Ash and Ember - 11. Evolution

23 November 2018, Friday 7:32 a.m.

His first moment of awareness was one of warmth, comfort, and serenity.

Grant made a small sleepy noise and lazily blinked. The room was dark with the drapes pulled. He swallowed and wet his dry lips with his tongue. Thirsty.

Then the rest of his brain started to fire. A warm body pressed into his from behind, and Grant's breath caught in his throat.

Grant ran a hand down his own body. Naked. I'm naked. His worry ramped up, and he gently felt behind him. His palm rubbed along a slightly hairy body that lay there and slid to a stop on a boxer-covered hip.

That body behind him shifted. "Hmm."

Grant was almost afraid to look, though he was pretty sure he knew who was back there. Hell, what did I do? Why am I naked?

"Good morning, Grant," Troy spoke in a gravelly voice. He patted Grant's hip. "How are you feeling?"

Grant held very still. "I have a headache. And ah, I'm kinda wondering why I'm naked."

Troy got up on an elbow and looked down at him. "You don't remember?"

That didn't make Grant feel any better. "No." He tried to stay calm and lay there. "What happened?"

Troy sighed and lay back down. "You were drunk, and you, ah, you wanted us to strip."

Grant rolled over and faced him. He was well aware that he was nude, and he kept his hips away from Troy's pelvis. "I what?"

Troy looked uncomfortable. "You wanted to mess around."

Grant sat up. "What?" He stared down at Troy and shook his head. "No, I wouldn't." He blinked as his memory returned in flashes.

"Come on. I know you want to." Grant pulled at Troy's shorts.

"No. You're drunk, Grant." Troy gently pried Grant's hands off of the waistband of his underwear. "Maybe if you were sober, but I'm not having sex with you tonight."

Grant's mind returned to the present. He frowned and rubbed his face, then checked himself once more. "Well, how'd I get naked?"

Troy laughed. "You did that. When I wouldn't take off my shorts, you took off yours." Troy looked at Grant and put his hands behind his head as he lay on his pillow. "I shouldn't have, but I let you grind on me a bit. You couldn't quite stay awake and passed out. When you did, I wrapped you up, so I'd know when you moved again."

Grant felt sick to his stomach. He remembered just enough to know that Troy told him the truth. He folded his arms around his bent knees. Putting his face down, Grant rested his forehead on his kneecaps.

Troy sat up. "You okay?" His voice was low, quiet, and held a note of understanding that Grant wasn't sure he deserved.

"Uh ..." Grant laughed a little, though there was no joy in the sound. "I owe you a huge apology." He felt miserable. "I, ah, I am really sorry." Grant had half a memory of humping like a mad rabbit against Troy's backside. "Did I assault you?"

"No. You didn't." Troy grimaced. "I was drunk too, and I let you get a little humpy. I could have stopped you, but … ah, I liked it." Troy put a hand on Grant's back. "I'm fine, Grant." Troy looked at him, and his face held nothing but concern. "Are you okay?" he repeated.

Grant hung his head. "No. I've never done anything like this." He shook his head. "God, what is wrong with me?"

It seemed to Grant that Troy carefully chose his next words. "Well, have you ever considered that you might be gay? Maybe, bisexual?"

"No. I'm not." Grant rejected the possibility. "I was just drunk." He exhaled. "I, ah, I was lonely and drunk."

Troy rubbed Grant's back then patted him between his shoulder blades. Despite what Grant had just said, he liked Troy's warm hand on his skin. "Okay. That's okay."

Grant drew in a shaky breath. "Can, can we keep this between us? Please?"

"Yeah. For sure." Troy smiled at him. "It's like you said: you were drunk and lonely." He shrugged. "No harm was done."

Getting up, Troy handed Grant his underwear, which lay on the floor. The two guys got themselves dressed.

Nobody else was up and the house was silent. Troy wrote a note and left it on the dining room table, then the two men exited the house.

Grant drove home. The car was silent all the way to the house. Troy entered, and Grant followed him inside. As Grant shut the door behind them, a thought sprang to his mind.

If Troy hadn't stopped you, you would have had sex with him last night.

No matter how he tried, Grant couldn't quite shake that thought.

