Finding Another Like Me. - 9. Chapter 9

I felt his hand grab mine as we drove down the highway. The windows were slightly open so I felt the breeze on my hair and I looked over to see him smiling.

"I could do this every night! Drive down the highway with my babe in the passenger seat and the country music rocking." Chris howled and laughed.

I couldn't help myself but join in on his laughing. "I told you'd enjoy country music big guy."

"I love it and definitely enjoying the idea of relaxing with a beer tonight and playing it."

"Hmm." I replied. We were on the way to a party with all his friends, at this Ben's beach house. "I don't think I am going to drink tonight."

"Why hun?" He gave me the said face.

I laughed. "Well for one we need a sober person to drive home..."

"But like I said we can just stay down there for the night..."

"But I don't want to. I'd rather you all to myself in your bed tonight!" I smirked.

"Hmmm...well in that case maybe I won't drink either, so I can remember it all."

"No! Don't do that you been dying to relax and have a beer with your buds all week. I know because you told me. Football training has been wicked tough on you. Party and enjoy yourself tonight. I'll be the responsible one for the night."

"Yeah alright, but I'm not getting drunk maybe just a few. Football has been stressful. The new coach is crazy and now he wants me...." He broke off.

"He wants you to...what?" I asked questionably.

He was silent and then said, "Nothing forget it. We're here!" He pulled up next to a small cottage with a beach on the back drop. I wanted to pursue the conversation more, but he popped out of the car. I dropped it for now.

We got into the party and we saw all his friends. Ben was there with his girlfriend Deb, who instantly started up a conversation with me. I turned my back for a few seconds and lost Chris in the crowd of people. After a little while I started to walk around and run into a few others of Chris' friends. A few of them looked happy to see me and others just seemed to not like the fact that I was there.

I couldn't tell if it was a rival town issue or the fact that I have been hanging out with Chris a ton and they were jealous. I swear I heard some girl call me a "fag that clings all over Chris." I was very tempted to tell that bitch where to shove it but decided not to.

Eventually I found Chris at the keg and downing beers like crazy. I walked over to him to see he how he'd become in the last half hour or so since I had lost him. "Hey tank how you doing?"

"I'm great! Never been better!" Chris yelled as he slowly stumbled up from his seat.

"Wow buddy relax." I said grabbing in so he didn't tip over. "How many have you already have had?"

"Like five!" He screamed.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Dude relax a little on them. We're here for a while. You don’t have to get your fill of them now. Weren't you just telling me in the car you didn't want to drink a lot tonight?"

"Hey bro lay off the kid a little. Football has been stressful this week!" A kid in a football jersey behind me yelled.

I heaved Chris back into his chair and turned to face the kid. I realized there was no reason to fight, so I just said, "Yeah whatever" and then walked away.

I’ll let him have a night to himself. It does sound like football camp had been tough for him. I don't know why he likes it so much but he does and I just had to support him. I went and found Deb and we began another conversation. We ended up hanging out for the next few hours with Ben stopping in one or twice too.

Once it was about 11:30 I decided I should probably go find Chris so we could head back to his house soon. I walked around the entire party, until I saw him drunkenly sitting next to the girl I had heard call me a fag earlier. She had blonde hair and was really pretty. She looked in great shape and the captain of the cheerleader type of person. She saw me coming and turned towards me.

"What do you want fag boy?" She said in a low hiss.

"Excuse me?" I replied. I was trying to give her a chance to rephrase herself.

"Exactly what I said. What do you want fag boy? What are you coming over here to talk to my boyfriend? He doesn't need you to talk to him. Actually he doesn't even need you in his life. Since you came into all you did was fuck it up."

"What the hell did you say?" I could not believe this was happening right now with Chris sitting right there just staring mindlessly at me. He was drunk but he still should have said something.

"I just basically told you to get out of here and don't talk to Chris ever again. Got it?"

"Nah I don't got it. Who do you think you are anyways?"

"I know I am his girlfriend. I know I'm the girl he is in love with, not some all guy school fag. Don't you have enough guys at your school to hit on? Do you really need to come to ours?"

I laughed right at her. "Oh so your the psycho bitch he dumped! No wonder... you're crazy. Chris let's go you said you wanted to leave by 12. Time to go." I kept my cool.

"Like I said He's not going anywhere with you tonight. Are you Chris?"

Chris just nodded towards her in a stupid way. She guided him drunkenly up and towards the house.

"And who are you in love with Christopher?" She asked him leaning in towards him. "Me?"

He looked straight into her eyes and then stuttered, "I'm in love with you. And only you." He then leaned in and they started to passionately kiss.

After about thirty second of standing dead still in my spot I started to move towards them.

She broke the kiss and stared right at me, "Now its time for you to fuck off fag boy! Leave!"

She pointed towards two huge guys who started to approach me. They were definitely jocks and were moving towards me with the arms out. I held my ground and looked towards Deb and Ben for support. They saw my stare and they could see the fear, sadness, and humiliation in my eyes.

Deb made a motion towards me. "Don't touch him!" She shouted.

The girl walking with Chris turned around and death glared the girl. "And what do you think gives you the right to say that? Remember I'm Queen Bee of this school. What I say goes."

"And this is my boyfriends party and I want..."

"You mean the same boyfriend who's been cheating on you for the last two months with three girls on my cheerleading squad? That boyfriend?" The girl said this in a very evil voice.

