Beneath the Mask - 8. Chapter 8

RECAP SO FAR:

In Chapter 7 the time line of events might be a little confusing. As I wrote up the story I jumped around from point of view to point of view. One moment one character is doing one thing and then the next time we meet up with the character, he is doing something else. I am going to take this time and hope I can clear up the time line for you and me.

As we all know in chapter 6 as it ended Alex got stabbed and Carlos went running after the person that did the stabbing. I picked up on that point in Chapter 7. We find out who it was that did the stabbing and how bad it was.

Pretty much all that is clear from Mr. Henderson firing all the guards that he thinks is on the take to arresting some of them. Officer Jackson made a deal with Carlos to let him stay in Building “A”. In that deal he will be able to keep seeing his girlfriend, just no outright sex. Also he won’t be put in Building “B”. All Carlos needs to do is keep Alex on the straight and narrow. They are very worried that due to the stabbing, Alex might retreat back into his gang life full time.

Matt and Carlos become friends in the time Alex is in the medical wing. Not best friends I will say they become, but friends. They hung out together, leaning on one another for support. Carlos realizes why Alex seems to like Matt so much. As it is, Carlos has no idea it is because of love between the two.

Now here is where the time line gets little confusing I believe. One moment Alex is going into the medical wing being stabbed. He gets put under in order to get his first surgery. This is his first surgery done by the medical staff that is working at the detention home.

Now we know Alex is awake and trying to talk to everyone around him. He hears people talking. He also feels them as they do things like needle pricks, touching him, or just looking into his eyes. But the staff doesn’t know this. He’s not fully conscious.

This goes on for two days. On Tuesday one of the nurses tries to place in a needle to start a new IV line. She can’t seem to find the vein. She asks for help, but was told to keep trying. Well, she misses the vein altogether, and the end result is Alex system shutting down do to that. He gets rushed in and gets his second surgery.

Of course Alex’s mom is notified about what is happening to her son. She rushes down to be by her son’s side. Remember in chapter 6 Jacob hires Alex’s mom. She started working on the day when the stabbing took place. That is how Jacob ended up on the scene.

Jacob and Mrs. Garcia rush down and do what ever it takes. In the mean time Jacob calls Dr. Whitmore, his doctor, to meet him down at the detention facility. When they arrived, they were basically told to get lost. We all know Jacob and he doesn’t ‘get lost’ on anything so he meets with Mr. Henderson and gets his way.

Dr. Whitmore takes over as Tuesday afternoon and places his own staff on Alex’s care and treatment. On Wednesday Dr. Whitmore brings in Dr. Mitchell to consult with him. Remember in “Jacob Finding His Way”, back at the beginning, Dr. Mitchell did the gun shot wounds and spinal injury on Jacob. Dr. Whitmore is the expert on cancer but knows regular medicine as well, and that is why Dr. Mitchell got brought in.

On Wednesday Alex has his third and final surgery for now. As Alex recovers from the last surgery, he keeps thinking about his past. We all do that when there is nothing else to do. So that is why we see Alex back in the past when he was in fifth grade. He is dreaming this whole thing.

Now I don’t want to give much more away. As we start this chapter we will be back to when Alex thinks he left one dream and went to another. You might be asking still is where is Alex at this time. I will tell you the day, which is Friday. But where, you must continue to read in order to find out. Here we go you all!

(MATHEW’S POINT OF VIEW)

I finally get myself to sleep after I think I see Alex in his bed. I don’t know when I did get myself to sleep, but it couldn’t have been long when I am woken up again. I hear yelling, followed by whimpering, and then yelling again.

At this point I know it isn’t a dream. I look over to Alex’s bed once again. That is where the yelling is coming from. I see someone in the bed tossing and turning. I thought at first the guards put someone new in my room.

Right away I jump out of my bed. I want to see if there is someone new sleeping in Alex’s bed. If that is the case that means Alex didn’t make. I don’t know what I am going to do if Alex didn’t make it. I walked over to Alex’s bed to see who was laying there.

At first my I can’t see a thing it is so dark in the room. I need to give my eyes a chance to get used to the amount of light in the room.

I decide to walk even closer. At this point I am on top of the person lying below me. That is when I see the face. I actually go weak in the knees and fall to the ground on my knees. All I can do is look at Alex laying there in the bed. For the last week I have wanted to be with Alex and couldn’t be. Now he is here with me once again.

Why didn’t Alex wake me up when he got into the room? He should know by now I would do anything for him. I’ll stay by his side all night long to make sure he is safe. But Alex being Alex thinks of me first, before himself.

I sit there watching over Alex as he tosses and turns, yelling in his sleep and then whimpering. This goes on for over an hour before he settles down. Whatever he is dreaming has to be really bad to get him going like this. I read somewhere it isn’t good to wake someone from a nightmare or if they are sleep walking. It hurts them more than it helps them. All you can do is watch over them and make sure they don’t come to any harm.

Just as I start to doze off again Alex starts yelling! I jump up and start to rub my hand across his face. I try to reassure him that there are people that care for him. There are people waiting for him to be ok.

All I want to do at this moment is wake him up and let him know that I am here and he can lean on me for anything. But I know it will hurt him more than help him so all I can do is sit here, make sure he is safe until he wakes up.

(ALEJANDRO’S POINT OF VIEW STILL DREAMING)

I want to get out of this nightmare, the nightmare that is actually my past. Who would have thought of a person thinking of their past calling it a nightmare? I never would have thought that in my life.

I keep trying to get free, trying to fight back but there isn’t any use fighting it seems. All I can do at this point is cover up and try to protect what I can. If my father wants me dead, it won’t be long now and he will get that wish.

As I attempt to protect my face, all I can do is scream out in pain once again. I close my eyes, holding back the tears that started to form. I start yelling in pain and somehow I got up. When I open my eyes again, everything is dark.