23 November 2018, Friday 11:02 a.m.

"Hey, Brian." Troy smiled on the phone as he answered the call from his friend. Happy for the distraction, Troy walked into the garage. "Thanks for letting us stay over last night. We needed it."

"Sure, no problem. We're happy you guys came over. I hope you're both feeling alright this morning," Brian responded with a slightly amused tone in his voice.

Troy chuckled. "Yeah. A few glasses of water and a cup of coffee set us to rights." In truth, Grant had largely avoided him, sequestering himself in his bedroom for the last couple of hours, but Troy didn't want to say that to Brian.

"Good. Hey, I know you were probably gonna enjoy a nice day at home, but do you think you could come over? I want you to look at a spot on the fence, see if it's going to be a problem down the line."

Troy frowned. "Really? That fence should be good for twenty years." Troy had built Brian and Natalie's fence himself. "What's the problem?"

"Just some discoloration. I think a piece of it is staying wet or something."

"Sure. Yeah, I'll come look. I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Cool. We'll feed you lunch."

Troy grinned. "Deal. See ya soon."

Hanging up, Troy went inside and took the stairs up to Grant's bedroom door. He gently knocked. "Hey, Grant?"

"Yeah?" Grant's muffled voice responded.

"I'm going to Brian and Nat's for a bit. Just gonna check out some work he might need done."

There was a pause. "Oh. Okay. See you later."

Troy hovered by the door. "You okay?"

This time the pause was longer. "Yeah. See you."

Troy sighed. Grant didn't sound okay, but there wasn't much he could do if Grant wasn't willing to talk. "All right." He went downstairs, then out through the garage. Soon, he rode in his van on the way to his best friend's home.

23 November 2018, Friday 11:17 a.m.

"Yeah, right there." Brian pointed at the discolored post at the corner of the yard.

Hunkering down next to Brian where they stood beside the fence, Troy cocked his head as he looked at the strange discoloration. "That's weird." He reached and touched it, then put his fingers to his nose. Brian watched him carefully as he processed the odor. "Huh."

"What?"

Troy straightened. "It's just wood stain, not water. Were you ever out here with stain or something?"

Brian made his best attempt at acting out realization. "Oh, that must be it! I dropped a jug of stain next to the fence yesterday, hauling stuff out of the garage." He gave Troy a dopey grin. "I must have gotten some on the fence."

Troy chuckled. "Well, that solves it. Your fence is fine - no water damage."

"Oh, good. That's a relief. Come on, sit a while and chat." Brian patted Troy's back.

Troy followed him, and the two men entered the home.

"Where's Nat?" Troy hung up his coat next to the door. "Her car is gone."

"Oh, she's shopping." Brian's excuse to get Troy to come over and Nat's shopping trip all worked in his favor. He still had another hour before Natalie returned, and he wanted time alone with Troy. Brian smiled at him as they took seats in the living room. "So, how is everything?"

Troy's smile was something Brian had really missed, and now it graced Troy's face. "Things are good." Then he cringed a bit. "Well, mostly." He bit his lip. "Grant and I are still adjusting to living together."

"Yeah?" This was exactly what Brian wanted to talk about, and he saw his opportunity. "Well, it has to be hard, right? And not just sharing it. I mean … for you, being in the house you used to own with John."

Troy nodded slowly. "Yeah, it's hard sometimes." He smiled at Brian. "But the house was never legally mine. It's why the bank wouldn't work with me; it was just in John's name."

Brian's skin prickled with chill bumps. He lied to me. Grant fucking lied, back when we first met. Troy's name wasn't on the loan document. Brian swallowed, and bit back his initial reaction. Don't do something you can't undo. He forced a smile. "Oh. Wow, that's really shitty."

When Troy was going through the hell that had hit after John died, he had taken no time to talk about what was happening, or how he felt. He’d made himself an island, and a few months later, he just disappeared and a foreclosed sign showed up on the house. Brian and all of the friends feared the worst, though reports of a van that looked like his around the county kept their hopes alive.

"Yeah." Troy shook off the sadness that threatened. "But, thanks to Grant, I'm back home now." He grinned. "It's really nice."

Brian's mind whirled. His sense of justice demanded he reveal that Grant had lied. How'd he know Troy lived in the house? How? Why'd he lie to me? Can I let Troy trust him, if I know he's a liar? Brian wet his lips. "How are things with Grant? He was pretty … ah, affectionate last night."

