Liam's story - 5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The weekend passed by, Dylan, a friend from school dropped by with some of my missed assignments. All my teachers have been very understanding, giving me until the last day of school to have everything turned in. It occurred to me that that was only a few weeks away. I had been conditionally accepted to Branston University for next fall but I still had to keep my grades up or they could revoke my acceptance. I spent the day on Sunday with Dylan. We had been pretty good friends for most of our lives. He moved to town in grade six. I befriended him initially because I felt bad for him. Joining a small town school is tough when there is only one class per grade and every one in that grade has been going to school together since kindergarten. Although it began as a pity friendship it turned into a real one quite quickly.

Our town is pretty small and doesn’t have a lot to do but there is an old school arcade that is open in the summer, usually beginning sometime in May. Thats what Dylan and I did that Sunday. Its an old arcade and i’m sure most of the games in there are older than I am, but it is still a good time. Dylan was a little awkward around me at first and apologized for not coming around sooner. I understood and after that there was no more awkwardness.

We went our separate ways and I got home just before dinner. My mom has always been traditional and insisted on family dinner at the table every night that is possible. I don’t remember what we ate, I didn’t eat much. I really thought I was getting better, that I was ‘getting over this’. But sitting at the quiet table with my parents, across from an empty seat was tough. My eyes were glossy and my through hurt from the lump in it. I could barely swallow past it and decided I was done with supper.

“May I be excused?” I asked, not looking at either of my parents and pushing myself in my chair away from the table.

I could feel them both looking at me before my mom responded. “You’ve hardly touched your food sweetheart.”

“I know, I’m just really not very hungry.” I was able to croak out. I was losing the battle with my emotions and I just wanted to get away. Up to my room.

My mom reached over and touched my hand, I looked over at her, she looked concerned. She also looked like she was about to start talking, I could tell she wanted me to stay. To talk things out with her but I didn’t want that. I pulled my hand away and stood up. I walked away from the table towards the stairs and up to my room.

I sat on the side of the bed, tears spilled out as I tried to control myself. To contain my emotions. It was a losing battle and I decided to give in and just be sad for a while, it was easier than fighting it. I had been up in my room for a little more than half an hour when my dad came to check on me. He even brought me a sandwich, which somehow made me feel even more emotional.

“You okay kiddo?” he asked sitting down on the bed next to me, handing my a plate with a sandwich on it. “I thought you might still be hungry.”

I sniffed, “Thanks, this is really nice of you, but you don’t have to worry I’m okay.”

He sat next to me for a few minutes while I ate the sandwich he brought up for me. “You know you can talk to me right?”

I felt bad, I knew dad wanted to help me, but I really didn’t feel like adding to his burden. He already seemed so sad I didn’t want to dump all my stuff on him. “Thanks, but I’m okay. I think I want to be alone for a little while.”

He stood up and kissed me on the forehead, something he used to do when I was little. “Okay, you know where I am if you need me.”

After he left I decided to call Toby, I know I told my dad I wanted to be alone, but the truth was I didn’t feel like being alone. I just didn’t feel like being around them, and that made me feel guilty, but not guilty enough to hang out with them.

Toby’s phone only rang twice before going to voicemail. That only happens when you reject someone's call. I felt even lower than I had earlier, he must have rejected it. He couldn’t be working. It was Sunday evening, sometimes he does work on the weekends, but never this late. Maybe he is out and busy, I can always try tomorrow. I had a quick shower and went to bed early. Sleep didn’t come easy, I laid there feeling sorry for myself for about an hour before sleep finally came.

I woke in morning much earlier than usual, it felt odd being the first one awake. It was kind of peaceful. I often wondered why my mom always woke up so much earlier than she needed to before work, I think I figured it out. I sat at the breakfast nook, enjoying a glass of orange juice and some toast. I pulled out my phone expecting to have heard from Toby. There was nothing, no missed calls, no voicemail, and no texts. I’m not sure what exactly I had expected but silence wasn’t it. Maybe I was over reacting, I was. I was over reacting and being clingy. Nobody likes that. I had told myself not to get attached, that he would never be interested in me that way. He obviously isn’t. I had gotten myself attached, I misinterpreted his kindness and support for flirting, thinking that he really liked me. My mind was spinning out of control. I needed to stop this train of thought.

My mom’s entrance to the kitchen was the perfect distraction. “You’re up early honey. Feeling any better?” She asked with a smile as she walked over to give me a kiss on the cheek. “Yeah, a lot better, sleep helped.” I lied. I wasn’t feeling better, not really, but I put on a happy face for my mom.

“What are your plans for today, sweetie?” My mom asked bringing her cup of coffee to the table to sit down next to me. She still looked extraordinarily sad but seemed to be coming around a little bit.

“Not much, Dylan brought me some of the school work I missed yesterday so I’ll probably just work on that, try to get caught up a little before I go back to class.”

“Sounds good honey, how is Toby doing?” She asked innocently enough, but it still hurt a little bit. Toby seemed to be avoiding me, mom had been a great distraction to that until she mentioned him.

“I’m sure he’s fine. We haven’t talked in a while. Not since he dropped me off yesterday morning.” It had been an awkward breakfast, and ride home. We sat in silence through both, he only spoke a handful of words to me which included ‘See you around.’ When he pulled up to my house to drop me off. He seemed to have gone from hot to cold in an instant.

“Oh, he must be busy working. He must have told you about the barbeque at his parents house this weekend? They’re doing their usual kick off summer barbeque. I ran into his mom at the store the other day and she invited all of us, though I’m Toby had already invited you.”

“No, he must have forgot or something. I’m gonna go up to my room and get started on my school work.” I headed upstairs and started to work. I needed a distraction and this seemed like a good one. I also had a lot that I had to do to catch up and stay on track for graduation.

The next days went by surprisingly fast, my homework kept me busy. I had been tempted to text or call Toby a few times, mostly at night lying in bed when I didn’t have the same distractions I had during the day. No, the ball is in his court, he knows I had tried to call him and it was up to him to reach out if he wanted to. It just saddened me immensely to think that he didn’t want to.

Thursday came quickly, before I knew it I was back at school. It was a little strange at first, being a small town and a small town school everyone knows everyone. Everyone knows me, everyone knew my brother, and everyone knew what happened to him. At first there were a lot of pitying looks and whispers as I walked by. However at the end of the day most people were used to me being back, and things seemed back to normal. Well, my new normal.

I was glad I had gone back to school on a Thursday, I was ready when the weekend came around. I still had some work to catch up on, but I was no where near as far behind as I had been. I spent most of Saturday with Dylan, we worked on a group project together for a little while but for most of the day we didn’t do much of anything. Wandered aimlessly around our town, stopping for ice cream was probably the highlight of the day. As boring as Saturday had been I wasn’t looking forward to its end. Tomorrow was Sunday, and I was going with my parents to the barbeque at Toby’s parents house. I thought about coming up with some excuse and staying home instead. I wish I had.