Deb immediately turned to face Ben in rage forgetting about her defense of me. The two guys started towards me again but I slipped by them and walked towards the front of house. I hopped the gate and headed for the parking lot across the street.

I could not take another second of that party. I saw Chris' car and bolted towards it and unlocked it with the keys I had already grabbed from him earlier. I hopped in and turned it on and whipped out of the parking lot. I drove a little down the road realizing I couldn't drive anymore before it came. I pulled into the public parking section of the beach and parked the car. I unbuckled my seat belt and just felt my head fall forward onto my arms on the steering wheel.

I began to cry. I could not control my emotions anymore. I felt tears roll down my face as a flash back reel of tonight’s events played through my head again. I saw them kiss. I saw Chris tell her he loved her. I saw him look blankly at me like he had no clue who I was.

This guys I had just spent almost the last two months of my life with just acted like that. He had acted like I was some stranger he saw on a street corner. It hurt me so bad. I felt myself cry and cry and cry.

Hours most have went by as I sat in that car, because once I looked up from the steering wheel I could see sun slowly rising above the sky line. I had always loved the sun setting and rising especially on the beach. It always had had a calming effect on me. I finally moved my stiff body out of the car and started to slowly walk towards the beach.

To me it didn’t even feel like I was the one walking to the beach. it felt like I was watching someone else walk towards it. Once I got the sand I slowly sunk down and just sat. I pulled my knees up towards my chest and embraced them in my arms and just sat. I had no more tears to cry in my body. My body ached so bad I had cried so hard.

I stayed in that position for so long. I watched the sun finally come completely above the horizon before I moved. I turned towards my side and saw that Chris had been sitting beside me. He was staring at me not the sunset. He had a look of fear in his eyes and a look of sadness.

We just sat there in silence for another few minutes before I spoke. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Since the sun was about half way over the horizon. Ben had pointed out to me that you were down here. I figure we needed to talk I’m so..."

"Why Chris? Just tell me that."

"Why what? Why did I kiss her? Why did I tell her I loved her? Because I was drunk."

"Is that the same reason you looked at me like I was nobody? Like I didn't matter to you, but that girl... but to you it looked like that girl mattered!!!" I felt myself raise my voice and the tears return to my eyes.

"I'm sorry Kyle. I was drunk. She knows how I get when I'm drunk she used it to try and get back with me, but I don't want her back. I want you!"

"She called me a fag, a bunch of times. She told me I ruined your life." I grabbed my legs harder as I said these words.

"No baby you didn't at all." He started to reach over to hug me but I pulled away. "You were the best thing that ever happened to me!"

"Then why didn't you defend me Chris! At least as a friend!"

"I was drunk Kyle!"

"Bullshit! I don't want to hear that lame excuse. You told me you weren't going to drink that much and you were chugging them! I'm not dealing with an alcoholic. I'm not. My uncles are! My grandfather was! I'm not, you hear me!"

“I hear you . I’m sorry!” He started to move towards me again but I once gain backed away.

“You still haven’t told me why you did it?”

“Did what?”

“Drank so much.”

He paused. “I was stressed.”

“About what?”

“Things…”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No…”

“Then I’m not doing this Chris. If you can’t give me the reason that was the root of our problems tonight. Then I feel like I can’t trust you.” I stared him in the eyes. I was as serious as can be.

He looked straight into my eyes and knew I wasn’t budging. “It’s about football…”

“What about football? Does it have to do with the new coach?”

He nodded and then became real serious. “What do you know about steroids?”

I paused for a second to think. Seemed like an odd question. “Not much. I never really was into sports. You know that so I never really followed all the steroid stuff. I guess I know they enhance bodily ability, but are also harmful to your body?”

“True depending upon the dosage, but they can also give players the upper edge over others…”

“Well I also know they’re illegal in sports. Especially at the high school level. If they ever drug tested …”

“Well the new coach wants to take that risk. He approached me and a few others of the seniors and wants us to start taking them. He figures it will give us the upper hand for college and especially for me it will make me the best.”

“You’re already the best. You guys are one of the top teams in the state. Especially with you. You have been doing it naturally for the past three years. Are you honestly considering it?”

“Yes…”

“What the fuck! Why?” I started yelling again.

“Because Kyle unlike you sports is my only ticket to getting into college. I don’t have the brains, and I want to go the best college I can. I will do whatever it take to do it!”

“Even if it means hurting yourself? What would your parents think!?!” We both hopped up off the ground.

“Whatever. I’m a big boy. I won’t hurt myself. I can handle it. And as for mom and dad they don’t have too know. I’m helping them in the long run too!”

“Whatever! I’m not being a part of this!”

“I wasn’t asking you to be! It doesn’t concern you!”

“Yes it does! I’m your boyfriend! I care about you! It does concern me!”

“No it doesn’t!” I could see him losing control as he yelled in my face. “So fuck off!”

I stared straight at him.

“Whatever!” I felt the tears return to my eyes. “I watched my uncle throw his life away to drugs I’m not watching you throw yours away to steroids. I can’t be a part of it and I won’t. I’m done! We’re done!”

I took his keys and threw them at him. I started to walk away towards his car. I jumped in the passenger seat. I folded my arms. I watched him stand on the beach threw my teary eyes.

Finally he moved towards the car and got it. We sat there as we pulled away in silence. Both of us were crying, but we knew we couldn’t fix it.