teacher, Mr Gates. I took the machete out my backpack and charged at him.”

“What happened?”

“He rugby tackled me to the ground and pinned me there until the police arrived. I couldn’t have done him any harm. The machete was blunt as fuck. It was a dead cheap knock-off.”

“Did they arrest you?”

“No. The cops took me to this hospital where they gave me loads of drugs.”

“They brought you straight here?”

“Fuck no. I was taken to two other hospitals before they brought me here.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember nothing. I don’t remember taking the machete to school or anything. I remember starting to hear the voices. I was shit scared and didn’t tell anyone.”

“How do you know what happened?”

“They told me here. Dr Sayeed told me about the machete. It was only when I got here they gave me the right meds and I stopped being this psycho. I was so fucking ill. I only got sorted out here because they talked to me. And they knew what they were saying. They can sort you out too.”

Liam took a deep breath. TJ’s last sentence coursed through him. He hadn’t been expecting that. Could they sort him out? Could anyone sort him out?

“I don’t know,” he quietly told TJ.

“I know why you were sent here.”

“Who told you?” Who had been gossiping about him and why? Who knew this and could hold it over him? A moment of fear caught at his mind.

“No one. I saw about you on the news before you came here. The newspaper and such were all going on about you being a terrorist in the playground and all that shit. I knew that wasn’t true. I followed your trial, as much as I could in here. Then you turned up here right after your trial. It had to be you.”

“Have you told anyone?”

“Like who? Chrissy? She’d have told the whole ward. She loves her gossip. No, I ain’t told no one. I wouldn’t do that to anyone.”

“Thanks.”

“But you need to get better and they can help you here - but you have to trust them. I had to.”

“I’ll try.”

“And be happy. There ain’t nothing wrong with being gay.”

“I’m not…” Shock caught in his throat. How did TJ know so much about him? “How do you know?”

“They call it Gaydar - shit name, I know. My gran used to say, ‘Takes one to know one.’ I’ve seen how you look at Aiden the nurse behind his back. He is really hot.”

“I… I…”

“Be happy. They can help you be that here. They helped me, but you’ve got to let them.”

“I’ll try,” he said. He didn’t know how he would. How had TJ done it?

“Good, mate.” TJ then moved. Liam just sat there because he hadn’t been expecting any of this. TJ lent forward and kissed Liam on the cheek. It was just a quick and dry kiss; but Liam still felt the imprint of it against his skin. It was there, warm against his skin - his first kiss.

“You need to smile more,” TJ said. “You look really good smiling.”

“Thank you,” he quietly replied.

“I’ve got to go and talk to Chrissy because my dad will be here soon. Chrissy’s dead pissed at me and I’ve got to make it right with her. I’ve got to say something to her. You be happy.”

“You, too.”

TJ jumped up from the bench and quickly started walking back to the hospital. TJ strode along the path, his legs taking long strides, his arms swinging in time. Even under a baggy hoody and loose jeans, TJ’s body was still muscular and lean, still visibly attractive. TJ was so handsome and strong and… Liam sat and watched TJ walk away along the curve of the path until he disappeared behind a large bush there. Liam carried on watching the garden before him, his book closed beside him on the bench. TJ was going, leaving here.

<><><><>

He hadn’t been sat on the bench long, just long enough for it to get uncomfortable, which probably wasn’t long enough for TJ to say goodbye to Chrissy and leave with his real dad. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to TJ again. It was good that TJ was well enough to leave, Liam knew that, but it also meant that TJ would leave his life. Would he have to take TJ’s place in Chrissy’s friendship? Would he have to listen to everything Chrissy said? It would just be Chrissy and him now, and they would have to watch Eastenders in the Common Room. Chrissy would hate that. He would miss TJ, though - not just his friendship but also his physical presence. TJ was so handsome and, because they were friends, he could look at TJ without anyone thinking he was funny or anything.

He heard feet walking up the gravel path, the feet moving so rapidly that the crunch of gravel blurred into the next one, the constant sound of crunching gravel. He looked up and saw Chrissy heading towards him.

She was wearing her usual clothes of jeans and an over-large black jumper, but the expression on her face dominated her whole body. Her face was twisted up into a hurt and angry expression, which spread out to the rest of her body. Her body was tense and agitated - her back straight, her arms held tight and her hands clenched in front of herself.

“He doesn’t love me!” She announced, as she stopped a few feet away from where he sat, her voice was as angry and loud as the expression on her face.

“What?” Liam replied.

“He doesn’t fucking love me! TJ doesn’t love me. He told me. And then, he fucking said goodbye!”