Then I felt someone grab hold of my shoulders. There is a voice piercing through the empty darkness of where I am! I think I have left one dream and gone into another. The voice tried to reassure me.

“It is ok Alex, I am here. It is ok Alex, please look at me. Open your eyes, you are not dreaming anymore. I am here Alex, open your eyes” I keep hearing over and over.

Slowly I open my eyes and look around. From what I can make out, it looks like I am back in my room in the detention facility. As my eyes start to focus, I look around to see who is actually grabbing my shoulders.

I let go of the air I am holding in once I see it is Matt holding me. Once I see Matt, I let go all of my defenses. I fall into Matt’s arms, crying like a little kid. I haven’t cried like this since was four or five. At least that is the last time I can remember being allowed to cry by my father.

You see, when we got old enough to talk my father told each of us we couldn’t cry. If we did it shows weakness. It shows that we were not men, but girls. Simply put, my father would have disowned us if we showed any kind of weakness like that.

As those memories went through my mind, I got control of myself. I stopped crying, gathered myself, and looked at Matt. He looks confused by my behavior. He actually looks confused and hurt at the same time.

“Matt, it isn’t anything you did. I was brought up that a man isn’t supposed to cry. I can’t cry and show weakness. If I do that, I am for sure dead.”

“I understand your upbringing Alex, but it is only you and me here right now. I will never do you any harm. You need to trust in me that I am here to protect and help you in anyway I can.”

(ALEJANDRO’S POINT OF VIEW)

I look at Matt, feeling pretty bad about myself for crying. I know Matt isn’t the kind that tries to get things on people to use it against them. I really want to be more like Matt, but each time I try, this little voice keeps telling me it isn’t what I have been taught to do.

I leaned back into my bed to relax. My back starts to hurt where the stab wound is. Matt moves off the bed when he sees I am in pain. He actually looks kind of scared. Poor guy; he doesn’t know if I am coming or going most of the time.

“Alex can I ask you a question? If you are still in pain, why did they release you from the medical wing this soon? It hasn’t even been a week since your stabbing, and here you are. Don’t you need to be near the doctors?”

I look at Matt and see he is really very concerned. There is no way I am getting out of this without telling him the truth. I need to be truthful now with Matt if this relationship is going to survive.

“Well, if it wasn’t for Jacob, I wouldn’t be here. Jacob is a guy I made live in hell for close to two years. Now he seems to be my guarding angel! He keeps coming when the chips are down. I really don’t know how I am ever going to pay him back.

I was stuck in my own mind until Jacob brought his doctors in. They saw what the problem was and did surgery on Wednesday. I woke up Wednesday evening as if I only slept for a couple of days straight through. When I woke up I had a major pain in my back.

By this morning I couldn’t stand being in there. I was cranky and throwing things around. The longer I stay in bed, the harder it will be for me to get better. So the doctor agreed to let me come back in here. I promised to get seen once a day by the nursing staff of Dr. Whitmore.”

“Wow that is something Alex. So you are in pain, but you’d rather be here instead of being looked after in the medical wing?”

“Why I made the decision that I made is simple. The longer I stayed in the medical wing, the more it makes me look weak. The more I look weak, the more chances there are for members of my gang to try and push me out. No, I can’t risk that.

The one thing I need to do to live in here is to never show weakness no matter what. My father went to extremes to teach me that. Because of that, I will never forget his teachings.”

Matt looks at me as he gets up to head back to his bed. He doesn’t say a word for a few minutes. I think what I just said is hard for him to get his head around. If you haven’t lived through what I lived through, you won’t ever understand it.

“So Alex, your dad believes that no matter how badly you might be feeling you can’t show it? Forgive me if I am talking out of line here, but that is bullshit. I rarely curse, but that deserves my cursing. You can’t go through life thinking that way. The teachings of your father are wrong and got you where you are today. If you don’t stop living by them, you will never get out of this life,” Matt said somewhat judgmentally.

It hit me wrong and I snapped back; “What the hell do you know Matt? Walk one day in my shoes. In fact walk one hour in my shoes. That is the only way you can see where I coming from. You didn’t grow up in my house. You didn’t go through what I went through as a kid.

What I know of you it seems to me that you had it easy. In fact you have never mentioned why you are here. If it wasn’t for the one mistake you made in your life, you would be out there living the good life.

Grow up in my household. Fuck my household. Let me make even easier for you. Try to grow up in my neighborhood. See where you would have been instead of the one mistake you made. Trust me you wouldn’t be the sweet Matt you are today.”

I got up from my bed with the pain shooting up and down my back, but I didn’t give a damn. Matt has never spoken down to me like he is doing right now let alone questioning me and what I have been taught. Doesn’t he know I know it’s wrong? I know it is my dad’s teachings that got me where I am today. Still, I don’t need some white bread kid that has had everything handed to him, telling me I’m screwed up.

I make my way toward the door. I need to get out of the room. If I don’t get out now I will say what I am thinking and if I do that, I will never be able to take it back.

“Before you start judging me Matt, find out what I have been through. See that I have had no choice but to adopt. What was pushed down my throat as I grew up? The beatings, the broken arms, legs, nose, and face bones. All that and more was done to me just by my father! That was his way to teach me how to be a man.

No, don’t ever fucking judge me again. What I do in my life is not by choice. It is the only way I will be able to get out of here and see the light of day. Trust me I want to walk out of here in order to see that light of day; not in a pine box.”

I opened the door and go out slamming it behind me. There is no way I can sit there and listen to someone speaking out of place like that. If it wasn’t Matt, I would have slammed his face into the wall for disrespecting me like that.

I have no idea where I am going, but this pain is killing me. Somehow, I make my way to the dayroom without running into a guard. That is weird that there aren’t any guards walking the hallway. I might be able to use this to my advantage one day.

Once my head hit the arm of the couch I was out again. This time I didn’t dream anything. There was nothing good or bad, just a peaceful sleep till morning. When I woke up, I found a guard standing over me.

