The World Out There - 33. Thirty-Three

That Friday afternoon, Liam returned to the Common Room after his lessons in the Education Centre were finished for that day. He took his place at the end of the long table there and started to do his homework. But, unlike the other times, he sat there alone.

Halfway through his maths homework, equations that he found functional but not exciting, he looked up from his notebook and across the table, but there was no Jared sat opposite to him. Jared always joined him there, sitting opposite to him, working on his own homework, or studies, or computer code. Mostly it was computer code, because that was what Jared loved and spent so much of his time writing. Though why he only wrote it down on a paper note pad, he never told Liam.

Liam stared at that empty chair. It wasn’t right sitting without Jared opposite him. He and Jared hadn’t spoken much - most afternoons, they didn’t speak at all - but Jared had been a reassuring presence. Jared working away on his work encouraged Liam to work too. He wasn’t working alone.

Sitting there alone, Liam’s concentration couldn’t focus on his homework. That empty chair, opposite him, kept pulling his attention back to it. It took so much longer to do his work that afternoon, but he pushed himself. He had to finish it.

<><><><>

He joined Chrissy and TJ for dinner that evening. The three of them were sat around a table in the Dining Room eating their way through dry and overcooked sausage and chips.

“Wayne was in court today,” Chrissy announced between mouthfuls of chips.

“What happened?” TJ asked.

“He didn’t say, but he had a face on him,” Chrissy said.

“Didn’t go well then,” TJ added.

“Wayne can be stupid. I bet he opened his mouth and said something stupid,” Chrissy said.

“Or, it could have just gone bad,” TJ said.

“If you say so.” Chrissy shrugged her shoulders, as if both agreeing and disagreeing with TJ.

“Has anyone seen Jared?” Liam asked them. Chrissy always seemed to know everything that happened on the ward.

“No, why? Where is he?” she said.

“I usually do my homework with him after lessons. We sit together at the long table in the Common Room,” Liam said.

“You’re study buddies. You’re so good, doing your homework and studying and everything,” Chrissy said, a heavy note of sarcasm slipping back into her voice.

“Leave him alone,” TJ shot at her. “Someone around here ‘as got brains.”

“But Jared wasn’t there this afternoon. He didn’t come and sit with me to do his work too. He always does,” Liam told them.

“He was discharged home, this morning,” TJ said. “I saw him taking his stuff out when I was taken to the workshop.”

“But he didn’t say he was going home or anything,” Liam replied.

“He was always a quiet one,” Chrissy said.

“Yeah, but the nurses always tell us not to make anything of going home. It ain’t easy on those left here,” TJ said.

“He could have said something,” Liam replied.

“He never said nothing to no one. He was like that,” Chrissy said.

“Don’t take it personal. Stuff happens,” TJ added.

Liam nodded his agreement before pushing another forkful of chips into his mouth.

<><><><>

He watched that night’s episode of Coronation Street with Chrissy and TJ in TJ’s room. Liam didn’t concentrate on the program: the story lines were always so complicated - a lot of Northern women shouting at each other. Eastenders stories were complicated enough, and he lost track with them. He let the program wash over him. The acting was big and loud, and that was sort of distracting.

When it finished Chrissy announced, “Turn over to BBC! There’s a new cop show and it looks good.”

“What’s it about?” TJ asked as he sat up on his bed.

“There’s this woman detective and her partner has been murdered ages ago, and she’s dead traumatised about it. Now, she has to solve a murder that’s a dead copy of her dead partner’s murder, but his killer is banged up in prison,” Chrissy excitedly said.

“Why are they always about coppers having trouble with themselves - all emotional stuff?” TJ said.

“Because if they were all happily married, it would be dead boring,” Chrissy replied.

“I’ll skip it. I’m tired,” Liam said.

“You okay?” TJ asked him.

“Yes. I’m just tired,” Liam said as he stood up.

“Look after yourself,” TJ told him.

“I’ll tell you if the cop show is any good,” Chrissy added.

When he got back to his own room, he just sat down on his chair and stared at the pile of books at the back of his table. He didn’t want to read any of them. He was reading the second book by Gerry Stewart-Graham. He had really enjoyed the first one, and though this one had a completely different story and characters, it was still set in the same world with all those portals. He was enjoying this one, too, but he didn’t want to read this one tonight. His mood felt strange and… could he concentrate on anything? He certainly couldn’t concentrate on TJ’s television.

He didn’t know why he was upset about Jared being discharged… No, about Jared not saying goodbye to him. They hadn’t been the closest of friends - they had barely been friends - but Jared had just gone … not a word or anything.

Would he leave Nurton Cross the same way? Not a word to anyone? Would he get the chance to tell TJ and Chrissy? Would they still be here? How long would he be here? No one had told him. The judge had said… He couldn’t remember what the man had said, but it had meant they would decide when he was ready to be discharged - Mark had told him that. Were Janet and Aiden part of those who got to decide?

What would the world be like outside of here? He remembered what his life was before Rhys Clarke and all that, but would life be the same now. Everyone knew what he did - not who he was, but what he did. No one would forget that. Then, Miss James was writing her book. Even if that book was kind to him, that book would make everyone remember him. Everyone would hate him again. Could he take that?

He hadn’t lied to Mrs Stewart-Graham: he did feel safe here. No one here knew what he’d done – well, the nurses and doctors knew, and Mrs Williams and the other teachers - but none of the kids on the ward knew. And those who knew didn’t make anything of it. He could be more than just Rhys Clarke’s killer here. This was a safe place. Would outside be the same? Of course it wouldn’t - he wasn’t that stupid.

He placed both his hands on his table, the smooth polished wood under his fingers. Why was he feeling like this? He wasn’t that friendly with Jared. All they did was sit together and do their homework for an hour or so each day. Why did Jared just leaving like that upset him? What was wrong with him?

He looked at his bed. He should go to bed and sleep and… But he didn’t want to. He didn’t know what he wanted to do… Why was he feeling so… so odd.

He yawned, stretching his arms up over his head. And now he finally felt tired.