A powerful blush hit Troy, and he rubbed his head. The goofy smile on the lanky man's face made Brian's struggle even harder. Fuck. Troy likes this guy - really likes him.

"He was just a little drunk." Troy chuckled. "He's ah … he's a bit embarrassed today about it."

"Oh, well it's fine." Brian said, actively pushing reassurance into his tone. "It … seems like you guys fit well together - as friends, I mean."

"Yeah." Troy nodded. "I don't know what it is about him, but he's just so … so good for me to be around. I know it's weird, but I just feel better around him."

The decision was made. "Well, that's great." Brian stood up. "Come on and help me make sandwiches. We'll have lunch done before Nat gets home. She'll love that."

Troy amicably followed Brian into the kitchen. As they prepared lunch, they continued to chat and catch up.

By the time Natalie arrived, Brian had determined that he would keep a very close eye on Grant. And he would also keep Grant’s lie to himself - for now.

23 November 2018, Friday 2:46 p.m.

Troy stepped back and looked at his work. He'd returned from a nice lunch with Brian and Natalie, and jumped into the project to replace the rotten siding on Grant's house. He smiled at the way the new section blended seamlessly with the rest of the siding. Well, apart from the fact that the new part needed paint.

He gathered his tools and stepped up on the side porch. Kicking his boots free of snow, he entered.

Troy was surprised to find Grant in the living room. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, and he unrolled his yoga mat.

"Yoga time?" Troy watched him.

Grant didn't look at Troy. "Yeah."

Troy stood a moment longer and debated if he should say something more. He decided against it and headed to the garage. Troy put his tools away and hunted for that exterior paint.

Making a little sound of victory when he found the half-full can of paint, Troy got a brush and turned to the doorway.

Troy jumped.

Grant stood at the doorway with his eyes down, and his whole body slumped. He looked dejected, lost and miserable.

"Can I talk to you?" Grant's voice was meek and soft.

Troy nodded. "Yeah, of course." He could tell the painting would have to wait and put the brush and the can down on the workbench. "Come on. Let's sit in the living room.

They walked back to the couch, and Troy watched Grant's face as they sat beside one another.

Grant rested his arms on his knees, his hands clasped and stared ahead at a spot a few feet away on the floor.

Troy wanted to put his hand on Grant's back but wasn't sure if that was the right thing. Instead, he cleared his throat. "What's going on, Grant?"

The black-haired man's eyes closed and his jaw flexed. Troy watched Grant's Adam's apple move as he swallowed.

"I have a question. And I don't want you to read anything into it." Grant exhaled then shook his head. "Though I don't know how you can't."

Troy felt sad for Grant. He struggled, and Troy wanted to help him. "Okay. I promise."

Grant took a deep breath. His eyes were still closed. "How did you know you were gay?"

Troy thought that might have been the question, or perhaps something very similar. "Well, I started to notice guys. I liked how they looked, and I began to fantasize about them. I also started dreaming about them." Troy smiled. "Though, I didn't know for sure."

Grant turned his head to look at Troy. "When did you know?"

Troy looked back into Grant's eyes. There was so much pain, uncertainty, and vulnerability there. "I knew the first time I kissed a guy." Troy laughed a little. "I had already tried with girls, and there wasn't a spark there, you know?" He raised his eyebrows. "But the very first time I kissed a guy, there were fireworks." He shrugged. "It's not the same for everybody. But that's how it worked for me."

Grant looked at him a moment longer, then sat forward again and stared back at that spot on the floor.

Troy took a chance, and he put his hand on Grant's back. Grant's eyes closed at the contact. "Grant?" Troy wet his lips. "If you wanted to explore things, then we could." Troy couldn't quite believe what he was saying. But part of him desired whatever he could get from Grant.

Grant frowned and shook his head once. "I don't, I don't know what to do."

Troy leaned forward a little. "Do you trust me? Because I know what to do." He rubbed Grant's back gently.

Grant smiled a little. "You were the gentleman last night with me. So, yeah. I trust you."

Troy chuckled. "Okay." He stood, and Grant looked up at him. "Come on. Stand up."

After a moment of hesitation, Grant obeyed, and they stood with only a few inches between one another.

