Finding Another Like Me. - 17. Chapter 17

Christmas was a hassle and a half. I worked almost all day Christmas Eve and once I got home my mom had me rushing around doing everything possible for my family. Finally I was able to sit down and relax. Around me were my cousins Sarah, Joe, Anthony, Jena, and Stephen, they were all older than me but all younger than 30. In the kitchen, our parents were sitting laughing and joking.

My cousins were all talking about some night they went to the bar. I started to listen.

“Yeah that kid Jess is so gay,” My cousin Joe said.

Sounded like a normal conversation, but I hated how they used the word gay.

“That queer. I almost kicked his ass the other day. He spilt his beer on me,” Steve through in.

I could feel my fist clench with that word.

“The fucking faggot …” Jena began.

At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore and whipped my head to get into their conversation. “Stop using those fucking words!” I growled.

I hate that word!

My cousins all stared at me shocked at what I said.

“Why?” My cousin Sarah asked staring at me.

“Because there’s no reason to call someone that if you’re trying to say something mean about them.”

“What the fuck does it matter? Why do you care who I call a faggot?” Joe barked.

I jumped off the couch and towards him. “Because I’m a fucking faggot!”

My cousin’s ass just stared at me. No one had anything too say. I heard the parents come to the doorway staring at the scene.

“You’re fucking a queer!” My cousin Stephen finally said.

I felt myself lunge at him. I felt my fist connect with his face as his arms locked my head. I felt my self being pulled from behind, while I felt Stephen’s fist connect with my side.

“Awe!!!” I exclaimed finally allowing myself to be pulled backwards. My ass hit the floor and stared across from me at Stephen. He was on his feet and his mouth was bleeding.

He just stared at me with his eyes narrow. I watched him as he stepped forward but around me towards the door. Right before he passed me I heard a “pshh” sound and felt something wet hit the side of my face. He spit on me!

I jumped to my feet, but was caught by my dad. I struggled in his arm, but he was gone. I looked at the rest of my cousins who hadn’t really moved besides Joe who had gotten of the couch to pull me back.

They all just stared at me so I growled at them. “Get the fuck out now! All of you! Unless you have no problem with me being gay!”

I watched as Jena, Stephen’s sister, and one cousin I had always been close to stand up and walk to the door. Before she left she turned to me and said, “You disgust me! Never! I mean never will you be part of my family!” Then she walked out.

Joe proceeded after her but no one else moved.

I finally relaxed. “Thanks.” I said. I turned and walked to my room. I stripped off my clothes and cuddled up in my blankets. I looked at my phone and saw Chris had text me.

***I love you baby and miss you. Colorado is nothing without you. This will always be a Christmas to remember though.***

I chuckled. He was right. This Christmas was going to be one to remember. I answered him slightly and then cuddled up and felt myself fall asleep.

Christmas Day went by a little easier. The side of the family that had walked out on me didn’t come over. My mom explained that it wasn’t because of me really. All my aunts and uncles were okay with it, but they knew they needed to be around their families for the holidays. They said my cousins would come around eventually. They were just young and stupid. I hoped for this. Overall, Christmas Day was great. I had gotten tons of good gifts from Santa such as clothes, gift cards, and a Mac. I was so pumped! I spent so much of my day playing around with it.

The next few days were kind of lonely without Chris to hang out with. I finished all my school work within the first two days after Christmas. It was during this time I decided I wanted to make a few more changes in my life. I wanted to change my look a little. I decided to go get my haircut a little shorter and spikier so that I could either flip it up in the front or spike the whole thing up.

I decided to try a new salon my mom went to instead of my usually barbershop haircut. I walked in and the place smelled of citrus and fruit. The whole place was decked out in black leather sheik uppity class look. I liked it. I felt high class going in there. Something I had always wanted to be. (I know a funny idea for a high school kid.)

As I walked up to the young blonde at the counter I heard a shot from the right of me. “Oh my God!!!”

I turned to see my mom’s hair dresser standing there. He was wearing a white shirt with black pants and had his hair tipped with blonde highlights. He was about late 30s early 40s. He had a high pitched voice as he spoke. “Kyle Kelly!!!” He walked over and gave me a huge hug. “You are so grown up! I haven’t seen you since you were this tall!” He motioned with his hand at his knee.

“Hey Blake. How have you been?” I asked.

“I’m fab-u-lous!” He held out the last part.

I chuckled.

“So you have finally decided to get a quality haircut like your mother. Thank God! A cute boy like you needs to be looking sharp for all those ladies.”