“What… what happened?”

“I’ve loved him since he first came here. I’ve been there for him through everything, and he doesn’t fucking love me!”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. What else could he say to her?

“He doesn’t fucking love me because he’s a fucking queer!” the volume of Chrissy’s voice sprang up with her anger.

She moved so quickly, too quickly at first, so that he didn’t realise what she was doing until it was done.

Her hands unclenched and there was something grey and metallic in her right hand. She pushed up the sleave covering her left arm. She pressed the metallic object, which flashed with a bright and shiny edge, into the skin just down from her elbow. Equally quickly, in a matter of seconds, she pulled the metallic object down her forearm, splitting her skin open with ease. It was a blade! She was holding a blade!

Bright red blood oozed out the moment the blade cut into her skin. It was so bright red against her pale skin. But when the blade reached the bottom of her arm, the blood suddenly spurted out of the wound in a fountain of red. Bright red blood sprayed out from her arm with the force of a broken main pipe, rising up feet up into the air, gushing out onto the gravel path in front of her, a fast arch of red rushing forward.

Chrissy screamed, an animalistic noise pouring from her mouth, holding her arm out in front of her, bright red blood spraying forward.

Liam leapt to his feet, terror pounding in his head, snatching up his book and clutching it to his chest, trying to protect it, stumbling away from the bench and all that awful red. But his feet moved as if glue were holding them to the ground. The red was everywhere. He had to get his body away from it, but his feet wouldn’t move. There was so much red.

The blood was so red … too red.

It was as red as Rhys Clarke’s blood, as red as the knife sinking into Rhys Clarke’s stomach, over and over, too much of Rhys Clarke’s blood. Why wouldn’t it stop? He hadn’t meant it to happen. Why was it so red?

His mouth opened but only noise came out of it, no words just a noise of terror. No, no, no! He closed his eyes, but it was red he saw not black. Make it go away. Please make it go away. He clutched his book tight to his chest, holding onto it as if the very paper of it could protect him, but his feet wouldn’t move. He couldn’t escape it.

The sound of feet running on the gravel - many feet crushing the gravel - rushed up to him. A woman’s voice called out; two women’s voice shouted words and commands. But, he couldn’t open his eyes - he couldn’t look at Rhys Clarke’s blood.

“Get him out of here!” A woman’s voice shouted. “Jesus, Chrissy, give me your arm!”

Hands took hold of both his upper arms and a different woman’s voice said, “Come on, Liam. Let’s leave here.”

The hands began to push at his upper arms. “This way, Liam,” the woman’s voice said.

At first his feet didn’t move but the pressure from those hands seemed to push him forward and suddenly his feet were moving.

“No, this way,” the woman’s voice said, seeming to steer his feet. He could hear Chrissy’s screaming and the other women’s voices, but this woman’s voice was close to his ear, though he could concentrate on it. Step-by-step, his feet moved along the path, the gravel yielding slightly under each step, with the woman’s hands on his arms guiding him, the noise behind him dimming.

“You can open your eyes now,” the woman’s voice quietly told him.

“I can’t,” he mumbled. He couldn’t see that blood - he couldn’t see all that mess. It was all too like… He couldn’t see it.

“It’s okay. It’s all behind us.”

“I can’t,” he repeated.

“We can’t see anything. That big green bush is in the way. Honest,” the woman’s voice told him.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. For a moment, the sunlight was too bright, and he blinked rapidly against it, but only for a few seconds before it was over. He looked around him, briefly. He was still stood on the path, but much further along its curve, near to the doorway back onto the ward, standing close to the big, green bush that hid the rest of the route of the path. He was also stood next to Tallulah, the Healthcare Assistant. Why hadn’t he recognised her voice? He’d known her for long enough on the ward.

She smiled gently at him, her white teeth shining out from her dark and smooth face. She let go of his arms.

“How are you doing?” Tallulah asked him.

“I… I don’t know…”

“Let’s get you inside.” Tallulah gently took hold of his hand and led him into the ward.

Not letting go of his hand, she led him through the ward. Everything there was strangely quiet. There weren’t other patients or nurses in the main corridor, no one coming out of any of the doors there, no one shouting or calling after someone else. Tallulah led him to his room, but she actually took him inside, not leaving him at the door. He was glad she did so - it was reassuring having her with him. He sat down on the edge of his bed.

“Liam, do you want me to leave you here?” Tallulah asked.

He shook his head. “Pl… please… please stay,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” she said as she sat down on his chair.