Troy smiled at him. "First thing, relax." He put his hands on Grant's shoulders and gripped to highlight Grant's tension.

Grant exhaled, and some of the tension released under Troy's palms. "Good." Troy stepped close, and his hands slid around, then down Grant's back to his waist. "Put your arms around me, wherever they're comfortable."

Grant's arms circled Troy's back. The two stood with their bodies together. Troy then leaned forward and hugged Grant to him.

Grant's breathing increased. "Relax, Grant." Troy smiled as he held the dark-haired man.

"Ah, damn it." Grant laughed uncomfortably. "I'm getting an erection."

"Oh, I know. You're in sweats." Troy grinned. "That's okay. I'm on the way too." Troy was sure Grant could feel as his cock filled out. He could undoubtedly feel Grant's.

Grant kept breathing. Soon Troy felt his hands begin to move, and Grant rubbed Troy's back. Troy's eyes closed. "This feels nice, Grant."

Grant didn't respond. Troy rubbed up and down Grant's back, then he let his hands slip below the waistband of Grant's sweats. Grant breathed heavily, as Troy lightly stroked his firm rear. "Tell me if I go too far," Troy whispered in his ear.

They continued to softly touch and hold one another. Finally, Troy pulled back a bit to look at Grant's face.

The man opened his eyes. They stared at one another. Grant swallowed. "You, you have streaks of hazel in your eyes." His voice was almost reverent as he looked at Troy.

Troy smiled, then reached up. His hand went behind Grant's neck, gripping him gently, then he leaned in.

Both of their eyes closed, and Troy gently kissed Grant. It was lingering, very soft, and Troy’s mind lit up with a mad confusion of emotion and sensation.

At first, Grant seemed to melt into him. Then Troy felt Grant grip him tight, and he returned the kiss. Grant's tongue slipped into Troy's mouth, and almost on cue, they both moaned.

Grant pulled away, and Troy thought it was over. But instead, Grant put his lips on Troy's neck. Troy swallowed as Grant kissed the skin there. "Mmmm." Troy's eyes rolled in his head, and electricity shot from Grant's lips through Troy's skin.

Troy had intended to ease Grant into things, but it appeared Grant had other ideas. While he kissed Troy's neck, Grant's hand rubbed down Troy's front. The tall man gasped as Grant gripped his hard shaft through his pants. Troy licked his lips. "Grant. Ah, God." Troy felt as if he should slow things down, but there was a part of him that desperately needed what was happening.

Grant pulled back a moment and took off his shirt. His eyes were brown embers, focused and for the moment, absolutely sure. Troy had missed that look in another man's eyes more than he knew was possible. He couldn't deny himself. He unbuckled his pants and stripped, while Grant took off his sweats.

They were both naked, and Troy pulled Grant back to him, kissing, rubbing, and grinding against his roommate.

The scent of precome and the slick, sticky, fluid began to coat Troy's dick as it leaked from him. Grant's penis felt terrific against Troy's groin, and he gazed down to get a good look.

"Oh, that's a great cock." Troy couldn't help but say out loud. Grant was perhaps a touch over average. To Troy's mind it was beautifully proportioned - matching his body perfectly. Troy wrapped his hand around the shaft to feel it - hard and yielding all at once. Grant's head went back as Troy's hand closed on him.

Troy shifted his hips until his member lay along Grant's. He gripped them together in his hand to stroke the both of them, and their precome mixed to create a slippery mess. It smoothed the way, and his hand slid easily up and down.

He watched Grant's face. His brown eyes rolled back, and Grant's mouth opened. His head moved around as he writhed under Troy's ministrations.

God damn, he's a sexy guy. Troy stared at him as Grant twitched and moaned. Troy grunted as he felt his orgasm get closer. "Unnnn, ah, God. I'm gonna come, Grant."

Grant didn't answer and stopped breathing for a moment; his abdominal muscles locking up and standing out in sharp relief. Then he and Troy released almost simultaneously. Semen shot into one another's pubic hair and onto Troy's hand.

Troy breathed heavily and kept stroking. Grant groaned. Then they both finished with a shudder.

Grant laid his head on Troy's shoulder. It seemed as if Grant's legs tried to give out on him, and he wobbled as he leaned against the tall man.