“Mr. Garcia, what are you doing out here instead of your room?”

“Well sir, um, I was in pain last night. I kept getting up and down from my bed. I didn’t want to wake up my roommate. So I decided to take a walk. I found myself walking over here, so I decided to sit for a while. I must have fallen asleep.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just get to your room. If I find you in here instead of your room, you will be walking to the hole. Trust me you won’t be comfortable in there.”

I nodded my head as I walked back to my room. On my way back, there wasn’t a person awake yet. That surprised me but I don’t even know what time it is right now. So I shouldn’t seem surprised at all.

When I walked back into the room, I found Matt awake at his desk. It looks like he never went to sleep after I left. I am still in no mood to pick up where we left off. So I ignored Matt and headed straight to my bed. Just like in the dayroom, the minute my head hit the pillow, I was out.

The next face I saw was Carlos’s. I know it isn’t a dream, I only wish. No it is his ugly mug looking over me trying to shake me awake. I finally just give up trying to get anymore sleep and just get up. I look at Carlos still trying to wake up completely.

“Man I didn’t think I would see your ugly mug when I returned. How in the world are you so lucky? I heard what you did, and normally that earns a person a free ride to lockdown and then to Building “B”.”

“Oh are you telling me you don’t want me around? I can go and ask to be taken to lockdown if you wish,” I replied in a wise ass tone.

Carlos playfully punched me in the arm. I start to laugh grabbing for him. Just as I reached out, a shooting pain shot through my body. It caused me to sit back grabbing at my back at the same time.

“Hey man did I do something to hurt you? You know I didn’t mean to do anything to cause you any pain man,” Carlos said in deep concern.

“No you didn’t do anything Carlos. I need to keep in mind that my back is being kept together right now by staples. Trust me; they don’t give you much moving room and once you pop a staple out, you are a goner in pain,” I said letting him off the hook.

“Well without a doubt you have more injuries than I ever will. I never envied you when were growing up, and I still don’t,” Carlos said with a sense of deep understanding I wish Matt could share.

“I need your help Carlos. I am still pretty weak right now. I just needed to get out of that medical wing before I went crazy and I can’t afford for rumors to get around that I am down for the count. I am barely hanging on right now as it is.”

“Name it Alex you know I will do anything for you.”

I explained to Carlos on how I felt at the moment. Explaining to him that I will need him to walk on my side at all times in case I start to fall over. If it looks like I am about to fall over, I need him to hold me up.

Carlos agreed without even thinking about my request. He helped me get dressed before we went to get breakfast. We ended up being one of the last in the line. After getting our food, we made our way to the table.

All the way over, everyone just looked at us. Each time I would look at one of them, they quickly looked towards their food. Just like anyone, they want to see what is going on. There’s nothing wrong with that.

When we reached the table, the guys moved out of the seats facing out to the cafeteria. While I am laid up, Carlos made it clear that these are our seats whenever we are around. They are the only seats that protect our backs. You know the wall?

Matt not only didn’t say a word to me, he didn’t even look up at me. If I lost him over this, it is a price I am willing to pay. I can’t blame him or those at the table. Still I let my guard down talking to them, sitting in the wrong seats, and not paying attention and I paid a dear price for that lack of attention.

Carlos and I didn’t join the guys playing basketball. I really can’t afford to do that right now anyways. We took the time to discuss what needs to be done about Bobby. What he has done can’t be left unpunished.

“Alex, there is no question or discussion about it; Bobby must die for what he did to you. He tried to take you out, and that’s the end of it. If there is someone else involved, he will need to tell us before we kill him,” Carlos said stating the well known policy of the gang.

“Carlos where is he right now? There is no way he is still here.”

“No they already charged him with one count of attempted murder and sent him back to County. The only way we can touch him right now is by reaching out. For that you will need to get your father involved.”

“That is going to be a problem Matt. When I was in the medical wing, Mr. Henderson came up to talk with me. He told me my father took over the prison where he is at. Now they are in their own battle there. So I can’t reach out to him for anything right now. Yet, I can’t let Bobby think he got away with it,” I said pondering my options.

“Well if your father is out of commission right now. Doesn’t it lie to you to control everything here in El Paso? There has to be someone over all in control of everything in each city when the main guy is out of commission.”

“That I don’t know to be true. I really don’t want anymore responsibilities right now. The more I try to control, the more I am a mark. No thanks to that Carlos. Right now I need to get a kite to County. What we need to decide is what needs to be said on that kite.”

We sat there deciding what to do with Bobby. One thing is for sure; just killing him is too easy. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of becoming a name in gang that took a chance on killing me. No I want to take the one thing from him that we hold as our most valuable property. That is our manhood.

So it was decided. Carlos will write out the kite, show it to me before sending it out. Once County receives it, it must be carried out. Even if I am not next in command, whenever an attempt on a leader in shoes is done, the request must be followed to the “T”.

Just as we finished up with the details, a guard walked up to us. At first he didn’t say a word, he just stood there. Finally he spoke up.

“Alex I am to understand you are the one in charge in here now. If that is the case, all orders must be cleared through you before I carry them out. Is that correct Alex?”

“I looked up at him and then down to his name plate. Once I read the name I knew it. It is one of the names that were given to me by Samuel. That means Mr. Henderson didn’t get everyone that he should have.

“Danny Castro I have been told you are one on our side. I thought we lost almost everyone when your boss went on the rampage last week. How did you get through and the others didn’t? I need to know because I am not about to get set up here,” I said with total distrust in my voice and body language.

“First you are right. I am on your side. My boss didn’t have enough to get me out. Yeah he brought me in, but all he could do is threaten. I normally keep my hands clean, but that isn’t the case anymore. I promise it will change real soon. I have several other guards ready to take the place of the ones thrown out,” Officer Castro reported.

Carlos and I just looked at each other. I thought we were finally done with all this shit. There is only one guard to answer to and that is Jackson. Now this Danny Castro character is still around wanting to carry out my orders.