I looked at him and laughed. “Guys…actually.”

“Oh really? Wow! Well congratulations! You sound confident about it?”

“I am. I’m in love. I know who I am. I’m good.”

He laughed and grabbed my arm leading me to his chair. “Do tell, do tell!!! First though, does he have a brother?”

I chuckled. “Nah. He’s an only child.”

I then went on to tell Blake all about Chris. How we met, our first date, how we broke up, everything. It was the first time I had really talked to another openly gay guy about everything. It felt kind of good. He was cool even though I found him a little too flamboyant.

Eventually we got on the subject of my coming out and who knew. I explained to him what had happened with the pictures and my family. I told him that I hadn’t confirmed or denied it to my friends yet, but I planned on doing it soon. I just wasn’t sure how.

“Have a dinner party my friend!” He exclaimed.

“What?” I questioned.

“Do like a formal dinner party like the celebs do or the upper class do. Show that you’re grown up, changed and how you want them to be about this issue. Show them this new side of you. You said earlier how much you liked how we modernized the shop. Well modern is high class. It’s time for you to be classy!” He explained.

I thought about it for a second. I was kind of still confused about what he meant, but I think I could figure out it. I decided that might be a cool way to do it.

We talked about different concepts I could do and finally had a pretty good plan in place. I was going to do my party two nights before new years which was the night before Chris came home. I figured if I had come out to my family then I should be strong enough to come out to my friends.

Once we finished, I finally looked in the mirror and noticed the haircut he had given me. It was amazing. It wasn’t to short, but it spiked up perfectly. He had done something with the cutting to make it look different lengths but in a cool way. I loved it. I stood up and felt the hair fall that was on my covered lap. I felt like an old layer of me was falling off and this was just another step towards finding a new me.

I went to grab my wallet to pay him and he stopped my arm. “Don’t you dare! It was my pleasure. Your mom is one of my favorite clients and I had an amazing time helping you plan your event. It is on me… Consider it a coming out present!”

I looked at him puzzled. “You sure?”

“Yes!” He gave me a hug and walked me to the waiting room.

“Thank you again.” He gave me one last hug and I slipped a $20 in his pocket for a tip.

I walked out and headed home. Once I got home I talked my plan over with my mom and she agreed that she and the family would go out and allow me to have my friends over for this party. I went upstairs to facebook and picked out the people I wanted to be there. Conor (obviously), Britt, Shannon, Jake, Rick, Bren, Becca, Kayleen, and part of me wanted to ask Lauren because I felt I owed her an explanation for everything, but I decided that probably should be done one on one.

I sent all of them a message telling them about my “Black and White” party. I told them it was formal attire and to come ready for the “big” night. I knew they would all make assumptions of what that meant, but that’s what I wanted them to do. I put the date and time and was all set.

Within the next three hours I had gotten a response from all of them and then messages from two of my friends from school asking if they could come too. I gladly agree. I was figuring the more there were the less I’d have to deal with next time. So that was the cut off the 10 of them plus me.

That night I called Chris and told him about my plan.

“Wow when you have your mind set on something you’re going to do it…”

“Yup that’s me.” I responded.

“Well I wish I could be there for support.”

“You know what honey. I’m kind of glad you aren’t”

“Oh?” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“Not like that. I love you. I just feel like this is something I have to do on my own. Their my friends, so it’s like my time to tell them. You had your time.”

“I guess your right.”

“I am. Well I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I am going to bed. I love you Christopher.”

“I love you too Kyle. Night.”

The next few days passed quickly. I went shopping got all white and black table clothes and silverware. I got these fake, but close to realistic wine glasses and a bunch of other things, such a center piece and flowers. I went to the supermarket and picked up cracker and dips. I decided to have the meal catered by my work.

Everything was all set up so when my guests arrived sharply at 7 o’clock we were ready to party. All the girls were decked out in black and white cocktail dresses and the guys had white button downs and black dress pants. The music was blaring. We were dancing and having a good time. Finally dinner happened at 8 o’clock and we all sat down facing each other at my dining room table.

I stood up at the beginning of dinner and held up my glass. “I would like to make a toast. To a night of fun, friends, and the truth!”

With that I sat down and begin eating. Everyone followed my lead. They began to eat, talk, and laugh. Finally the main meal was finished and we were all just sitting at the table.

I watched as I saw Conor slowly begin to get up.

I stood up and looked at him. “Conor can you sit down again for a second?”

Everyone looked at me as Conor sat back down in his seat.

