Enigma - 26. Epilogue - The End

I sing while I cook... well cooking is, I suppose, the wrong word. I stick some nachos with grated cheese under the grill, fill some taco trays with salad and home made salsa and put it all on a tray with a bag of sea salt kettle chips, a couple of store bought dips and two cans of diet coke. For good measure I throw in a tub of tutti frutti ice cream and two spoons.

Struggling with the tray I stagger through the door and then almost drop it. The room is empty. Like a complete moron I stand in the doorway and look around... as if I am going to find him under a cushion.

I am momentarily and irrationally frozen with fear. My mind is racing. Could he have gone into the bathroom while my back was turned? I look over my shoulder but the door is open and the light off. Then where... what?

Putting the tray down on the table I run up the stairs taking them two at a time and get to the top sweating and panting. I almost pass out when I see the door of the bedroom door open the light on. Shit!

Leaning against the wall at the top of the stairs until my heart and breathing calm down I berate myself for over reacting. When I am calm I walk into the bedroom to find Silver tucked up in bed, sitting up against a wall of pillows looking flushed, exhausted but triumphant.

“You scared the crap out of me. What the hell did you think you were doing?”

Unabashed he grins at me. “That bed downstairs is too small and cramped. I wanted to sleep in your arms tonight.”

My fear and anger disappear in and instant. It is like all my birthdays, Christmas and holidays have come on the same day I win the lottery.

“So what’s brought all this on? I mean for the last two weeks you haven’t wanted to know and suddenly...” I stop at the stricken look on his face. “I’m sorry babe... I didn’t mean for that to come out as a criticism. It’s not as if I’m not happy about it.”

“You’re right though. I... I’m sorry River. It was just... I got caught in a loop. I don’t know if it was because I was so tired and in pain and scared... but I...” He sighs. “I felt so guilty. Maybe it was because I keep surviving and... and David didn’t. I got my life back and he... I couldn’t get past it and I was so caught up in my pain... I didn’t want anything to make me feel good. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy... and you make me happy.”

I sit down on the bed next to him and take his hand. “I understand Silver, I really do. You’ve been through such a lot. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like, what you feel like now. I love you and I just want what’s best for you. I was scared, that’s all. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was going to lose you. You were slipping away in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. I did everything I could think of and nothing seemed to touch you.”

“I couldn’t let it River. I was so locked away in my pain. I knew that if I opened up and let you in I wouldn’t be able to hold on to it and I thought that meant that I wouldn’t be able to hold on to David either and that scared me.”

“You should have talked about it.”

“I know.” He sighs deeply. “I’ve never been very good at that, talking about the way I feel, the things that are going on inside my head.”

“Will you promise to try and do that from now on?”

“Of course I will. I don’t know how well I’ll do but I promise I will try.”

“That’s all I can ask. You’re okay now, aren’t you? You’re not going to shut me out again?”

He smiles that sexy smile again. “What do you think?”

The ice that I hadn’t noticed was forming around my heart ever since the moment we saw the black car on the cliff path, melts and evaporates. I feel calm and happy as I have never done before.

“I think I am a very lucky man.”

“I was thinking the same thing again.”

“Are you still hungry?”

“A little.”

“I’ll go and get the tray then.”

“Can you get me some of my pain meds?”

I sigh exaggeratedly. “You hurt yourself didn’t you... coming up here?”

“It was worth it.”

Silver surprised me...and himself... by eating heartily and enjoying every bite. He hasn’t been eating much lately but he sure made up for it today.

Almost as soon as he finishes eating he starts to drift off to sleep. Smiling down at his sleepy face I have to touch it and he stirs.

“Sleepy.” He murmurs softly.

“I know you are babe. Let me just put the tray on the floor and I’ll be right back. Try not to fall asleep before I get there.”

He mumbles something that I don’t hear and I practically throw the tray onto the floor and switch off the light. As an afterthought I throw open the curtains so the room is flooded with moonlight and I can see his face clearly. He is never so beautiful as he is under the moonlight.

His eyes are closed and I wriggle down so my face is next to his on the pillow, breathing in his breath and drowning in his beauty.

He stirs when I stroke his face and smiles without opening his eyes. “Sleep now.”

“Yes baby... sleep now.”

He makes a cute little sleepy noise and cuddles into me. In that moment nothing matters, nothing that has happened is important any more, nothing exists except Silver and me and he is everything I want, everything I need. I am perfectly happy.

The End.