“Look I know you want to stay on here. That is probably the main reason you kept your hands clean. I need to be for sure you are willing to do what needs to be done. I can’t afford anything getting back to the higher ups; your bosses.”

“Look, give me a task that you need done. I will get it done. A task no one else has gotten or knows about. That way if my bosses bring you in you’ll know I can’t be trusted. Trust me I know the long arm your father has. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that arm. I have seen what he can do,” Castro said with conviction.

“Do you have any contacts or a way to get a kite into the county jail?”

“Yes I know several people that work along side your gang. I can get whatever order you need over there. Just write it out and it will be done.”

Carlos gets up and tells him to meet up with us in a couple of hours. There is going to be a message that needs to be delivered. It will all be explained when the kite is handed to him. With that Danny left Carlos and I alone.

Time goes by fast when you are not looking at the clock. We headed into the building shortly after the guard left to get lunch. After lunch Carlos and I decided to stay indoors instead going outside with the others.

(ROBERT’S POINT OF VIEW)

I am being escorted to the Building “B” by several guards. Just as I get used to one place, I get pulled out. I know I am sentenced to juvenile detention, but I thought they forgot about me. It took them almost two months to get me here.

When I walked up to the desk, one of the guards handed the guard at the desk my folder. He looked through it looking up at me every so often, as he looked at my paperwork. All I want is to go to lockdown to stay safe.

“Mr. Turner I see you come to us from County, where you were in lockdown. What it doesn’t say is why you were in lockdown. Are we going to have a problem with you in here? Are you part of a gang? It isn’t listed, but I need to ask due to you being in lockdown. There is a reason why you were there, but I can’t force you tell me.”

“Um, sir, um, can you just put me in lockdown here please. I would prefer it!”

“Mr. Turner we have very few cells that we can use for lockdown. Right now many of them are occupied. The last ones I have I need to keep in case we need it for disciplinary reasons. Are you going to take one of them up?”

I just looked at the guard at the desk. I couldn’t stop shaking. I can’t tell him the real reason I was in lockdown. If word gets out in a new place, I am a dead man walking. I just better take what ever dorm they send me into for now and hope for the best when I get there.

“No sir, you don’t have to use any of the remaining cells on me. I will go wherever you send me. I won’t be a problem. Nor am I part of a gang.”

“Sounds good to me; we will send you into Building “B” to start off. We normally don’t take in any new inmates on a Saturday, but we had to make an exception this week. We had fallen behind due to the issues beyond our control.”

The guard explained to me the rules and handed me several booklets with the rules in them. He told me briefly how things work. Any questions I can ask any of the others in there. They will have no problem explaining anything I can’t understand.

After the guard explained everything to me, he took me down to the room where I am assigned. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t dorms. I was told it was going to be dorms, not a two to a room set up like this.

When we walked in I saw my roommate for the first time. He looked like he is in a gang. More so the very gang that chased me into lockdown in County. I hoped to have left that behind in County. It doesn’t look like it.

Before we go any further let me tell you why I am here and who I am. My name is Robert Turner and I am fifteen years old, about to turn sixteen. I am from a broken home. My mother and father split up, and I was there only son.

They fought over me like there was no tomorrow. I started to figure out they were using me to get back at each other. So I decided I can play the same game. I rebelled against my parents. In return I broke the law several times. I know there are hundreds upon hundreds of kids with the same story and they didn’t break the law like I did.

I got arrested for the sixth time this last time. Each time it was for something worse than the time before. The judge kept warning me if I appear in front of him again I will regret it but each time he put me on probation with more community service hours to do.

I really thought that is what the judge was going to do this time. When I showed up in court this time, there was a different judge. He didn’t look to happy after the District Attorney told him all about my past. I can still remember the words he said to me.

“Mr. Turner this court gave you many chances to put your life together. Each time by you come back in front of this court it is like a slap in court’s the face. I am nowhere like the judge that sat on this seat before me. One chance is all I give, not six.

I don’t care to hear how your parents are or what they are doing. You had a choice to leave those homes and you chose to stay there. You also had the choice to follow what the court laid out for you to do, and you chose not to. To top it all off, you broke the law again that brings you in front of this court once again.

No young man, I need to make it very clear to you this time. You need a taste of how it is if you choose to continue down this road. I am sentencing you to the Juvenile Detention Facility for no less than six years or your twenty first birthday; whichever comes first. Trust me when I say you don’t want to come back in front of me again.”

That is when I realized I had no more chances in life. Either I take this situation and fix my life, or I will spend the rest of my life going in and out of prison. There is no way I am gong to do that.

As I waited to get down here I got placed on the fourth floor of the County Jail. About half of that floor is for juveniles. They can’t put us in the same cell with adult offenders. But at the same time they can’t send us home after being sentenced and waiting for an opening at whatever facility we are being sent to.

The cell they put me was pure hell for me. It is run by a local Mexican gang tied in with the Mexican gang in the prison. They run the whole show in County. They make it very clear and make sure that you understood that.

I will never forget the first day I arrived. It was late and I didn’t know what to do. So I put my mattress on the floor and went to sleep. I was woken up the next morning by the gang. It was breakfast time and we all needed to get up no matter if we were going to eat or not. That is when they did their count.

After breakfast I was pulled into the room where the main boss was at. He always meets with the new guys as they come in. I sat down on the bunk across from him. He sat there asking me questions about why I was there and what I plan to do. Things like that.

Each time I answered him he got mad. He didn’t like the way I talked. He felt I talked to smart for him. He told me to stop using big words that he didn’t understand. I tried, but I just couldn’t catch every word coming out of my mouth.

He finally got tired of telling me to stop using big words. He got up walked over to me. I thought he was just coming to sit next to me. He was coming over to sit next to me, but he came over to do something else.

He asked me another question, I answered in the only way I knew how. Before I finished answering the guy he slammed my head against the brick wall. He kept his hand on my head, smearing it hard against the wall saying over and over again to stop using big words that he doesn’t understand! If I keep using them, this will happen every time.