“Guys I finally realized it’s no longer time to run. I have been fighting you guys and everyone else off for the last few weeks. I have been fighting off all those rumors and finally I just feel I need to come clean.” I gulped. “Guys I’m gay. I have a boyfriend. You all have met him. His name is Chris. He makes me so happy.” I felt myself start to tear up. “I am the happiest I have ever been in my life when I am with him. I just hope that all of you can see that and accept me for me. Because I’m still Kyle. My attraction to the same sex doesn’t define the person I am. It’s just who I am.” I ended with that and just stared out into my friend blank faces through my tear filled eyes.

Nobody moved. Nobody showed any change they all just stared at me. Besides Conor he was just sitting there with a huge shit eating grin on his face. I had to put on a smile after that. I couldn’t help myself.

“Wow dude. I never knew,” said Rick. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Me either!” added Jake. Bren nodded in agreement.

The two guys from school didn’t say anything at first then one of them added, “It’s cool you just can’t have me.”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry I’m fine with who I’m with.”

“Yeah you are you lucky bastard,” Conor added.

“Oh shut up you! You already knew,” I laughed.

“Yeah I know,” he responded.

“What! You did?” Shannon looked at him shocked. “And you never told me?”

“Honey I couldn’t come on. It’s not my secret to tell.” He put on a puppy dog face.

“Awe true…” she responded.

“So I’m taking it your okay with it?” I asked and she responded with a nod. I turned to my last two Rachel and Britt. “What about you two?”

Rachel stared up at me and stated, “I’m jealous.”

I laughed. “What?”

“He is so god damn fine!!! Why do you get him and not me?”

I burst out laughing. “Sorry I just I got what he wants and you don’t” I smiled.

“Well I’ll get over it I guess. You know this wouldn’t change anything Ky Ky!” She stood up and gave me hug. She added a pinch to my cheek as she said Ky Ky.

My face went red as I smiled. I turned back to look at Britt who still hadn’t moved at all.

I knew I was home free. “So B what about you?”

She just stared out in front of her not even showing a sign she heard me.

“B?” I repeated.

She turned her head and for the first time I saw she was holding back tears. “I fucking hate you!” She jumped up and ran out of the room. I watched as she went down the hallway and walked in to my bedroom slamming the door.

“What?” I was so confused. I looked at everyone else and they had the same reaction.

Finally after a few minutes I moved from the table and headed towards my room. I wasn’t letting my best friend walk out on me. I knocked.

There was no response. I opened the door slowly to reveal her lying curled up on my bed cuddling with the stuffed dog she had bought be me for the past Christmas. It was a husky. The type of dog I loved.

I just stood in the door and watched her. I then moved in the room and closed the door. I laid my body down on the bed and put my arms around her from her back. I felt her try to push me off, but I clung harder.

I moved my head to her ear and whispered, “I’m so sorry Britt. I never meant to hurt you.”

I heard her sniffle. “I love you. I’m totally in love with you Kyle. I have been since the first day we met during 8th grade. You sat a desk away from me and I asked to borrow your markers. I have always loved you.”

I felt my eyes begin to water. “I love you too Britt. I always have and I always will. You will always be a huge part of my life. I never want that to change. I’m just sorry. I can’t be in love with you.”

“But Kyle…”

“Britt there’s no buts…I like guys. I always have. Yeah I went through a period of time where I thought I could make myself like girls but I never could truly. I have always loved guys. And now I have met my guy. The guy I am utterly and truly in love with.”

She turned in my arms so she was facing me. “So I never had a chance?”

“No not really. I’m sorry if I lead you on…”

“You never did Kyle. You always made it clear we were just friends, but I just always hopped things would change.”

“I’m sor...”

“Kyle you couldn’t have known. I tried to make sure you never knew how much I loved you.”

“But... I always did.”

“Yeah you might have but it’s not your fault. You know I’m happy for you. Seeing how happy you are and how confident you are, just shows me I was never right for you. You never were this happy with me. Not in this way at least. Will you always be my best friend?”

“I would never dream of not being…” I hugged her tighter in my arms.

She laughed. “So all those girls I suffered through were all for nothing?”

I laughed remembering all the times she hated the girls I would like. “Yup. Kind of. But you can’t hate Chris. I love him!”

“I’ll try but I can’t promise anything. I guess I’m happy though. I didn’t lose you to a girl. I lost you to a hot guy. I can’t compete against that.”

I laughed harder as I pulled her tighter. We then started to get up from my bed. I wiped her eyes with my hand and then she grabbed it. We held hands walking out to the kitchen with everyone else.

“It’s all good!” I said to everyone.