Liam's story - 17. Chapter 17

My first day at my new job was pretty uneventful. If you can call babysitting an eight year old a job. It was an easy gig and I felt guilty taking Dr. and Mrs. Bennetts money every week, but I was going to need a car, so I happily accepted it. With mom being injured I had pretty constant access to her car and knew it would be hard to give that up, I had some savings already and with the money I would be making this summer I should be able to buy something half decent. Didn’t need to be anything fancy just reliable enough to get me to Branston and back every day. Josh commuted last year, but so did Toby so they just split the gas and rode in together. With Toby living in Branston full time I wouldn’t be able to catch a ride with him, although I’m sure I would be spending some nights here and there at his place.

Toby had texted and invited me out after my first day looking after Carter but I really didn’t feel like going out. I decided to spend the evening with my mom instead. She must be just dying of boredom being stuck in the house all the time. Summer is always her favourite season, she loves puttering around in her garden, she had it planted in spring. Veggies on one side and flowers on the other. I guess I’ll be taking over the upkeep of that for her, which I don’t mind. I always preferred to be out gardening or doing yard work with my mom while Josh liked working in the garage with dad.

I was planning on watching a movie with mom after supper but her pain meds made her sleepy. I basically got stood up by my own mother. I should have gone out withToby after all, I didn’t want to call and ask him now so I went for a walk around town. It was a mild evening and I found myself wandering aimlessly for about an hour before I realized I had circled around a few times and was at the towns cemetery. I hadn’t been since Josh’s funeral and hadn’t even seen the headstone. I walked along the perimeter of the cemetery until I got near his site. It wasn’t hard to pick out, its a small town so the ‘new’ section is pretty sparsely populated. There were flowers on his grave, they weren’t that old. Mom must have left them here before her accident. His tombstone was nice, if you can use that word describe a tombstone.

Josh Allan Miller
August 15th 1998- May 13th 2017
Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend.


I sat down and stared at the stone and the flowers for a bit. It felt like life was moving forward, and everyone was moving on but I felt stuck, I felt guilty. I had this amazing boyfriend, we were getting along great and having the most amazing time. Josh was dead and I was spending my time going on dates and having sex with my boyfriend. I really am beginning to think there is something wring with me, before I knew it I was sitting on the grass sobbing. I had never cried this much in my life, lately it seemed like something in my brain had broke. I was almost constantly on a hair trigger and cried myself to sleep at night more often than I would like to admit.

My phone ringing brought me out of my pity party. Toby. I chose not to answer. Toby would be able to tell something was wrong and I didn’t feel like talking about it. Instead I picked myself up of the ground and started on the walk back to my house.

Mom was still sleeping when I got home, but dad was home and up waiting for me. He had barbecued supper and waited for me before starting. We sat outside to eat, I wasn’t very talkative but pretended to listen as dad rambled on as dad when on and on about something, I’m not really sure what I was kind of in my own little world. I think he could tell something was wrong as he tried to engage me in conversation a few times. I didn’t really respond, just finished my meal and excused myself. I had no intentions, I just went up to my room and laid on the bed until sleep overtook me.

I woke up the next morning feeling a little bit better, I decided to go for a run before heading over to the Bennett’s to watch Carter. I had a quick glance at my phone and saw 2 missed calls and a bunch of texts from Toby. I didn't respond, just dropped my phone back on my bedside table and got dressed.

I had a quick cup of coffee and a bottle of water before heading out for my run. I just did a few miles before heading home. After a quick shower and a veggie omelet I made my way over to the Bennetts. I arrived about 15 minutes before Mrs. Bennett was leaving work. Dr. Bennett was home but had been on call and only got home around 5 am, so Mrs. Bennett left $40 for me to take Carter to the arcade or something to get him out of the house so he wouldn’t wake his dad. Carter was still sleeping, so I watched some TV for about two hours before he woke up. I had just finished making him breakfast when the home phone rang. Carter sprang up and answered it. He seemed excited and started talking a mile a minute to who ever was on the other end of the phone. I was plating his breakfast so wasn’t paying much attention to what he was saying.

“Liam, It’s Toby. He wants to talk to you.” Carter told me as he sat at the table and started on his breakfast.

I grabbed the phone from him, feeling guilty that I had ignored his texts and calls and had left my cell phone at home when I came to the Bennett’s today.

“Hey, Toby.” I sheepishly squeaked into the phone.

“Hey, is everything okay? I tried calling you last night, and texted.”

“Uh, yeah. I had my phone on silent to watch a movie with my mom and forgot to turn the ringer back on. I must have forgotten my phone when I came over this morning.” Toby seemed concerned about me and here I was lying to him. I felt ashamed of myself, but with Cater watching me while he ate his breakfast I wasn’t going to dive into a deep conversation with Toby.

“Okay, I just hadn’t heard from you, and wanted to make sure everything was okay. I won’t keep you, but do you wanna stay at my place tonight? You aren’t working tomorrow and I don’t have to start till noon tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I have my mom’s car while she’s recovering, so I can drive myself then you won’t have to go out of your way to pick me up tonight and drop me off again tomorrow.” I replied.

“You know that picking you up and dropping you off isn’t going out of my way. I love spending time with you even when were just sitting in the car.” Toby responded. Now I felt even worse. He was just being sweet and I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but his words were making me feel real guilt.

“Um, I should go though, Carter and I are going to head out, your dad was on call last night and we don’t want to wake him. See you tonight though.”

“Okay, see ya later.” Toby sounded happy as he hung up.

“So, you and Toby are friends now?” Cater asked when I hung up the phone. Of course he did. Kids don’t miss anything.

“Yeah, I guess we are. Alright, go wash up and we’ll head out.” Was all I responded. I wasn’t sure I wanted Carter or the Bennett’s to know about Toby and I yet. Carter didn’t take long, he was ready and we were heading out the door, he didn’t seem to want to let mine and Toby’s friendship drop. Once we hit the arcade he saw some friends and ran off to play with them. I grabbed a coffee and just sat and watched him, thinking about tonight with Toby. I don’t know what is going on with me, I am an emotional wreck and now I’m lying to my boyfriend.