He clenched his hands together in his lap and stared down at his feet. On the side of his grey pump shoe was a large, oval spot of blood. It wasn’t bright red anymore. The brightness had faded away, leaving a dark red colour behind, but it was still obviously blood.

He closed his eyes against it, but it didn’t work. He could see the knife going into Rhys Clarke’s stomach. He could see the red blood splashing out from the wounds. He could feel the blood splashing onto his skin, wet and sticky. He could smell the blood, almost taste it, the sharp metallic smell. Again and again, he saw the knife going into Rhys Clarke’s stomach.

“Liam?... Liam, are you okay?” Tallulah’s voice said.

Liam shook his head. He couldn’t open his eyes, nor could he get those images out of his head, those images that were so alive.

“I’ll get someone,” Tallulah said.

He heard feet walk across his room and then the door open, but he didn’t hear her walk away. Instead, he heard her calling to someone, and then hushed voices outside his room.

Liam unclenched his hands and pushed his fingers through his hair, but stopped when his palms reached his temples, he splayed his fingers buried deep within his hair. He curled his fingers around his hairs’ roots and pulled, tension enough to pull at the roots and cause a discomfort in his scalp, not quite pain, but enough to draw his mind to it, almost.

“Liam! Mate! It’s me, Gary,” Gary’s voice said. He hadn’t heard Gary walk in.

He nodded his head in reply to Gary’s voice.

“How are you doing, mate?” Gary asked him.

Again, Liam just shook his head.

“I need you to open your eyes, mate. You don’t have to say anything, but you need to open your eyes for me.”

Slowly he opened his eyes, blinking for a moment as the bright light from the room flooded into them. Gary was sat on the chair in front of him, a concerned expression on his face and a plastic tray in his right hand.

“I’ve got an injection here for you. It’ll help you with the way you’re feeling now,” Gary said.

Liam nodded his reply. Gary knew what he was talking about, and he wanted to stop seeing all that blood.

“I need to give it to you in your bum - that’s the only place that’s safe to,” Gary said.

Embarrassment crept up the back of his neck. He’d have to show his bum to Gary. He hadn’t shown anyone his bum. He didn’t even take his shirt off unless he was going to bed, and on his own. He had to show Gary his bum, but he didn’t want to keep seeing that blood, even when his eyes were open.

He slowly nodded his head, he had to get this over with.

“Do you need me here?” Tallulah asked.

Embarrassment prickled at his face. No, not Tallulah too.

He shook his head ‘no,’ quickly now.

“I’ll be fine on my own,” Gary said.

“Okay,” Tallulah replied.

“And make sure the door’s shut.”

Liam kept his eyes on the tray in Gary’s hand, but he heard his room’s door being closed. He’d not seen a tray like that before. It was a white plastic tray with a yellow, oblong box fixed into one end of it. As Gary turned his head back to him, Liam saw the needle and syringe lying in the tray. That’s why Gary was holding it.

“I need you to stand up and turn your back on me,” Gary told him. Liam did so. “Now, undo your jeans and push them down a bit,” Gary said. Liam did so. His fingers stumbled a moment unbuttoning his jeans, then he pushed them down to just below his buttocks. He pushed his thumbs into the waist band of his underpants, ready to push them down too. “No, just your jeans,” Gary said. “I only need to pull your underpants down a little.”

Gary pulled Liam’s underpants down, but only on the left-hand side and only slightly, barely exposing the top of his bum cheek.

“I’m going to clean your skin,” Gary said. Liam felt something wet and very cold sweep across the skin of his bum cheek. The cold was there, but only for a moment before it seemed to disappear.

“Now, this will be a quick, sharp scratch,” Gary said. Liam felt Gary pinch a fold of his skin there, and the next moment there was a sharp puncturing of his flesh. He tensed up against it. This was the injection. But, the next moment, the pressure was gone. The injection was over?

“All done,” Gary said. Liam quickly pulled up his jeans, buttoning them up at the front. He turned back to Gary, who was dropping the needle and syringe into the yellow box fixed to the tray.

“You can sit down - it won’t do any damage,” Gary said. Liam nodded his reply and sat back down on his bed. There was no pain or discomfort in his bum. He could barely feel where the injection was.

“The injection is going to make you feel sleepy - that’s normal,” Gary said. “I’ll get Tallulah to come and sit with you.”

Liam nodded his reply.

Gary stood up and left the room.

<><><><>

“Liam, Liam! Wake-up, Liam.” Tallulah’s voice spoke to him as her hand gently shook his shoulder.

He opened his eyes, or rather, he tried to open his eyes. His head was heavy. It was full of thick and heavy cotton wool. It was difficult to move it. His thoughts were slow and fuzzy. He was still tired.