We finished talking. Before he excused me from the room, he slammed my head against the wall four more times. I never thought I used big words in my vocabulary but I figure to him I was.

Every morning those that didn’t belong to the gang had to get up and clean he cell block. Each of us had to clean a certain part of it. I had to clean the three metal toilets everyday. I couldn’t stand the smell by the time I requested to be put in lockdown.

If we ever made store we had to give a part of it to the gang leader in there. It was called paying our rent. In fact they would give me a list of things they needed me to buy each time I filled out my order slip. It got to the point I was spending over half of my money paying their rent.

Those that didn’t make store, they had to do extra duties. That is the only way they paid their rent. I rather pay it by making store than giving some of my meal to them. Bad enough what we were served couldn’t adequately feed a five year kid, let alone us.

One night I was caught looking at another guy in the cell. Right away they went running to the leader about what they had seen. I was called into his room to answer the charges. Of course I denied it, but it didn’t matter to him. His mind had already been made up.

About a week or so later our cell block was put in lockdown. They found a hole in the wall that was being used to bring in drugs. They cleared out that room and put everyone in the other three rooms and locked us down.

That evening when they served us dinner, we had to get out of the cell, get our tray and go back into the cell. Once everyone was back in the cell they locked the doors. We ate, slept, and used the one toilet in that cell all day long. We weren’t allowed into the dayroom.

Normally they either serve us our meals on plastic or metal trays along with plastic forks and spoons for us to eat with. When they come to pick everything up, they count everything. They better get every fork, spoon, cup and tray back or hell is going to happen to us if they don’t. That night they served us on metal trays.

That day I was sentenced to this place. I wasn’t too happy about it. I didn’t know the order had been given to teach me a lesson. As I sat there eating my dinner. Several of the gang members walked up behind me.

I didn’t even know they were there until it was too late. One of them grabbed my head as the other one grabbed my tray. The one that grabbed my tray started hitting me in the face with it over and over again. They didn’t stop until I was bleeding all over the place.

Once they stopped, the one holding my head slammed it against the table. Then he hit the button to the guard station. When the guard answered, he was told to come and get me; that I started hitting myself in my face over and over again.

The guards actually didn’t believe their story of events. But because I didn’t say a word about it, they couldn’t do anything to them. After being patched up, they put me in lockdown for my own protection.

Now we are here back in population once again. I am facing a guy that reminds me of what had happened to me. He has the tattoos that the others had. They wear those like medals. That is how I know this guy is part of the gang.

“Carlos this is your new roommate Robert Turner. Robert Turner this is your roommate Carlos. If you have any questions please ask him or any one in the building. He will help you get settled, won’t you Carlos?”

The guard looked at Carlos and then walked out of the room. Carlos extended his hand to me. I went to shake it, but I was shaking the whole time. I know he saw it and seemed to get a kick out of it.

“So tell me Robert did you come from the free or from County?”

“Um…., the County Jail.”

“Oh then you came from the fourth floor then?”

“No sir, um, I was there at first, but I was moved to the eighth floor.”

“Wait the eighth floor is the lockdown floor. You either requested to go there, or you were put there. Which one are you? Did you request to go there or were you put there because you caused trouble or needed to be protected?”

I just looked at Carlos. I know no matter what I said, he can find out if it is the truth or not. My nightmare is starting all over again. Just then another guy walked into the room without even knocking.

“Carlos my man I see your door is open. Did you get what we discussed… Wait I didn’t know you got a roommate Carlos. We can talk about that business later. Why don’t you introduce your roommate to me?”

“Yes Alex this is Robert Tuner, Robert this is Alejandro Garcia.”

I have heard that name before. Where have I heard that name before? Oh shit, this is the main guy. Son-of-a-bitch this is the main guy. I started to freak out. I wanted to get out of this room so bad right now. Through the fear I actually peed all over the floor where I stood. I could see that Carlos wasn’t happy about it.

“What the hell Robert? Why didn’t you go down to the bathroom if you needed to use it instead of going here? Now you are going to have to clean this mess up,” Carlos yelled.

I couldn’t move at all with Carlos yelling at me. As he yelled at me I couldn’t help myself, I started to pee once again. These two are scaring the crap out of me. I just want to get out of here, please let me just get out of here.

(ALEJANDRO’S POINT OF VIEW)

“Carlos, stop yelling at the kid. You are making things worse. He is terrified of us. That is why he is doing what he is doing right now. I certainly can understand why he is so scared of us.”

I looked at Robert. The poor kid is shaking like crazy. I heard what had happened to him while he was in County. The cell leader got an ear full when he didn’t get permission to carry out the deed. No matter what, the guy needed get permission.

“Look Robert why don’t you go and clean up. Put your stuff down on your bed and go and get cleaned up. I promise you that what happened to you in County won’t repeat itself here. You know you can take my word on that.

I know you know who I am. The guy that ran the tank you were in never got clearance from us to do what he did. He was dealt with once we found out. I don’t care about your past. You are safe here, so don’t be afraid.”

Robert just broke down right in front of us. He hit the ground shaking, rolling up in a ball. He actually lay down in his puddle of urine. He didn’t care about nothing more than to protect himself. All I could do is look over at Carlos.

“Don’t touch this kid for anything. He is under our umbrella of protection while he is in here. It is the least I could do after what had happened to him in County. Whenever he is ready, help him out Carlos.”

“Is this the kid in Tank 405? You know, the kid that got caught looking at another cellmate in there?”

“Carlos please just do it for me man. The poor kid didn’t deserve what had happened to him. No matter what we do from here on out, it is going to be hard for this guy to trust anyone of us. Just respect and do what I ask Carlos.”

“I will do as you ask Alex, but what about the others. Once they find out he is here, they will want a piece of him.”