Troy held on. "You all right?" He put both arms around Grant's waist. Grant had his forehead against Troy's neck and breathed, his face down toward the floor. His hands rested on Troy's slim hips.

Grant didn't reply, and Troy frowned a little with worry. He pushed back and looked at Grant's face. "Hey." The man wore a shocked expression, and his eyes shifted around. "Hey, Grant, come on, sit down."

Troy led Grant back to the couch, and he helped him sit. Troy began to stress. "Hey, Grant?" Troy put an arm around his shoulders. "Dude, talk to me."

Grant blinked and looked at Troy. He stared for a moment. "I," he swallowed, "I ah," he nodded, his expression still one of incomprehension, "I really liked that."

Troy smiled at him. "Well, that's good. Now you kno -" He cut off as Grant's face fell.

"I liked it," Grant repeated as if he needed to in order to believe it.

Troy watched as Grant hung his head and started to cry.

23 November 2018, Friday 6:13 p.m.

Grant sat on his bed in his bedroom. He was cleaned up, and his mind had run furiously in circles for the last few hours.

Troy had wanted to talk to him after he'd showered. But Grant couldn't. Instead, he apologized and retreated.

He sat there, his mind running over what happened. He kept thinking about how Troy looked. How his skin felt. How he smelled. How he tasted.

"Damn it." Grant had a hard-on. "Damn it." He shook his head.

He put his face in his hands.

A quiet knock at his bedroom door startled him.

"Hey, Grant?" Worry permeated Troy's voice. "Will you talk to me? Please?"

Grant knew Troy didn't deserve this silent treatment. He sighed. "Come in, Troy."

The door opened. Troy's concerned gaze met Grant's misery-filled eyes. "Hey." Troy stepped in. He came to the bedside and sat on the edge of the bed. He never took his eyes off of Grant. "Are you okay?"

Grant took a deep breath. "I don't know." He bit his lip, and he shook his head. "I don't know what happened down there." He rubbed his face.

Troy observed him, then cleared his throat. "Well, I'm sorry." Troy exhaled. "I shouldn't have pressured you into …"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Troy." Grant set his jaw, and he made himself say his next words. "I liked what we did. I could have stopped it, but I didn't."

Troy watched him. "Is that a bad thing?" He shrugged. "I don't usually do stuff like this with, well, with anybody anymore. But, it just felt," he flinched as he searched for the right word, "it felt natural."

Grant nodded. "Yeah. That's a good word. It really did." Grant blew out a breath. His hands were in his lap and he rubbed them together.

Troy hesitated, then reached and gently put a hand on Grant's back. "It's okay if you're gay, Grant." He smiled a little. "Or bi, or even straight-but-lonely." He patted Grant. "I don't want you to feel weird around me." He kept his eyes locked on Grant. "If you want then I'll never try anything like this again with you."

Grant felt an immediate sense of loss when he thought about never touching Troy again. He chuckled. "Well, 'never' is a really long time." And that's when it hit him. You're gay. That's why it didn't work with Rebecca. You've been gay from the start. He processed the realization on the fly, though he knew he'd have more to think through later.

Troy smiled at him, and his hand was warm and comforting on Grant's back. "Yeah, it is."

Grant straightened up a little. Troy copied his motion, and now they both sat up and looked one another in the eye. Grant wet his lips. "You want to do that again?"

Troy raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Maybe." He grimaced. "I, ah, I've not done anything with anybody. For over a year now." Troy bit his lip. "Look, you know what it is that I lost. And I'm still dealing with it." He swallowed. "I'm not exactly sure what I'm ready to do." He shook his head. "I just don't want to jerk you around."

Grant snorted. "Nice word choice."

Troy blinked then rolled his eyes. "Oh my God. I'm trying to be all supportive and help you get through stuff, and you go juvenile on me!"

Grant waved his hands. "Jerk you around?" He made a suggestive motion with his hand. "What happened down there?" He cocked his head and held up his hands. "You don't think that was perfect?"

Troy narrowed his eyes at Grant. Then he jumped on the smaller man.

"Ahhh!" Grant yelled and then laughed. The lanky man pinned Grant on the bed.

Troy grinned down at him, then seemed to become aware that his rump rested on Grant's groin. He licked his lips. "Ah, sorry, I'll get off of you." He started to get up.