He was lying on top of his bed, but still fully dressed, only someone had taken off his shoes. His room was in twilight - the light pale and weak, barely illuminating any of the features of the room. Was it so late? What had happened to him?

Tallulah was standing over him, smiling down at him.

He went to sit up, but his cotton wool filled head stopped him. It was so heavy. Was he ill?

“I… I feel… odd,” he told her.

“It’s the injection Gary gave you. You’ve been asleep all afternoon, and so far,” she replied, “you haven’t had any bad dreams?”

“I… I don’t remember.”

“That’s good. Look, it’s the end of my shift. I’m going home soon.”

“Thank… you.”

“Tommy is going to come and sit with you. He’ll be here soon.”

“Right,” he told her.

As if to answer what Tallulah had said, there was a knock on his room’s door and a male voice called out, “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Tallulah replied.

The door opened and the slim, slight nurse Tommy entered the room. His hair was cut into a new style. It was still thick, dark and curly on the top, but the sides of it had been shaved into short and dark stubble.

“What have you done to yourself?” Tallulah asked Tommy, her voice light and cheerful.

“It’s my new style,” Tommy said, patting the stubble on the side of his head. “Do you think it’ll drive all the girls crazy?” Tommy spoke in his usual bright and feminine voice.

“It certainly will,” Tallulah replied, with laughter in her voice.

“Liam,” Tommy said, taking a step towards his bed, “I’m just going to have a quick word with Tallulah outside. I’ll be quick.”

Liam just nodded his reply, before Tommy and Tallulah left his room.

On his own, Liam slowly sat up on his bed. It seemed to take ages. His dull head seemed to slow him down, making his movements slow and awkward. Finally, he was able to sit up on the side of his bed. Sitting upright didn’t ease the heavy, foggy feeling filling his head but it didn’t make it worse either. He took some deep breaths, but nothing changed. He felt so tired, even just sitting there.

His room’s door opened again, and Tommy entered.

“How are you feeling?” Tommy asked him.

“Tired,” he replied.

“Let me help you get into your pyjamas.”

“I’m… I’m okay,” he told Tommy.

“You’re still really groggy and I don’t want you falling over. If you do, I’ll have a huge lot of paperwork to fill out,” Tommy’s voice was light and jokey as he said it.

“Okay.”

“Where are your pyjamas?”

“Under… under my pillow.”

“Let’s get you into bed,” Tommy said as he retrieved Liam’s pyjamas.

<><><><>

There was so much red blood everywhere. The knife was in his hand and he couldn’t stop himself. Again and again, he was stabbing Rhys Clarke.

“NO!” he shouted out against it.

He was back in his room, lying on his side in his bed. The room was dark. It was still night. Had he just been dreaming? But it was so real. He felt the blood on his hands, hot and stickly. He smelt it at the back of his throat, sharp and metallic.

“Are you alright?” Tommy’s voice asked him.

He lifted his head off his pillow and saw Tommy sitting on a chair. In his room’s open door, the light from the corridor illuminated Tommy, who was holding something in his hand.

“I… I was dreaming,” Liam replied as he pushed himself up in his bed. His head felt tired, but the heavy cotton wool was no longer there.

“What were you dreaming about? Was it bad?” Tommy asked him, as he sat on the edge of his bed. Tommy had crossed his room and now Liam could see he was holding a book.

“I was killing him,” Liam said, his mind still half-asleep, no thoughts there to hold him back.

“I’m sorry. Try and lie back and get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” he told Tommy, but his mind was awash with sleep.

“Try and lie back. I can’t give you anything else because the injection you had was strong and it made you really sleepy.”

He nodded in reply to Tommy and lay back on his bed. The pillow sank down, receiving his head. He closed his eyes, but he knew he was going to lie there for ages, the way he did when he couldn’t sleep.

He didn’t remember falling back asleep moments later.

<><><><>

A sharp noise woke him. With a sudden jolt, it pushed him out of his sleep.

He opened his eyes, his head still resting on his pillow, and saw Tommy replacing his chair at his table. The noise was the chair’s feet scraping on the floor.

“Sorry,” Tommy quietly said.

“What… What’s happening?” Liam asked. His mind was still slow with sleep - he wasn’t usually this sleepy.

“It’s the end of my shift. I’m having to go in a moment,” Tommy replied.

“I… I need to get up.”

“No. Just go back to sleep.”

“But… Breakfast.”

“That can wait. You need your sleep now. Someone will be here to sit with you in a moment.”

“Thank you,” he told Tommy before closing his eyes again.