“He will be ok as long as he is in this building. It is only you and me here. The rest are in Building “B”. I will get the order over there that this guy is to be left alone. He is now under our protection so hurting him, it is the same as if they hurt one of our own. You know what happens when that happens?”

Since Matt and I are not speaking. I pretty much hung out in Carlos room. I am sure Carlos has noticed, but won’t ask what’s up. He knows better to question me about whatever I am doing. Matt needs to learn that.

As I headed over to pick up Carlos for dinner, Robert finally made his way to his bed. Someone cleaned up the mess on the floor. I wouldn’t doubt it that it was Carlos. One thing about Carlos is that he is a very clean guy. He can’t stand any sort of mess at all.

I looked over at Carlos as I walked in. That was after seeing Robert on his bed curled up in a ball. Since I normally cause others to be like this, I don’t know how to get them to trust me after the fact.

“Robert, it is time for dinner. Carlos and I would like it if you join us. You can meet our group of friends while we eat.” No movement from Robert at all. “Come on man you can trust us on this. If you don’t leave the room, the guards are going to think something is up. None of us want that at all.”

That got Robert’s attention. He crawled out of bed and waited at the door. He just stood there with his head down. Man we really did mess up this kid. No one deserves to be treated like crap. I now see the end result of the crap we do.

“Hey Robert man I know there isn’t a thing I can say to get you to trust us overnight but you can’t walk around here like this. You are just painting a target on your back so don’t trust us until you are ready. Until then, look up, be proud and don’t worry about anyone. We will have your back.”

With that Carlos and I walked out of the room. Robert followed right behind us as we made our way to the cafeteria. After grabbing our dinner, we introduced Robert to everyone at the table.

Once we started talking, Robert came out of his shell a little. It looks like he likes Matt. He will talk to Matt whenever Matt asks him a question. I think that it’s pretty damn cool that Robert is at least opening up to one of us.

(STEVE’S POINT OF VIEW)

I’m sitting at the table watching the new kid talking to Matt. I find it weird that Matt isn’t really paying any attention to Alex today. All day long those two haven’t hung around each other. That tells me that there is something defiantly up with Matt and Alex.

The minute Alex got here, you couldn’t separate those two. Now that Alex is back, they aren’t talking. It leaves me to believe that Alex might be thinking wrong about Matt. I think he thinks Matt might be involved in this whole stabbing thing.

I need to get with Alex and talk with him and let him know that Matt had nothing to do with the stabbing. In fact, Matt wouldn’t know one thing about the gang members unless Alex himself told him.

After dinner I see Alex sitting in the dayroom watching television. First I need to get through his guard dog, Carlos. That isn’t going to be an easy task. Before the stabbing it was hard. Now it is even harder.

Just as I expected, the minute I got close to Alex, Carlos stopped me. He demanded to know what I needed to talk with Alex about. If I tell him the truth, he might not let me talk with Alex. I need to think on my feet quickly. I need to come up with something.

Right when I open my mouth to speak, a guard walks up. He says something to Alex that got him to his feet. He really looks like he is in pain right now. He is hiding it, but I can tell by the look in his face as he got up from the couch.

“Carlos let Steve walk with me to the medical wing. I need to have my back looked at. It wouldn’t be a waste of time letting him speak as I walk to the medical wing,” Alex requested, but his words still carried the weight of an order.

Carlos lets me through to walk with Alex. I didn’t say anything at first. I really don’t know what to tell him. I really don’t know where to start. This guy can have me killed if he thinks I disrespect him in any way.

“Alex please understand I don’t mean to disrespect you in any way. I just want to talk with you about Matt. I have seen through the day that you and he haven’t hung around at all. You know he didn’t have a thing to do with the stabbing?”

“I know that Matt had nothing to do with the stabbing. The thing going on with me and Matt has nothing to do with the stabbing. He and I had a disagreement, a disagreement that can be fixed easily. Don’t worry about it. Matt is cool in my books.”

I just don’t understand this guy at all. On one hand he is this mean cold blooded son-of-a-bitch. On the other hand he seems to be a laid back, happy-go-lucky kind of guy. I wonder if he suffers from split personality.

I left Alex as he entered the medical wing. I just don’t know what is going on right now. I better just stay out of it. I value my life way too much to step into something that isn’t any of my business.

Matt and I arrived here the same day. Neither of us came from lockup. We both walked in here from the free. What we did to get here didn’t deserve us to be locked up with the rest of the criminals. I mean hardened criminals, that is.

From day one I knew there is something up with Matt. Don’t get me wrong the guy is cool. I like to hang around with him and I’m glad that he is my friend. It is, well what I am trying to get at is that, to me, he seems different.

Let me explain what I mean by that. Whenever we sit there in front of the television and see a hot chick, we all yell and whistle, but not Matt. Sometimes I see him really looking at some guy in a show. It could just be me, but I don’t think so.

Matt is very cool. So I don’t care if the guy is different. I just wish he will tell one of us. That way we can watch out for him especially right now that he has Alex as a roommate. If he looks at Alex the wrong way, well let’s just say he is a dead man.

Me, on the other hand, I am more of the feeling of I don’t care. I’m a just live and let live kind of personality. He isn’t harming me being who he is, so why should I care? I get to thank my parents for that. They are so laid back; they don’t care much about the big picture.

I adopted that from them. The weird thing is that they didn’t grow up in the seventies. They were born a little too early for that. They are not part of the baby boomers either. They are kind of in a lost generation.

Look at me going on here. I need to get back to business. I need to make sure that everything with Matt is ok. Although Alex is hurt, I know if he feels threatened nothing will stop him from defending himself.

(BOBBY’S POINT OF VIEW)

Well, it looks like I am in the clear right now. No one knows what I did to Alex. No one has asked me why I am here in the first place. All they know is I am back with a pending charge.

I decide for the first couple of days to hang back and stay off the gang’s radar and anyone else, for that matter. That gives me a chance to scope everything out and Make sure there isn’t a threat to me in any way.