"You're fine, right there." Grant looked up at him.

Troy's face shifted to a smile. He raised up, and let go of Grant's wrists. Grant put his hands on Troy's waist. He lay staring up at the brown-haired man.

The two sat that way for a time. Grant had already been erect, and it stayed at attention, trapped under Troy's rump. Grant felt Troy's through his shorts as it lay against his belly too. But they ignored them.

Troy blew out a breath. "So, what now?" He seemed pretty comfortable as he sat on top of Grant. His hands rested on Grant's chest, and he was relaxed as he looked down.

"Well, first, I'm hungry. We should fix something to eat." Grant made a thoughtful face. "Then, if it's not too much to ask, I think I'd like to keep possibilities between us open." He stared up at Troy. "I'd like to get to know you better, Troy."

Troy seemed to lose focus, and he slowly blinked. He swallowed, then the light seemed to come back to his eyes, and he refocused on Grant's face. It was a little odd. It was almost as if he had checked out for just a moment. But Troy smiled.

"Yeah. I'd like that too." He swung his leg over and stood up beside the bed. He reached down for Grant. "Come on."

Grant smiled at him, reached, and gripped Troy's hand.

23 November 2018, Friday 9:49 p.m.

Troy lay in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head with his fingers laced together.

Man, what a day! He blinked as he thought. He wasn't sure what was next. But things between him and Grant had shifted fundamentally.

He'd honestly not planned on what happened in the living room. He'd wanted to give Grant a gentle, sweet kiss, then allow the man to figure out if he liked that or not. But instead his own desire had made him give in and pushed him to get off with Grant.

Troy didn't know how he felt. He liked Grant a lot. But he also knew Grant would need time to adjust and to process how he felt.

He blew out a long breath.

A soft knock came at his door, and Troy sat up. "Come in."

Grant peeked inside. "Hey." He smiled a little shyly at Troy.

"Hey." Troy smiled back at him. "I know I've asked this a lot today, but are you doing okay?"

Grant nodded. "I think so. I appreciate you asking." He stepped inside. He wore a pair of briefs and looked ready for bed. He stood by the bed and bit his lip. "Ah, I wondered, if maybe you'd be okay, with me sleeping with you." Grant's face was hopeful and a little embarrassed at the same time.

Troy smiled. "Yeah." He scooted back and made room for Grant. The dark-haired man happily climbed into bed.

"Roll over." Troy patted Grant's shoulder, and Grant did. Now his back was to Troy's front.

Troy slid up behind him, and he put his arm around Grant's front. "This alright?" he murmured softly in Grant's ear.

Grant nodded.

They lay there. Troy felt butterflies as they fluttered around in his belly. He smelled the back of Grant's neck, and chill bumps rose on Grant's skin.

Grant shivered and giggled.

Troy smiled. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I like it." Grant blew out a breath. "I really do like it."

Troy knew this was a gigantic step in Grant's process of acceptance. He had gone through the very same thing as a teenager. Grant just happened to be about twelve years later in his evolution than Troy.

Troy rubbed his lightly stubbled face against Grant. "If I do anything you don't like, or you're not ready for, then you tell me. Okay?"

Grant nodded and shifted so that they pressed more firmly together. "I will." He took big lungfuls of air, and Troy rubbed his chest reassuringly. Grant smiled. "Thanks. For letting me sleep in here."

"You're welcome. I like having you here."

Lying awake with his forehead against the nape of Grant's neck, Troy felt Grant slowly fall to sleep. It happened in stages, as Grant's body relaxed, his breathing slowed, and he made small sleepy sounds until at last, he was silent - apart from his breaths.

Troy breathed in the warmth and the scent of Grant's skin. He couldn't help but feel guilty. The memory of John rose in his mind and in his heart. He expected to hear his voice - maybe admonishing him for what had happened, or for how much he enjoyed the feel of Grant against his body. Instead, there was silence. He didn't feel as if there was an absence, where that voice used to be. But for some reason there was no objection.

Troy closed his eyes. Though he somehow avoided John's disapproval, the regular toll of sleep awaited him, he was sure of it. That same, horrible memory, so crisp and clear - the officer's voice as he delivered the terrible news about his John.

He waited.

While waiting for the arrival of that incredibly clear memory, instead he went to a warm and comfortable sleep.