By Saturday I decide there isn’t a threat. At least for now there isn’t one. I need to be on the lookout, but I know my comrades here are going to have my back if anything goes wrong. That isn’t going to happen any time soon because of what is happening up state.

Any order to take anyone of us out needs to be approved by the big man up state. Yeah the big man is Alex’s father and without a doubt he will give the green light on me but right now he is involved in his little up rising.

Even if Alex made it through and got off a kite to the jefe over here, I am safe. The jefe won’t make a move until he gets the all clear from the big man. By the time that happens I should be back at juvenile detention. I will be laughing all the way to lockdown.

When sun porch got called I lined up to go. Since our County jail is built in the middle of downtown, there isn’t a yard for us to get any sun. All the way on the sixteenth floor is our yard. It is on top of the building opened up complete with weights, a basketball court, tennis court, and a track.

The only bad thing is we have to share it with everyone when we go up. That means all the gangs are together on the sun porch. So far there hasn’t been any gang violence; at least that I know of.

Once I got up to the sun porch I decided to do a little lifting. I haven’t had a chance in a very long time to use real weights. In juvenile detention they took the weights away in fear that we are getting bigger than the guards.

I waited my turn to bench press. Finally it was my turn, and I have no plans on giving it up any time soon. I changed the weights out to start out easy. Once I get used to lifting again I will increase the amount of the weight.

I don’t have a spotter so I need to be careful how much I put on the bar. As I start to lift, I notice several white dudes walking over to me. I don’t pay them any mind until they are standing next to me, looking down.

“What the fuck you white boys? Wait you turn for the bench you fucking faggots.”

I didn’t even notice the third one that walked up. By the time I know he is there, he has the weight bar in his hand. He starts pressing it down into my chest. No matter how much I struggle, I can’t get out from under the bar.

“You were saying you fucking beaner? You called my friends here faggots. To me you look like the faggot. I see you’re getting hard with us standing over you. What is it? You like white guys to fuck you?”

I look around in hope that some of my guys see what is going on. I can’t see past the three white dudes. In fact they are making sure that no one is able to see what they are doing. Damn, I am fucked right now.”

“Come on you spic! You were talking a lot of trash talk before I walked up. What, you aren’t man enough to back up what you were saying? Why don’t you get down on your knees and suck our cocks?”

“Fuck you, you white fucking faggots. If you want a guy to suck you off, do it to each other. I am not a faggot like you guys.”

Before I could say another word, the two white dudes standing on each side of me started to punch me in my side. The one standing over my head actually took out his dick. I started to think this guy is going to really make me suck his dick. There is no way I am going to put that thing in my mouth. They should just kill me to get it over with.

“No there is no why I am going to let you put your mouth around my cock. You will make it so oily it will take days to clean it,” the white dude says.

The dude put his dick away back in his pants. I kind of breathed a sigh of relief when he did that. Just then the guy that is standing on my right side pulls out what looks like an actual knife. How I the world did this guy get a knife up here?

“We are doing a favor for one of your buddies. The one you tried to kill. That is why you’re here isn’t it? You tried to kill the leader of your gang. Well we have an alliance right now with your gang. One of the things we agreed to is to carry out favors here and there for each other.”

I couldn’t believe this shit. Alex is actually alive and he got a kite through already. He has ordered my killing. I try to struggle even more to get away from these white assholes. With the one holding me down by the weights, I just can’t get free.

“If you are going to kill me then just do it. I am tired of these fucking games you guys are playing. Just remember this alliance won’t last between our two gangs. I hope when it does fall apart you two are the first to go.”

“Oh no, Alex didn’t order us to kill you! He made it very clear he wants you to suffer for the rest of your life. Every time you want to fuck a woman and you can’t, you will remember it is because of what you did to Alex.”

At that moment the other guys pulls down my orange pants and boxers. I have no idea what the hell this guy is talking about, ‘fucking a woman and I can’t’ bullshit. If they are going to stab me, just get it over with.

I start to kick as these guys pull down my pants and I try really hard to keep these guys from getting a clear shot at me! It didn’t work. One of the guys holds me down and the other guy actually picked up my cock!

“Get your fucking hands off my cock you fucking asshole! If you want to suck on a cock go and suck on each other’s!” I yelled.

That doesn’t stop them from doing what they’ve started. In fact they actually picked up my balls at the same time. Then that is when I saw the knife coming at me. I knew this is it. They are going to stab me in the gut or stomach.

When I felt the pain in my groin, I started yelling. These assholes fucking stabbed my cock! They are not here to kill me. They are here to mame me. The pain got worse as the guy with the knife kept cutting!

“The next time you think of killing your own, you will think twice about it. That is if you live, you fucking beaner! Shut the fuck up!”

The guy holding me down with the bar let go and stuffed my mouth with something. I didn’t know what it was at first. All I did as they left is fall to the ground with my hands covering my dick.

I split out what got stuffed in my mouth. I looked down seeing all the blood gushing out onto the floor. I looked around going in out trying to see if anyone is coming to help me. I saw the several guards running over to me.

As I start to fade out, I hear the sound of the alarms going off. I hear the guards yelling at the other inmates to hit the ground. I turn back to where I spit out the thing the guy stuffed in my mouth. Sitting by the knife is, wait it just can’t be! No way it’s what it looks like. Then I saw even clearer. It is!

(ALEJANDRO’S POINT OF VIEW)

I could barely keep my eyes open through the games. Whatever the medicine they are giving me is putting me out. At least the pain is gone, but I can’t be caught in this position. Each time I look around, there sitting at my side like a watch dog is Carlos.

Since I couldn’t stay awake to watch the games I decide to go back to my room. On my way Carlos walks with me. I asked him to wake me for lunch. He agreed and as we reach my room.

During lunch I talk with the guys. Robert seems to be more open to everyone. In fact he is talking more than anyone else is right now. I find that pretty fun when just yesterday he wouldn’t leave his room.

After lunch we play several games of pool. I force myself to stay awake. I am surprised I don’t trip on my own two feet. That is how the drugs are working on me. I’m all light headed and stuff.

By the fourth game I had to call it quits. Once again I can’t keep my eyes open. As before, Carlos walks with me to my room. And as before I ask Carlos to come and get me when dinner is served.

The minute my head hits the pillow I am out. I figure that is why I didn’t hear Matt walk into the room. I don’t know how long he’s been standing over me watching me as I sleep, but if he has been there since I went to the room, he’s stood there for at least several hours.

I woke up to see Matt looking down at me. He actually has tears rolling down his cheeks. I couldn’t stand seeing Matt this way. I got up and patted the mattress next to me. I want Matt to sit on the bed with me.

He got the message and sat down. I looked at him and wiped away the tears on his face. Matt looked at me and he just sat there. With my hand I gently moved his face to look into my mine.

“Matt we are going to fight. That is what couples do sometimes; fight. If we get over what ever we are fighting about, it will make us stronger. I am sorry for storming out of here yesterday without giving us a chance to talk it out.”

“You have never talked to me that way before Alex. I know you have that side, but you have never shown that to me. It scares the crap out me when you are like that. Which one are you Alex? The one I love and want to be with and love for the rest of my life or are you the gangster?”

“You have no right asking me that Matt. You know who and what I am in both of my realities. You have known that since day one. There is going to be times while we are locked up in here that I am going to be the gangster, as you put it.”

“Please Alex just tell me now that you love me! I can deal with a lot, but not the feeling I am feeling right now. I feel I have lost you in that one fight,” Matt said knowing that he could be asking a question that could alter his whole life.

“Matt you can’t question me in the manner you did yesterday. I am not asking you to kiss my butt, but you can’t question me like that. Even in private you can’t do it. If I let you do it, you might slip up out there. Then I will need to react and to make you look little.”

“You are not answering my question Alex. Please do you love me still? I can’t go on another day without knowing I still have your love. I promise not to question you like that again. I want things to go back to the way they were.”

“Matt to tell you the truth, you…….”

TO BE CONTINUED………..

OVER VIEW:

{Yup, another cliffhanger. I’ll say it before you guys and my editor get to it. Another exciting chapter and a lot happened in one short chapter. We are getting to know each character more and more. We met someone new in this chapter and we are seeing others being developed.

First the pay back to Bobby, what is up with that? One thing I have got to say here, I’d not want to get on the bad side of Alex and Carlos. Those two can come up with ways of punishment or retribution that a person will never forget. Bobby thought he was going to get stabbed boy was he wrong on that point.

Alex played smart and used another gang to do his dirty work. He didn’t have his own people get their hands dirty here. And they way he did it. All I can say is evil, evil, oh man evil. We all know what got stuffed in his mouth. Come on, any questions on that point? The dude got the worst possible handed to him.

There is Steve we got to know a little bit about the guy in this chapter. I wonder if he is going to play a big part in the chapters to come. I also wonder if we are going to get to know the other guys Matt, Alex and Carlos sit with while they eat. I really hope so!

Now we have a new guy that just arrived. He is Carlos’ roommate but he comes with s story. His hell was brought to him by the very gang that Alex and Carlos are part of. He is so scared of this gang for what they did he actually peed on the floor when he heard Alex’s name for the first time.

Let me say this, no jail can be a resort no matter what we hear about them. The guards are outnumbered and results many times in the prisoners running the show. I never want to be in the shoes of Robert.

Then we have our first fight in Alex’s and Matt’s relationship. What do you think Alex is going to say to Matt? Did Alex see that he can’t have a relationship and stay alive at the same time? Is he going to say it is over to Matt? I really hope not.

There are so many open plots still I this story. Alex’s dad has his up rising and what is going to happen there? We have Samuel still out there somewhere and Diego wasn’t talked about in this chapter as well. What about the gang in Building “B”? Is it over with finally with the others trying to take control from Alex? You are going to need to tune in for those answers and many more to come.

I do not want to say too much more and spoil the future chapters to come, so I won’t. I warn you though! Do not skip a chapter, or you will be lost. There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Keep reading the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how I am doing at jacobmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}

EDITOR’S CORNER:

I’m sitting here shuddering with the retribution Bobby received for his treachery! My legs are crossed and my eyes are watering!

Alex and Matt are in a very difficult situation. They are torn between two worlds that just are incapable of co-existing. I wonder how they can run the gauntlet and come out whole on the other end. The gang is not going to go away. Alex has to lead or die if he fails, either by order of his father or by the hands of a wannabe in his close ranks. Alex is one smart guy, but I’m not sure that being smart will be all that’s necessary to allow Alex to live a double life. Many of us know about leading double lives and having to hide our sexuality from the rest of the world. The ramifications of Alex’s life makes the consequences life threateningly dire.

Carlos is still an enigma to me. Which side of the bread does he butter actually? There’s more to him than we’ve discovered, but I’m not sure what the “more” really is. I’m sure we’ll find out in time but I don’t suspect things will be revealed soon.

Be sure and not miss Jacob’s other tales; “Jacob Finding His Way” and “Shadow of My Father”.

Let us hear from EACH of you. We really appreciate your e-mails with your thoughts and reactions to the stories. Those e-mails are the ‘paycheck’ Jacob and I get for hours and hours of work.

We had a reader that wrote about some grammatical and construction issues. My reply is; Jacob and I are two ordinary guys and neither of us has a degree in English or Composition! Yes, there are going to be errors, but I think the quality of the stories outshines the shortcomings. Jacob has fun weaving a great tale. I get great pleasure massaging his work with a second eye to help give the readers a fun read. So, mistakes in grammar and construction will be there. Try and overlook the shortcomings and enjoy. Of course, if there’s a screw up in something, please call that to our attention!

Keep those e-mails coming!
Until next time,
“Daddy” Rick